ALL NOVEL 103. Concerns Addressed (Tess)
"Thanks for dinner cutie," I said as Amy stood up and collected our empty plates. "I still don't think it's fair you should have to cook on one of your holidays though."
She smiled, "It's just another full moon, not one of the big holy days. And I really don't mind cooking. Anyways we already order in more than enough as it is."
"Once or twice a week isn't so bad!" I protested. "Anyways it's not like you need to worry about health issues, right?"
Amy rolled her eyes as she returned with my topped-up wine glass, but she didn't comment or argue. Then she went back to the kitchen to do the dishes, while I relaxed and enjoyed my wine. After she'd finished up in the kitchen she returned with a fresh glass of wine for herself, then joined me on the sofa. The two of us were alone again tonight, Siggy had gone back to their place out west so Amy and I could do our full moon stuff in private.
My girlfriend cuddled up against my side and had a sip of her wine then commented, "We have about two hours before the moon reaches its peak, and I was thinking it'd be nice if we could time it so the ritual hits a crescendo at the same time as the moon. So what do you want to do in the meantime?"
"We could find something on TV? Or we could just sit and cuddle," she suggested.
After a sip of wine I responded, "There's actually something I'd like to talk with you about. It's been on my mind the last few days, and with the full moon tonight this seemed like the ideal time to discuss it."
"Uh-oh, what have I done now?" my girlfriend joked. "I'm not in some kind of trouble am I?"
That made me smile, "Not at all. Not that I know about anyways."
"Seriously though Amy," I said as my smile faded, "I need to talk with you as your cleric, rather than your girlfriend. And it's probably going to be an awkward conversation because it involves a situation that might come up at the clinic tomorrow."
Amy's expression became serious as well. She sat up straight and had a sip of her wine before setting the glass aside. Finally she nodded, "All right Theresa, what did you want to talk about? What sort of situation are you anticipating at work tomorrow?"
"One of the reasons I said this would be awkward is I can't violate anyone's privacy or confidence," I warned. "So it might be difficult to explain."
My girlfriend considered for a moment before responding, "I understand Tess. The only thing I can say to that is you're communing with your goddess. I'll keep anything you tell me strictly between the two of us, it won't leave this room."
"Thanks Amy," I said, before draining the last of my wine. I set my empty glass down on the coffee table next to hers, then took a deep breath before I started to talk.
"Back on the thirty-first we spoke briefly about the possibility of me performing more miracles for people," I explained. "I'm sure you've already guessed where this is going, but one of my clients is a candidate for a miracle transition. I haven't made the offer yet, I haven't mentioned anything about magic or miracles at all yet, but I'm seeing that client again tomorrow. And maybe I could make the offer. I have a number of concerns though, and I need to speak with you about them first."
I quickly added, "You know helping young trans or queer people has always been my goal as a therapist. What happens tomorrow could potentially make or break my entire career, depending on how it goes."
"All right Tess," Amy responded quietly. "I understand this is a serious situation and a critical decision for you. So what's going on? What are your concerns?"
I explained, "I guess the first thing is if I make the offer and they accept, that means I'll be performing a miracle at work. My boss and my coworkers are going to find out, there's no way this won't turn into a big deal. Emma already knows a bit about my connection with 'a goddess', but Bev and Rosa don't know anything about the supernatural. If I perform a miracle tomorrow I'll have to tell them that I'm cleric working with a real live goddess, that you've granted me access to those powers, and that yes magic is real and so are gods and angels and all that stuff."
"Actually I might even need to call you for help," I added as that thought crossed my mind. "Or at the very least, I might need you to make an appearance."
"Anyways the point is, there's a good chance that I'll be revealing myself, you, my connection to you as your cleric, magic, and the supernatural in general tomorrow. At the very least I'll be sharing all of that with my client, but odds are it's going to come out to everyone I work with as well. And potentially anyone else in the clinic at the time," I finished.
Amy looked thoughtful for a second or two, then she nodded. "All right Tess. I can understand how that's stressful and maybe a bit scary, but I don't have a problem with any of it. I trust your judgement, and if you need me please don't hesitate to call. Or pray. I'll be there as fast as I can."
I smiled, "Thanks cutie."
"So that's the first thing," I added with a little sigh. "Next thing is about my client? They're young, and their family situation sounds like it might be similar to Ada's. I don't know that their parents are religious, but my client tells me their family is queermisic or transmisic."
"Sorry I haven't made this clear, but my client is very much still in the closet. The only people they're out to are myself and some online friends," I added.
After another sigh I continued, "And that's my other big concern? If we do this, they're going to be forced out to their family and their friends. I know your miracles can update their wardrobe and their ID, but you won't touch people's minds. And I agree with that a hundred percent, but it means my client might end up in an untenable situation at home. They don't have anywhere else to go though, no close friends or girlfriend or anyone else who could take them in."
"All right Tess," Amy said as she frowned. "I take it this person still lives with their parents, or they're financially dependent on them? So how would you handle it if a trans client told you their parents kicked them out? Or were threatening them with violence? Forget about the supernatural side of things, do you have any way of helping someone in those circumstances?"
I grimaced, "There's a few options, but none of them are ideal. And whatever happens, it's going to turn their life upside-down. My biggest concern is they'll end up out on the street. Then they won't finish their education, and that will throw the rest of their whole life off course."
Amy slowly shook her head, "I can't hold everyone's hand Tess. What I did for Ada was above and beyond. I simply can't do that for every single person you help."
"I get that but I don't want to help people if it's going to make things worse for them," I responded. "If her life falls apart because of me -"
"Stop," she suddenly interrupted me. "In what way would their life become worse if they received an instant miraculous transition?"
I frowned, "I just said they could end up on the street, their education might be at risk, it could turn their whole life upside-down."
"But they'd have a body that made them happy instead of causing them dysphoria," Amy countered. "That might be more important to them than maintaining their current situation at home."
She continued, "And if you don't help them then what's the outcome? They keep living with dysphoria, maybe they're suffering depression? If this client knows their parents are transphobic then they're probably being exposed to hateful or hurtful comments on a regular basis. You know from your own experiences with your mother what that's like."
"Yeah," I sighed. "I'd still hate to see her life fall apart like that. Things weren't great for Ada and April, but at least neither of them were out on the street. And they're both adults."
Amy had a serious, thoughtful look on her face as she watched me for the next few seconds. She sounded apologetic when she finally spoke up, "Tess I know this is going to come across as insensitive of me, and I'm sorry for that. But what do you think Daisy would have done, if someone had offered her this sort of option? How would you feel if you found out someone else could have made her that offer but didn't, because they thought it would ruin her life?"
Just like that my emotions were all over the place. My first reaction was anger, that she'd bring up my first girlfriend to make a point like that. Rather than risk saying something I might regret I grabbed my wine glass and got to my feet, then turned and headed over to the kitchen.
I remained quiet as I refilled my glass from the four-litre box in the fridge, then took a deep sip of the cold crisp drink. I followed that up by taking a deep breath to try and get a grip on myself.
It helped, and after another half minute or so I had a better handle on my emotions. After another sip of wine I returned to the living-room and sat back down next to my girlfriend. I set my glass down on the coffee table again then turned slightly towards Amy.
"You're right," I sighed. "I hate the comparison, I hate the implication that I'm doing anything even remotely like what Daisy's family did to her, but I understand your point. And you're right. I've been prioritizing my own perceptions of what sort of outcomes are desirable rather than trusting my client to know what she wants and what's most important to her."
With another sigh I admitted, "The worst part is April already told me more or less the same thing at lunch last Friday."
My girlfriend moved closer so she could slip her arm around my waist then pulled me into a side-hug. She leaned in and gave me a kiss, before looking at me with a sad smile. "I'm sorry Tess. I knew it would upset you, but I couldn't think of any better way to help you see the big picture. For what it's worth I don't think you're anything like Daisy's parents. You care way too much about people."
I wrapped an arm around her shoulders then returned the kiss. And finally I nodded, "I just want what's best for my client. I don't want them to suffer or struggle."
"I get that," Amy replied softly. "But you have to trust them to know what's best for them. Their priorities might not be the same as yours, and that's where you got hung up."
"Thanks cutie," I sighed. "I'm sorry for almost losing my temper there."
She shook her head, "It's fine. I'm sorry for getting you so upset."
After exchanging another kiss I said, "I guess my second concern's been addressed then. I'll talk to her when I see her tomorrow, I'll make the offer, and if she accepts then we'll see how things play out."
"Which means there's a good chance that by the end of the day tomorrow, my boss and coworkers are going to know about magic, the supernatural, and that I'm working with a living goddess." I added quietly.
Amy nodded slowly, "Yeah. Just don't try and livestream it or anything, ok? Whatever happens tomorrow, hopefully the clinic will be back to business as usual on Monday."
"I just hope I'll still have a job by Monday," I said with another grimace.
My girlfriend gave me a little squeeze, "I'm sure you will. But if things get too hectic tomorrow, don't hesitate to call for help."
I nodded quietly, then something else occurred to me. "Oh! If you show up and do your goddess thing, people are going to recognize you. I don't even remember if you've met Bev, but Emma will know for sure once she finds out."
"Yeah," Amy made a little face, "It's pretty obvious in retrospect why Amy Sullivan looked nothing like Amethyst. Whether I act all godly or not, the silver hair and purple eyes are a bit of a give-away."
After a moment she shrugged, "I don't think I'd have done anything different though, even if I'd known from the start what was going on? I really like how I look, and I'm not sure I could spend a human lifespan in disguise. Especially not after spending the first twenty-one years trapped wearing a masc mask."
"That was a terrible joke cutie," I said as I gave her a playful little swat.
"I know," she grinned. "Anyways why don't you get the cookies and ice wine? I'll get the candles, and we can start setting things up for the full moon."
