(Chpt. 26) Walking on glass (2)
“Leah?”
“Ah, Rin! I was won—
I froze as I saw her turning around, she was the same as ever. Except her cheek was totally red; it looked like it was about to bleed… Just what happened? She looked at me with teary eyes, and averted her gaze.
“W-What did you need?”
“Is… everything fine?”
I approached her, even though she wasn’t replying. She was shaking and looking at the ground; sitting on the box as her legs dangled around.
“Hey, Leah…”
“Yes?” I could barely make out her faint whispers as she looked on the ground, not even bothering to lift up her head a bit to look at me. Just miserable…
“I-I… Tell me…” She started quivering. “Why is it…”
“Why is it?” I am sorry, but… “I don’t know…” I wish I knew.
She stood up and looked up to me, her entire cheek was stained with blood, one of her eyes was bloodshot. I started to look at her quivering body, bruises here and there, cuts, blood stains. What happened? Within this short period of time…
Raising her hands and placing them firmly on my shoulders. She bit her lip and looked at me in the eyes.
“Why is it?!” She started shaking me. “WHY IS IT?!”
“I…” I didn’t know.
“I want to KILL him… But…” Her tears started streaming down her face. “I don’t want to die… Leah… What do I do? What should I do?”
“I…” I was powerless. Nothing to say, nothing I could say…
“I don’t know how I can keep going… You know… I just wanted a comfortable bed for once… and he hit me! Is it wrong?! To want something... No, It’s wrong…”
“Rin… it’s not…” All I could do was hold her.
“I… he hit me, and then… he got drunk and started hitting me once again! It hurt, it still hurts… I didn’t want to die… I thought I was going to die. I had to… defend myself…” She started crying on my shoulder.
“I don’t want this… not anymore…” She sniffled.
“I know…” I didn’t want it either. “Are you okay now?”
“Yes but… I broke his arm…” Eh… “He went to the new tradehouse, but as soon as he comes back in a few days… I am gone…” … “Leah… I will be gone.”
“G-Gone…? W-What do you mean?” I knew what she meant, and yet I couldn’t help but stutter.
“I will be put down… like the sad little wolf I am… My body is broken. I am broken... ”
That is… She will be gone. Even if I had only just met her… She was going to die… She opened herself up to me, spoke to me… and yet all I did was sit there like an idiot. How much did she go through? I knew the answer and yet I didn’t acknowledge it. Why did I have to be so ignorant? I had to do something. I had to save her.
“Hey Leah…”
“Yes…” I couldn’t say anything.
Her face lifted, with a smile and tears streaming down.
“I am sorry…” Eh…? “I am sorry.... I am sorry that I can’t see the end of this… I am sorry about dumping you everything, all of the sudden… I’ve been alone. I was happy… to not be alone anymore. I was happy… to meet you... Sorry…” ...
Her hand came close to my face and wiped my cheek.
“Don’t cry… it only makes it more painful for me…”
Where did I go wrong? When did I start to care? How did I end up like this? So many questions that I had no answers to. Sometimes I believed it was better to be dead, and yet… I seem to grasp to life every time… sometimes I believed nothing mattered. When it really did. Numbed perception of the world… That didn’t mean that the world was useless… When did I adopt such a mindset? I wish I knew… but… It’s not too late to fix things…
She continued to wipe her tears ujntil her flushed face made an attempt to return to normal.
“Rin…”
“What is it?”
“I will save you.”
She laughed lightheartedly for a second.
“You can’t, you already heard it.”
“I will still try…” That’s the least I could do.
“... thank you…”
An awkward silence descended on the room for a few minutes. Nothing to say, we just stared at each other. Looking each other in the eyes. It carried on for a few seconds until she finally averted her gaze.
“Sorry… I got carried away…”
“It’s fine…” If anything, it was better that she did.
“Why were you here again?”
“Right… I wanted to ask about the other tradehouse.”
It was better to move on and pretend nothing of this happened. She probably thought that anyway.
She tilted her head and placed her hand on her cheek as she thought for an answer.
“Well, it’s complicated… Want to have a drink?”
“S-Sure…” I was supposed to simply swing by quickly… But I suppose this was fine as well. It was the least I could do at this very moment.
We went back to the room where we first truly talked. When asked about the window she said it had to do with the tradehouse as well. And so I waited… seated as she went to make some tea. Looking at the smooth wooden surface of the table, the light blinding my vision almost turning everything into a blur.
How did it happen? Lingering thoughts I could not get rid of. Broken body… Is she telling me that she was in the process of dying anyway… That is… unforgivable… She could’ve told me. She didn’t have to… Perhaps I was the unforgivable one… Waltzing into someone’s life like that… If I didn’t then perhaps her master wouldn’t have attacked her, perhaps she would be doing fine—
Glass shattered, metal hit the ground. What happened?
I shot up from my seat and sprinted out of the room.
“I am sorry cough!”
Hot water on the ground, white shards on ceramic splattered on the ground. I approached Rin who was trying to get up.
“What happened?”
“I slipped cough!” She threw up blood on my hand…
“So that’s how it is…” She had the same problem as me. Forcing herself too much… Perhaps I was wrong, but I just couldn’t think of something else…
There was a brief pause. “... Sorry… didn’t want to show you this… How funny right, look at me so strong and yet so miserable. Hah…” Why...
I wordlessly helped her clean, she refused to let me do it on my own. Sigh.
“Why didn’t you tell me… that… you are in deplorable condition…”
“I…” She paused. “I didn’t think it mattered, but I had to force myself yet again this morning…”
Life was unfair… We both knew it. I tapped on the table, not knowing what to say. The silence was restless. I didn’t know what to say.
“So… will you get better?” No matter what I said, it was still awkward.
She shook her head. “No, it won’t be happening. Perhaps with a higher grade potion, but… I am a slave… I can’t have those things…” I bit my lip. Everything felt like a stab in my heart. Somehow or in some way. I cared too much.
“Hey, Lil— Rin…”
Her eyes widened. “Who is Lil—?” Ah…
“My sister Lily…” She paused for a second.
“Right… we still have family…” Yeah… “Leah… can I ask you something?” I looked at her as she bit her lip. “Please survive… for your sister… I failed mine already.” I clenched my fist.
SLAM! “Why do you have to be so grim! You are going to survive!”
She also clenched her fist. “I already tried to survive! I am past that, I am going to fucking die! Can’t you understand?! I am dying! Cough!” She raised her bloody hand. “This wouldn’t have happened without struggling so much! Just understand it already, even though I don’t understand why you care so much...”
“Fine…” I sat back down. “I’ll save you anyways… even if it kills me…” She sat back down as well and simply pouted.
“Do whatever you want… Just don’t die…”
Rin… you’re not alone. I am here now… So let me, save you… Even if I am weak, I’ll do whatever I can. Just don’t give up, because if you do… I might also give up…