Aka Amy

116. Becoming Real (Tess)



Amy and I had a good weekend in Calgary, and I actually enjoyed spending time with my mom. In all it was a nice little vacation, but as always it was over much too soon. On the other hand things at work were more or less back to normal again, which was a big relief.

Monday and Tuesday both went by ok, now it was Wednesday and things were shaping up to be pretty good again today too. I saw a new client in the morning then I had lunch with Emma. I had another session right after lunch, and now one of my most interesting clients was back for her third visit, which would be my last appointment of the day.

"Hello again Cass," I smiled as the brunette teen settled onto the sofa across from me. "It's nice to see you. How have you been?"

She sat in the exact same spot as on her first two visits, and like before she focused most of her attention on my bookcase. Once she was settled she replied with a shrug, "I'm ok thanks. How are you?"

"I'm good thank you," I smiled. After a slight hesitation I asked, "I take it you decided you didn't want to meet with Emma Carter after all?"

The teen blushed slightly, "We... Cassandra and I kind of talked it over? We decided it'd be better if we just stuck with you, because of the whole supernatural side of things? And because you were recommended."

"Cassandra says we might still want to talk to Emma Carter in the future," she added after a moment. "But for now it's best if we just talk with you."

I responded, "All right Cass, I'm happy you prefer to continue meeting with me. But if you or Cassandra ever do decide you'd like to meet with Emma just let us know."

She nodded quietly, but didn't seem to have anything else to say on the subject.

After a couple seconds I commented, "You mentioned that you and Cassandra made that decision together, after talking it over? That sounds very positive. Have the two of you been talking more since you were last here?"

Cass grimaced, "Yeah we've talked more. We even sort of teamed up and worked together for a while? Things were actually really hectic last week, and over the weekend."

"Wow," I responded. "Working together sounds really positive. Would you like to tell me about it?"

She shrugged, "There was... I guess I shouldn't say too much, but um, at first we thought someone was going to challenge or threaten us about something important? Something both me and Cassandra feel really strongly about? So we sort of joined forces incase we had to defend it. Then something else came up that was really important too, involving some friends of ours? So we worked together for that as well."

"Then there was something we disagreed on," she added, "And that's when it all sort of fell apart. We were still talking, but we weren't acting like a team anymore."

I smiled, "That still sounds like the two of you did some good work together. And you know if you've done it once, that means the two of you can do it again."

"Yeah," she nodded slowly.

There was a brief pause, but this time she spoke up before I could prompt her with another question.

"The other big thing was we um, kind of came out to our family on Friday?" Cass announced. "I mean about being plural. I told our parents and our sister and our girlfriend what it all meant, and some of the stuff you said? Then Cassandra talked to them for a bit too. And we told all our other friends on Saturday, except a few of them already knew. So I guess there was just one friend who found out then."

Apart from her usual quiet shy demeanour I didn't pick up anything else going on, no additional anxiety or guilt or stress. Which I hoped meant that both of those conversations were positive.

I asked, "And how did it go? How did your friends and family take it?"

"I guess it went ok," she replied, although she was frowning slightly at my bookcase. "My parents and sister were surprised and maybe a bit worried, but they didn't freak out or anything. And my friends seemed mostly ok too? The three who already knew were ok, and the one who didn't was surprised but she got over it pretty quickly."

It wasn't hard to spot the person she left out. I asked tentatively, "What about your girlfriend? How did she take it?"

Cass grimaced, "She had more trouble understanding. I kind of expected that I guess? She wasn't... She didn't freak out at me and she didn't get upset with me or anything? I guess she was mostly just confused, and she needed some time to figure stuff out."

"Same as me," she continued. "I was... I'm still worried what my friends and family think of me, if they think I'm crazy or dangerous or stuff like that. And I'm still not that comfortable with Cassandra, like knowing she's there and in my head and my body but she's not me? But I'm trying to understand."

After a brief pause Cass sighed, "It was my birthday on Sunday and I almost didn't go to my own party. I was feeling too embarrassed and worried and everything. I think my girlfriend was too? I was sort of hiding in our room and she was in the living-room, while everyone else was waiting outside. But she eventually came and found me, then we talked and cuddled and worked things out. And eventually we both felt better, so we finally went and joined the party."

I smiled, "That all sounds really positive Cass. I'm glad your parents and your friends are so accepting and understanding. And I'm glad you and your girlfriend were able to work things out together."

"And belated happy birthday," I added. "So you're nineteen now?"

She mumbled, "Thank you. And yeah, nineteen and three days I guess."

By that point I had a growing list of things I wanted to ask her about, and I was doing my best to juggle all of them in my head without forgetting anything. I picked one topic that seemed most relevant, and followed the thread from what she was just talking about.

"You mentioned your sister a couple times," I remarked, "But I don't actually recall hearing anything about her when you were telling me about your childhood or what it was like growing up. Is this an older sister? Or younger?"

That made her grimace again, "Oh um... That's actually another really complicated topic? My family adopted her last summer, so she's only been around for a little over a year now. She went to high school with me last year, but she was in grade eleven."

"She's a kind of supernatural too," Cass added. "My sister is... I guess depending on how you look at it, you could say we're related? Like I mean, if we were human we'd be blood relatives? And she's really nice. I was really happy when my parents decided to adopt her."

I smiled, "I'm glad you're happy, and that you and your sister get along. Did that cause any problems for either of you at school? Suddenly having a teenage sister show up, I mean?"

The teen shook her head, "Not really? I guess a few people were curious, but the funny thing is we actually look like sisters? So we sort of had a story ready just incase. We claimed to be separated at birth or something, I was adopted when I was a baby but we only just found Nina last year. Then after we were reunited it was only natural for mom and mum to adopt her too, so we'd be together again."

"I see. I'm glad things worked out, and it sounds like you and your family are all very close," I responded.

I used that to segue into a few more questions about her family life and her past, to see if she'd come up with any other memories she'd overlooked at our last session.

There were a few more things, but nothing especially noteworthy. And nothing to really change my earlier assessment of her situation. She still exhibited a great deal of detachment from her past memories and experiences. She was aware of certain facts, and she could relay or describe some experiences, but they seemed devoid of any emotional context.

Basically when she described events or experiences that predated her supernatural transition at age seventeen it was almost like she was talking about things that happened to a stranger.

All of that would be going into my case notes of course, and I really wanted to talk with Emma again about all of it. I still suspected Cass was dealing with some long-term depression, but I also wondered if it was maybe related to her plurality in some way too.

I decided to try and find out if she was aware of that disconnect. I suspected she was, but it was always better to ask than assume. "I've noticed when you're talking about some of those events from when you were younger, you seem rather detached from them? Do you feel differently about events from back then, compared to things that have happened more recently?"

The teen went quiet for a few seconds as a thoughtful frown settled on her expression. She was still focused on my bookcase as she seemed to consider my question.

Eventually she shrugged, "I guess so? I kind of assumed it's because of being trans? Like memories of when I had a masc body and thought I was a guy are all kind of dull and muted, like they're not really real. Sort of like stuff I read in a book, instead of stuff that actually happened to me?"

I quietly kicked myself as I hadn't actually considered the disconnect might have been due to dysphoria. I realized I let myself get a little too fixated on her plurality and forgot about other possibile causes.

Meanwhile Cass continued, "I was always more comfortable around books than other people. I told you I spent most of my spare time reading, or even volunteering at the high-school library right? That's the only time I really felt alive, when I could forget my own existence for a while and experience other lives and stuff through books? I mostly liked sci-fi and fantasy stories."

"I see," I nodded slowly. "And after your transition, that's when things stopped being dull and muted?"

She looked thoughtful again for a second or two before responding, "Yeah, I'm pretty sure? It was a really crazy weekend, like I got transformed Friday after class then suddenly I went from zero friends to four friends. Plus my favourite teacher was there helping out and being really nice? She took us all out for dinner then we all went on a ghost hunt together that night and I saw some real ghosts. And after that we spent the weekend at the teacher's house talking about magic and stuff. There was a big ritual on Saturday night, then Sunday I finally went home to tell my parents I was a girl and stuff."

It took me a few seconds to process all of that. I couldn't even imagine what it must have been like for a shy introvert like Cass to suddenly find herself going through so much in the span of a single weekend.

Cass still had that thoughtful look on her face as she commented, "In a way it kind of feels like I just sort of existed before, but I wasn't really alive? Like I wasn't a real person for most of my life? Then I accidentally walked into a magic circle and my true form was unlocked, and that changed everything. Like that's the moment when I became real..."

Her voice trailed off and her eyes widened at that revelation, which I thought was completely understandable.

"Cass?" I asked after a couple seconds had passed. "Are you ok?"

She nodded slowly as she mumbled, "I guess so. Um, me and Cassandra were just talking about that? Like how we only started to feel real after that."

"Would Cassandra like to meet with me at all today?" I asked. Then after a glance at the clock on the wall behind her I added, "We're actually nearly out of time, but there's about five minutes left if she wants to see me."

The teen hesitated briefly before shaking her head, "She says no, but thanks for asking."

"Of course," I gave them a polite smile.

Cass looked hesitant as she added, "I'm starting college next week, so I'm not sure when I can book another appointment? It's going to be harder to make arrangements, until I know what the schedules are and everything."

"Not just for me but my sister and girlfriend too," she added with a slight blush. "I don't drive so usually I have to get someone else to bring me."

I nodded, "Of course. I take it you have someone waiting outside for you again today?"

She grimaced as she shook her head, "Everyone was busy today so I had to um, make other arrangements."

She didn't seem to want to elaborate but the way she acted I guessed it wasn't her mother waiting outside. I figured she probably had to take a bus or perhaps she used a ride-share. Either way she'd gone quiet again but we still had two minutes left in the session.

I quickly tried to come up with something to say or ask to fill the time, and that's when I remembered there was something I wanted to tell both her and Cassandra. I wasn't even sure how to say it, but I felt like they needed to know that council man in black was asking about them.

My expression and tone were both serious as I said, "Actually Cass there's something I need to tell you about. I had a strange visitor last week who was asking questions about you. He claimed to be from the Ministry of Health but I have reason to believe he was lying. He asked about you by name and he knew the dates of your first two sessions here."

"Of course I didn't tell him anything," I continued. "I was very clear with him that all my records and client information are confidential."

The teen's demeanour changed while I was speaking, and I knew Cassandra had taken over after all. She asked, "What was his name? What did he look like?"

I described the man as best I could then added, "He looked and acted like a 'man in black'. And he called himself Adrian Sinclair, but I doubt that's his real name."

"Thank you Theresa," Cassandra replied. "I appreciate that information. He didn't threaten you at all did he?"

I grimaced, "He was a little demanding and intimidating, but I realized he was bluffing."

"And you don't have to worry about me," I added. I held up my left hand with my engagement ring and smiled, "I'm sure you haven't forgotten, I have someone looking out for me."

The teen nodded, "Of course."

It looked like she was going to say something else, but she was interrupted by a buzzing sound from her purse. She pulled out her phone and had a look at the screen, then looked back at me and apologized. "I'm sorry Theresa, Cass and I have to go. Something's come up, it's a safety issue so I need to address it immediately."

"All right Cassandra," I replied. "Take care, and good luck at college next week, for both you and Cass."

"Thank you," she responded. "Enjoy the rest of your day."

With that the girl simply vanished. One moment she was in my office, facing me as she stood next to the sofa. The next moment I was alone, and my heart was racing slightly.

I'd seen both Amy and Raven teleport often enough, and even experienced it a few times myself. It was familiar enough that I felt I was almost used to it. In spite of that, actually having one of my clients unexpectedly teleport out of my office in front of me was still a bit of a shock.

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