About Your Pride and My Prejudice

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“It’s not an act.”

“Melissa, please.”

Viola had a troubled face.

“I know you loved him uncontrollably. You’ve been obsessed with Sir Alan since the time we became friends. Although I didn’t expect it to be this long.”

“…….”

“But you don’t know love. Please be suspicious of him. Please don’t place immediate trust in him.”

Viola’s clenched fists were trembling.

I know she’s genuinely worried about me. But I don’t know love?

Even when I knew only one-sided love, I was passionate every moment. To the point of experiencing breathlessness. Sometimes it hurt, but finally, he made me realize why I came to this world.

It was only when our hearts met that we realized, Viola. I came here only to meet him.

So how can I not know love? I can’t even count how many seasons have changed while I cried and fell asleep because of love. How could I be unfamiliar with love when it once enveloped my world, rendering each day overwhelming, as if I were destined to perish within it?

“Viola, you consistently urged me to embrace love, despite my insistence that there exist numerous things more precious than love.”

“…….”

“But you know what? I was actually lonelier than anyone else. I wanted to be loved, my heart was broken…….”

I just didn’t have confidence in myself.

Will I ever experience the magnificent feeling of cherishing someone above all else, without expecting anything in return? I feel lacking in that regard.

I knew the answer. At least that’s what I thought then. So every breath I breathe is so sad that I can’t stand it.

So I pretended to be firm even in the absence of love. I thought I would collapse if I didn’t. I was youthful and terribly inept. Naturally, that aspect of me persists, though….….

“Melissa…”

As Viola handed me a handkerchief, I hastily accepted it and dabbed my eyes. Suddenly, my gaze fell upon the rose pattern etched on the ceiling, engulfing me in a surge of longing.

“……My love has come to me. Because he made me believe in love. He made me realize that even I can be happy in love.”

“It’s Alan Leopold, Melissa.”

Viola spoke in a slightly softer tone, possibly due to my sudden tears, yet her furrowed eyebrows hinted at her struggle to bear the pain in her heart.

“Do you really think this makes sense? You’re blinded…….”

Our conversation was as clueless as that of two strangers who spoke completely different languages. There was definitely a high wall between us.

I let out a deep sigh that I didn’t know to whom it was aiming for.

“Why doesn’t that make sense? We sleep together and wake up together. We laugh together, we tell secrets that we can’t tell anywhere. If this isn’t love—”

“It’s not a big deal between a man and a woman.”

Viola’s expression was intricate as she swept her hair up.

“Let me ask you a question. Did he ever swear to love you?”

In that instant, my racing heart came to an abrupt halt. The words I intended to speak vanished from my mouth, akin to a snowflake melting on the palm of a hand.

“I’m asking if Sir Alan proposed to you, Melissa. Don’t tell me you’ve been with him for six months.….”

“I, I… Even if it’s like this……”

My heart pounded. Suddenly, the sweet whispers and kisses we shared felt as fleeting as smoke. I felt overwhelmed.

“Pull yourself together, Mel.”

“…….”

“Huh? Listen to me.”

The only person who could revive my heart that was dying like a candle flickering in the wind was now in a faraway foreign country across the sea. A faraway place that cannot be reached or embraced.

“Let’s just think it was all a dream, huh? It’s okay. You just woke up from a dream, and no one knows about it but the two of us. So forget about it all…….”

“…….”

“You have to live in reality, not in your dreams.”

“Viola, I…….”

Viola approached me, who couldn’t speak and was biting my lips.

“It’s okay, Mel. Alan Leopold won’t be able to talk about you. He doesn’t want to lose everything he has.”

There was a faint sense of anger in her voice, but the little hand that comforted me on the shoulder was infinitely sweet.

“Everything will be fine. Believe me. There are plenty of good people.”

“…….”

“I’ll give you a guest room, so get a good night’s sleep. Are you going to Florin as soon as it’s morning?”

That’s right. My mother’s face, which was particularly pale on the day I left home, is still as visible as if it was yesterday.

It was not enough that I did not send a letter, but how deep and dark were the anxious times that my mother had to spend because of her ugly daughter who made her hear the news of her disappearance through the royal family.

I have to go home to explain the series of events that happened to me. Even more so now that I know the new cause of the nervous breakdown that plagues my mother—perhaps the biggest culprit.

“…I should go, home.”

But I was afraid of all the things that would happen when I went home, so I put off going home. Piccom is in the middle of Arch Hill and Florin, so it was a pretty plausible excuse.

“So what’s going to happen, Mel?”

And now there’s no place to run away…….

“Are you going to complete your winning work and become a royal author? Did you happen to have any relevant provisions?”

“…….”

“Melissa? Are you listening?”

No. I’m sorry, but instead of listening to the cheerful chatter of Viola, I was thinking like this,

When I get home, I have to bring up the story of the Principality and Alan Leopold once again. Will my mother react favourably to the story?

The impending confrontation with my mother is likely to be far more intense than today’s interaction with Viola. Yet, I find myself unable to comprehend the actions of my one and only best friend, Viola.

Only then is the result obvious. Did I get on the ship with this much determination?

Think about it, Melissa. Why did you come to the kingdom in the first place? First of all, to greet my aunt. And then…….

“……I will return to the Principality.”

“Principality?”

Viola paused her hand that was comforting me and asked back in shock,

“Is your application for a study abroad still valid? You missed a whole semester—”

“No, I have to go back to my lover. I don’t want him to cry again.”

Going back to Alan Leopold’s side.

I left him only to get back to him.

“Melissa!”

Viola’s forehead immediately furrowed. My unusually stubborn attitude is unlike me, and my voice must sound unfamiliar and stifled.

“What’s wrong with you, really? I just can’t understand…….”

“It’s natural that you don’t understand, Viola.”

“……What?”

Viola had shocked eyes. She looked shocked as if she had faced a stranger with the same face as me.

Even though she was pregnant, she stood up with her hands on her slender waist, pacing around the table. Her gait was rather nervous as if she were contemplating how to coax and persuade me from now on.

To Viola, I said in a trembling voice,

“You can’t understand what happened between Alan and me, except from our own perspectives. You’ve experienced similar feelings, so you understand.”

My words hardened Viola’s face.

I didn’t fully understand her either when she told me she was going to marry Jacob. Viola must be recalling the day.

“……Melissa, now…… haa.”

Viola ruffled her hair as if in agony.

“I don’t like you being sick. It’s obvious that you’re going to get hurt.…!”

“Mother.”

At that very moment, a small child rubbed his eyes and came into the parlour where the sun began to set.

The young boy, appearing no more than three or four years old, boasted splendid curls reminiscent of molten gold, and his green eyes mirrored the depths of the forest.

I was captivated by the glow of the sunset in those clear eyes.

“Marty! Did you wake up because it was too loud?”

Viola dashed over, swiftly sat down, and enveloped the child in a tight embrace. Her gentle and affectionate demeanor was enough to erase the words from my mind.

“No, because Dad isn’t there.….”

“Daddy’s late.”

I was just staring at the perfect-looking mother and son. To be precise, I was facing a scene I never expected. Because I thought the kid was still living at Jacob’s cousin’s house.

“Oh, that’s right! Say hello, Marty. She’s mom’s friend.”

“Oh…… how are you, Marty? My name is Melissa.”

“…….”

When I greeted him softly, Marty buried himself deeper into Viola’s arms instead of responding. His round eyes looked up at me, revealing curiosity mixed with a hint of wariness.

“Marty, say hello to your mom’s friend, huh? She came from a big ship. From a faraway country, which is across the sea.”

“The sea…”

“Yes, the sea. The brimming blue sea.”

Marty finally responded to the greeting, perhaps because the word “sea” had broken through his defences.

“……Hi, Melita.”

Why does this awkwardly spoken word, laden with the weight of sleep, evoke such deep emotion?

“Sorry, Mel. Mathias is a bit shy.”

(T/N: Marty is a pet name)

“It’s okay, even I am the same.”

Soon, Viola expertly enveloped Marty in a hug. The child’s cheeks were as red as a peach in her arms.

“Now is the time to sleep. I’ll lay him down and come back, wait a moment.”

As I watched the two golden-haired figures move away from me, a sudden realization struck me. The six-month gap had been long enough to create a sense of unfamiliarity between us.

At that moment, another thought crossed my mind. We must have truly dedicated our hearts and souls to each other’s love, completely immersed in it. Haha.

“……That’s touching.”

My self-talk was scattered like a fog. The darkening midwinter sunset was black and red.

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