A Gamer's Guide To Beating The Tutorial

Despite not understanding a word he said, his declaration does nothing but feed the fire of her excitement.

Realizing her arrows were useless, she pulls her sword from her sheath and dashes at him, ready to close the distance and end the fight quickly. Not that Moleman lets her.

He may only be able to equip five spell rings—or whatever they’re called—at a time, but he switches them out often enough that I can’t keep track of them even when I try. He’s got a penchant for wind magic, but he’ll often switch it up with water or various miscellaneous types, just to keep on his toes.

From the very first moment of their match, there was the sense that Rice was hopelessly outmatched. Not because of any skills or in terms of pure experience, or even intelligence, but rather due to the simple fact that he out levelled her by close to thirty levels. Combined with his superior gear and a moveset that naturally beat hers, it was only a matter of time before she had to admit defeat.

Still, they had fun with it.

And throughout it all, she never once pulled her revolver. I could tell Moleman was wary of it, but in the end, it was a non-issue.

After around a quarter of an hour, it ended, as simply and politely as it had begun. Not a drop of blood was shed, and neither of them was turned to ash. Honestly, I’m not sure I would’ve handled it if one of them had hurt the other. Luckily, I didn’t need to see it. Instead, what I got to see was Rice surrendering while being held in a small bubble of air above the moat, Pain announcing Moleman’s victory, Moleman returning Rice to solid ground, and then Rice trying to shake his right hand before correcting her mistake and extending her left hand instead.

“What a thrilling end to an exciting tournament! With that, we have our winner, and our proud second-place contestant! Now, as is customary, let’s welcome up the third-place runner-up to join them on the pedestal!” Pain announces. I clap alongside everyone else, even cheering as I stand up for the obligatory standing ovation. True to His words, a pedestal has indeed appeared out of nowhere in the middle of the arena. Rice and Moleman both take their places atop it, Moleman highest, Rice second highest. As I clap along with everyone else, I can’t help but wonder who the third-place contestant is. I mean, it ought to be the guy Rice beat before fighting Moleman, right? At least, I think so, but I can’t be sure—

Up on the pedestal, I can see Moleman and Rice turning to me. “Kitty, what are you waiting for?” Moleman calls out. “Don’t keep the audience waiting!”

…Huh?

Rice soon chimes in, “Hurry, hurry! Don’t you want your medal?”

What are they talking about? I’m not—

“Is Kitty absent? Here, kitty kitty kitty…” Pain says, peering out across the crowd until His eyes fall on me. “Aha, there you are! Trying to skip out on the ceremony, are you? My angels, carry him here!”

With that beyond grandiose statement, a part of His firefly cloud suddenly departs from Him, descending on me to crowd around my form, tiny insect arms grabbing hold of me and hoisting me into the air. Wh—wait a moment, what the heck is happening!? L—let go of me—!

My protests unfortunately go unheard as the fireflies excitedly pull me into the air, over the moat and all the way to the arena, depositing me right in front of the pedestal. I look up with wide, uncertain eyes at Moleman and Rice. They smile at me like I’m an idiot to think I shouldn’t be here. Still, they can’t stop me from protesting. “I—I think there’s been some sort of mista—”

Nobody lets me finish speaking, not even Moleman, as he points at me and uses literal magic to fly me into the air, setting me down on the third-place spot, right at his side.

I—I’m… this is…

I look ahead of me. There’s a wall of people, cheering. Thousands of people. Standing, clapping, shouting, cheering. This is…

A hand touches my shoulder. When I look up, I find Moleman, smiling at me.

And I have the feeling, the overwhelming feeling, that even if all of these people had been cheering for me and not for him or her, I wouldn’t have cared. They don’t matter. The support of thousands means nothing compared to the pride I now see in his eyes, in the eyes of my closest friend. In fact, compared to everything else, nothing seems to matter much at all anymore.

I made him proud. That’s all the happiness I need.

“Congratulations, Kitty!” Pain says, but all of a sudden He isn’t all the way up there, no, He’s right in front me. Holding… a medal? A dark, dull-coloured medal that shines a rusty RED when the light hits its edges. What is He…?

Looking to the right, I find a pair of other people, one I recognize as the goddess of compassion, and the other being… Will? The bartender from the other night? Well, either way, they’re hanging a pair of medals on Moleman’s and Rice’s necks, giving them words of congratulation. I look back at Pain. He smiles at me. Oh—I’m supposed to…

I bow down. He hangs the medal on my neck, pats me on the shoulder, and when I straighten back out, I notice Rice and Moleman looking at me. They grin at me, holding up their medals, and I somehow muster the strength to smile back, medal in hand.

The crowd in front of us claps.

All things considered, this isn’t too bad of a final memory.

A few minutes later, after everything’s done and over with, we leave. I shook Rice’s hand, she told me that she would be looking forward to our rematch, and I didn’t have the heart to tell her that might have to wait until we meet in hell. Assuming she doesn’t go to heaven, that is. Oh, but wait, we could always have a go at it in purgatory! Ah, the joys of compromise…

As we leave the vomitorium for the final time, squashed on all sides by the crowd of challengers, I put my hand to the medal around my neck. “I wonder what this thing is even made of,” I note absently. “I mean, Rice’s medal was like blue, and yours is pink, same as her chainmail. What kind of metal is pink? Or maybe it’s like an alloy or something, it is a pretty nice shade…”

“The crowd’s pretty thick,” Moleman says.

“Huh?” I look around us. “Oh, yeah, it is.” Furrowing my brows, I look back down at my medal. “Feels kinda soft. Maybe if I bite it…”

“In a crowd like this, it’s no wonder you escaped.”

I freeze in my step. Turning to him, I say, “What’s that supposed to—”

But he’s smiling, not looking at me, looking straight ahead. And he says, “Not to mention the fact that while I’m super tired from that fight in the finals, you’re fresh and ready. Sure, I won the tournament in the end, but a surprise attack can get the best of anyone, right?”

I blink at him.

…Oh.

Oh.

I look down at the cobblestones beneath my bare feet. “You… you really don’t have to—”

“I did my best,” Moleman says with a sigh, smirking at me while still keeping his eyes straight ahead, “but, in the end, no one can beat the unkillable Kitty. At least, I think so.” A teasing glance. “I won’t know for sure until I have a proper rematch with him.”

I turn to him, unable to keep a disbelieving chuckle off my lips. “...You really are too kind, Moleman. Don’t you know I’m going to be the death of you?”

He stifles a laugh. “You already have been. Now isn’t it about time you get goi—”

I clock him clean across the face, fist closed, my knuckles making perfect impact with his right temple, sending him flying off his feet and crashing to the floor. While he’s still on his knees I take off on all fours, shooting a quick, “Sorry dude, it had to look real!” behind me as I fly into and through the crowd, weaving between and through legs like a fleeing rat. Almost the exact same moment I do so, a bunch of guards lying in wait emerge from their hiding places, trying to get hold of me. I, however, am one with the wind and cannot be stopped. Utilizing all tactics I’ve become proficient at, I shake off all followers, only climbing the walls of the city once I know for certain I’m no longer under attack.

And then, I take off towards my dearest little hole.

Once I get there, though, I find something interesting waiting for me. Namely, a bouquet of… of dog roses, I notice now that I’m holding them. Honestly, not my favorite type of flower, but there’s an accompanying card I can’t ignore. Even without recognizing the handwriting, it doesn’t take a wild guess to realize who sent it.

As per our agreement,

I’ve done you a little favor.

Enjoy the peace and quiet!

//Your friend and benefactor.>

…The heck does that mean?

Well, in a purely literal sense, the sign outside my hole is now missing. What does this mean? What does this actually do? I have no idea. Anyhow, assuming they don’t have a blood compass or something, it’s unlikely I’ll be found all the way out here.

So, with my escape successful, I take a seat outside the hole, and let the time pass by.