Dungeons Are Bad Business

It took Vee a few more hours of testing, tweaking, and rebalancing his shapes to make it so that the mannequins could properly perform their tasks. By the time he was finished, Vee was shaking uncontrollably and drenched with sweat. He felt wrung out, and there was a bitter taste in his mouth that no amount of water could purge.

Dark shapes danced on the corners of Vee’s vision; he hadn’t quite pushed himself too far, but he’d gotten dangerously close. Like anything, working with ectoplasm had its dangers. Thankfully, nothing was wrong with him that a good night’s sleep wouldn’t fix right up.

Outside the tower, Juniper was sprinkling the sidewalk with a white powder that must have been cracklethorn sap. It bubbled and fizzed for a few seconds after making contact, and when the [Herbalist] swept her broom over the spots, the grime came right off.

“It looks like you know your stuff,” Vee said weakly as he watched her clean a few more squares of the sidewalk. He tried to stand up straight and found that his back wouldn’t cooperate. With the help of the wall, he finally managed it.

Juniper looked up at him and her features widened in shock. “Mister Vales, you look terrible! What did you do? Hang on, don’t move. Let me brew something up for you. It’ll only take a little bit”

True to her word, she came back less than three minutes later with a steaming mug of tea that was bitter as could be. However, under Juniper’s baleful glare, Vee drained every last drop and felt much better. He thanked her and followed her to her shop to see how her move-in was going.

She’d apparently wasted no time because the place was already looking pretty. Potted flowers and plants had been carefully stacked on the shelves, and packets of dried petals were arranged neatly on the counter.

“I don’t think I’ll get much foot traffic for a while,” Juniper said, “So for now I’m focusing on products that are easy to pack up and carry to the market. It might be a bit weird for a couple weeks, but a few extra trips to and from the market isn’t a big deal.”

She then went over all the products she was planning to sell with unbridled enthusiasm, and Vee did his best to listen carefully. There were a bunch of names that he didn’t recognize so he mostly just nodded and grunted “uh-huh” or “wow, yeah that makes a lot of sense” now and then. Juniper didn’t seem to notice, let alone mind.

Two days later, Do and the rest of the [Dungeon Maintainers] installed the mannequin shopkeepers. Vee threw a weathered black blanket over each of the new minions so that they looked like they fit the dungeon at least a little bit. He frowned; he’d have to order them some better costumes eventually, but these would do for now. He reached up and pulled on Reginald’s brim.

“What do you think we should charge for the potions?”

“Two silvers apiece for the first floor shop, four for the second, and seven for the third.”

“Wouldn’t it be better to have them all be the same price?”

“Nope,” the hat said in a slightly bored tone. “Here’s why. On the first floor, we want it to be as easy as possible for adventurers to buy potions. Anything higher than a few silvers and most of them won’t be interested. What we’re hoping for is that our challengers will impulse buy a few and start getting overconfident. We want them thinking they don’t need to be careful because they’ve got potions to cover any mistakes. Then, naturally, they start making mistakes.”

“And that makes them use the potions up?”

“Of course, but that’s not all. It also makes them feel like it was a good idea to buy potions in the first place. People who think doing something once was a good idea are more likely to do it again. But even more than that, we want to take advantage of the fact that most adventurers are sunk cost suckers.”

“What does that mean?”

Reginald sighed. “Most adventurers – heck, most people – tend to get too focused on the money they’ve already spent and make bad decisions as a result. They don’t want their money to go to waste, so they’re willing to keep spending to make it worthwhile. However, in a lot of cases, they’re not going to be good enough to beat Alforde no matter what, so the extra money they spend doesn’t do them any good and we collect a bunch of easy fleurs.”

“That’s a little heartless, don’t you think?”

“We’re a business, boss, not a charity. If you want to have any chance of paying Sacre back on time you’ve gotta start looking for more ways to squeeze fleurs out of each run. This is a good one.”

Privately, Vee didn’t like it, but he couldn’t argue with his [Majordomo]’s logic. With a bit of tinkering, Vee set the mannequin’s prices and gave them a test to make sure that they handled the exchanges properly. When he was satisfied, he activated [Shape Ectoplasm] and hurriedly put together a small, squiggly sign. In Vee’s cramped, messy handwriting, the sign said: It Pays to Be Prudent. Fastening it over the mannequin’s head with a bit more ectoplasm, Vee sent a bit of his energy into it as well. When he was done, the words glowed in the dungeon’s gloom.

The [Dungeon Master] admired his handiwork. It never hurt to see if people were impressionable, after all. He made another pair of signs and gave them to Do. “Put one over each of the other mannequins, will you?”

Do nodded and left.

“[Excellent Spreadsheet],” Vee said as he brushed some of the ectoplasmic dust off his fingers. “Cecil, will you go ahead and make a new sheet for keeping track of how many potions are purchased on each floor?”

The spreadsheet chirped and flashed silver as it created another sheet to do as Vee asked.

Vee left the dungeon and stood near the waiting area in front of the entrance. The adventurers were due to arrive soon, and he didn’t feel like making the trek up to the office twice. It was a fairly frosty morning and a bit too cold for his tastes, but Vee simply rubbed his arms to ward off the chill. As he stood there, he found himself wishing that his coat was a little thicker. Maybe he’d visit the [Tailor] soon and see if she could add an extra liner or something so that the upcoming winter months weren’t too unpleasant.

Vee stared out at the adventurers gathered in front of Crestheart. He’d counted them – twice – and there were exactly twenty five people standing ready to challenge the dungeon. Their expressions ranged from excited to bored.

“Bit of housekeeping before we go ahead and get the morning’s runs started. To reflect the improvements we’ve made to Crestheart recently, we’ve decided to increase the price per floor.”

The [Dungeon Master] paused and waited for the outcry about the increase, but just as Reginald had said, none of them seemed to care. He decided to push his luck a little bit.

“From now on, regular floors will cost sixteen silver fleurs, and if you want to challenge the [Dungeon Champion] Alforde, it’ll cost twenty-one silvers.”

Again, no one so much as blinked at the increase in price and Vee wondered if he could have bumped up to twenty silver fleurs per floor and thirty for Alforde’s. Maybe. He resolved to raise prices again somewhere down the line. Maybe after adding the next floor. The higher fees would definitely make it easier for him to make his payments to Sacre.

Vee was pleasantly surprised to see that every single one of the adventurers who’d come wanted to challenge Alforde. It was going to be a good day. Grumbling about the fact that he still needed to come up with a way to bypass the stairs, Vee trudged up to the office and set Reginald down in his spot next to all the magnifying crystals.

“Nice bit of squeeze getting that extra fleur per floor beyond what we planned,” Reginald said. “That’s another seventy five silvers for us today.”

“Yeah. You made a good point earlier. We need every fleur we can get. Anyway, who’s up first for the day?”

[Congratulations, you are now a Dungeon Master, Level 10!]

[Plotting +1]

[Devious Mind +1]

[Your Budgeting skill is now more powerful!]

Reginald looked over the stack of papers Vee had collected from the adventurers and read the name on top. “Name is Alton Shylop. He’s a [Spear Afficionado], level 18. Shouldn’t be too much of a challenge for Alforde.”

Vee stared into the blue orb that appeared in front of him and watched the adventurer lower his weapon into a guard position as he entered Crestheart’s first floor. The dark-skinned man wore shining silver armor and a flowing red scarf. He walked over to the mannequin shopkeeper and looked at the sign above its head. For several moments, he seemed lost in thought and then reached into his pocket and drew out a pair of silver fleurs. Tossing them onto the table, the man pointed at the small red glowing bottles on the table’s left side. Vee’s newest minion slowly twisted its head towards the adventurer’s finger, and then reached out at a snail’s pace and picked the potion up in its thin fingers. The mannequin shuddered as it lifted the potion, like the weight of the bottle was too heavy for its ectoplasm-reinforced arm. For a single, creaking moment, Vee waited for the sound of breaking glass, but it never came.

He resolved to enhance the strength of the mannequin after the day’s runs anyways.

After that, Vee settled into his normal routine of activating [Walking Walls] and the rest of the dungeon’s environmental hazards. The [Spear Afficionado] deftly maneuvered his way through the ghosts and lesser elementals that tried to stop him. With every challenge that Crestheart threw at him, Alton flourished his spear with practiced expertise and quickly overcame it. Even the ceiling full of slimes failed to do any real damage, as the adventurer noticed the panel opening above his head and leapt out of the way before the burning slimes could land on him. He hovered in the air for a long moment before slowly drifting to the ground, and Vee wondered if he had an accessory with [Feather Fall] equipped.

With a wide sweep, the [Spear Afficionado] dispatched a pair of ghosts and thumped his chest in victory as he threw open the door to the second floor.

“Well I’ll be…I think that’s the fastest clear of the first floor that we’ve ever had,” Reginald said.

The hat probably hadn’t meant for his comment to be anything other than an idle attempt at conversation, but it sparked an idea in Vee’s mind. Up until now, he hadn’t really ever considered keeping track of adventurer or dungeon stats. The only things that he’d really cared about were the number of adventurers who made their challenges on a given day and how much he had to pay out as a result. But now that he thought about it, there was a wealth of information at his fingertips, so to speak, that would make running the dungeon easier and more profitable. By separating the adventurers into different types – ranged, melee, and magic to start – Vee could get an idea of where different adventures excelled and where they struggled. It’d take a while, but eventually Vee would be able to use the data to check his hunches and ideas. Maybe he’d even be able to start tailoring the dungeon to counter each adventurer’s individual strengths. He shook his head. That was going to have to wait for a while.

Resummoning Cecil, Vee instructed the spreadsheet to transfer the sheet for tracking potions sales to a separate book along with all of the adventurer and dungeon stats. It wouldn’t do to mingle the financials with day-to-day operations information. After the day’s runs were done, he’d sit down with Reginald and Alforde and come up with a list of stats to start keeping track of.

For now, the [Spear Afficionado] had blazed through the second floor and was on his way to Alforde. The only thing he had left was the gauntlet room, where he’d fight a dozen or so ghosts and slimes while the lesser elementals attacked from the walls.

Better warn Alforde. Reaching down, Vee activated the magnification crystal and contacted his [Dungeon Champion]. “Hey bud, just a heads up. You’ve got a pretty strong adventurer coming your way, so be ready for a tough fight.”

Vee couldn’t help but notice how excited the armorsoul sounded when he replied.

“Good! I won’t let you down, Vee. Hey, is it okay if I use the mirror?”

Crestheart’s first perk, the cloudy mirror, had arrived that morning and been installed on the wall of Alforde’s arena.

“Of course. That’s the whole reason we got it, was so that you could use it. Do whatever you have to do to win.”

“Understood. Oh, I can hear the footsteps getting closer now, gotta go!”

The armorsoul’s voice faded to nothing and Vee leaned back to watch the battle. He looked over at Reginald.

“I’m thinking this guy takes three stocks, but Alforde still wins.”

The hat was quiet for a moment and then quivered. “I don’t think Alforde loses more than two. Same deal as always? If I win, I want you to take me to the casino for a night and let me play some cards.”

“I don’t know why you’re so dead set on gambling,” Vee said with a grin. “With all the times we’ve wagered, I can count the number of times you’ve won on one hand and still have plenty of fingers left. I’m running out of things to win over here.”

Reginald looked over at him and scowled. “Just you wait and see, boss. My time is coming. It’s impossible to lose forever. Every good gambler knows that.”

Vee shook his head. “I don’t know that anyone would ever call you a good gambler, Reginald.”

“Just you wait and see.”

Alforde shifted Hammy back and forth and bounced around a little bit. Since he didn’t have muscles that needed to be warmed up, per se, the movements didn’t really do anything, but they helped him focus his mind.

The footsteps outside stopped and the door to Alforde’s arena opened with a slow creak. The armored adventurer walked inside and Alforde’s [Champion’s Sight] skill let him see that the man was a [Spear Afficionado]. A fellow enthusiast of the martial arts!

He was tall and broad, and other than a few dents here and there on his armor, was almost completely unharmed from his dungeon challenge. A single wicked gash covered his cheek. The adventurer paused and nodded his head to Alforde on the far side of the bridge before drawing out a bottle of red potion. He drained it in a single sip and Alforde watched the skin patch itself together before his eyes. It seemed that Juniper made potent stuff, though the wound had been so minor, it was hard to be sure.

Alforde didn’t say anything until the adventurer crossed the bridge and was standing in front of him. He was dimly aware of the fact that his intimidating presence didn’t seem to phase his foe in the slightest. Interesting indeed.

“Hello, my name is Alton,” the adventurer called. “You must be the [Dungeon Champion] I’ve heard so much about. I’m excited for our match, but I hope that you’re more challenging than your dungeon was. I must admit to being a bit disappointed by how easy it was to get here.”

Alforde bristled and slung Hammy over one shoulder. “I’m Alforde,” he said. “I take it that this isn’t your first dungeon run?”

“Indeed,” Alton said. “This is my fourth dungeon challenge, and I’m sure it’ll soon be my fourth win. I’ll take the SSB now, please.”

Alforde opened the panel on his chest, collected the small pill and tossed it across the arena. The challenger caught it and went to put it into his mouth, but Alforde held up a gauntlet.

“One moment, please. I apologize, but there’s something I need to do first.”

When the adventurer grunted his assent, Alforde looked across the arena into the smoky depths of the mirror. It was a big, silvery thing with a bone white frame and a skull decoration on top. Large rubies had been set in the skull’s eyes, and they glittered with unnatural light. Inside the mirror, the armorsoul could feel something moving back and forth as if it were pacing.

A voice popped into his thoughts.

Reckon you need my help then?

Alforde nodded.

Mist poured forth from the mirror and settled itself on the arena behind the adventurer. Shifting and condensing, it formed itself into a clone of Alforde. Nearly every detail was perfect. The armorsoul felt another bond forming in his mind. Just like the one he shared with Vee, he could sense the clone’s presence and its thoughts, though there wasn’t much there. It was simply a shell for now, but in time Alforde got the sense that he’d be able to communicate with it, to direct it as he wanted.

You’re too peaceful, the voice hissed into his thoughts.

The clone hoisted its hammer into position. Let’s change that.

Feeling as if he might have bitten off a bit more than he could chew, Alforde nodded to the adventurer.

“Whenever you’re ready, then. Let’s have a good match.”

The adventurer popped the SSB into his mouth and smiled.

It was time to fight.

Main Character Sheets:

Vee Vales:

Primary Class: Ghost Maestro (Locksmagister University), Level 21

Secondary Class: Dungeon Master (Oar’s Crest), Level 10 (+1)

Tertiary Class: Guy-Who-Takes-Things-WAY-Too-Far (Self), Level 2

Might: 8

Wit: 28

Faith: 17

Adventurousness: 7

Ambition: 9

Plotting: 12 (+1)

Charisma: 4

Devious Mind: 13 (+1)

Leadership: 10

Guts: 4

Intimidating Presence: 5

Citizenship: 5

Alforde Armorsoul:

Primary Class: Hammer Afficionado (Self), Level 17

Secondary Class: Right-hand man (Vee Vales), Level 10

Tertiary Class: Dungeon Champion (Oar’s Crest), Level 10

Additional Class: Clunker (Vee Vales), Level 3 (-1) **WARNING: FURTHER LOSSES OF LEVEL WILL CAUSE THIS CLASS TO BE LOST**

Might: 29

Wit: 10

Faith: 24

Adventurousness (Bound – Vee Vales): 6

Endurance: 10

Intimidating Presence: 8

Heart of a Champion: 2

Citizenship (Bound – Vee Vales): 3

Vigilance: 3

Reginald:

Primary Class: Core Spirit (Unknown), Level ???

Secondary Class: Loudmouth (Self), Level 34

Tertiary Class: Majordomo (Vee Vales), Level 7 (+1)

Additional Class: Announcer (Vee Vales), Level 2

Might: 1

Wit: 27

Faith: 3

Ambition: 23

Greed: 18

Deceptiveness: 31

E$@$: $%

[-------------------------]

Citizenship (Bound – Vee Vales): 2