Academy’s PTSD Chaplain

31 – The Blood of a Martyr (8)

Merchants who wanted to sell at the highest price raised their voices to negotiate.

Children running around and people who simply came to see the market, as well as tourists from afar, looked around with curious eyes.

“There are so many people!”

“Yeah… That’s true.”

The weekend brought a crowd of people who hadn’t been out in a while. This was typical of the bustling city center.

I walked with Sophia, furrowing my brows at the noisy commotion coming from all directions. As expected, I didn’t fit well in crowded places.

On the other hand, Sophia seemed thrilled, smiling brightly as she observed everything. The lively atmosphere of the city center seemed fascinating to her.

“Don’t you find it fascinating?”

“What do you mean?”

Sophia looked up at me.

“There are so many people!”

“…Is that fascinating?”

“In the Holy Empire, you wouldn’t see scenes like this.”

Come to think of it, Sophie Buseje was from the Holy Empire.

People from the Holy Empire were all fond of modesty, so it was unlikely to have such a chaotic scenery.

“By the way, where should we go?”

“I’m not sure.”

“Hmm….”

Sophie Buseje stared at me intently. I became conscious of her gaze for no reason and unknowingly turned my head away.

“First, let’s go tidy up our heads!”

“Yes, well….”

I followed Sophie Buseje’s footsteps. Her steps were endlessly light, making it seem like she could fly away somewhere.

My footsteps were heavy and clumsy. I silently watched her in envy.

And then, suddenly, I deliberately took a step out of sync. It wasn’t a mistake, but something I intentionally did.

I didn’t know why I did that. I couldn’t even understand the reason. Was it a slight change of mood? I felt a strange sensation.

Just by taking a step out of sync. What was this indescribable feeling of liberation?

This time, I moved my right foot one beat slower. My irregular steps became a bit more natural.

I tried walking as I normally did again.

“….”

My usual way of walking felt like watching soldiers marching with stiff and precise steps.

So, I didn’t like it. Not at all.

Yet, I felt a sense of comfort and stability, and my heart felt restless. I took my gaze away from my footsteps.

“Supervisor Saje! Over here!”

Sophie Buseje, who was walking ahead, waved her hand. Her lively smile was truly radiant.

When I approached Sophie Buseje, my walking pace may have been slightly different from usual.

* * * * *

Sophie Buseje was excited. How long has it been since her last outing?

If it were a usual day, she would probably be reading books in the dormitory for staff members, or reading the Bible, or perhaps cleaning the academy hall.

But today, she couldn’t waste her weekend like that. Yesterday, Supervisor Antonelli, who had visited the hospital, had asked her quietly.

– Can you make me look more human tomorrow?

Supervisor Antonelli was usually a frustrating and gloomy person. Sophie Buseje also secretly found his behavior bothersome.

It was supposed to be an outing for Sunday mass, but hearing that there was an important appointment, she couldn’t bear it any longer.

“Raise the hair here a little bit…”

“Like this?”

“Yes! Wouldn’t this be better?”

“Oh my. That’s right. The character really comes to life.”

The barber exclaimed while cutting the hair. Sophie, the protagonist, nodded vigorously.

“Miss, wouldn’t you like to work at our barbershop? You have a sense for it.”

“Well… I would be grateful for that compliment!”

The barber sighed with disappointment. Meanwhile, the messy hair of Father Antonelli, the head priest, was being neatly organized.

“You look different… Father Antonelli.”

“Do I?”

“Yes, even you can see it, right? How much you’ve changed.”

“I’m not very sure.”

“Oh, are you a distinguished person? I can tell from the way you’re addressed as Father.”

“…I am not that sort of person.”

Sophie poured her tremendous passion onto Father Antonelli. Has there ever been a time when she was more passionate than she is now as his subordinate?

And so, about thirty minutes passed.

With Sophie’s dedication and fervor, and the added craftsmanship of the barber whose morale was uplifted, the final result was finally revealed in front of the mirror.

“Guest, your hair looks great. Among all the guests I’ve had, I think this is the best I’ve done.”

“Wow, wow… Father Antonelli?”

The expression on Father Antonelli’s face as he looked into the mirror was…

Not bad at all.

* * * * *

“Hmm… something feels lacking.”

Sophie sighed while examining me from top to bottom. I touched my messy hair and asked.

“What do you mean?”

“Clothes. It would be nice if you wore something other than the priest’s attire.”

“…Still, I think the priest’s attire suits me better.”

Wearing the priest’s attire and attending the war veterans’ gathering held a meaning beyond merely showing my face.

The priest’s attire that I always wore even on the front lines. It served as proof that I had participated in the Great War and was a symbol representing the me from that time.

To meet my old comrades not wearing the priest’s attire was something I couldn’t allow myself to do.

Although Sophia’s subtitle looked at me with a hint of regret, I had no intention of compromising on this matter.

“Well, if Reverend Sophia is okay with it, then that’s settled!”

Sophia nodded with a wide smile. Her bright energy seemed to lighten my steps.

Breaking that atmosphere, I began speaking.

“Let’s head back to the dormitory.”

“Ah….”

Sophia’s expression seemed somewhat regretful. Her face showed lingering attachment to staying a bit longer. I glanced at my wristwatch.

The clock hands pointed to around 7 PM. We had surely left with Sophia for the dormitory around early afternoon, yet it was astonishing how time had flown by like this.

I, too, had a satisfying day. I couldn’t remember the last time I had laughed so much. However, it was now reaching its limit.

There were too many people. Despite trying not to pay attention, it seemed that deliberately ignoring human perceptiveness only exaggerated it.

I felt sorry for Sophia, who still seemed disappointed, but I couldn’t help but feel a strong desire to go back to the dormitory.

Perhaps due to my visible expression, Sophia nodded and smiled.

“…Yes. As Reverend suggested, let’s go back now. That would be good.”

Internally, I let out a sigh of relief and nodded satisfactorily. I was grateful for her concession.

“Yes. In that case, straight to the dormitory….”

However, I…

Why hadn’t I noticed it before?

– Bang! Clang!

I didn’t deserve this happiness.

I was always unlucky.

* * * * *

“Gasp…! Huff…!”

I just ran. I ran mindlessly.

I was sprinting through the chaos of the battlefield. The worst slaughter scene where dirt, dust, gun smoke, and the stench of blood vibrated.

Why am I here? How did I end up here?

My mind created a dissonance of perception. It felt like thoughts were constantly blocked by an invisible wall. I clenched my fists tightly.

Helena’s body, embraced in my arms, constantly trembled. I held her even tighter and murmured.

“Please…. Please stay safe…. Please….”

This time, I would definitely protect her. I wouldn’t let you die.

The loud noise I had heard earlier was undoubtedly the sound of cannon fire. I could tell. There was no mistaking it.

“An outing with Sofia Busje? The Sunday gathering that I had planned to attend in a neat appearance?

It was all a dream. A dream it was. Otherwise, it would be an impossible situation. It was a delusion, and perhaps I have gone insane.

I just ran. My heart felt like it was about to burst, and I stumbled around in a daze.

“…Sir! …Take…cover…!”

Helena screamed, clinging onto my chest. I kept wiping my blurry eyes with my sleeves and shouted desperately.

“Are you okay? Huh?! Are you okay?! Please! Please tell me you’re okay! Helena!”

This time, I will protect you. I will do whatever it takes, I will definitely protect you. Even if God takes her away, I will without hesitation stop it.

No one can harm you. No one.

“I, won’t…!”

I don’t want to lose you again.

I held Helena tighter. She struggled even harder, but I resented her for it.

Surely, it must be her intention to save wounded and isolated fellow soldiers, to rush into dangerous battlefields again. I will no longer tolerate such actions.

Jumping into danger is already enough. So, now…

“Hold on, Helena! We’re almost there!”

It’s time for me to think about the me who lost you.

“Ugh…. Ahh…!”

How long did we run like that? Before I knew it, the familiar sight of our ally’s camp came into view. I rushed into it without hesitation.

It was the entrance to the familiar trench. I ran without rest. The sensation of stepping on the smooth floor was conveyed through the soles of my shoes.

Yes. Inside the trench, it was clean without even a speck of dirt. The lights were neatly installed as well. There was no dirty mud, no pools of corpses.

I continued to run through the trench. Stairs appeared ahead. Stairs? Were there stairs in the trench?

I don’t know. I don’t need to pay attention to such things. I held Helena tightly and cautiously climbed the stairs, step by step. In case I were to stumble and Helena might get hurt.

There, I see the medical station. The medical station platform seemed simple and shabby, but it had changed more than I expected.

It looked like the dormitory of an academy….

………

…Ah.

“Ugh…. Ah….”

I am.

I am, right now.

Where am I?

Inside the trench? In the midst of the battlefield? Or…”

“Head Priest…”

The dormitory for staff members at the Caldera Imperial Academy.

I looked down at Helena, who was clinging to me with all her strength. Golden hair and emerald eyes. They belonged to Helena.

However, Helena was not the one with short hair. Nor was she the substitute.

“So, Sophia, the substitute….”

She was Sophia, the substitute.

My vision blurred. I started to hear ringing in my ears.

Beep—

Sophia, the substitute’s lips twitched. I heard nothing.

“…Ah.”

I always…

Why does it have to be like this?

The memories of the battlefield, the unhappy recollections, the damn lingering regrets. Even the longing for you that never ceased.

I thought they were slowly changing, but…

I remained unchanged.