Down With The Gods

“Spudderface?” Yu asks.

“Spooderface. We were lucky not to land on the webs here. Just thinking about it gives me the creeps. Brrr.”

“Let’s devise some plans. We’ll need plans A, B, and C as fail-safes,” Wyn says.

“We need to get back to Anish and Christine ASAP!” Yu urges.

“I know. I’ve already got several ideas. And as Mira said, we ought to travel high to avoid the spudderfaces. We can only go so fast with the mini cyclones.”

“Spoooooderrr!!!”

“‘Ought to’? You’re showing your age!”

“Be quiet, you! Don’t make me go into Grandma Mildred mode.”

Meanwhile, Anish and Christine are giving it their all to hold back the centipede’s head using a floating snowman. But the difference in strength is apparent, and they’re struggling. Anish, surprisingly adept with his tongue, navigates the menu to select the emergency portal option. Just as his tongue is about to dramatically make contact with the virtual screen, Christine gasps.

Above them, Grandma Mildred stands on the centipede, opposite the head. Her hands shakily grip the chains, with electrifying kunais lodged into the creature’s eyes.

“I’m saving your ass again, less trampy girl!”

“We must be the protagonists! Saved by plot armor!” Anish says.

“Why are you, like, sounding like Yu?” Christine says.

Grandma Mildred jumps onto the centipede’s head, then slides down its body, pulling the chains as she goes. Boosted by wind and amplifying her kunais with more electricity, the head lifts slightly but not enough for Anish and Christine to escape. Suddenly, an explosion goes off. Mira’s whip, launched by a cyclone, has struck the head. The impact causes the centipede to lift its head higher, allowing the trapped duo to fly out.

“Thank you, kind lady. You’re a hero!” Anish says.

“Yeah, yeah. Now shuddup and help me kill this bastard.”

Wyn is ready to kick off Plan A – Distraction.

“Yu, it’s your time to shine, buddy!”

“I don’t know if I can even do it!”

“Just do it!” Wyn commands, mimicking the distinctive accent of a bodybuilder-turned-actor.

Using his water manipulation technique and a less-than-creative imagination, Yu creates a water stream in the shape of…a dragon?

“Behold! My water dragon!”

“That’s a tiny worm with a dragon’s head. Are you trying to represent your…,” Wyn mocks.

“There’s a time and place for everything, but not now,” Mira interrupts, shaking her head, placing a hand on Wyn’s shoulder.

The so-called dragon, except for the head, is seriously disfigured – four uneven leg sizes, no claws but cat-like paws, and a body resembling a wiggling sperm tail. Despite this, it effectively distracts the centipede, causing it to chase after Hell’s most miserable-looking dragon. However, the speedy centipede quickly catches up to the dragon stream as Yu struggles to move it fast enough. Assisted by two wind users, Yu’s second disfigured dragon now moves at a much faster pace, allowing Wyn to proceed with Plan B – Full Force Swallow.

Wyn splits from the group, finding an open area, his hands gripping Yu’s crescent blade and Anish’s javelin. With his signal, Yu directs the water dragon toward Wyn’s location. Weapons ready, Wyn releases a fully-charged cyclone attack. The cyclone evaporates the water dragon and continues to clash with the centipede. Both weapons fail to pierce the creature, though the javelin cuts off one of its forcipules. The centipede screeches in reaction.

“Another water sperm, please!” Wyn shouts.

“Dragon! Don’t belittle my dragon!”

The centipede falls for the same trick. It seemingly can’t resist chasing after moving prey. Wyn prepares for his second attempt to thrust the weapons inside the centipede’s mouth. With one less forcipule in the way, the javelin goes straight inside, while the blade severs the remaining forcipule.

The front section of the centipede springs up and falls backward, struggling on the ground, its legs flailing.

“Is this it?” Mira asks, anxiously.

“Time for Plan C!” Wyn says.

On Wyn’s command, the team initiates Plan C – Down and Out. Everyone directs their attack at the struggling head.

“Watch out! The tail!” Christine shouts.

The rear section slams down where Grandma Mildred and Anish are. The attack barely misses Anish, but Grandma Mildred’s foot is crushed in the process.

“How can it still move?” Mira asks.

The front section of the centipede is completely motionless, but the remaining sections are still thrashing about. Anish flies the team and Grandma Mildred up high to avoid the poisonous fumes being released from the remaining sections.

“What now?” Yu asks.

“We move to Plan D – Thank You for Your Help,” Wyn replies.

“There’s Plan D?” Yu repeats.

As the fumes begin to dissipate, Wyn and Anish descend to face off against the last section. Anish deftly dodges every slam, while Wyn seems to be struggling with something using Yu’s blade.

“Like, what are they doing?” Christine asks.

“Are you alright, you old hag?” Mira asks.

“Yeah, are you alright, haggy?” Yu adds.

“‘Haggy’?” Mira questions.

“It’s hag plus saggy.”

“Fuck you, you…, you…, fuck it. I’m in too much pain to think. The fact that I can still carry your asses in the air is beyond my expectations.”

“Nah, you’re still here because of the essence,” Mira remarks.

“Shuddup, tramp,” Grandma Mildred retorts.

Revising the plan on the spot, Wyn and Anish split up. While Anish distracts the creature, Wyn sets the crescent blade upright, its edge pointing skyward. On Wyn’s signal, the two reunite, with Wyn appearing tense as the centipede lifts its rear. As it slams down, Anish quickly flies them out of the way. The gust from their escape slightly tilts the blade, but it still pierces through the centipede from bottom to top. The creature coils up, retracting its legs in an attempt to push the blade out. However, the blade remains lodged, and the centipede stays coiled until every section dissolves into essence simultaneously. Though the fight against the centipede may be over, a new one is about to begin.

“Oh, Anish! I was worried about you!” Mira exclaims.

“Mira, my darling,” Anish replies as he moves in for an unconsented hug.

He “accidentally” trips, wishfully thinking to himself, “This is it! The anime fall!”

Unfortunately for him, Mira dodges at lightning speed, as if she warped from one spot to another, and Anish faceplants the ground.

“Y’all annoying as fuck! Essence is all mine. I’ll fight ya’ll for it!” Grandma Mildred declares.

“What? That’s not fair, haggy,” Mira protests.

“I saved your ass, the less trampy girl’s ass twice, and the brown man’s ass too.”

“There’s only one way to settle this!” Anish says.

“Don’t you dare!”

Anish opens up the dispute menu from his band. Within minutes, a portal opens from the ground, summoning a small group of nerds.

“You!” Yu exclaims, while Wyn tries to recall the nerd’s name. The only name that comes to mind is “baby giraffe.”

“Interesting. It’s you guys from the third level, and the old hag,” Marcus says.

“We meet again, Marcus.”

“Just get on with your threat and kill me already. You’re nothing but trouble.”

“Shut your virgin trap!”

“I’ll have you know we nerds perform an orgy ritual every now and then. There is no such thing as a virgin nerd in Hell.”

“Orgy? Where can I apply?” Mira asks excitedly.

“You’re not allowed. And get your gorgeous boobs off my shoulder.”

“Where’s your ginger buddy?” Yu asks.

“We broke up, so now I team up with whoever the command center assigns.”

“You want some dating advice? Mira’s an expert,” Wyn says.

“Expert? Since when?”

Per Marcus’ decision, Grandma Mildred gets zero share of the essence. His justification is that this isn’t her first time caught in a dispute, and he can’t stand how rude she is to him and the nerds. Upset, Grandma Mildred gives Marcus the finger as she opens a portal to a camp to heal her crushed foot.

“Hey, haggy! Love ya!” Mira calls out, forming a mini heart shape with her fingers.

“Blech. If y’all want to keep explorin’, use A3M. Watch for the corkscrews if you want catnips,” Grandma Mildred says before leaving the area.

“She’s somethin', ain’t she?” Wyn comments.

“Please don’t talk like her, Oppa! You’ll give me nightmares,” Mira pleads.

Mira then reports to the nerds about the spooderfaces. Marcus’s expression turns serious, and he claims he’ll have the nerds investigate why they’re in the Twilight Forest. Anish also mentions the instance of an A3M falling.

“They don’t break, but we never said they wouldn’t fall.”

“Ooh! Ooh! Did you like the new creature’s name? Choo-choo mcchooface?”

“On behalf of the nerds, we wholeheartedly hated it. But compared to other names, it wasn’t the worst.”

“They should just remove the damn ability to rename creatures!” Wyn grumbles.

“It was the elites who requested it, and Pete who approved it.”

The nerds leave, and the team begins collecting the immense spoils: essence and catnips. The defeated creature, the millipede centipede, is described as, “A fitting name for a two-phased creature, inspired by the nightmarish movie.” This poison-type creature yields two thousand two hundred essence. Yu and Mira invite Wyn and Anish to share the essence dropped by the millipede centipede.

“I need one of you to stay stronger than the rest. I love relying on you during a difficult fight,” Yu says.

For essence from other creatures, Wyn and Anish sit out. This battle brings Wyn’s, Anish’s, and Christine’s essence counts above three thousand, with Wyn’s being a couple of hundred higher. Yu’s and Mira’s counts are slightly above two thousand five hundred. They agree that from the next battle onwards, Wyn and Anish will equally share any essence the team collects. The catnips are divided equally, granting roughly twenty pouches of different sizes per member.

Despite being exhausted, the team continues to explore the Twilight Forest in the A3M in robot mode. In the upper seats, Yu sits with Wyn and Mira.

“Why is she mad at you? And how’s your arm, by the way?” Mira asks.

“Arm’s fine. I’m more worried about Christine. I don’t know, man. She won’t talk to me,” Yu replies.

In the lower deck, Anish sits next to Christine.

“Did Yu do something to upset you?”

“...Like, he didn’t even give me a hug or greet me after we reunited. Like, he didn’t care about me.”

“Maybe his brain got fried from inhaling too much of the poison gas.”

As the team strolls through the Twilight Forest, they absorb the mystic atmosphere before heading to the campsite.

“Look! Nice ducks!” Yu says, pointing out the window.

“You mean, nice dicks?” Mira responds.

“Why not both!” Wyn adds.

Outside, a group of drillbills circles a pond. Below, a flock of duck creatures known as corkscrews hunts. These ducks are perfectly round, with glossy white feathers. Their beaks are blood red, with dark green seaweed hanging out. The striking feature is their genitalia, which take the shape of corkscrews, so large and long the creatures can’t waddle on land. In fact, they don’t have feet. This means they must stay airborne or swim at all times. Fittingly, their weaknesses are on either of the heads. They hunt crabbos and water fish creatures called sukois, which seem to just flop around in the pond and on land.

The team slaughters the entire family of twenty corkscrews for the sumptuous catnip payout. Although no one has enough to purchase a bestiary, Wyn has enough for a second floor. They briefly visit campsite number six and its guide, Catate, the swirl-tailed cat who snorts intermittently.

"You should go to campsite number five," Catate says with a snort. "The party has already begun!" he snorts again.

At campsite number five, the lobby is cleared of furniture, dark, lit only by disco lights, and filled with loud music. Finger foods, snacks, and drinks are organized around the lobby. Catate points the team to a pile of animal costumes behind her counter.

“When you wear a new outfit, you get to keep it in your collection,” she explains.

Anish enjoys watching the girls change. The girls give him a pass as they’re too lazy to change at the tents. The team’s selections are: Wyn changes into a corgi outfit; Yu opts for an orange tabby; Mira, unable to find anything skimpy, settles on a dolphin costume; Anish gets the elephant outfit; Christine tries on a couple before ending on a cow costume.

Wyn, under the influence of alcohol but not a fan of loud music, claims his shuffling feet is “dancing.” Yu and Mira let loose on the dance floor, even teaching strangers moves. Christine, shy, joins Anish in the food corner. After a few hours, Wyn finds himself too exhausted to continue. He signals his teammates one-by-one that he’ll head to his tent. After a couple of hours of trying to sleep, the doorbell rings.

“What do you want?”

Yu pushes Wyn inside the tent. Anish follows.

“I need a favor. I want to change my underwear into something more comfortable. Can I wear yours so I can have a new one?” Anish asks, blushing.

“Dude! Ask Yu!”

“His is a trunk. I much prefer boxer shorts. I wore briefs to surprise my wife later that night. Think how embarrassing it must be when my corpse was assessed! PLEASEEE!”

“Alright, fine! The girls can’t know about this, okay?”

“Then don’t EVER go swimming,” Yu says.

After handing Anish his underpants, Wyn quickly redresses in his shorts and then materializes the exact same outfit through the band, so he can retrieve his underwear without needing Anish to return it – after all, he’s not a fan of used underwear.

“Now, Oppa, strip!” Yu demands.

“Excuse you, WHAT?”

As Wyn resists, Yu calls Anish in for assistance. After a brief moment of hesitation, Anish locks Wyn’s arms.

“Anish! You traitor! You were supposed to be my sworn underwear brothers!!!”