ALL NOVEL 29. Explanations (Tess)
I was almost beside myself with worry as I held Amy in my arms. She finally stopped trembling, but now she was completely limp. She seemed unconscious but her eyes were still open. She almost looked dead, but she was still breathing. And I had no idea what to do or how to help her.
I told her this was too risky, I thought it was a bad idea. Asking the Goddess for knowledge like that was too ambiguous, too open-ended. There was no telling what she might get, or what could happen to her. And it seemed like my fears had been justified.
I held her tighter and whispered, "Amy please wake up! Please come back!"
As if responding to my words, she started to stir. Then to my immense relief she blinked and pulled herself upright. She seemed weak though as she leaned against my side. And she was crying, she wiped away some tears as she leaned against me.
I shifted my arm so it stayed wrapped around her shoulders as I asked, "Are you ok? What happened?"
"Sorry Tess," she replied weakly. She sounded tired, almost exhausted. "That was... I don't even know what to say."
She wiped some more tears from her eyes and added, "It worked. I understand now, I know what's going on. I remember it. I lived it."
I felt a cold feeling in my stomach as I asked nervously, "What do you mean, you lived it?"
Amy replied with a sad smile, "If you get me some water, I'll tell you all about it."
She seemed to be recovering quickly now, the exhaustion was gone from her voice and she looked better too.
"Of course!" I hurried to the kitchen and grabbed her a bottle of water, then returned and wrapped my arm around her again as I sat down next to her.
Amy thanked me for the water and had a few gulps, then she started telling me what she experienced.
It seemed fantastic, but what she described sounded like a past-life regression. In her previous life she was Amy Sullivan, and like we suspected, Ms Sullivan and my grandmother were lovers.
Amy described how she'd been a wild young heiress who had a reputation for drinking and partying and getting up to no good. But she wanted to shed that past and start fresh somewhere new, so she decided to move to Canada. She explained how she happened to crash her car near granny's home, and the two met when granny went to see if she was ok. They became best friends, and Amy invited granny to emigrate with her to Canada.
They shared a little apartment at first, and their relationship progressed from friends to lovers. After my mom was born, they moved into a duplex where granny and Amy lived next-door to each other. They continued to claim they were best friends, while granny raised my mom and Amy went to work and supported the three of them. And later on, after my mom was grown up and married, Amy and granny sold the duplex and moved into another apartment together.
And I knew the story would have a sad ending, both Amy Sullivan and my granny were dead now, but it still brought tears to my eyes when Amy described how it ended from her perspective. A few months after I was born, Amy Sullivan passed away from cancer with my granny by her side. And I knew granny lived alone for another five years, before she passed on as well.
"Wow," I slowly shook my head when Amy finished her story. "That's incredible. But it doesn't explain how you're connected to the Goddess. I know granny was involved because she summoned her, but how does that tie in with you? Or with Amy Sullivan?"
Amy had a few more gulps of water then took a deep breath and said, "Brace yourself for this one. I didn't just get memories from Amy Sullivan's life. I got a glimpse of another life, before that one."
"Oh," I said as my eyes widened. "Who were you before that?"
She seemed to hesitate, before finally answering softly "I was the goddess Amethyst."
I stared at her in shock. I had no idea what to say, and I wasn't even sure I believed what she was telling me.
Amy continued, "Mary... Your granny asked for help. Amethyst felt sorry for her, and she liked her. So she decided to help Mary in person. She'd made herself mortal before, so she could walk the Earth as a human now and then? She did it again, she created the identity Amy Sullivan and made up the story about being a wild heiress. She planned to spend a month or two on Earth helping Mary move to Canada and get settled. Then Amy Sullivan would die or disappear, and Amethyst would return to the heavens."
I continued staring as I whispered, "What happened?"
"They fell in love," she replied with a sad smile. "Amethyst fell for Mary, and Mary loved her back. She kept making excuses to stick around, to keep helping Mary. And after Jodie... After your mom was born, she knew she couldn't leave either of them. Amethyst wanted to be there for Mary, and to help raise Jodie."
Amy paused to drink the last of her water, then sighed. "She'd never spent that long as a human before, but she didn't think there'd be any harm if she stayed. She was wrong. The longer she remained disguised as a human, the more distant her real self became. By the time Jodie started school, Amethyst forgot who she really was. She lost touch with her divine nature and her power. She stopped being a goddess disguised as a human named Amy, and she was just Amy. She spent her life with Mary, they raised Jodie together. They grew old together. And ultimately, she took ill and died as a human."
Once again I didn't know what to say. I just stared at her in stunned silence.
After a minute or two of silence, Amy continued her story. "Amethyst the goddess died while incarnated as a human, while believing she was a human. Instead of returning to her place in the heavens, she came back again as another human. Amy Sullivan died on September ninth, nineteen-ninety-nine. I was born two months later, on November twenty-third."
She blushed as she added, "I guess it's no surprise I turned out trans, if my soul came from a goddess. And it's kind of obvious now in hindsight, but makes sense why I always liked the silver hair and purple eyes look. Same with the name Amethyst. It was probably some subconscious thing, trying to connect me to my divine heritage?"
Amy sighed to herself, then shrugged "Anyways, so fast-forward twenty-one years and you found Mary's journal and tried the same ritual. It wasn't an accident or a mistake that dragged me into your circle. You summoned the goddess Amethyst and you got me because that's who I used to be. I just didn't know it, because I forgot back in the nineteen-sixties. The summoning partially awakened some of that divine nature. Enough to change my body, enough to let me connect with that power on some level? But not enough that I was consciously aware of any of this stuff."
I was silent for a few more minutes as all that slowly sank in. I still had an arm around Amy's shoulders, and she was still leaning against my side. I realized though, for maybe the first time since we met she seemed truly relaxed. I couldn't feel any tension or anxiety in her, like she was completely at peace now.
My thoughts were still a bit of a mess, with various questions popping up as I continued slowly processing it all. One question seemed most important, although I was almost scared to ask it.
"Who are you now?" I asked nervously. "I mean... Are you Amethyst the Goddess? Are you Amy Sullivan? Or are you my Amy?"
She looked at me with an amused smile and asked, "Your Amy? I didn't realize I belonged to you."
I blushed and sputtered a little, "You know what I mean! The Amy I met in the coffee shop, the one I've been trying to help for the past nine days."
"I know what you mean," she replied. She still had that cute smile on her face as she apologized, "Sorry, I couldn't resist teasing a little."
"So who are you?" I asked again. I couldn't hide the anxiety in my voice as I commented, "You seem a lot more calm and relaxed than my Amy..."
She replied in a soothing voice, "It's ok Tess. I'm the same person I was this morning, the same person I've been since the full moon. You're right, I'm calm now. I have all the answers I wanted, and everything finally makes sense."
Something about her tone, about the way she said that kept me nervous and on edge. And led to the next important question I had in mind.
"So what happens now?" I asked, though once again I was afraid to hear the answer. "Now that you know who and what you are? Does that mean... Do you have to die or disappear, so you can go back to the heavens?"
Amy frowned as she seemed to be thinking it over. She was still holding her empty water bottle, and she stared at that with a thoughtful look on her face.
To my surprise there were a few flickers of golden light inside the bottle, and suddenly it was full again.
Amy smiled and had sip of it, then finally looked at me as she answered my question.
"No. I might have been the goddess Amethyst in a past life, but I'm not her anymore. On the other hand, as long as I don't forget that heritage I'll be able to access her power."
After a slight pause she added, "And I was thinking? Amethyst granted Mary's wish, it'd only be fair if I granted yours too. I seem to recall you said you wanted a girlfriend? As it happens, I kind of know someone who's grown really attached to you over the past nine days or so..."
I found myself staring at her in surprise yet again, but I also felt a flutter in my heart. We'd definitely grown very close in the short time since we first met, and I'd wondered more than once about the two of us becoming even closer. On the other hand, I had some new concerns after everything she'd just told me.
"How would that work?" I asked slowly. "I mean, a human in a relationship with a Goddess?"
She shook her head as she explained, "I'm still human, still mortal. Like I said, I can access her power now that I know about her, now that I know about that connection. But I'm not omnipotent or omniscient. Even though I remember being a goddess in a past life I'm not her any more. I'm not Amethyst the goddess, and I'm not Amy Sullivan either. I'm Amethyst Price, or Amy Price. I'm the same trans girl you've been helping since the full moon. I'm still me, all that's changed is now I have access to something more."
"Oh," was the only response I could come up with as I thought about that.
I couldn't deny there were a lot of ways that could be fun or useful, having a girlfriend with divine power at her fingertips. There was one other thing that crossed my mind, and I was reluctant to mention it but figured I shouldn't hold back.
"It might feel weird for me being in a relationship with someone who used to sleep with my granny."
"That was Amy Sullivan," she replied with another little smile. "I'm your Amy."
I smiled back then pulled her closer. I gave her a little kiss on the lips and replied, "Just promise you won't start comparing me to her."
"I promise," she replied, as she slipped her arms around me. Then her lips pressed against mine as she returned the kiss.
My heart fluttered again, but another thought crossed my mind and I couldn't help myself. I giggled, "Holy crap I fucked a Goddess. I've actually had sex with a Goddess!"
Amy grinned, "Play your cards right and you'll get to fuck her again. I mean, if you're into that sort of thing."
I stared at her and we both blushed slightly as we smiled at each other. Then without another word we both leaned in for another kiss.
