For the Record

Nothing is working… not in the way I want. Hades continues to lack herself… I still don’t recognize who she is now.

And I’m not sure what to do about it.

I’ve been nursing her slowly back to stability little by little in the same way I’m helping my fox wife recover… though both are slow indeed.

I’ve already tried healing Arty’s soul damage with the words of creation, but for some reason it just doesn’t work, no matter how much divinity I supply it with. It’s almost like it takes on a personalized flavor or something once a god gets a hold of it and can’t just be transferred that easily.

Not even with an omnipotent power rivaling that of the Record itself.

I sigh lightly in frustration from my throne.

…Specifically, the one next to Livvie on her dais at the challenge arena.

We’ve been taking turns eliminating challengers, although admittedly I have much more flair for the dramatic than her. Even weakened as she is, most of her matches simply involve catching the challenger by the collar and throwing them bodily through one of the many open windows.

Disappointing.

I debated challenging her myself to an exhibition match of sorts, but considering her current state it wouldn’t be a fair match, and there wouldn’t be any point to that.

Silently, I reach across the gap between us and take her hand for a moment. My wife noticeably relaxes before catching herself and resuming her noble air.

Yeah. She’s still easily flustered, especially ever since I became myself again.

Or we became me I suppose.

So many of my memories are hers now that it’s difficult not to see myself as her sometimes. And yet, I remain.

…And there’s the next challenger. It’s my turn, so after giving Artemis’ hand one more squeeze I rise to my feet with a flourish.

***

I had an idea the other night, when we were sharing my bed as we always do.

A horrible, horrible idea.

One that Hades might never forgive me for.

But I want her back. I want what we had.

…

I can clearly tell that this is a result of the memories I inherited from the former goddess of night…

The former demon lord.

And I still don’t know what to do with them, even if the emotions aren’t all real. So many of them feel like trained responses…

Like they’re what mortals expect to see, reactions taken for granted, that she learned to emulate over a lifetime.

Several lifetimes in the case of the mortals.

But I digress.

The idea.

The awful, terrible idea.

(If it’s so bad, then just don’t do it. I already know what it is anyway, and there’s no way she’d forgive you for it,) Nyx interjects.

And she’s probably right.

But I don’t know what else to do.

So without another word, I begin speaking the words of creation…

And very, very carefully perform surgery on her Ego, on her memories themselves.

Maybe she’ll forgive me in time. Maybe I’ll find a way.

But I need to set her free. Even now she remains Ceto’s prisoner…

And I refuse to let him survive even in that sense.

I ABSOLUTELY REFUSE.

…

…

After what feels like hours, it’s done, and in my hand I hold a small black sphere.

The hard part is what comes next.

***

I awake in our bed. That rest felt… longer, somehow.

But I can’t sleep too late… today is a very important day, extremely important!

Why? Because today is the day I’ll become a god! The day I’ll join my wife in divinity, and we can be real equals…

And I’ll finally catch up to that damnable fox woman, even if I still won’t have spent nearly as much time with them.

But that’s fine. In the face of forever, I’ll make a mere millenium seem like a drop in the bucket.

It will all be worth it.

…

And yet, Nemesis is staring at me silently.

“What is it?” I ask quietly, my face still buried in their chest.

…

…

“If you just stay quiet like this it’s going to get uncomfortable, you know. You should just say what’s on your mind. We’ve been through so much… I’m sure whatever it is will be fine… Ah, is it about the script? Or the planning? I doubt Lady Eris is going to forget anything, or arrive late…”

“It’s… it’s. Um. Look at your Status,” they answer, a bit of hesitation in their flutelike voice.

A voice that’s grown comforting over time, little by little. It was jarring at first, when they’d had that grating mess of a voice for so long and suddenly had… this.

But I’ve adapted. I always adapt now… even though I’ve been slow to learn it.

I may as well listen though. We’ve had our ups and downs, but I know they’re trying.

…

…

“…What is this?” I ask slowly.

“It’s… a lot of time has passed, dear. A lot of time, and a lot of misunderstandings. You’re… going to be very angry with me, probably. Almost definitely, actually. But I want you to keep an open mind. Think a bit deeper… there’s probably more in your memory than you’re feeling right now.”

“Alright.”

I focus my thoughts… and feel it exerting a pressure I don’t remember having had before.

“It’s your will. All gods have something like it, at least that’s how I understand it.”

…

They just read my thoughts.

“Yes, I did. It’s something that just happened as I’ve gotten stronger over the centuries…”

Centuries…?

…

As I look through my memories, I find haziness.

A hollow haziness, with flashes of color…

A-and a distinct scene where we…

Where we…

I blush furiously. “D-did that really happen?”

“Well, yes and no. Eros made it happen in our dream.”

…

“Who is Eros?”

A poof of smoke heralds the arrival of a pink demoness, stereotypical down to the short curved horns and leathery wings.

“That would be me, dearie! You… oh.”

She turns to my wife before continuing. “So you really did it, huh? I don’t really want any part of this you know, so I guess I’ll make myself scarce. Ta!”

…

“Well that was abrupt. What do you remember?”

“A lot of haziness… o-other than the obvious…”

…

…

“Wait. Is this…”

They sigh lightly, a thin coat of glittering dust settling across the bedspread before they recall it with a simple gesture. “Yes. I’m sorry. I wanted you back. I couldn’t stand not having you back.”

I furrow my brow. This… still doesn’t make sense. Not entirely.

“This might clear it up, at least a little…” they say as they offer me a small black stone, pulsing faintly with a ripple of purple light.

So I do…

And am immediately bombarded with memories.

Terrible ones.

Ones of monstrous acts… ones of a hostile god… ones of being surrounded by prisoners. Prisoners like me.

And then, suddenly, an even greater horror than I’ve ever seen or felt. A thing that shouldn’t exist.

“Yeah. That was me. Sorry.”

…

“Alright so I have an explanation for that, but I’ll save it. Also I’m both Nemesis and Astraea now… that might take some getting used to.”

The rest appears to be a blur of anxiety and fear interspersed with the faintest traces of hope… but it’s a terribly unpleasant experience so I quickly send the stone into my dimensional storage, and as soon as it leaves my hands the memories go with it.

“Yes. Those are your memories. You can be angry with me if you want. I guess part of me almost wants you to be.”

I tilt my head. “I guess I still don’t completely get it. Who is ‘Hades’? Why are they in my Status? What are these memories? You called them mine…? I don’t understand.”

Nemesis offers me a weak smile. “You made me promise once that I’d never do things against a mortal’s will, that I’d always get consent and approval from both you and Nyx before I did anything. But… I’ve done a great many terrible things since you lost yourself… Enough to make enemies of all the gods and mortals. And Nyx is barely talking to me anymore, and I couldn’t find you to ask you. Our bond was almost silent… I couldn’t reach you at all. I’d lost you, Izzy… and it drove me mad. But I have you back now, and you can recover your memories when you’re ready for them. They’re going to hurt… a lot, probably. Probably more than a lot. But they’re part of who you are… just, isolated for now. So you can recover.”

…

“So it’s not the morning of my apotheosis…”

“No,” they say, slowly shaking their head. “No it isn’t. Something around three hundred and fifty years have passed since then. You’ve been a goddess all that time… specifically Hades, the name the Record assigned you. You spent that time… well. I made a mistake. A very big mistake. I didn’t know you needed a Vessel. Eris thought I knew and would have handled it… and Arty thought some stupid ancient ritual was going to happen where your divine soul would be kicked to a random heaven or hell, and you’d come back stronger and worthy of being a god.”

They lean closer, as much is possible for us considering we’re already touching. “You’re already worthy. You’re every bit as worthy as any of those useless gods. More worthy. I’m sure of it. Anyway, you were sent to a plane of water called the Deep Blue… don’t look for it, it doesn’t exist anymore. And neither does your former captor. He made you a slave, Izzy. He made you a slave for centuries before I finally found you. But he’d already broken you. You’d lost yourself, and when I finally did find you it broke my heart as well. Assuming I have one. I probably don’t. But you’re back now. You’re back now, Izzy. Or would you prefer I call you Hades now?”

I…

I have no idea how to process this.

But one thing is clear.

“You promised. What did you do to me?”

“I set you free. Free from yourself. I won’t ask you to forgive me, but I hope you will in time.”

…

…

I can’t help but feel violated, and betrayed. Some part of me knows they meant well, absolutely the best for me.

They acted out of love, a feeling I didn’t expect from them, even if something about it feels hollow and performative.

Like they’ve trained themself to react this way.

And that’s almost as unsettling as finding they messed with my mind.

That they broke their promise, the most important one I’d ever made them make.

And I have no idea how to even process it, although I can’t hide the feelings of fear, the absolute horror I’m feeling toward them right now and the distant madness in their eyes as I retract my hands and move away from them as quickly as I can.

“I’m sorry. You’ll understand in time… but you’ll probably be more horrified when you understand the other deeds I’ve done… and what I truly am. What the queen of hunger really is, in the purest sense.”