A Perverted Galaxy Far Far Away (Star Wars)

A/N: Here's the new Chapter! Which also means the next four chapters are up on my Patreon for early access as well as the chance to vote on the direction of the story!

In which the hits just keep coming.

-x-X-x-

As the incredibly surreal holocall ends, Tylo leans back in his chair and stares blankly at the space where ghostly blue versions of Satine and Bo-Katan Kryze had just been stood. His mouth opens and then closes wordlessly for a moment before finally he finds his voice.

“What in the Force’s Name was that?”

It was official. Tylo had decided he despised talking over holocall. From now on, he would refrain from doing so as much as humanly possible, because that? That was absolutely ridiculous! Turning to his side, Tylo latches onto the one other person in the room with him like a lifeline. Surely Janga Fett would have answers for him, even if he had to pry them from her mind!

“No, seriously! What the fuck was that?!”

“… I don’t know.”

Janga’s muttered response runs counter to her narrowed, thoughtful eyes… and the thoughts Tylo manages to glean from her mind now that he’s focusing on her directly.

Where did that all come from? The Duchess compromising? There’s no way. Who the fuck dislodged the stick rammed up her ass? I could have sworn she’d rather die than ever give up her pacifistic ways and yet… here we are.

Here they were. Gritting his teeth, Tylo slams a fist on the table, forcing Janga to look at him.

“That’s not good enough, Fett. You wanted this. For me to be Mandalore and not you. Well consider yourself conscripted as my advisor. You were already fulfilling the role anyways, but I’m making it official. So don’t give me that ‘I don’t know’ bullshit. Give me your thoughts. Give me your best guess.”

Janga hesitates for a moment… before snorting and smiling crookedly.

Can’t really be angry with him for doing exactly what I wanted him to do and taking charge. Still…

“It’s a compromise, obviously. Specifically you. You are the compromise. She thinks because you’re a Jedi, you’ll lean more towards her ideals than mine. She’s probably hoping that by agreeing so easily, she can swoop in and mold you into her own image while giving the True Mandalorian Faction scraps to keep us placated.”

Needless to say, I’m not going to let that happen. 

Suddenly, Janga is in his face, eyes narrowed as she stares at him.

“But I know you for what you really are, Jedi. You’re a warrior through and through. And you aren’t so easily manipulated either. You forge your own path, always. That’s why I know you’ll be the Mandalore that our people needs… not just one faction of our people, but ALL of our people.”

Nice words. A little undercut though by Janga’s very obvious attempt at manipulating him in the same breath that she’s telling him he’s not so easily manipulated. Tylo gives her a deadpan stare, about ready to call her out on that bullshit right here and right now, but before he can do so… the door to the room suddenly bursts open, revealing Aayla Secura standing there with wide eyes.

“T-Tylo!”

As he and Janga both look over at the Twi’lek Jedi Master, Tylo is suddenly bombarded with Aayla’s thoughts.

Master Kenobi succeeded in convincing the Jedi Council of the Supreme Chancellor’s true nature! They moved to apprehend Palpatine and he revealed his true nature as Darth Sidious. They fought and he’s been killed! The Sith Master is dead!

“The Supreme Chancellor is dead! All Jedi not in active war zones are being recalled to Coruscant!”

Tylo’s eyes widen as Aayla’s thoughts and words turn out to be equally important. On the one hand, he’d been holding his breath waiting to hear the results of Obi-Wan Kenobi’s clandestine mission back to Coruscant for a while now. On the other hand, recalled to Coruscant? Right when he was dealing with all this Mandalore bullshit?! Fuck, this wasn’t ideal at all.

“Fuck that. The Mandalore isn’t going anywhere. Besides, wasn’t the Supreme Chancellor a Sith anyways? Good riddance to bad rubbish.”

Oh right. Janga already knew that Palpatine was Sidious. From the look on Aayla’s face, she’d definitely forgotten that fact for a moment there, looking caught off guard by Fett’s knowledge. Still, the Jedi Master is quick to rally.

“Even if we know who Palpatine truly was, even if the Jedi High Council knows… most people in the galaxy do not. The Clone Army has not betrayed us, they remain under our command even now, but the situation is still fraught with danger. I understand why the Council wishes for the Order to come and stand together in this perilous time.”

To Tylo, Aayla sends a thought filled with information that Janga does not in fact have yet.

Palpatine tried to execute Order Sixty-Six before his demise, but thanks to our efforts regarding Order Zero, it failed. The Clones haven’t turned on us, but the Council is still concerned about Palpatine’s last words. Not to mention half of the Jedi Masters who went with Palpatine are dead and the other half are varying degrees of injured, some of them quite heavily. We need to go in.

She’s right. There’s no argument to be made here, even if Tylo has just become Mandalore. He was a Jedi Knight first, and the Order had been there for him all his life. Not to mention… Annie. Padme. He needed to check in with them both sooner rather than later. They’d both been close to Palpatine, each in their own way. They needed to know the truth.

But… speaking of the truth, Tylo couldn’t leave things unsaid here either. Not after everything he’d just done.

Looking to Janga, Tylo clenches his jaw and rises from his chair.

“Master Secura is right. We have to return to Coruscant.”

Like hell-!

But Tylo bulldozes over Janga before she can even finish that thought.

“But I WILL come back. I swear it on the Code and the Resol’nare alike. I will return as fast as I possibly can and we’ll figure out where we go from there, alright?”

Damn him. Damn that assertive, domineering personality of his that I find so appealing.

Finally, Fett jerks her head in a sharp nod and spits out one word.

“Fine.”

Tylo returns her nod before looking to Aayla.

“Before we go though… I need to tell Talya and Ursa the truth. They deserve to know… and frankly, I should have told them a long time ago.”

Aayla’s eyes widen at that, and the Twi’lek looks uncertain for a moment before ultimately bowing her head in seemingly silent understanding.

If you think that’s for the best… good luck, Tylo.

He huffs. Yeah, he was going to need it.

-x-X-x-

Everyone is brought together. All the members of ‘Clan Vondin’. What should have been nothing more than a ruse to get in close to Death Watch again had become something very real by this point. Tylo wished he could say he hated it, but the truth was… some of these women had managed to find a special place in his heart all the same. Especially the ones he’d inadvertently got pregnant.

“What’s this about then? How did the call to the Duchess go?”

Poorly, I imagine. Bitch like that would never agree to submit to a new Mandalore.

At Ursa’s words and thoughts, Tylo sighs.

“Duchess Kryze has agreed to submit to my authority as the new Mandalore with several caveats and conditions. But that’s not important right now.”

Ursa’s eyes widen to the size of dinner plates.

What?! Not important?!

Holding up a hand to forestall anything more from the former Death Watch Lieutenant, Tylo looks her in the eye and then Talya as well. The Armorer straightens up, staring back at him expectantly.

As expected of the Mandalore. He’s already brought the Duchess to heel.

Tylo sighs and then shakes his head.

“There’s something you both need to know. Something that I’ve kept from you. I apologize, but until now I couldn’t reveal it. Even still, part of me feels like I should have revealed it earlier.”

Pulling his lightsaber out, not the Darksaber but the one he’d used to fight the Darksaber’s previous wielder, Tylo holds it up for them to see.

“This lightsaber… I didn’t kill anyone for it. I didn’t take it off of their bodies. I built it with my own two hands because… I am a Jedi. Specifically, I am a Knight of the Jedi Order.”

There’s a brief pause at that… and then both Ursa and Talya react at the same time. He’s expecting similar reactions from the two of them, truth be told. Anger and outrage and shock. That’s what he gets from Ursa, who looks downright appalled as she rears back like she’s been struck.

“What?!”

This has to be some sort of joke!

The reaction from Talya, on the other hand… is shockingly subdued. She’s definitely surprised, but after a moment she simply nods her head.

“It makes sense.”

It certainly explains his skill with that blade when he fought Vizsla. This changes nothing though, in the end.

How could it not change anything?! Tylo doesn’t let his bewilderment show on his face, but that doesn’t mean he’s not feeling it even as Ursa whips her head towards the Mandalorian Armorer and squawks.

“Makes sense?! What the hell do you mean, it makes sense?! We just found out the father of our children is a damn Jetii and the best you can say is ‘It makes sense’?”

Turning to Ursa, Talya turns her head to the side.

“He is still Mandalorian. He is still Mandalore. This changes nothing. He completed a verd’goten, he is capable of reciting the Resol’nare… though not in Mandalorian. Something that makes more sense now, I suppose. Still, such a deficiency can be fixed. He is a Mandalorian Warrior through and through. His past matters little in the face of his deeds.”

Ah. That’s why Talya is so understanding of all of this. She thinks…

“Talya, it’s not exactly my past. I still am a Jedi Knight. This is Aayla Secura, a Jedi Master. Maris and Ahsoka are Jedi Padawans. And… we’ve all been recalled to Coruscant. The Supreme Chancellor is dead.”

Those not already in ‘the know’ reel back as if struck, but Tylo has to keep his attention focused on Ursa and Talya in this moment. Ursa gawks at that last bit as one might expect, but Talya focuses on the first bit, her eyes narrowing.

“You would abandon Mandalore and its people? You would abandon the clan?”

You would abandon me?

Tylo frowns and shakes his head forcefully.

“No. I’m not running away; I swear it on everything I consider dear to me. I will return to Mandalore and figure out how to sort out this mess… even if that means ruling as Mandalore when all is said and done. But if we’re to have any sort of life with this family… then I have to make things right with my other family first.”

It would be a headache and a half to juggle everything, but Tylo had literally fathered two Mandalorian children at this point. Even if they weren’t born yet, in the face of that, being Mandalore honestly felt like small potatoes. The High Council would just have to understand. Hopefully.

Talya stares him down for a moment longer before nodding sharply.

“You owe the Jedi Order much for raising you. This is the Way. I shall hold you to your promise then. You will return to us before the children come due.”

Or I will hunt you down myself.

The thought of an eight month pregnant Talya Vondin traveling across the galaxy to track him down fills Tylo with dread for more than one reason. Swallowing thickly, he nods back to her.

“I will. I swear it.”

Talya is mollified by this, but Ursa, less so.

“And you’re just okay with him being a Jetii, Armorer?! Truly?!”

Panning her gaze over to Ursa, Talya just tilts her head to the side.

“Why would I not be? The creator of the Darksaber was a Mandalorian Jetii as well. One does not preclude the other. Tarre Vizsla might have been the first Mandalorian inducted into the Jedi Order, but he has not been the last. Tylo Vondin might be the first Jedi Knight to complete his verd’goten and be recognized as Mandalorian or he might not be, but either way I doubt he will be the last either.”

In the face of Ursa’s gobsmacked visage, Talya continues on unimpeded.

“To be Mandalorian has never been about having the right blood. It has long been our nature to claim Foundlings from other cultures and raise them as our own. This is the Way.”

Almost unbidden, Ursa finds herself responding without even thinking about it.

“… This is the Way.”

A moment later and she scowls angrily as she looks in his direction with her arms crossed over her chest.

“Fine! But you’d best keep your promise O’ Mandalore, because if you don’t, I’ll hunt you down and relieve you of the Darksaber myself!”

I swear it by all that I hold dear!

Great, now he’s got mental images of two heavily pregnant Mandalorian Women coming after him if he takes too long to return. Smiling wanly, Tylo nods his head in agreement.

“I swear, I will come back as soon as I’m able, and it will be before either of you gives birth, even if I have to force the issue. And hey… maybe I’ll bring some new friends along with me.”

Heh, he hadn’t gotten a chance to tell Padme and Annie about Talya and Ursa’s pregnancies just yet. The three of them had stayed in contact as much as humanly possible of course, and they enjoyed hearing about and getting off to his ‘conquests’. But ever since they’d snuck back onto Mandalore and told Master Kenobi about Sidious, they’d been comms dark waiting for word back. So neither woman knew that Tylo had managed to knock up two Mandalorians, because the last time he spoke to them, even he hadn’t known yet.

He couldn’t even begin to imagine their reactions. Padme would probably be all for it and vastly amused over the virility of his seed. Meanwhile Annie-

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

Tylo’s eyes widen and his legs buckle along with every other Force User in the room as something… or rather someone screams out into the Force. The Force reverberates from the power behind the shriek, and Tylo feels something hot slowly drip down from one of his nostrils, even as he collapses to his knees alongside the others.

The Mandalorians are unaffected, but the Jedi as well as Ventress are all hit at the same time he is, leaving them incapacitated even as Tylo struggles to remain conscious.

This was… Annie. He wasn’t sure if it was because of his mutation, or if it was just damn obvious, but he knew in his heart of hearts that that was Annie Skywalker’s scream. Across the vastness of space, potentially reaching every corner of their galaxy, the most powerful Force User to ever live was screaming.

When it finally cuts out, Tylo isn’t relieved. He’s worried. He’s terrified, even. He’s the first to his feet, even as his hands clench into fists.

“That was Annie. I need to go to her.”

“W-What… how… how do you know? All I heard was screaming…”

His Master groans as she’s the second to recover, a nosebleed gracing her face as well from the force of the psychic scream.

“I know. It was Annie.”

“Even… even still, we should still go to Coruscant. To the Jedi Council. They will know what to do.”

Tylo grimaces. Would they? Had they ever known what to do about anything all his life? Or maybe that was just his own sense of urgency talking. Maybe Aayla was right. Hands clenching and unclenching into fists, Tylo considers his options. Go straight to Annie. Go to the Jedi High Council as originally planned. Or… the third option. Find Padme. Get her. Go to Annie together.

[X] Go get Padme and then go to Annie - 74%