About Your Pride and My Prejudice

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—I understand your sadness, but…

Alan pushed Monica, who leaned on his chest, quite patiently, until she couldn’t get his shirt wet anymore. He also spent a considerable amount of time sending her back to the carriage after she stopped crying.

—Apart from that, don’t come here.

To her crying again, Alan added neatly.

—Tell me if you need comfort. I’ll send you a book.

Other than that, it was a tender warmth. He didn’t know that the word book hurt Monica’s heart, or to be precise, there was no reason for him to know.

He could understand that she is sad because her partner who breathed together with her until she became an adult, shared part of her childhood suddenly left her but he thought he did enough for her.

A life that is abandoned by one’s own will is not the worst end. Alan seriously thought so. In a world where there are so many lives that have been lost due to other’s intentions, despite the earnest desire to live, such deaths are so easily spoken of.

It was also unexpected that Monica was so sad. Apparently, she neglected Abel Maurice when he was alive. However, as usual, he did not bring up all the words that were in his mind.

It was Monica who seemed to be looking for comfort until the very end, but Alan finally managed to get her into the carriage. It is ultimately up to her to relieve her remaining sorrow. Dependency is inherently harmful.

Alan, a natural businessman, never paid attention to things that didn’t make sense. It was natural that he had no intention of supporting Monica. It wasn’t his concern whether she overcame her grief on her own or went out to find someone else to soothe her precarious heart.

But he was also deeply relieved that Melissa Collins was not a businesswoman. The innocence of hugging him, who is becoming noticeably dependent on her, without calculation. He couldn’t get away from that dazzlingly radiant woman.

Does she know she’s neither a pond, nor a lake, but a sea? If he says he wants to be locked inside her forever. He’s sure she’ll blink her eyes slowly and breathe languidly instead of answering.

Alan chuckled at her face he imagined. Then he crossed his long legs and sat down without realising that he was smiling.

Familiar with the geometric and airtight Sournesian gardens, when he first came to see the old castle he was very much annoyed to see the rustic cottage-style garden. Why is it that the size of this mansion is not even like that of a cottage? He didn’t even want to call this a landscape.

If he had been Sourne’s lady who risked her life in the garden, no, even if he had had a little spare time, he wouldn’t have left it like this.

However, he really liked this farmhouse-style garden that never loses its shape even if you cut as many flowers as you like. Even a simple bundle of unknown flowers would suit Melissa Collins warmly.

She changes him too effortlessly. It’s very funny.

As he entered the mansion with a bouquet of flowers he had woven for the first time in his life, the employees followed him like a habit. Alan ordered to go straight to the detached house and call her.

As usual, go to his room, take off his jacket, and by the time the simple refreshments are ready, Melissa Collins will also be standing outside the door. He’s sure that’s how it should have been.

It was William, the butler who knocked on the door.

“That….”

Exactly, only one person.

“She said she wasn’t in the mood to meet you.”

“What?”

Alan’s eyebrows wiggled finely. Three days ago in the early morning, she asked him in an apparently sleepy voice.

—I hope you come more often than now.

When he replied that he would do his best, she smiled like a snowflake.

That’s why he thought she would give him a shy smile, saying, “Did you really try hard for me today?” Then he would tell her that things worked out, perhaps thanks to her. Then why…

“……She was crying.”

Alan breathed in at the words. The icy blue-gray eyes narrowed. The butler, who witnessed the moment when the feeble anger turned into a strange worry, carefully continued.

“Women are…… There are times like that.”

“Times like that.”

“I mean the times they want to cry alone, Master. In that case, no one’s comfort is welcome.”

“…….”

So Monica Elwood, who wants him to watch her cry till the end, isn’t a woman?

Alan thought it was nonsense, but suddenly thought it could be possible if it’s Melissa Collins. He thought about the emotions of her letters, her shining eyes under her eyelashes, and her red cheeks one by one.

“Women live with so much patience that this happens periodically. It happens to my wife and daughters, too.”

“…….”

But he wondered why the butler was so placating him. Of course, Alan, who is good at showing no emotions, didn’t raise his eyebrows or move his lips.

So no one will notice this subtle change in facial expressions. Unless it is the old butler who has been by his side for many years.

“……What should I do in that case?”

The young owner asked slowly, with his eyes shining with nervous feelings, which was rare for him. The butler answered kindly, smoothed his gray beard.

“Let her have some time alone. But don’t leave her alone for too long. Even if she tells you that she’s not in the mood to meet you.”

Alan turned away as if he couldn’t understand the butler’s joke. Soon, the delicate hands wrapped in black gloves trembled lightly in the air and ordered him to go out.

* * *

Until lunch today, I had been chatting with the maid for a long time about the chef’s skill that the mussel dish was delicious and the dessert was excellent.

It was also natural that the appetite became stronger and the meal time became more enjoyable than ever. These past few days have been a rare and relaxing routine, and the weather has been clear all along.

But tonight’s dinner felt like chewing sand. The salmon dish, which I had said was delicious the last time, was served, but it didn’t pass, so I left it as it was. I’m sorry to say…….

I had the desire to act casually as if nothing happened, but I have no talent for that. It was painful to watch Sandra squirming all the time, so I sent her back as soon as I finished dinner today.

Then, I sat in front of the reading table to write my , but I was choked up because I couldn’t continue writing a beautiful scene that I was writing well all long.

I was actually projecting Alan Leopold into the male protagonist, Troy, and myself, in the heroine, whose name never appeared. The tickling conversations I had with Alan from time to time also naturally melted into the story.

“…….”

It didn’t seem like it could be continued. It was because the scene of the two people I witnessed on a windy afternoon was clearly engraved in my mind. That scarred memory suddenly turned this into a love story between Miss Elwood and Alan.

After spending so much sweet time with Monica, he called me as soon as she left. My heart felt like it was falling apart from the wretched feeling.

Does he know that I was peeking at both of them? What the hell am I to him?

I didn’t even want to think anymore. As I slowly closed my eyes, tears that I didn’t know when they were formed flowed silently down my cheeks.

“Ha….”

As soon as I breathed out a sigh of tears, I could feel the subtle silence of the two maids who were scrambling behind my back and preparing my bed.

No wonder it looks weird. I sat silently in front of the desk with the candle lit and burst into tears.

However, I wasn’t relaxed enough to care about that.

I really don’t know what to do now. I feel like I’m walking on a worn-out bridge. I’m afraid to take a step, but when I stop, I feel like my feet are going to sink.

As expected, it would be better to ask for the bath water now. I might feel a little better.

“Excuse me, the bath…….”

As soon as I opened my mouth, it suddenly became noisy outside the door. I heard the maids of the detached house calling ‘young master’. There’s only one person in this mansion who’ll be called a ‘young master’…….

“Y, young master!”

…..He suddenly opened the door and came in. My eyes were tightly shut at the sight of the maids hurriedly approaching me and bowing. My head was muddy with a mixture of resignation and resentment.

“Melissa.”

Why the hell did he come here? I told him through the butler that I didn’t want to meet him. Why the hell doesn’t he leave me alone……….

“Why are you crying?”

Alan’s voice drew closer. Did he take a bath? There was a faint smell of roses.

It was shortly thereafter that it occurred to me that it might be Monica Elwood’s scent. I know that they use the same perfume.

“Melissa, I’m asking you why you’re crying.”

“…….”

His voice was strangely sweet, so I bit my lips. Then, tears flowed from my eyes as if they had made a promise.

I’m so stupid…….

“Melissa Collins.”

“The wind…”

“What’s wrong with the wind?”

“……The wind was so cold, so…….”

A ridiculous answer popped out. I felt frustrated with myself.

Couldn’t you have given a more plausible answer? Do you feel better now when you hear his ridicule?

While tears were forming again at the end of the eyelashes with a clear sense of guilt, Alan did not laugh or question the exact reason. Just bend down…… He kissed me lightly on the cheek.

“…….”

Soon after, two maids were heard leaving the room in a row like pigeons in the street. When the door closed with a bang,

“Today I…….”

I managed to part my lips.

“I learned one thing.”

“I’m listening.”

Alan, standing upright beside me, was looking down at me. Even without lifting my eyes, I could see how cold and affectionate his eyes would be at the same time. It was natural that I loved those eyes more than the whole universe. So it was unbearably painful.

The moment his eyes captured the person he loved for the first time. The moment when I was gently drenched with hot and overwhelming emotions. Those moments that would have shone with the perfect sense of happiness must have been so dazzling and beautiful that words cannot describe it.

My heart always ached when I imagined someone who would have watched it all by his side. But did I ever deserve it in the first place?

“Say it.”

“…….”

Now is the time to wake up from this dream. From a fake paradise that was beautifully packaged but was actually just a nightmare.

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