I Became the Leader of the Monster Circus Troupe

As I sat alone in the lounge, celebrating the successful completion of the lecture, Karen suddenly approached me.

She came closer and handed me something unexpectedly.

It was an invitation to the freshmen welcome party.

And Maya’s name was written as the inviter.

“Why would you have Maya’s…?”

She paused for a moment, then poured out words like a storm.

“I was so frustrated watching from the sidelines. Do you know how much Maya wanted to go with the Director? Why don’t you show a little favour to Maya this time too? You pamper Ella so much… Even Reyna, who just joined recently, you’ve been so attentive to her. But why do you treat Maya so coldly?”

Everything was sudden.

But her last words lingered in my ears.

Did I treat Maya coldly?

I pondered deeply.

Perhaps there was some truth in what she said.

Knowing Maya’s independent nature, I didn’t try to show her more attention than any other member.

I knew she would find it bothersome.

But listening to Karen’s story, it seemed Maya had been feeling disappointed about it.

“Did Maya tell you all this?”

“No. She’s not that type of person. But I can sense it from what she says.”

“…Is that so?”

The current Maya still had a childish innocence compared to her two years later.

But she never really opened up about herself, making it hard to guess her true feelings.

She had the lowest count of initiating member quests among the group.

Even Gascon and Reyna, who recently joined, surpassed her within a few days.

It was evidence that she was keeping her emotions tightly in check.

I knew Maya wanted me to play the role of a mentor to her.

She only asked once when she joined the circus troupe, and I refused.

Because I had nothing more to teach her.

After that, she never made the same demand again, and the member quests never appeared either.

But listening to Karen’s story, it seemed like she had been secretly wishing for it all along.

She was still only seventeen.

An age where she needed an adult to rely on.

In the original, Arno, the leader of the Silver Veil Circus, played that role.

But I didn’t.

By equating future Maya with present Maya, I treated her as if she was a grown adult.

It was undoubtedly my mistake.

Now, I looked at Karen, who was passionately advocating for someone she had only recently met.

Maya could have made good friends since coming to school.

But I doubted if she could truly be satisfied in the role of ‘friend’.

“Then, would it be okay if I took Maya as my partner?”

“Of course!”

“Really? But Karen, you like Maya, don’t you?”

At my words, Karen’s expression momentarily stiffened before softening.

“I, uh, like her. Because she’s my friend…”

I threw a remark that pierced through her hesitation.

“You were going to kiss Maya while she was asleep, weren’t you?”

Her face turned pale with astonishment.

“H-How did you…?”

“You were about to enter the classroom about a minute before you started talking to me.”

“Oh…”

Her complexion turned pale.

She stuttered, trying to divert the conversation as she approached the sensitive topic.

“Ma-Maya… Are you going to tell her…?”

“Depends on the situation. Please be honest. Do you love Maya?”

After hesitating for a moment, she confessed her story.

Growing up among boys from a young age.

Having a keen interest in women because of that.

Being labelled as ‘weird’ by her peers for excessive physical contact with her female classmates.

Feeling scared of girls as a result but finding comfort in Maya’s emotional detachment.

As I listened to her story, I wondered what kind of day it was today.

To counsel a suicidal teenager and then a teenager struggling with sexual orientation.

“Did you approach Maya with that intention? You’ve been deceiving her all this time. Your friend.”

“I know… But sometimes people become cowardly in front of their feelings…”

As she comfortably shared her story, I reflected on what she had said.

Suddenly, there was a loud crash from outside.

I momentarily opened the door and peered into the classroom.

No one was there.

The sound seemed to come from the collapsed props piled up on the stage.

I closed the door and returned to the room.

Karen had been waiting quietly for me to return before continuing her speech.

“But I keep feeling my heart fluttering for feminine things. Is there something wrong with me?”

After considering the stories she shared with me, it seemed more probable that she harboured a curiosity and admiration for femininity she hadn’t explored during her adolescence, rather than genuinely loving women.

Karen, who heard my conclusion, nodded satisfactorily.

“Is that so?”

“But you should not sneak a kiss while someone is sleeping. If your lips had touched Maya’s cheek earlier, I would have restrained you immediately.”

“Uh, I, I’m sorry… But still, I didn’t do it in the end….”

“You did well.”

We looked at each other and soon burst into laughter.

“Thanks to you, I think I can handle Maya more comfortably now. Thank you.”

“I, on the other hand, have reflected on not understanding Maya’s heart properly.”

“Will you accept Maya’s invitation?”

“If Maya personally hands it to me.”

I handed the invitation back to Karen.

She took it with a bashful smile.

“It’s time for me to go now. There’s dagger throwing practice.”

“Oh, I’ll go in a bit. I need to freshen up….”

Her face was a mess of cold sweat and tears.

After nodding towards her, I left the room.

Today was the day of evaluation for the basic course of dagger throwing practice.

***

One by one, students were called up to perform the tasks, and those who hadn’t been evaluated yet were practicing at the back.

However, Maya wasn’t participating in the practice and was sitting on the bench.

Other students thought she was so skilled that she didn’t even need to practice.

But that was a misunderstanding.

Maya didn’t have the mental capacity to practice right now.

She was focusing all her attention on suppressing the magic that wanted to rampage.

The shock from Karen’s confession was considerable.

To think she actually admired the Director, and her approach was quite deliberate?

Maya’s heart boiled with anger and betrayal.

Friends? She called this friendship?

The gravel around her stirred on the dirt floor.

No. If she let her emotions take over…

She took deep breaths and meditated to control her turbulent emotions.

When she finally stabilized her magic, a familiar voice woke her up.

“Maya! Long time no see, huh?”

Karen ran over from a distance.

She dumped her bag on the ground and sat right next to her.

“You’re late.”

Maya realized for the first time how dry and cold her own voice could sound.

Was this what people meant when they talked about her?

“Uh, bathroom! I went to the bathroom and got delayed….”

“…Really?”

Karen somehow felt that her friend’s voice was colder than usual.

Then, her eyes caught a small package in her friend’s hand.

It was a snack box with the words “Give to your friend!” written on it.

She widened her eyes.

“Wow, you didn’t buy this to give it to me, did you?”

Maya looked her straight in the eyes.

An innocent smile as if she knew nothing.

Disgust surged within Maya at that shamelessness.

“Karen.”

“Yeah?”

“Get lost.”

“…Huh?”

Karen blinked.

She wasn’t sure if she heard correctly.

Maya reinforced her words.

“I said, get lost.”

“…Why, why are you suddenly…”

Maya didn’t answer but instead threw the friendship chocolate on the ground.

As Karen reached out, an unseen force crushed it completely.

“Don’t come near me.”

She spat out coldly, but her expression remained unchanged.

It sent shivers down her spine even more.

She was definitely angry, but she barely showed it.

Karen felt a pang of unease at her sudden change in attitude.

“Uh, did you hear it from the Director?”

She wanted to say it.

She wanted to say that she feel betrayed.

To feel like she was stabbed in the back by the Director she admired.

But she corrected her thoughts just before speaking.

She couldn’t tarnish the honour of her master.

“No, I overheard it outside earlier.”

“Oh….”

Karen felt her mind going blank.

Could it be that Maya heard everything?

About how she felt butterflies when she saw her body in the locker room or the urge to kiss her sleeping cheek?

Karen remembered her childhood trauma.

Back then, she innocently touched her female friends’ chests or private parts.

She did it out of curiosity.

It was something boys around her didn’t have.

It was okay because it was between girls, even if it wasn’t between opposite genders.

But that was her mistake.

She was ridiculed and ostracized by the girls she used to be close with.

And now, she was caught by Maya.

For her strange tendencies.

All the stories she had just shared must have been heard by Maya as well.

“I-I’m sorry…. for deceiving you…. I thought you were okay because you were different from the others….”

Maya felt something snap inside her at those words.

You thought I was okay because I was different from the others?

That was one of her few comforts.

Since childhood, people around her treated her like a psychopath or a freak because she didn’t show emotions and her expression remained unchanged, no matter what happened.

Some even tested her emotional limits and moral boundaries.

“She’s okay because she’s different from the others.”

What Karen was saying now was just like the behaviour of those people.

Maya poured all her emotions into her sincere words.

“You’re the most disgusting person I’ve ever met.”

Her words and gaze were filled with a disgust Karen had never seen before.

Karen was shocked but didn’t show it.

She reminded herself that she was the perpetrator, not the victim.

She shouldn’t be the one getting hurt.

It was her mistake to deceive and approach her in the first place.

She bowed her head as if resigned.

“…I’m sorry, Maya. I won’t make you uncomfortable again.”

With that, she turned around and ran out of the practice room.

She tried to control her emotions, but she couldn’t hide the tears.

“I thought I finally had a female friend….”

Karen’s swallowed words scattered behind her,

“I thought I might actually have a friend….”

The broken friendship chocolate turned to dust.

And black ink spread thicker on Maya’s canvas.

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Chapter 186: Demon in the Bottle – 25

Chapter 188: Demon in the Bottle – 27