A Jaded Life

After Sigmir had fallen asleep, I logged out to take care of real-world business. I had done so just before the fight with the last boss and now there was a pressing need once more. Getting up was interesting; the headache that I had in-game was still kind of there, more muted as if I was feeling less the pain itself and more the memory of pain, radiating through my mind. I heeded the call of nature before I popped some food into the oven, setting a timer to remind me when it was done. Then I grabbed my training blades and went through a full series of forms, comparing the experience in-game and outside of it.

My body in the real world was rather close to my body in-game, if you discounted the reaction-speed, but there was something missing in the real world. Now that I had experienced it in-game, the difference became obvious, I had subconsciously used my Ice Magic to wield my blades.

Interesting…

The beeping of my oven-timer pulled me from my thoughts, reminding me that there was a primal need for fuel, even if my body was mostly lying around at the moment. I was quite careful not to overeat, I did little in the way of sports after all. About half an hour of training was not enough to eat heavy.

While enjoying me meal, I logged onto the forum and saw a pinned thread by Tobiuno and started reading it. The information was interesting but limited, I guess those who earned traits from the tests had kept quiet about it, hoping to gain an advantage when the game itself launched. I heartily approved; no need to tell the masses your secrets for fifteen minutes of internet-fame.

Further down, someone complained about the useless Sorcerer-Class and I had to laugh. Of course a class designed to walk its own path is worse at walking the road of another compared to someone who is designed to walk that road. What a fool.

Still, it was interesting to compare my own experiences with those of others, even more so if it was possible without giving information away. I subscribed to the thread in order to look it up in the future.

I also searched for anything that might give a clue just what had happened with the two strange guys at the third floor of the dungeon but there was nothing to be found. Unless I got information directly from Pantheon Entertainment, it would remain a mystery.

Soon, it was time to rejoin the game.

I logged back in and jarred my sleeping game-body awake by the shift.

“Thank the Ancestor, you are back.” cawed Lenore in my mind. “It's rather creepy to be severed from the Astral and being severed from your senses in addition to that is even worse. Say, what do you do when you turn into a soulless husk like that? Before, I was able to use my own connection with the Astral to make sense of things but just now? Not fun at all.”

“I'm sorry Lenore, I went back to my own world. What was it like for you?” I apologized.

“Normally, I'm still able to feel what's around us, even if your body turns ethereal, I still know what is going on. I wouldn't be able to leave without breaking our bond but it would be possible. Just now, it was as if I was in a locked box, without being able to perceive anything at all.” Lenore explained, then she pleaded. “Please don't do that again.”

Now I felt bad for taking my time, I promised myself and her that I would not leave for longer than necessary before our connection was re-established.

I pricked my ears trying to find out if anyone was awake already, there was no point in trying to go back to sleep, Lenore's anxiousness radiated outward and made me anxious as well. I heard sounds downstairs, so I got up and got ready for the day.

I joined Kallista in the kitchen, wishing her a good morning and joining her in her breakfast preparation. I remembered the post on the forum about random respawning and asked Kallista if it was possible to bind myself at her place. Her sad smile told me all, according to her, it was impossible due to the influence of the nexus.

With that out of the way, there was another thing I'd been curious about since meeting Kallista, I'd love to hear her story. She'd been a good friend to Sigmir and me, both, so I'd like to get to know her better.

As we worked together, I decided to simply go ahead and ask. “Say, Kallista, would you mind telling me your story? I have a feeling that there is one, and I'd love to hear it.”

She looked askance at me for a moment, but replied “Well, I believe we can trade. You tell me the story of Sigmir and you, and I will tell you my own. Fair is fair, after all.”

We carried the prepared breakfast to the table and I started my tale.

“You know that the first group of Travellers came into this world two months ago. I was one of them, obviously. There were some circumstances that caused me to land not close to a city or dwelling, but in the middle of nowhere. During those first days, I managed to find shelter in a cave and fought with the local wildlife, getting stronger every day until one day, I stumbled upon Sigmir while hunting. She was hunted herself and surrounded by wolves, just getting ready to strike the killing blow. When I saw that, I felt my blood boiling, calling out for me to save her. I charged into the fray just as she fainted and my magic burst forth like never before. I managed to slay all her attackers and decided to take her back with me - I wanted to find out why I felt like I did. I had never felt like that before.”

I stopped talking to take a bite and have some tea. Just as I wanted to continue my tale, Kallista spoke up.

“Well, the old Changer made your people, did he not? I'm not surprised that he included an instinct to save his own blood. It's just prudent to make sure that soldiers are loyal to those they are supposed to protect, right?”

I must have looked quite surprised as she gestured for me to continue talking. I blinked several times, trying to make sense of the new information but then caught myself and continued.

“Where was I? Oh, right, I brought Sigmir back to my cave and fed her something warm, as she was shivering in the cold - that was before we met Ylva and she gained her own cold-resistance. When she woke up, she swore an oath to stay with me and protect me. After hearing her story, I felt like I had to protect her, to nurture her so she can be herself, and gave my word that I'd do so.

When I made sure that she was alright that night, I discovered that she was under the effect of some strange magic or disease, I don't quite know. The system told me that those living close to a nexus might be able to help so I wanted to take her here. Before that plan could go anywhere, my cave was discovered by her pursuers, and we had to flee together. For three days, we fled through the forests until we got caught with our backs against a canyon. Sigmir held them off, giving me time to create a bridge for us, but I got hit in the back and almost died. Sigmir managed to carry me to safety after I used my last strength to destroy the bridge we had just used. She cared for my wounds and made sure I would be still alive to heal myself.”

Again, I stopped talking to take a bite. After a moment, Kallista spoke up again.

“So Sigmir is one of the old-fashioned Giantblood. The giants were nothing if not honourable. To them, having their life saved meant that the saviour had gone against the Norns for them and was worthy of their service. I doubt that most still know about that belief, but it matters not. To them, a life-debt is the greatest of all and satisfying it is imperative. She will spend the rest of her life with you, giants are hard-headed that way.”

It was interesting to hear the differences between the myths Pantheon must have used as a basis and what they did with it. But it made sense, in the myths the giants were evil so they could not have honour. Here, they were just part of the world and tribal cultures often had a rigid belief in honour, holding them together.

“After that, we spent about a week in our new cave before we ran into Lenore and Ylva, who joined us. With them, we continued our journey here.” I smiled. “Well, that's the tale of the two of us. I'm still not sure why I feel like I do - my mind knows that as a Traveller, my time here is limited and after two years, I'll be gone and unable to return. I know that there will be heartbreak at the end of the road. And despite that, I walk the road with great strides.” I looked down and picked at my breakfast, thinking about Kallista's comment about making sure that soldiers stayed loyal. What better way to ensure loyalty, compared to making the soldier love their charge?

“No, don't think like that. Don't throw away what you have because of an uncertain future.

I hold it true, whate’er befall;

I feel it when I sorrow most;

‘tis better to have loved and lost

than never to have loved at all.

Treasure what you have, for any day could be the day you lose it. Now, I have promised you my story. And Sigmir, you can come in as well. Don't worry about Morgana, she will not forsake you in her fear. Too much binds you together, believe me on that." Kallista spoke up, sounding in the middle as if she recited a poem. Just then, Sigmir came into the room with tears in her eyes. Those tears had been my doing, my doubts had caused her pain. As she sat next to me, I grasped her hand while feeling incredibly guilty and morose.

Kallista got another plate for Sigmir and I held onto her hand, afraid to let go.

“See, what you feel is not just caused by some loyalty instinct. Your feelings are far too complex for that. But I promised you my own story and I shall deliver.”

She looked at the two of us, poured herself another cup and held onto the cup as if trying to gain strength from it.

“You may know that dryads are a rather strange species. There are no male dryads, we bond with trees in order to leave offspring. A dryad joins with her tree in a symbiotic, eternal bond, creating the beginning of a grove. Each new dryad grows close to her mother, until one day, she has to decide if she wants to stay, plant her own tree and expand the grove or if she wants to wander the world and search for a tree and bond with it in the wild, forming a new grove. I was one of those gripped by wanderlust, and together with my best friend Iona, I set out to see the world. Iona went with me, but she had always been a more steady sort - I believe she might have been happy to just stay, grow her own tree and live happily ever after. Alas, it was not to be and she went with me.”

I could see the shimmering of moisture in Kallista's eyes and watched her take a sip of tea, to calm her quivering voice before continuing.

“We travelled far and wide but one day, we made a mistake. You see, we were both proficient in the shape-change spells of the druids so we spent most of our time as one animal or the other. That day however, we were in our true shapes, playing in the water when a couple of males happened upon us. Iona told me to change and flee, I did so and thought she was right behind me. When I got to the edge of the woods around the water, I turned to look for her. She had not fled with me, she had changed into a bear and attacked the men, using her own life to make sure I got away. I saw a spear pierce her heart before I could tear my eyes away and run. I don't know how long I stayed a wolf, I lost myself in the instincts and the sorrow.

The Grandmother saved me, you know? I was so lost in my shape, there was no more me, just a knotted ball of sorrow, buried under the instincts of an animal. She took her time, bringing me back out of my shell and after an eternity of patience on her part, I managed to find my way back into being me. I grieved for Iona and when the Grandmother asked me for my help, I agreed. That was back before she created Neyto. Together, we made our way to the Nexus and she asked me to link myself with the Nexus, to bond with it as if it was a tree. It worked, the Light Nexus of Ice attuned itself further with me, and its power helped the life all around us to flourish. The Crystal Trees around the Nexus are part of it, part of me. With my link to the Nexus, I have gained something incredibly valuable, I gained the time to wait for Iona. I believe that one day, her soul will return from the Cycle and, fates willing, we will be together again.”

There was a brave smile on her face but it could not hide her sadness. Sigmir and I stood at the same moment, walking around the table and embracing our host and friend. When I looked up, into Sigmir's eyes, I knew that I'd want to enjoy every second I could spend with her.