About Your Pride and My Prejudice

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The dinner was simple and warm. It was the simplest, yet most comforting meal I’ve had in a while.

After finishing the meal, a sudden wave of fatigue and drowsiness washed over me. It would have been nice to have a bit more conversation with my family about those distant and affectionate old memories, even if they were nothing special.

“Mom.”

I visited my mother before I went up to my room. Just to embrace her again. We’re still not comfortable with personal conversations.

Perhaps that’s why. For us, the faint sound of our hearts and the warmth of each other’s body temperature become a peculiar solace.

The silent strokes comforting my back felt as fragile as candlelight. My mother told me to pursue my happiness without compromising, but it broke my heart to think of her loneliness, picturing her only daughter like the noble Viscountess from Arch Hill.

If my relationship with Alan had not just remained as lovers, it would have been better. If it had been so, perhaps I could have taken my mother to Principality and proudly introduced him to my mother as my spouse. But dwelling on what didn’t happen and getting lost in it is dangerous. So, I thought about the most realistic way forward. Drawing my mother’s thin back closer to me.

“Melissa!”

When I went up to my room, Mrs. Kearney, who had made my bed, was waiting for me. The moment I met her soft, smiling face, showing off her rabbit-like front teeth, I naturally knew what she was trying to say.

“Congratulations on falling in reckless love.”

“Ah…….”

I had mixed feelings at the words, for my love is indeed reckless.

“It looks like Mrs. Collins gave her permission. Isn’t it?”

“Yes……. I came too late, didn’t I?”

“You’ve come safely and your mother’s eyes are finally dry.”

“…….”

Seriously, what is love?

Then Mrs. Kearney sat down on the bed covered with a soft blanket and let out a sigh of laughter.

“To be honest, I was a bit surprised.”

“…Is leaving home because of reckless love just like when you left with your husband?”

When I sat down next to her and asked, Mrs. Kearney laughed loudly, covering her mouth. It is true that my current situation is very similar to the story she once told me about herself.

But she told a slightly different story.

“No. It’s a little surprising that you simply abandoned that unrequited love like this.”

“What?”

“You are a very emotional girl, and you must have loved him so much that it felt like your heart would explode just thinking about him, right?”

Mrs. Kearney smiled knowingly. For a moment, I debated whether to confess that my reckless love was the same person as the passionate love of my youth, but ultimately, I decided to remain silent.

I knew better than anyone how valuable Alan Leopold’s successful life as a businessman was. I didn’t want to become a flaw in his life.

Just because he, who was bad at love, burned my novel, that doesn’t mean I have to ruin something precious to him. Because now we are no longer clumsy.

This brief, unavoidable separation deepened my love for him even more. If Alan’s heart is the same as mine, I wouldn’t want anything more.

“But I’m glad, Melissa, that you look so much happier and more complete now than you were then.”

“……Well, I think I can finally understand what you said to me. In fact, I thought of those words from time to time.”

“…..What do you mean?”

“I mean, I could live my whole life with the memories I had with him. Now I’m thinking the same thing.”

Then Mrs. Kearney looked surprised.

“Honey, Melissa.You don’t tell me your reckless love is old…….”

“……What?”

“Or perhaps does he have a fatal disease?”

“Oh, no! He’s very young and healthy!”

I belatedly realized that my words were misleading, so I flailed my arms and stuttered.

“I mean…… I really love him, but…….”

“You love him, but?”

“He is such a precious and valuable person to me compared to myself. Every moment we spent together feels like a dream.”

As I was talking about Alan to Mrs. Kearney, it felt as if it overlapped with that of an autumn afternoon that was as cold as winter.

At that time, I was helplessly lost in the lingering memories of dancing with Alan. In that beautiful and miserable afterimage.

“That’s probably why. I don’t think it would be strange if my time with him fades as quickly as the bubbles in the bathtub…….”

“…….”

“I’m sure we love each other, but since we haven’t promised anything to each other… So, if he suddenly leaves one day, it wouldn’t be surprising. Just like when he came into my heart suddenly.”

It’s ironic that the me from back then, choked up talking about a love letter story, hasn’t changed much from who I am now. Even though we’ve become lovers for sure.

“It’s quite poignant. Despite only being together for half a year, you talk like long-time lovers.”

“That…….”

“Well, time is not important in love.”

Mrs. Kearney’s rough, warm hand landed gently on my hand.

“Melissa. I guarantee you that the lover you left behind in the principality will feel exactly the same as you now.”

“……How do you know that?”

“Hmm, it’s a feeling that comes from age?”

“…….”

I was despondent at the answer. What kind of great answer was I expecting?

Mrs. Kearney, giggling like a child as if she was amused by my bewildered expression, gently added,

“You have the face of someone who is loved.”

“D-Do I really look like that?”

I stumbled on my words, feeling a strange sensation. Memories of hearing about having the look of someone in love from Lady Hugh in Arch Hill before going to the Principality came back to me.

“Well then. Since you’ve got eyes like these, there’s no more room for doubt. He’s given you an undeniable trust.”

“…….”

“You might be scared because the love you have is so great, but don’t be afraid and face it. I’m sure it’s the same for him.”

Only then did I feel like our faith and bond, hidden behind curtain-like anxiety, was slowly being revived.

“Oh my, you must be tired. Did I hold you for too long?”

“No, ma’am. Thank you.”

“……All right.”

Mrs. Kearney spoke to me as she tidied up my hair with her wrinkled hands.

“If you go back to the Principality, I won’t be able to see you for a while again.”

I couldn’t answer no quickly. Going back and forth between Sourne and Lunoa is by no means simple. Then she said,

“You’re leaving tomorrow morning, aren’t you? Before Mrs. Collins coughs.” (Wakes up)

“Oh…….”

“Isn’t that why you greeted her before?”

Mrs. Kearney chuckled softly. My heart raced as I planned to sneak away in the early dawn. I wondered, as one grows older, do they also become more adept at understanding the feelings of others?

“Take your hat, Melissa. Spring will come soon, for reckless love makes you forget the season.”

“Ah! I was going to take it anyway, but thank you.”

Whenever I looked up at Lunoa’s sky blankly, I might have thought several times that it would have been nice to have brought that hat. A gift from my aunt’s grandmother and a precious object with Mrs. Kearney’s affection.

“It’s late. Julia and I will take good care of your mother, so don’t worry.”

“…….”

“I don’t know when we’ll see each other next time, but please come back with a happy face.”

“……Yes. Stay healthy.”

And we shared a friendly hug.

* * *

I was blinking my eyes in the dark, feeling the familiar texture of the unfamiliar bedding. I couldn’t sleep at all when I thought of going back to Lunoa.

Once again, the sense of guilt and obligation, akin to a heavy burden, clawed at my heart as I contemplated leaving home once more. To overcome this feeling, I spent the night recalling the voices of precious people who urged me to pursue happiness.

Only then could I reluctantly come to a conclusion. What I must do now is fervently respond to the hearts of those who wish for my happiness.

The quiet moonlight streaming through the window reminded me of a beloved face. A person as dark and white as the night sky, truly resembling the dark night’s moon. Just the thought of returning to his calm embrace filled me with unbearable joy.

Where he was, it was no longer like a cage to me. Surely, there would be a radiant moon shining there, eagerly awaited by my beloved. It was, in fact, a place where…

“Paradise.”

Is there a word that suits this better? Even if it’s a pitch-black pit where not even a sliver of light shines, as long as there’s his wide embrace opening up towards me, then that place, indeed…

As the moonlight dimmed and the dusky dawn began to brighten, I rose without hesitation. Despite not having slept properly, my mind was oddly clear.

In the darkness, I hastily put on clothes and grabbed the handle of the bag I had prepared last night. Suddenly, I felt the need to say goodbye to Julia.

“……. It’s still here.”

The velvet dress I received from Mr. Malcolm last winter was shining in a noble red even in the dark closet. I took it out, laid it on the bed, and hastily wrote a note relying on the faint light.

Julia,Thank you for wishing me luck. Now this dress is yours.I wish you happiness.Melissa.

I quietly descended the stairs after slipping out of the room, crossing the still dark living room where morning had yet to arrive.

“…….”

As I reached the entrance, I turned quietly in the vast silence, just to capture one last glimpse of my beloved home. However, what caught my eye was a sparkling glass bottle on the living room shelf. That small perfume bottle emitted a radiant light, much like the day I last left the house.

I withdrew my hand that had been reaching towards the door and approached the shelf as if enchanted. Then, I elegantly opened the intricately carved transparent stopper, inhaling deeply the cold and seductive scent of a rose garden.

“Alan.”

Then, a single short name escaped my lips, my heart was squeezed tightly as if being embraced by him.

The realization that he wasn’t by my side at this moment became unbearably overwhelming.

I closed my eyes silently, hoping that the way back to him wouldn’t feel too long.

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