Gardenia of Blooming Desire

'Is he there?'

'Where is he, did he wake up late today?'

'But I'm already prepared...'

Aster peeked at the west garden from his balcony. He woke up at three in the morning, even though their daily morning walk only started an hour from now.

He anxiously bit his lower lip and circled around his room. Going back and forth from the mirror to the balcony. He checked his appearance, and then walked to the balcony to peek. He repeated this for thirty minutes already.

'I think I look fine.'

'I have dark circles, but it should be fine, right?'

'What about my hair?'

'Wait, why am I doing this?! I'm not a girl!'

Aster ruffled his hair, this was the fruit of his own stupidity. He was so overwhelmed with Ramuja yesterday, he selfishly demanded Ramuja to meet him again in west garden, just like their daily schedule from two years ago.

Aster recalled what he said last night.

***

Ramuja and Aster had been in this position for a good while, their body was sticking intimately with Aster on top of Ramuja and hugged him tightly.

"Ramuja, I really miss you..."

"Y--Yes, this servant miss you too, but um... Young Lord, can you let me go?" Ramuja wiggled his body uncomfortably.

"Why?"

"T--That, this... um... this servant is dirty, Young Lord."

"You're not dirty!" Aster replied. He tightened his hug even more, and their body was sticking together on this flowerbeds. The scene looked very beautiful, but in Ramuja's mind, it was different.

"Young Lord, this--this servant is not... uhm..."

Aster felt something was strange under his belt. Something big and stiff poked his belly. It took him a while to realize what was that. Aster's body jolted and he stood from this ambiguous position immediately.

Aster staggered, his eyes looked down to that part and his face was tomato red. His body was unusually hot. He looked away immediately.

Ramuja was ashamed with this and he kneeled again, "This servant has d--dirty mind, p--pardon this servant's crude behavior."

"No, it's okay. It's natural reaction anyway..." Aster replied. But his tone getting lower and lower until it sounded more like a mumble.

"Why are you here? Didn't I give you my letter?" Aster asked.

Ramuja looked bitter, he lowered his head, so Young Lord wouldn't notice his expression. "This servant accidentally lost it on my way. Asking Young Lord to punish this servant's imbecility."

"No, it's okay if you lost it. I was just worried that something might happened to you." Aster couldn't help but to look away, his face was very red, people might mistaken it as fever.

"Young Lord should... go inside, the party isn't over yet," Ramuja said slowly.

Aster was more inclined to stay here and spend time with Ramuja, but his mother would definitely search for him if he went missing for too long.

"Fine then, but you must be here tomorrow morning, you know..."

"Yes, this servant is obliged to attend Young Lord's morning walk routine every day before dawn," Ramuja nodded.

"W--Well, it's good that you remember," Aster gulped. "I will leave now, don't forget your duty tomorrow."

***

'Oh god! What did I do?!'

'I already lost my face as Young Lord in front of him!'

Aster blushed again. Last night, he really couldn't control himself. It was as if his body instinctually hugged him in ambiguous posture. Aster went to the bathroom and washed his face again to lessen the heat on his face.

When he peeked again, he finally saw Ramuja standing near the entrance of west garden. Aster opened the door and rushed to the garden. However, he stopped before meeting Ramuja and took a deep breath.

Aster wiped sweat on his forehead after that small exercise. He slapped his face few times to maintain a cool façade.

'I shouldn't ruin my image this time.'

Aster walked in and approached Ramuja. He kept his cool composure. Ramuja kneeled in front of him.

"Young Lord, this servant will accompany your daily walk."

"Follow me," Aster ordered.

They walked around the garden in silence. Aster wanted to ask something, but he didn't want it to be awkward.

'And his stare is piercing.'

'It's not like I would mind, but...'

Aster realized that his servant had been staring at his back, Ramuja even tripped few times because he got dazed.

Aster took a deep breath, his face was about to turn red again. After he collected himself, he went to the nearest pavilion and sat while tending some flowers. Ramuja kneeled beside him solemnly.

Unable to bear the silence, Aster opened his mouth first, "So, how's the life in my father's logging business?"

"This servant is treated well under Grand Duke's order, Young Lord."

"I can see that, you look healthier and more... decent looking."

'I mean, more handsome, very handsome,' Aster said in his heart.

"Thanking Young Lord's compliment, this servant is nothing compared to Young Lord," Ramuja curled up his lips and smiled sheepishly.

"Do you live with the workers there?"

Ramuja went silent a bit, and then replied, "Yes, this servant lived with the workers."

"I see, I'm sorry I couldn't visit you for two years..." Aster smiled bitterly.

Ramuja raised his head and shook his head hard, "No--no! Young Lord, this servant is already glad that you are well, this servant dared not letting Young Lord visited the work there."

"Why not?"

"Because that place is harsh, if it's winter, it's really cold. When summer comes, the heat is really bad, and there are many bugs," Ramuja explained.

"Hmm? I'm not afraid of bugs, I don't go at summer and I'm not someone who easily got cold," Aster frowned. Of course he couldn't rewind the time and visited that place, because he was locked in golden palace anyway.

But his servant sounded very panicky when he said he wanted to visit. Which made Aster suspicious.

"It's not that, Young Lord is very delicate... it pains this servant if something happened to Young Lord..." Ramuja said softly. He lowered his head again.

"Wha--" Aster's frown loosened, his expression turned into sheepish smile and his golden circle wavered, "Y--You! I don't need a servant with sweet mouth!"

Ramuja's eyes raised, he saw Young Lord's bright expression and he also smiled, "This servant is saying the truth."

Seeing the situation wasn't tense anymore, Aster collected his guts to ask something.

"Then, I want to ask a question."

"Yes, this servant is listening."

Aster's golden circle wavered, but it dissipated again. He tried to brace himself for a disappointing answer.

"Why did you leave the duchy? Why did you leave me back then?"