ALL NOVEL Chapter 35: Glimpses Of The Past
Pain. A stinging heat that was still clinging upon her cheek… burning even now, long after she had been hit.
As if it were clinging to her skin like a hot sheet of metal.
A small figure strode along the crimson carpet of the main reception hall, and her eyes felt as though they were continuously being pierced by thin needles, threatening to burst at any moment. Barely able to contain the multitude of tears that were desperately longing to be shed.
Around her, her eyes only barely glimpsed at the towering guards that were standing at the end of the hall, always unmoving and unresponsive, merely guarding the giant gate that was leading outside.
Only at her approach, and her obvious intent to leave the palace grounds, did they automatically move to open the gate before returning to their posts, straightening their backs as she passed.
The cold and frosty air immediately met her skin the moment the figure stepped out into the open, the chilling breeze only amplifying the heat she could still feel upon her cheek.
The entire time, she had held her head high, her posture straight, even as she passed all the numerous guards within the palace. But now that she was finally outside, feeling a fresh wave of air filling her lungs, only then did she suddenly feel the sheer force of the emotions that were constantly trying to seep through her facade…
… and slowly but surely, a single drop of her tears almost began to escape her eyes-
"Magi!"
-a silent gasp tore through Amaragi's lips, involuntarily inhaling a sharp wave of freezing cold air, and in a mere second, she wiped the tear and any remaining traces of it away. Utterly forcing them back with a few blinks.
Two small figures ran towards her the moment they had seen her leaving the palace. One of them was a girl, barely reaching the end of Amaragi's throat with her height, while the second was a small boy, who could barely keep up with the pace of his sister and did not even fully reach Amaragi's waist.
But both of them had something in common. As they came to a still in front of their elder sister, they were both wearing the same amount of concern and fear in their gaze as they stared at Amaragi with wide eyes. Looking at her for even the smallest sliver of hope…
… of protection.
Amaragi's face didn't leave a trail of the emotional turmoil she had felt just a moment prior, and instead, her lips formed into a warm smile, opening her arms to both of her younger siblings.
Both of them did not hesitate for a moment before they all but buried their heads against Amaragi's chest, almost overwhelming her for a brief second. And not soon after, she could feel their warm tears seeping into her crimson attire as she silently held them, gently swaying them ever so slightly as she lowered herself upon her knee.
"... is… i-is father still angry…?" Kiel's frail whisper was barely audible as he pressed his face against Amaragi's side, his voice trembling with just as much fear as his own body was shaking.
Amaragi faintly lidded her eyes, and with a gentle kiss against his forehead, she carefully rested her chin upon the top of his head.
"He isn't… don't worry, everything is alright…" her warm whisper held nothing but comfort and protection, and for a brief moment, she could feel his body stiffening before he silently hugged himself even closer against her body.
Meanwhile, Namagi did not utter a single word, but held on to her older sister regardless, her body trembling just as much as Kiel's. And during all this, Amaragi silently allowed them to shed each and every single tear they needed, not caring for how long they remained like this.
After a long while, Amaragi slowly parted from them once their bodies had stilled, and their tears had ceased.
"Do you feel better now…?" her warm words of care almost seemed to ward off the cold all around them, especially after the warmth of their hug still lingered on her younger siblings. And in the end, they both nodded silently, causing Amaragi's smile to deepen in content.
Once again, father had been less than pleased… she had not been able to witness everything he had discussed with the military generals in his war chamber, but his frustration and anger had been more than evident. She had already known that she would have to brace herself…
… for it came as no surprise when he had summoned all three of them to the throne room not long after.
But she had refused to let them come with her, telling them both to stay together in her chamber until she returned. Kiel and Namagi had not said anything when she had abruptly announced it to them, but they both knew. And they had both been afraid. Not just for them… but most of all, for herself, just as she had given them a last, reassuring smile, telling them that everything would be alright just before she left them in her chamber.
Amaragi silently shook her head, getting rid of the images in her mind. It is over and done now. She was used to this. She spared a glance at her siblings once more, making sure to see them both unharmed and well, burning that image into her mind. And as long as they were alright, all of it didn't matter… it was all worth it.
"M-magi… what did he do…?" barely audible, it was the first time that finally, Namagi raised her voice as well in both horror and fright. Her hand was reaching out towards Amaragi's left cheek, feeling the warmth of the spot upon her skin which was tinged in red. And her eyes shivered even more in guilt.
Albeit Amaragi didn't cease to smile, gently taking hold of her sister's hand to engulf it before she lowered it away from the spot where father had hit her with his gauntlet.
"It's nothing to worry about, I am fine and well. And I'm proud of you both… I really am…" she lidded her eyes, giving her younger sister the most reassuring smile that she could possibly provide.
But even though Namagi did not say anything… even though her lips quivered with unspoken thoughts…
… her eyes didn't cease to stare at the slightly swollen spot on Amaragi's cheek. And despite her lack of words, she knew better.
Before long, Amaragi clasped her hands together slightly.
"I know! Why don't we go back to our chamber and play together with a boardgame of your choosing." her voice was light, knowing what it was that would lift the spirits of her siblings, and hopefully make them forget about anything that happened through the forging of new memories. Better ones. Joyful ones. Ones where they could simply spend time together.
… but alas, Amaragi's plan shattered, and her face fell ever so slightly when she saw the hurt and sorrow in the eyes of her siblings, twisting her heart.
"... father has taken them all away… he said we shouldn't be distracted by such petty objects…" Namagi's voice was almost blank, merely laced with a tinge of her own sorrow. But even more so, Kiel was the one who suddenly shed another tear while a terrible shudder coursed through his frail body.
"... h-he took my bear… m-my plushie…" his voice trembled, and before long, Amaragi gently wiped the tear away with her finger, bringing him close against her once more, swaying him softly.
For a small moment, Amaragi's eyes seemed to trail over the cold dirt around them. Until suddenly, her eyes fell upon a small wooden stick on the ground. Without a word, she grasped one end of it, and both Kiel, as well as Namagi, stared at what their elder sister was doing as she seemed to carve something into the ground. A picture of sorts…
After just a short while, three elegantly drawn figures were visible upon the dirt, carefully carved into it to the best of Amaragi's abilities. And thus, she looked upward from her craft to tilt her head slightly with an encouraging smile that was directed solely towards her siblings.
"Well? Who or what do you think this is?" her voice was once again light and playful, and Kiel was the first to look closer at the picture with a new sense of curiosity in his eyes.
There, three figures were lined up together in a circle, holding each other's hands with large smiles upon their lips, happily playing together in the snow.
Kiel's eyes lit up in recognition, and with a near bursting excitement, he immediately looked at Magi with knowing eyes before giving his reply.
"It's us, right?" Amaragi smiled warmly at him, giving him a heartfelt rubbing session upon the top of his head to ruffle his hair.
"Indeed it is~ now it's your turn." Amaragi's smile only deepened when Kiel's eyes seemed to gain a sheer gleam as she handed him the stick, happily beginning to carve a picture of his own into the ground.
By now, Namagi had long started to share the exact same sense of excitement, even though she had tried to mask it, but before long, she silently joined them near the ground where Kiel was carving something right next to Amaragi's picture.
"There…! What could it be?" Kiel held up the stick with baited breath as both Amaragi and Namagi looked closer at the drawn picture.
There were two figures scribbled into the dirt… one of them was tall, old, wearing full armor and a scary face. While the other seemed to be a girl, her hair long, and even though she was smaller, she was holding a sword in her hand, furiously swinging it around in the air which was indicated with several, hastily drawn cuts in the dirt.
And her face was brave, glaring at the taller figure while obviously beating the other senseless with her blade and wild fury, never minding their apparent differences in strength.
For a moment, Amaragi's lips parted slightly in recognition, and even though no words escaped them…
"... it's Magi! And she's showing father what she's got!" Namagi had suddenly already spoken up with enthusiasm, punching the air in front of her with her right fist and a gleeful smile.
"Yes, exactly!" Kiel, alongside Namagi, began to laugh heartily as the latter followed with even more light punches against the poor air. But amidst it all, Amaragi was still silently staring at the picture with slightly widened eyes…
… at least, until in the end, she faced the ground beneath her with a sudden but small smile, drawing an amused hum.
"It's my turn!" by now, Namagi was hooked just as much as her younger brother, the both of them having long forgotten about the dreadful events earlier. And when Amaragi finally looked up again to see the joyful smiles upon their lips…
… she felt a true sense of joy and content flowing through her own heart.
A delicious and lovely smell wafted through the air, steps slightly echoing in the hollow expense of the corridor as Amaragi was silently carrying a small tray with food in her hands. More than once, her plated shoes stepped upon parts of debris that was littered on the ground, still a result of the damage that had been caused to the castle itself.
Even so, her eyes were almost solemnly cast upon the tray in her hands, emptily staring at it as if it were an empty void. At least, until she finally reached her destination and she subconsciously raised her head slightly to look at the wooden door in front of her.
A barely audible creak emitted from the door as she slowly pushed it open. With a tentative step, she set foot into the chamber once more, gently closing the door behind her before her eyes settled upon Maren's form upon the bed.
He remained unmoving, and she soon realized that his eyes were closed, his chest calmly moving up and down with each breath that he took. He was fast asleep…
Having remained frozen on the spot for a moment, Amaragi carefully maneuvered her way towards the bed before silently placing the tray down upon a small nightstand, taking a seat at the edge of the bed not soon after.
Silence reigned for a long while.
Her crimson eyes were regarding the exhaustion that was written upon Maren's face, even now. But to her relief, she could see that the burn marks had long started to heal, and with a tentative move, she reached out her hand to push a few strays of black hair from his face, settling them behind his ear.
"... you must think me to be a monster, no…?"
A shivering voice. A tremor. A barely audible whisper.
Slowly but surely, her hand trailed off from his cheek, almost limply falling to the blanket beneath his chin.
Another moment of silence reigned in the air.
"Am I…? For taking all these lives… for wanting to lash out at all those who would take what I love…?"
A desperate edge. A shiver coursed through her body as her eyes glazed.
And her hand clenched together.
"... I'm s-sorry… I… I…" before a tear could escape, she forced her eyes shut, taking a deep breath.
"... what would I give for everything to be as it was before…? For you to look at me as you had always used to…?" another terrible shudder coursed through her body, and this time, it was accompanied by a sob.
"... was it a mistake…? I should have never shown you my true face, right…? I should have… I should have…" more and more dreadful thoughts entered her mind, taking in the meaning of her own words that just escaped her lips. He had never resented her for who she was, regardless of anything that happened between them… she…
"... I l-love you… please… forgive me…!"
A warm tear trailed down her cheek.
And before long, with an abrupt shake of her head, she briskly rose from her seat and took long but careful steps towards the door, leaving the chamber once more as she could hold it back no longer.
The door slowly closed as Amaragi's steps began to fade in the distant corridor.
Again, silence reigned inside of the chamber.
At least, until suddenly, the blanket beneath Maren's body began to shift slightly. And his hand almost seemed to grasp it tightly.
Unbeknownst to her…
… his eyes slowly opened, for he had witnessed every single word.
AN:
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