I Decided to Become a Perfect Girl

[Genie’s in a frenzy over an unfair contract]

Debonaire is in chaos over a fair contract, LOL

– What the heck, hahahaha

*

[No matter how much you went in as a trainee]

If it’s Do-hee, she would’ve been the top trainee at Big Four Entertainment, so now I get why she joined Topist.

– Fans are breathing easy, boosting Do-hee, LOL

└ Isn’t that true? Eun Se-ra, Gong Chae-rin, Jeon Ha-rang were all top trainees at Big Four, but Do-hee ranked first, right?

└ For real, LOL. I mean, she already has overwhelming star quality and she even creates her own tracks, how can anyone compete with that?

└ Suddenly realizing how impressive Debonaire is for debuting with ranks 1, 5, and 8, whoa.

└ Oh.

*

[Breaking News) Debonaire’s fans have finally started fighting]

(Photo) Suddenly arguing over the part distribution of Sweet Demon, LOL

– It’s funnier that Do-hee, as the producer, directly assigned the parts, LOL

└ But isn’t that a pretty fair distribution?

└ It seems like they’ve lost their minds in the chaos, LOL

*

[Do-hee deserves special treatment vs. all members should be treated equally]

(Poll) What do you all think?

– An article rebutting that just came out, yet they’re still believing that trash.

*

Seo-yoon threw her phone in frustration.

She just wanted to observe people’s reactions after the rebuttal article was published, but every ranking article was just getting on her nerves.

People were seeing this incident as a crack within Debonaire.

Seo-yoon scoffed and downed her highball can.

Her alcohol tolerance wasn’t high, so after sticking to just two cans, she was already feeling tipsy.

‘So annoying.’

Adults usually drink when they’re feeling down.

Moreover, Na-eun Unni and Chiyo were nervously lurking in the living room, waiting.

She was waiting for Do-hee to come back while keeping the door firmly shut to cool off.

But Do-hee hadn’t come back late.

‘We have a schedule tomorrow.’

In a fit of anger, she opened her second can, but now she really just wanted to toss it aside for the sake of tomorrow’s schedule.

─ Beep

At that moment, Seo-yoon flinched at the sound of the front door.

The door opened, and the two were coming back.

They looked a bit awkward but were holding hands warmly, both with red, bloodshot eyes.

Jiwoo even looked swollen.

“…Did you drink? Unni, we have a schedule tomorrow.”

Seo-yoon had already downed her drink, schedule or not.

She didn’t want to speak rationally.

“So what?”

*

Drunkenly glaring, Seo-yoon Unni suddenly went into the room and put on a coat.

Then, she roughly tossed a cardigan to me.

“Hey, wear this.”

I put it on without a word.

Unni glanced at me and headed straight to the front door.

It seemed she wanted me to follow.

Reluctantly, I patted Woo-ah Unni’s hand which I had firmly grabbed.

“Unni, go shower and sleep first. Don’t wait for me, got it?”

“Okay… Don’t be late.”

I nodded towards Chiyo, who was anxiously pacing in the living room, and Na-eun, who was looking on with concern.

Thus, I followed Seo-yoon Unni to my playground, the bench.

“I don’t need to see, Woo-ah must’ve said something like this, but still.”

Unni said with a heavily flushed face.

“Hey, didn’t we hint at your debut all along?”

“…You probably did.”

But Unni brushed her bangs aside as if more annoyed.

“I’m not saying I was pushing you. Do you even know that?”
“I’m not saying you’re already set up, okay? Do you know that?”

Unni let out a puff of air.

“Come on, let’s be real. You were first in the trainee monthly evaluations from the start! Sure, the CEO and the Director gave you high scores because they think highly of you.”

Unni looked like she was getting more flustered.

“But hey, you were first in the third audition too. I mean, with that face and those specs, what could possibly be wrong, right? Huh?”

She was rambling again, tipsy from the drink.

“Hey, I was going to argue with you today… No, seriously, what the heck do you think of me?”

It was clear she wanted to say something.

“Listen, I’m seriously feeling betrayed right now, you know?”

While having an honest conversation with Woo-ah Unni, I couldn’t keep up with her agitated tone after having already vented my emotions once.

“…I’m sorry.”

So all I could do was listen seriously and lightly express my apologies.

“Ugh, it’s not about being sorry, okay? No, really, what are you sorry about? Just tell me.”

And I knew that agitating her further wouldn’t help.

“I hid the money I received since being a trainee.”

But… I couldn’t help it.

The guilt was real.

“No, no… Yeah, okay, I’m annoyed about that, but do you even know why I’m really mad?”

Unni looked at me silently.

“Ugh… Oh geez! Seriously.”

She kept repeating that she was frustrated while grabbing her head.

“First of all, you know when you search for you and me online, there’s that related search about you grabbing my hair, right? Do you know that or not?”

“I know.”

“But what’s ridiculous is this. Have we ever even fought once?”

“…No.”

“Exactly! But isn’t that weirder? Other groups have at least one fight, but why the heck haven’t we? It’s not like our group is the type that never fights.”

Unni started talking to herself, saying that I didn’t need to answer anymore.

“Hey, Woo-ah and Chiyo fight. You know they grab each other’s hair and go all out, right? I’ve even had arguments with Woo-ah and had epic fights with Chiyo too. This is what living together is like. Oh, except Na-eun Unni. Na-eun Unni is just an exception.”

Then she shot a look at me.

“But you? You’re the weird one! Are you like Na-eun Unni, some kind of angel? No way.”

Still annoyed, she continued.

“But after thinking about it, I get it. You just don’t want to take it that far. You always avoid it, give in at the end, and bow down, huh?”

Unni swallowed her loud shout and continued.

“I actually wanted to fight with you today.”

She pointed at me calmly with her finger.

“What are you apologizing for? What’s wrong with you receiving money? Why can’t you just say it’s because of your skills, and fight me a bit? How about taking this chance?”

“……”

“Or honestly, how am I supposed to tell the Unnis about this? They’re all trying so hard to debut, and I’m getting paid while I’m already set to debut? How am I supposed to say that!? They could get mad!”

Then Unni started shedding a few tears.

“I struggled to hide it too. I felt bad for the Unnis, and it was so hard. Do you have any idea how tough that is?! You think we wouldn’t understand?”

Her voice was sharper and more intense, but…

“…Unni.”
“Don’t come! I’m so unfairly upset and furious that I’m crying right now. You understand? I’m crying out of anger!”

Unni stood there, letting her tears flow until the end.

“I’ve been gaslit by you.”

She expressed her resentment with trembling lips.

“You are so straightforward that when you’re happy, you joke around, and when you’re grateful, you pick a fight. You absolutely hate being sweet, don’t you? You’re the type who doesn’t read the room, living on your own high horse.”

And with an excited face, she shouted with conviction.

“In reality! More than anyone else, MORE than anyone else! You’re the one who is the most aware of the situation!”

Breath heavy with a rage she was trying to suppress.

“Why are you always so cautious? Is it because you don’t want to be criticized? Those who criticize you are the weird ones!”

Both Woo-ah Unni and Seo-yoon Unni, I can’t understand why I end up just listening like a mute.

“I’m not sure saying this will change anything. But… at least, at least can we not have to walk on eggshells in front of us? Just fight with me just once… please!”

Even though it was a jumbled mess of emotions fueled by alcohol.

“The reason you look confident and self-assured is because you feel you can control and cover everyone around you perfectly. But think about how much mental energy and focus that takes!”

Why does it hurt so weirdly?

“When I see you! You’re impressive yet pitiful and frustrating at the same time. Why do I feel like you’re overworking yourself so much…”

“It’s just a routine and a habit.”

Now, Unni was speaking soothingly.

“So until that becomes a thing… how many times have you repeated this? It’s an obsession you’ve created through repetition… now, on some days when you have a schedule, it’s okay to take a break, and if your body is tired, it’s okay to rest. Can’t you do that, huh?”

“I’ve just…”

“You want to erase mistakes every single day. Everyone’s living their first life. So it’s clumsy, and everyone makes mistakes!”

“…Then. Then, if I think of this as my second life? Then I could try not to make mistakes, right?”

“You can still make mistakes! Why is being human all about being perfect? Mistakes can happen again and again, that’s what mistakes are, right?”

“That’s not a mistake. If it happens twice! That’s skill, skill!”

“Just because you are loved, just because you receive attention and affection, does that mean you have to be harsher on yourself? Until those around you feel it’s an obsession?”

“It’s not an obsession!”

“Then why… why do you work so hard learning while actually just worrying about how we feel? You could do whatever you want if you set your mind to it. Honestly, I don’t want to say this, but I’m afraid you’ll think I’m showing off again! I really, really, want to slap you. You’re practically a genius among geniuses, aren’t you?”

Unni’s expression was truly—right now, it was truly…

Wobbling while looking completely fed up.

“If I, if I do too well alone…”

“Are you worried we’ll hate you if you do too well? Is that why you’re so cautious?”

And facing the idea that someone I like might hate me, that was a first in this life.

“Are you afraid we might hate you… so much?”

Honestly, at this point, my need for dependency had significantly diminished.

Contrary to my first life goal of becoming perfect.

Now, wouldn’t it be okay as it is?

Haven’t I pretty much achieved everything by now?

Many people love to keep track of everything I do.

A life where fortune and fame come naturally.

If I just follow the path the Director suggests…
If you keep following along.

If you laugh together with the older sisters.

You might accidentally become a global top star.

But it doesn’t matter if not; just having fun every day with the people I love and who love me, without any special circumstances or conflicts…

“Look, you’re crying too. You’re feeling hurt, frustrated, and angry. It’s because it matters to you. Now it matters to you.”

“Yeah, me too! I feel it too. What am I supposed to do? I hate hearing people talk trash, and now I even worry about having big boobs, and it makes me anxious. Ah, yeah. I feel the same way. But!”

Damn it, I don’t want to cry.

I really, really don’t want to cry like this.

“The thing that’s bothering me the most is what those people say. I worry if my friends will believe them. I wonder if the people I like will believe what they say. Will my older sisters think that way too? That’s why I feel more pressure. I’m a person too!”

I’ve never cried out like this before.

“Exactly! Because you’re a person too, please, please don’t judge us. Don’t pretend you can’t do what you can do, just let your emotions out!”

I’ve never cried like this in my past life; I was a man’s man.

“You! You are my favorite younger sibling, and you feel the same, right? Huh?”

I don’t even want to nod in agreement while crying.

*

“…Do you want ice cream? You said you wanted some in the morning.”

“What if someone sees us?”

“Sis, your eyes are all puffy, it’s fine. They won’t recognize you looking like that.”

“You look worse right now.”

We naturally strolled slowly towards the convenience store.

And while we were walking, my sister suddenly said in a hoarse voice,

“You said you didn’t feel jealous. But I can’t say that for sure when I see you doing well.”

“Ha, I knew this would happen. Do-hee, the jealousy instigator, there’s no way to avoid it.”

“Shut up.”

My sister’s extra words came a little later.

“Honestly, I truly think I’m prettier and I can sing better than you, and if you succeed all on your own, it just feels so unfair, so I can’t say it for sure…”

Kim Seo-yoon’s puffy eyes looked ugly.

“We’re a team, so we have to make the team succeed too.”

“How much?”

My sister, looking far away with her ugly eyes, thought for a moment and replied.

“We have to be Billboard. We have to be number one on Billboard at least.”

Of course, I answered very easily.

“…Yeah. Got it.”

On the way back, even in the chilly weather, we each bought a scoop of ice cream.

I hid my face with my cardigan so the clerk wouldn’t recognize me, so they probably thought I was a weird customer.

“Hey.”

“What?”

“But can you really send us to Billboard, honestly?”

“I don’t know either.”

“Damn it, I knew you’d say that, useless Do-hee.”

A Billboard number one isn’t some home at a doghouse; it’s just that our recognition has diminished because of foreign hip-hop and NND.

But still, I just started being an idol.

“Still, we should give it a try.”

“Don’t act cool, you’re still just the cute youngest Do-hee.”

“Look who’s talking with puffy eyes.”

“Shut it.”

I don’t particularly like ice cream, but crying drained my hydration and burned some calories, so it was quite sweet.

“Oh, and as my sister said, I’m going to live according to my personality now.”

“Ah,… that’s kind of a no-go. Hey, cancel that.”

I think we were just looking at each other and chuckling.

All the way home.

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