Chapter 150: Words of Pity
"Sister, I really do not wish to hurt you. Everything I'm doing is to rescue you from this detached world. We can go back to our Creator, to the Highest Realms. Your divinity is still intact. The Absolute is preserving you, but there's not much time left before his powers run out. Trying to keep this realm in itself was already too much of a stretch. We trespassed so many rules, so many laws, did countless blasphemy to the Tree of Origin. We also... created a monstrous being to assist us," Heine said, his eyes starting to glisten with tears as his arms stretched to land on Estelle's shoulder.
However, instead of inciting pity, Estelle became further enraged. Heine's expression and his gestures, wasn't it just proclaiming himself as a victim, and her as the willful, unreasonable figure? A selfish person who had everything planned out for her, but she refused to go through with their plans?
Going by the words, it really seemed like everybody was sacrificing themselves for her sake. But, alas, how could she react to this entire maddening drama with a clear mind?
Could she really be blamed? She was forced to go through several traumatic events when her mind was still trying to develop. Even though her thinking already matured, she had only gained the concept of emotions once she got into this world. She had little to no experience in understanding these emotions from the start, only relying on the knowledge she had acquired in her previous life as Reina.
She was just as afraid as a child whenever things happened, but her sensible, robotic, adult ways of thinking managed to balance it out. Even so, each pretenses were memorable. That was why, when Heine was revealed to be a betrayer, her heart practically shattered. She bore the incident with an eleven years old's mind.
"Don't touch me," Estelle immediately swatted Heine's hands away. Albeit her overflowing hatred, Heine's expressions were making her uncomfortable. "You disgust me. I only have one little brother, and that is Noah Clareste," she mentioned the younger child.
"Sister, we are all tired. If we drag the plans out too long, everything will collapse. By then, you will truly disappear into the void. When you used extreme magic, didn't you feel tired? When you did harsh physical activities, didn't you feel strained even after placing enhancements over your body? That's because your true essence is still bound to the Origin Tree, nurtured by the Absolute and your... past lover. Right, that man misses you every second. Don't you want to reunite with him? Return to the past, where everything was stable? I was sent her to retrieve you, to guide you through the plans. Indeed, I used wrong tactics to draw you in. I admit my mistakes, I was confused and shouldn't have done that to you. But at this point, if you don't start to comply, you will.. end badly,"
"I don't have a loved one! Heine.. no, Astarte, your sister is not here. I am Estelle Clareste, and I don't know who the hell Estraea is," Estelle gritted her teeth as she backed away. "If you are just here to guilt trip me, then you have come to the wrong place. Right, I am cruel. I am evil. I am a villainess. So what if your sacrifice will go to waste? I don't have emotional attachment to you all. I don't have complete memories of myself as Estraea, I never went through her experiences. I wouldn't understand your struggles. I really wouldn't be able to," Estelle spat out.
"Sister..." Heine longingly called out before letting out a long sigh. "Sister, what do you wish for? As long as you are willing to hear me out, to follow with the plans, I swear that I won't use underhanded methods on you anymore,"
[It's already too late.] Estelle said internally, pain streaking through her facial expressions.
Heine had done too much. She couldn't bring herself to trust him anymore, the fear that loomed behind her was too much to handle. Even looking at Heine right now didn't sit well with her, it made her recall all the contrasting memories she had of the man. The good and the bad.
Really, people tend to view the bad with a magnifying glass, whereas the good- not so much.
"Listen to me. I only want you to disappear from here. From my sight. I'm not asking you to perish, I just want to erase everything that we might have ever had in the past. I am willing to restart my life on my own, and the reason I am here in Alfheim is precisely because I want to go back to the path I am supposed to follow. To regain everything on my own. I don't like you forcing everything to happen, I also have my own wishes. My own pace. Heine, you have been unreasonable from the very start, do you really think I could bring myself to trust you again? If you really want to fulfill my wish, then disappear," Estelle pleaded as her eyes began to redden, tears about to spill from the pair of eyes.
"That will not be possible," Heine said with a difficult expression.
Estelle laughed cynically. Of course it wouldn't be possible. It would go against his needs, so it wasn't possible. Isn't that right?
"Fine, ah. If that's not possible, then tell me. Tell me what I need to do, tell me what happened in the past, throw some sensible facts at me. Make me understand why you are doing this," Estelle was tired of feeling like she finally knew something, only to find that everything was orchestrated and she actually knew nothing significant.
She was tired of receiving these small clues and being treated like a fool in their eyes. It must have been so fun to see her struggle like this only to realize her stupidity, right?
She was so stupid. So powerless, even with the gifts she had, ones that she thought were powerful. In front of Liviera, Frey, Aleksei, or anybody of that sort, she could still be considered a monster. Someone too strong for the world.
But she wasn't the only one. The ones she had to face where much more resourceful than her.
Estelle's pair of eyes looked straight into Heine's. Heine was much taller than her, so she had to stretch her head a lot in order to face him. Even though she was scared of the man, even though her neck was strained, she didn't falter and kept her eyes on the man, refusing to give up.
"...I don't want to hurt you," Heine said.
"You have already hurt me the moment your betrayal was revealed. If you don't want to make it worse, then stay true to those words. Honestly, I don't believe that you can avoid hurting me worse. Even being in your presence worsens everything. Heine, do you know how much stress and trauma you've caused me? Is that what a little brother should do? Especially when you claim to be so devoted to me. Do you know how much I despise you?" Estelle steeled her tone and used her index finger to point at Heine, drilling it into Heine's skin. "The past, is it so hard to tell?"
Pain or not, she was willing to listen. It was stories from the past. She honestly no longer wanted to dig at her past. The more she dug, the more tragedy she encountered. Everything was caused by her special identity. If she could, she wanted to erase everything. Settle down with her family and forget everything that happened. Even losing her powers would be a cheap price to trade for that outcome.
"...Very well. First of all, I should start with one of the main culprits that are currently in this world, near us," Heine gulped down a mouthful of saliva, preparing to tell the full story.
He was torn between his negative side and his positive side. He no longer had control over his two contrasting attitudes, but both of them shared the same trait, that was fondness to the original Goddess of Creation, Estraea.
There were many players in this farce. Be it him, the Absolute, her past lover, their enemy, and many others that came to existence in order to help set the game running.
"Aleksei Villarante, the one who you followed just now," Heine announced the first character he was about to tell.
"..Aleksei?" Estelle raised a brow. "How would Aleksei be.."
"Do you remember your- No, Goddess Estraea's past lover? His name?" Heine asked, knowing that she must've gained some memories of her as a deity at this point.
After all, he was one of the ones who designed the plot.
"The past lover.. If I remember correctly, his name was.." Estelle's brows knitted as she came to remember one name.
"Aleksei," the name was spat out from both Estelle and Heine's mouth at the same time.