A Jaded Life

The morning after the ambush, we once more broke camp and continued our journey, now with added concealment-spells. During breakfast, Adra proved that she was coming out of her shell, by making jokes about the strange noises she had heard the night before, wondering what kind of animal had wandered close to our camp. Her ideas were quite funny, especially when she started to mimic what she had heard. Sigmir started blushing but I felt that the better way to deal with it was to own up to it. If I was able to coax such pleasure from my partner, why not bask in the fact?

The days journey was uneventful, we moved through more snowed in pine forests, followed by snowed in fields. Did I mention that it snowed? My mind was occupied by ideas on how to create the runic formation I needed for the ritual I had planned, I knew my ideas got close but I believed that something was still evading me. I would need any bit of power and efficiency I could get my hands on or I would likely fail.

Sigmir was not quite happy that I spent the day in a daze but she made do, talking to Hringur and Ylva, who wanted to keep up with us and spent the day outside her Hallow.

The day went on, until in the late afternoon, we came upon a good spot to camp, protected from wind and snow, allowing us to make camp without trouble. I snapped out of the daze I had been in and did my part before continuing to read in my grimoire.

After dinner, I sat on a rock, a little outside the camp, looking up into the sky. By now, the moon was showing her full glory and the clouds had parted, allowing the poor creatures on earth to witness her splendour. As I sat and watched, memories started to surface. Memories of the moon, of the time I had been fleeing together with Sigmir, running from her tribe.

The green, burning skies, framing the gentle silver light of the moon.

I smiled at the feeling, I had just started to get to know Sigmir but there had been an undeniable attraction, pulling on me like a magnet, not letting me take my eyes of her. I remembered standing next to her, holding her hand and looking at the burning skies.

The next day, the moon had changed. Instead of the gentle, silver light, the moon had shown her other side. The angry, red disk in the sky, calling for murder, calling for blood, letting the world know that she was not only the gentle mistress, guarding our sleep but also the herald of the night, letting the shadows reign as blood was spilled in clandestine murder, with only her as the witness.

I remembered looking at the moon with Sigmir, Lenore and Ylva, outside the Barrow Den, holding Ylva while she missed her pack, taking solitude in the caress of the mother and the knowledge that, no matter where they were now, we were all under the same sky, the same moon.

I felt something stir in me, calling to me. I tried to listen but it was too faint to make out. I relaxed my mind, not straining but relaxing, letting my awareness sink into the recesses of my mind. The sound grew stronger but a sudden thought broke into my awareness. I had the potion Kallista had given me, just a few days back. She claimed I would know when to use it, and I felt that the time was now.

Slipping it out of my pack, I looked once at the slightly glowing liquid, watching in fascination as the silver moonlight broke in the liquid, creating an impressive display of colours as the silver moonlight was partially reflected and mingled with the blue glow of the liquid. Putting the bottle at my lips, I emptied it in a single, long swallow.

After I drank it, I closed my eyes again, trying to make out the stirring in me, trying to comprehend it.

A beat shook me, vibrating me as if I was a drum and someone started a rhythm. Shocked, I took a deep breath, inhaling deeply. Something strange was going on. My mind was racing, going miles per second, as the cold night air flooded my lungs, bringing with it tastes, sensations and smells I could not categorize. It was as if my senses were in a strange state, both mixed up and hyper-aware. The air around me tasted of the green pine needles, the white snow in the air and the red fire we had burning. It wasn't that I had never smelled pine - I’d probably smelled it at least once each day we had been outside in Mundus - but I had never tasted the green as vibrant as I did today. Similarly, the white of the snow gave the air a taste of frost, of ending, bringing with it the certainty that everything in this world comes to an end. For the first time, I understood why Ice was so close to Death, why there was no renewal in the frozen eternity, it was the element of eternal peace, the peace of a frozen grave.

As my eyes shot open, my body tilted back and I fell into the snow. I did not feel any cold, it was as if I was lying in a bed of clouds, looking up, seeing the frozen moon, floating upon the darkness of the universe. I felt the Astral River raging around me, trying to sweep me away with it, taking me up to the moon, showing me eternity. Part of me wanted to lose myself within the raging current, letting all my worries, my dreams, my whole being go and just be a drop in the river, flowing with it, without a care, without pain, without consciousness. To just let go, leaving nothing behind but an empty shell, while I would visit the frozen moon, swimming within the ocean of stellar darkness, floating on a river of starlight.

My mind stretched, I was not willing to let go of my body, I kept my mind tethered to it but I was willing to see how far I could go. I felt as if I was touching upon eternity, the eternal moon, always waning and waxing in the sky, but in truth, she never changed, always the same frozen in the darkness around her. I felt myself expand, trying to take in her splendour as I looked down upon Mundus, seeing the changing world below me.

For a second, it was as if I was looking into the eyes of my body, frozen in time below me while I was swimming in the Astral River, touching upon the moon and taking part of her frozen light into my soul. The frozen light in the darkness. There was no warmth, it wasn't the hot embrace of the sun, just the gentle frozen caress of the moon, chilled by the travel through the darkness around her.

It was as if I felt a presence in the moon, a consciousness answering me, forever solemn, forever frozen, eternally circling the world, watching the seasons change below. I felt her loneliness and there was a part of me that could relate. I remembered my days of solitude, wandering through my life, moving through society but never able to join it, a watcher, eternally outside. There was a kin-ship, a bond between the moon and myself.

I reached back to my body, feeling the connection strengthen, tethering me to the eternal moon and the moon to me. I would forever feel her pull, soothing her solitude by letting her experience vicariously through me.

Suddenly, I felt the sensations wane, my mind no longer able to stretch like I wanted it to, like a rubber-band, I was pulled back into my body. I moved with the pull, against the flow of the Astral River, swimming back into my body. It wasn't just my mind that was taken with me, it brought something with it. The moment my mind rejoined my body, something else slammed into me, inundating my body with power, changing me on a fundamental level. I felt my body grow stronger, my senses sharpened and my mind expanded to accept those new sensations. No longer was I feeling the ghost-sensations I had felt before, but my senses had sharpened compared to before.

The power thrummed within me and I tried to take control of it, before it grew out of control and broke through the surface of my mortal vessel. I circulated it within me, mimicking the meditation I always used to connect to the Astral River, just that now I was only circulating the power within me. As the power circulated, I felt it calm, not draining but accepting the channels I had placed it in. After a few circulations, I no longer needed to guide it and I let go of my control and watched it merge into my body.

My mind inspected the changes my body went through and I felt stronger than before but what gave me the biggest surprise was the gift I had received. In my chest, next to my heart, was a small, silvery jewel. It looked like a tear, spun out of moonlight and darkness. It was a gift from my new sister, a reminder that no matter where I'd go, she would always watch over me.