The Broken Prince's Love

While all the horrible things his mother had done were in Cedar's head, Camille happily babbled more than she ever did when they were in public. “And since you're finally back, we can make sure that everything goes back to normal. We will spend a lot of time together, and I will remember to tell you that I love you more often.”

Cedar didn't want to hear that. As usual, his constant smile was a good way to cover that up though.

It seemed like Camille, who made herself comfortable on her bed, didn't get what was going on inside his head. “I was so worried, you know. I thought that you would actually leave me behind for a moment. But I'm thankful that I remembered what a close bond we have and that you'd never abandon your mother. And now, you're here again.” She reached up to him and ran her fingertips over the side of his face.

What had used to feel like a reward now made him want to pull back. Cedar only held still because he forced himself to avoid moving even the slightest bit. He already regretted coming here, and he felt like it could only get worse. By the end of this day, Camille would be convinced that he cared for her again. And making her believe that he wouldn't stay by her side would be much harder. He was already annoyed just by thinking about it.

But as always, Cedar just smiled and replied in a soft tone. “Of course. If I had known that your sickness would be this bad, I would have come earlier. I will get you some medicine as soon as the servants come back.” He would simply give her what Leon had handed him. That drug would probably make Camille tired enough so that she was more prone to messing up.

Right now, the dowager empress already looked exhausted, but apparently, she was not exhausted enough to keep quiet. “Cedar, I'm so glad. I can't tell you that often enough. I missed you so much. You can ask the servants to bring you some of your favorite food. And I will gladly give you some honey candy later.”

Cedar wanted none of that. He wouldn't eat a single of the things that were offered to him in this house. “We will see. I need to take care of you first before I can think about myself.”

As always, telling Camille that she was more important worked like a charm. She smiled at her son and ruffled through his hair in an affectionate motion. It seemed like she was keen on using sugary strategies now. It was surprising that she wasn't yelling at all. She truly believed that her son was back. Which was good since she trusted him and bad since she would refuse to accept that this was an act. Camille was silent for a moment before she whispered again. “Cedar, will you move in here now?”

He would have to deny that. He didn't want her to believe that everything would be like before just because he visited her once. But at the same time, telling her that he wouldn't stay with her would make her realize that he wasn't really on her side. Both options were unfavorable.

In the end, Cedar was too selfish. He was unwilling to tear down the wall he had put between them. “Right now, that is unfortunately impossible.” He was lucky since he didn't need any argument to explain that.

Camille wildly guessed what he was thinking, as she always did. “You need to continue your act, right? Theodore trusts you by now, doesn't he? Then we only need to go on for a few weeks, and then we can stab him from behind. It would be good if he died quickly. And then we need to get rid of that wench and their child.” The fact that she outright admitted that while Owen was inside the room only proved that she wasn't fully conscious.

Cedar knew that affirming this was simpler, but he refused to do it. So, he gave a more ambiguous answer. “Leave everything to me. I will take care of it and contact you when it's time.” If he was lucky, this would be enough to keep Camille from causing too much trouble during the following weeks. If not, there wasn't much he could do either way.

Camille quickly nodded and let her fingers run down his face. She withdrew her hand at some point and reached for his instead of patting him again. “You are always on my side. You are the only one I can trust in this wretched world. My dearest son. Of course, you would do everything in your power to help me.”

Cedar would have liked to sigh at that, but he had to give in and take her hand. He hated it. What about this had felt good in the past? He only felt like he was being used. This wasn't anything like the gentle and comforting hug Lucille offered.

That thought was all Cedar needed to remember what he had come here for. He couldn't continue this game forever. He needed answers, and he wanted them quickly so that he could leave. So, he would have to begin asking at some point. The first question should be easy enough to conceal. “Mother, how long have you been sick now?” Two weeks ago, Leon had told him about it first. And this was probably the revenge for the incident that had occurred a week before that. So, it was likely that Camille's sickness had started sometime between those two dates.

Her reply only affirmed that. “Since almost three weeks ago.” The dowager empress showed her son an expression that didn't fit the elegant image she had wanted to have in public and made it seem like she was expecting pity. “At first, I was sure that it was just a cold. But since I have yet to recover, I am convinced that it has to have something to do with my weak heart. I was grieving because I thought that you had left me. It wouldn't have been surprising if I had fallen into my early grave because of that. Cedar, you have to promise me that you will never scare me like that again.”

Even if she tried her best, Cedar didn't feel guilty. She had to blame herself for everything that had happened. He wouldn't promise her something that he didn't intend on keeping. Mainly because he knew that she would cling to it and not because he cared about lying. “Mother, we'll-”

She cut him off. Her hold on his hand tightened as she dug her fingers into his skin. “Cedar. Promise me.” Her voice was more strained now, and her expression also made it seem like she was on edge.

Cedar wouldn't get out of this without a reply, would he? So, he just forced himself to get it over with. “I promise that I will be honest with you from now on.” That wasn't even a lie. He wasn't going to see her again any time soon. And even if this turned out to be a lie, Cedar didn't care much. By now, people should know better than to trust even a single word that came out of his mouth.

But Camille knew him best and still seemed to believe that he would never dare to lie to her. She looked at him with obvious satisfaction before she began speaking again. “Good. Being honest with each other is the most important thing. Then the whole world can go up in flames, and we will still win in the end. Our goal is right in front of us. We only need to extend our hands, and then we will grasp it. I will make you emperor, my dear Cedar.” One truly couldn't propose treason in a more obvious way. And seemingly, she had forgotten that her son had said that he didn't want the title of the emperor at all.

Cedar ignored that and focused on the more important part again. “Mother, don't move so quickly. I don't want you to over-exhaust yourself. You said that you were sick for almost three weeks. Did you leave your room during that time?”

Camille weakly shook her head. “No. You can see what state I am in. I did not want anyone to see me like this. I have to maintain some dignity in front of those filthy commoners.” So, she was that arrogant even when she was an absolute mess. That had been expected. Still, she didn't care about showing this to her son if she expected more loyalty and him to be dependent on her in return.

But all of that wasn't anything new. The important part was that she had been in this room even before the poisoning. Most likely, she had sent her information from here.

So, Cedar would only need to look around inside this room. That made it much easier. “I understand. Don't worry about anything. We will make sure that you recover quickly. I will retrieve your cold cloths now. How about you close your eyes in the meantime? It's better if you relax and sleep as much as possible.”

As always, Camille acted like a small child would when they were sick. She just ignored others' advice. “No. I will not go to sleep while you are here.”

Cedar had expected that. Then he would need to use the second argument. “You don't need to force yourself to stay awake for me. Your health is our priority. But I will not tell you what to do. We will put a cold cloth onto your forehead now, and then you should close your eyes for a minute or so. Just so that you can give yourself a small rest. You know that you can put some fabric that was oozed in chamomile tea onto your eyes to make your skin even clearer. It would be good if we do that.”

As intended, Camille frowned. “Do I have dark rings under my eyes?” They were pretty bad. After three weeks of sickness, that was normal though.

But Cedar wouldn't say that. “Of course, you are as beautiful as always, Mother. We just need to make sure that you get the rest you deserve.”

In an instant, the dowager empress had changed her mind and spoke with conviction in her voice. “Then get me some chamomile tea.”

Cedar grinned at her before he squeezed her hand. “I will. I will make sure that you have it immediately.” He would have liked to wrench his hand out of her grasp, but he knew that he had to wait. In the past, he had always enjoyed even the slightest bit of affection, so he would never have been the first one to let go. Thus, he had to wait for Camille to loosen her hold on him, which she only did after a few seconds. Then he stood up and walked to the door.

The servants had already prepared everything for him.

Cedar accepted it gratefully and didn't bother to hide the fact that he pulled out a vial to put some drops of Leon's medicine into the soup. Most of the people in the hallway seemed to be a bit concerned at that, but it quickly made them understand that the prince probably wouldn't work together with his mother anymore. Cedar then returned to the room again.

It seemed like his mother was still in a daze. After all, she didn't understand that he brought things that he had to have ordered before she had agreed to take them.

Cedar didn't want her to notice, so he didn't waste a second. He quickly put the cold cloth on her forehead and some smaller cloths that were doused in tea on her eyes.

Camille didn't seem to understand that she was now effectively blind for at least two minutes and just calmly held still. She also didn't question why her son stood up immediately.

Cedar still gave her an explanation. “I will clean up your room a bit, alright?” He received no response, and he hadn't waited for one either. He had some time to look around the room now. He wasn't sure how long his mother would stay quiet, so he approached the most likely option first.

He stepped closer to the window. There were a few colorful flower pots lined up on the window sill. That sort of decoration didn't seem like something Camille would like, but maybe she just wanted something to throw at the servants. In any case, the order made little sense color and size-wise. That was enough to make Cedar take a mental note.

Then he focused on the outside. If one looked out from here, one could see a part of the wall that surrounded the small estate. Meaning that Camille could see the outside from her bedroom. She probably wouldn't yell her instructions to people there, but she could signal them something. The fact that no one had noticed her wildly gesticulating meant that there was more to this than her signing what she wanted.

Theodore would have to put spies near that corner so that they could follow suspicious individuals who came closer here. Cedar would simply tell him that as soon as he came home.

In the end, the window seemed to be the most likely option. Surely, the wardrobe didn't magically send letters out, much like the mirror didn't have anything special about it either. The table, the sofa and the dressers were boring too.

When Cedar had checked all of that with Owen's help, Camille already stirred. “Cedar. I want to sit up again.” Of course, she did. She wouldn't ever grant him five minutes of quiet.

Cedar held back a sigh and quickly walked toward the bed again to plop down on it. “Give me a moment. I will take the cloth off.” He did just that and unceremoniously threw the wet cloth onto the tray.

Camille sat up with much more energy than he had hoped she would have. “Cedar, I'm hungry. You will certainly help me eat, right? I need to regain my strength after all.” She was testing out the boundaries. She wanted to see whether he would let her get so close and whether he would feed her.

Cedar definitely wouldn't help her eat all of the soup. But if she took a few sips, it would be wonderful. After all, this meant that she would drink her medicine and get more tired. So, he didn't hesitate to pick up the bowl. He moved closer to her and lifted a spoonful for her. He didn't fail to notice how she kept her eyes on him and tried to spot any signs of hesitation. But he did as he always would have. He blew on the steaming soup a bit before bringing it to her mouth.

Luckily, Camille didn't bother complaining about the bad quality and simply ate. She had finished about half of the soup in just five minutes.

Cedar insisted on taking a short break for her digestion here. To be honest, he just wanted to wait for the medicine to work so that he could refrain from helping her eat the rest too. He had intended to stay quiet for a while, but the threat of Camille addressing unpleasant topics reminded him to start his interrogation earlier. He was as careful as he could in the beginning. “Say, Mother. Are there any problematic servants that need to be taken care of here?”

Camille narrowed her eyes, and it didn't take long for her to speak in a dismissive tone. “All of them. They are incapable and more than brazen. I would have liked to throw them out often enough, but there is no way for me to do that at the moment. My personal maid is the only one that can think clearly, and even she isn't very bright.” That was good to hear.

It seemed like everyone here hated the dowager empress. Only the person sent by Theodore was trying to flatter Camille, so the staff should be fine here. As expected, the emperor had only brought trustworthy people. That meant that Camille had to be in contact with people from outside in some way.

Cedar smiled at his mother. “I should have expected that. It's horrible that you were forced to deal with them for so long. I worried about you feeling alone in this mansion for a while now. After all, you can't quite contact our allies yet. Do I need to...” He mouthed the next part. “Bring a letter out for you?”

Camille shook her head and unwillingly confirmed that she had another way to send out information like this. “There is no need for you to bother with such simple tasks.” She smiled back at him in the typical way that made it obvious that she was going to talk about something with vile intentions. “Our allies are as much on our side as they always have been. They even work while we are stuck in a position where we can't do much. But I guarantee you that everything will come together.” She didn't mention Cedar buying any poison. She had said that they were stuck inside, so she hadn't heard about him leaving the palace either.

The people who received her orders might not necessarily be able to give her information in return. Not even Lady Peril had told her about that festival visit.

Cedar couldn't help but glance at the window again. So, Camille really signed her orders. That wasn't hard to deal with at all. Wasn't this much too easy? He would have liked to think more about that, but he had to reply now. “Of course. We will work hard so that our efforts will be successful.”

Even though they had rather different goals. Camille wanted to destroy, and he wanted to protect.

But his mother didn't seem to grasp that. “This is wonderful, Cedar. We will make sure that we win in the end. We will crush our enemies and stand at the top victoriously. But do you know what is even more important than that?” She would say getting revenge on Theodore and Althea.

Still, Cedar forced himself to ask. “No. What is it?”

Camille gently cupped his face, and this time, she made direct eye contact with him while speaking. “That we will win together. That we will make you emperor so that all of your hard work will have paid off. I am so proud of you that I cannot put it into words. That's why I want everyone else to recognize your talent too. You are the most fitting person to rule over this nation. You have always had even better ideas than your father. It's only logical that you will succeed now. You are our best bet for the glorious future of Artias. And more than that, you are my wonderful son.”

This was bad. She was doing that on purpose. She said all of the things Cedar had longed for ever since his childhood.

It almost felt like he was in a daze while he listened to her and tried to process every word. Why? Why was she finally acknowledging him as her son more than a tool now? Now when he wouldn't be able to reach out to her anymore? He was already on the other side, and now she wanted to be a real mother?

Of course, this was just one of her mind games, but it was still tempting to listen to her for longer. Maybe he could just let her say it one more time.

Cedar opened his mouth and stopped himself. He wasn't that weak. He knew what game his mother played, and he wouldn't fall back in. So, he had to get away from this as soon as possible. He was doing this to protect everyone around him, especially Lucille. He could never forget that.

It was almost like Camille had read his thoughts and continued at that moment. “I am happier to have you back than you can imagine. We are finally together again without those horrible people poisoning your mind. Your brother won't get close to you again. And you finally got out of that whore's grasp.” Her voice was so soft and dripped with contentment when she said that.

And Cedar couldn't help but smile back at her. He put his hand onto hers. For once, he was lucky about his mother's foul mouth.

Because she had given him another reminder just in time.

He had received his answer regarding her connection to the outside, so he could stop now, right? He wasn't sure, but he was too frustrated to continue. Still, he forced himself to speak in a sweet voice one more time. “Are you referring to the woman you poisoned five days ago?”

Camille still looked so satisfied when she nodded. “I knew that she was at fault for what happened to you. She manipulated and seduced you. You only needed to clear your mind, and you would finally come back. Now you're by my side again, and you won't leave. Because you don't need anyone else except for me. You only need me and my love and not that whore, who messed with your head.” How good it was that she didn't even hide her possessiveness.

Cedar let out a small chuckle. He only needed to imagine Lucille in front of his inner eye, and it was like the bubble around him was shattered into small pieces. He grabbed Camille's hand and pushed it off him. “You're still rather unkind when it comes to Lucille. Even though she is such a sweet person.” It would have been so much easier to just leave quietly without clearing up this misunderstanding.

But he wanted his mother to snap now.

If she yelled at him and insulted him, it would be simpler for him to remember why he couldn't settle for this empty excuse for what real affection was. He needed her to understand that he wouldn't stay on her side. It seemed like he had done well.

Camille looked like she was completely shocked when he stood up and smiled down at her. “Cedar? What do you...mean? That woman is-” Her voice was so weak now that it was almost ridiculous. How could her son caring for someone else unsettle her so easily? Did she hate the thought of him being happy that much?

Cedar grinned at her while he finally allowed his tone to be more smug, which was what he often accidentally did when he was talking to people that annoyed him. “The woman I like. I care for her a lot, you know? So, I hate hearing other people speak about her in such a derogatory tone. I think I might not just like her. It may be more than that.” Those words seemed to trigger something.

Camille's eyes widened as if he had told her something terrifying. “No, don't say that! That woman is messing with your head!” That was rich coming from her. And why was she so scared of her son saying that he loved someone?

Cedar couldn't say that for now, but he would remember it. “Aren't I just telling the truth though? You saw me and Lucille kiss. This defines my relationship with her, doesn't it? You should have guessed that I care by now. And your first reaction is to try to kill her. This was the fourth attempt. By now, I have to admit that my mood is sourer than when I received your lovely gift.” His voice was dripping with sarcasm as he spoke.

Camille panicked now and finally seemed to realize that she had been fooled. She scrambled to her knees and reached for her son. “Cedar, but that girl isn't more important than I am! I'm your mother. I took care of you for twenty-two years. So, you can't try to leave me now. I don't understand-”

Cedar backed away so that she couldn't touch him anymore and took another step backward. He needed to be direct enough to keep her from misunderstanding this whole visit. So, he would be mean by reminding her of something she was still ashamed of. “Then I will give you an example so that you do understand. Remember when Theodore acted as if he liked you before your trial to make you careless? I did the same just now. I came because I needed to have a conversation with the guard that almost slit my organs open.” That was a lie, but Camille probably wouldn't listen anyway. “So, I thought that I could confirm one thing when I'm already here. I wanted to see whether you were harming the servants here, and seemingly, I came just in time to save one from your hysteric fits. Since I finished all I needed to do, I will take my leave now. Please don't forget that I will refuse to have any contact with you from now on.”

Camille stared at him with wide eyes as if she was completely petrified.

Even now, that expression made him want to apologize. But he couldn't. Never again.

Cedar spun around and left the room. He knew that his mother would only take a few seconds to run after him, so he didn't waste a second to look at her again. Instead, he immediately approached the staircase and spoke to the people who were standing on top there. “Mother is now in an even worse mood than before. Please stay away from the staircase when she comes close. She is prone to pushing people down. And it would be even better for you to clear the area entirely unless you want her to snap at you.”

It wasn't surprising that half of the servants immediately dispersed. The dowager empress' outbursts were famous after all.

The prince had barely placed a foot on the second step when he already heard Camille.

She was slower than normal, most likely because of the medicine, which he could probably have gone without too. But even though she was still by the door of her room, she could yell so loudly that the whole house would hear. “Cedar!”

He ignored that and hurried down the stairs.

Camille didn't let the distance stop her and yelled again. “Cedar! What are you doing? You can't just-”

This time, Cedar turned around. If upsetting her would make her understand that he wasn't her tool anymore, he would gladly do it. “I can't? Who is going to stop me? And you should probably calm down a bit. That much anger isn't good for your blood pressure.”

Camille looked like she barely managed to carry her weight to the staircase and clung to the railing to keep herself upright then. “Cedar!”

To be honest, it felt horrible. But at the same time, Cedar remembered enough times in which she had purposefully triggered him. He didn't have to feel bad here. “I don't even get why you are so upset. I used your tactic against you. You don't have the right to get angry. So, please don't fall down the stairs because you can't walk straight in your current state. Stay in bed.” He turned his head to the butler next to him. “She'll fall asleep in five minutes at most. There were sleeping pills in her food. So, just try to keep her from harming any servants and possibly her from falling down the stairs. That was all. I apologize for the interruption.” He showed the other man a bright smile before spinning around and facing the entrance.

Cedar heard that his mother still called after him, but he ignored that despite the strange feeling in his stomach. He left the building and sat back in the carriage. Owen followed directly after him.

Seemingly, the coachman didn't even need instructions since he just began moving the carriage forward.

Cedar only dared to let out a deep breath when they had brought some distance between them and the mansion. He had done it. He had returned to the lion's den and left on his own accord. Despite everything, he was strong enough to do this. He was able to push his mother away. That thought was calming.

A few seconds passed in a pleasant silence before Owen, who normally never spoke, opened his mouth. “Are you fine, Your Royal Highness?” He was probably suspicious of the prince. No one could blame him for that.

Cedar showed him a bright smile. “Did Theodore warn you about me changing my mind? You don't have to worry about that. She didn't manage to lure me in.” He turned his head and stared out of the window to watch the trees that slowly passed by. He still felt weird.

But he had won.

He hadn't fallen for his mother's tricks even when she had told him what he had always wanted to hear. He wasn't just her pet anymore. He had his own mind, and he could defy her.

Cedar didn't want to speak, but a small whisper escaped him. “It was much easier.” It had been much easier to leave Camille behind than it should have been. He had already thought that when he had met her and first told her that he wouldn't help her anymore, but now he was even more certain.

Of course, it wasn't like he didn't have to put in any effort to keep her at a distance. Even now, he would like to train to vent his frustration and hated how weak and shaky his hands felt. It was still hard to cut off the person who had raised him to be on her side no matter what.

But ever since he had begun thinking about having another option, Cedar hadn't missed any of the fake affection that he had accepted as some sort of consolation for the missing love of his mother. And now he had met Lucille.

Lucille had a completely different role in his life than Camille. And yet, it was easy to compare them when it came to how they treated him. Lucille knew more of his weaknesses than most people. She didn't try to use it against him though and rather did her best to make him feel better when she could help. In the end, she might be the solution for all of this.

He had gained all of his strength because of Lucille. Because of his feelings for her. And that was a scary thought. Because he knew that he would break down like a house of cards if he lost her.

Cedar had always been unwilling to hand over things he liked. But now he had grown even more attached to a person than it should have been possible. So, he would do everything he could to protect Lucille and keep her safe. The thought of being without her was much more terrifying than facing anything his mother had ever made him feel.

That might be why it was suddenly easier to say ‘no’ to Camille.