ALL NOVEL 86. Talking Shop (Tess)
"Do you mind talking shop while we eat?" I asked, as me and Emma walked into the clinic's small break room.
It was another Friday, and I'd been looking forward to speaking with her for the last couple days. She was only working two days a week now, she'd been in on Tuesday but had Wednesday and Thursday off this week.
She shook her head as she sat down at the little table, "Not at all. What's on your mind?"
I hesitated slightly as I put my container of last night's leftovers into the microwave, then finally responded "I was hoping to talk with you a little more about plurality? I started reading your thesis the other night, but there's some questions I had that I haven't found answers for yet."
"I'm always happy to discuss that topic," Emma replied with a smile.
She had a sandwich she brought with her, and a bottle of spring water, but she waited for me to join her with my meal before she got started on her own. It took another minute before my lunch was sufficiently warmed up, then I sat down across from her with a can of cola and my plastic container full of chicken and veggies with pasta.
"That smells great," she grinned. "Home made?"
I nodded, "Amy's a pretty good cook, she looks after me."
Emma teased, "Does she clean too? She sounds like an excellent catch."
"She does!" I replied with a laugh. "And she is."
Then as we both started eating I got a little more serious again, "So I was wondering, is there a way to tell if someone's plural? Like, are there some signs or hints or clues that you could pick up on?"
She became more serious too, and she was quiet for a few moments as she chewed on a bite of her sandwich. After a sip of water she replied, "Like with pretty much everything in our profession, there's no absolute answers. There can be clues and hints, but those can also point to different things, or they could be completely irrelevant. The only way to know for sure is if they tell you themself."
"I should also add, forcing someone to confront their plurality before they're ready can cause more harm than good," she stated. "The process of self-discovery for a system can be upsetting and destabilizing, so it should never be forced."
I nodded, "Understood. So what sort of clues or hints can come up? What would you be looking for, if you suspected someone was plural?"
Emma had a thoughtful look on her face as she replied, "Like I said, none of these is a guaranteed 'tell', especially not on its own. And all of them can be symptoms of other things, or nothing. Even collectively all these clues can do is suggest a person may be plural. But these are the sorts of things I might make note of if I was working with a client, if these things came up repeatedly over multiple sessions."
After I nodded in understanding she began, "I'd be looking at things like the person forgetting conversations, sometimes immediately after they're over. Sometimes even before they're over, if they suddenly seem to have lost track of what was being said. Especially if that's accompanied by a change in affect or demeanour. Another thing would be tastes, likes and dislikes, or opinions that change from time to time. For example, one day they like seafood and claim it's one of their favourites, on another occasion they say they hate the stuff and never eat it, then later they claim to like it again."
"That can go for just about anything," she added, "Even things that seems more fundamental, like political or religious views. Even sexuality and gender identity can vary between parts of a system. Age as well."
She paused for another bite of her lunch then cautioned, "Something to bear in mind, the flamboyantly obvious depiction of plurality that's common in entertainment media is actually extremely rare in real life. Most systems mask and hide themselves naturally, as a defence mechanism. Especially if they're unaware of their plurality themself, they'll be hiding that fact from themselves as much as they do from the people around them."
"I see," I frowned slightly as I had another forkful of pasta.
Emma offered, "I can send you some links if you like, resources to look into, that kind of thing?"
I smiled, "Thanks, I'd appreciate that."
The topic had been on my mind again since Tuesday night, when Amy and I celebrated the July full moon. I was joined once more by the Goddess, and this time I remembered to ask my question about the cookies. I wanted to know what happened to them and the icewine, since I never saw my girlfriend eating them. And the more I thought about Amethyst's answer, the more certain I was that she and Amy were two different entities.
And now based on what Emma just told me, it felt like my suspicions were correct. Or at least, what I'd witnessed the other night matched one of the examples my coworker mentioned.
Tuesday night I asked the Goddess about the cookies, "Why won't you eat any of them, or drink some of the wine? I don't mean all of them, but why not enjoy one or two? They're your favourites and they're yours, I put them out for you. So I don't understand why you never actually eat them?"
To which Amethyst responded, "I accept the offering in the spirit in which it was given. The sacrifice of food and drink is an ancient tradition, and it pleases me that you still follow it. But I will not partake of either the cookies or the wine, because they are both much too sweet for my palate."
The Goddess never actually told me what became of the offerings, but what she did say left me with a lot to think about. I knew those were Amy's favourite cookies, both she and Hailey confirmed it. They even had a special name for them, the 'six Cs of deliciousness'. Amy picked out the icewine too, she claimed to like it and it was supposed to pair well with the cookies.
So hearing someone who was supposedly the same person as my girlfriend tell me she didn't like them and they were too sweet for her actually left me a little shaken.
The idea that different parts of a system could present with differing affect and demeanour also struck a chord. My girlfriend definitely acted different when she was being the Goddess, but I was left wondering if that was Amy acting like Amethyst, or if it was Amethyst simply presented differently because she was a different person.
After a few quiet moments I looked to my coworker again and asked, "One other thing I was curious about? In your thesis you speculated that there could be plenty of ways plurality can occur, but you didn't actually mention any in the paper?"
She grimaced, "Earlier versions had some examples, but I got some flack for it from my advisors? Too fanciful, no hard evidence. They told me to remove that part entirely, but it was important to me to have that in there. I only got away with it because I clearly indicated it was my own speculation and comments. Basically it was presented in the hypothetical, to try and get people to open their minds and think about the possibilities."
"I'm familiar with the current theories about structural dissociation and traumagenic plurality," she continued, "But in all honestly nobody truly understands the human mind. I think it's hubris for anyone to declare there's only one way plurality can manifest, or that we know everything there is to know about how that happens."
I smiled, "So could you give me some examples of other ways it can come about? Hypothetical or not?"
Emma shrugged, "There's information out there if you know what questions to ask and where to look. Especially if you don't discount esoteric sources. I found claims of people intentionally creating other personalities within themselves, through practices they referred to as tulpamancy. And I came across some information about creating new personalities within other people, using hypnosis. Of course that looked like an ethical minefield, but allegedly it's possible."
I made a mental note to look up both of those out of curiosity, particularly the second option. Amy and I used hypnosis on occasion to help her relax when she got too stressed or anxious, and we'd had some fun with it too, but we hadn't actually done much with it in the last four or five months.
Then I asked, "Anything else? What about really out there esoteric stuff?"
Emma looked a little uncomfortable as she responded, "If you want to venture into the realm of fiction, there's plenty of examples. Take science fiction for example, if there were some way to interface computers directly with the human brain in such a way that you could directly read or write to someone's mind, then I imagine it would be possible to create other selves? And if you prefer fantasy stories, then once you introduce magic I suppose literally anything's possible."
I nodded slowly as I tried to find a way to rephrase my question. Obviously I couldn't just tell my coworker that my girlfriend embodied a Goddess and also carried all the memories of a past life within her, but I wanted to find some way to ask about Amy's situation without making it sound like I was asking silly questions about make-believe scenarios.
It took another couple seconds before it came to me. "What about possession? That comes up both in fiction and in certain cultural practices, doesn't it? For that matter I'm pretty sure there's actually been criminal cases where the defendant's claimed to have been possessed. Whether by demons or ghosts or even angels or Gods or otherworldly beings."
"Yeah..." Emma grimaced again. Actually there was something in her expression just for a moment when I mentioned demonic possession, but it was gone before I could be sure I'd seen it.
She sighed, "That's actually a complicated topic? I know most people would dismiss it out of hand, and in most documented cases it's assumed the victim was suffering from some other disorder that interferes with their perception of reality. But having said that, there are a few rare cases where it can't be easily explained away. And like you said, it's part of some cultures and we shouldn't dismiss their beliefs."
"So would you consider possession as a form of plurality?" I asked.
Emma looked thoughtful as she responded, "I think it would depend on the circumstances? And to be clear this is hypothetical and speculation on my part. But my opinion is, if the possessing entity is only present temporarily, or if they seize complete executive control for the entire duration of their stay, and if there is no communication or cooperation between the visiting entity and the host identity, then no. That's not plurality, it's strictly possession."
"On the other hand if the possessing entity becomes a long-term or permanent resident," she continued, "And they share executive control with the host personality, and there is communication and cooperation between the new entity and the host, then I would say that could well be a case of plurality arising from possession."
Finally she added, "To be clear those rules do not apply to normal plurality, I just made them up right now to answer your question regarding possession. And if I were ever presented with someone who claimed their situation followed that sort of hypothetical, I'd certainly want to investigate further. There's plenty of mundane explanations that could fit the symptoms, and any of those would be more likely than a supernatural answer."
It took me a few moments to process all of that. Then I smiled, "Thanks Emma. This has been really enlightening."
She smiled back, and the two of us continued eating in silence for the next little while. After a couple minutes though, she glanced towards the break room door before looking back at me again. As if she was worried we might be overheard, but Rosa was at her desk out front and Bev was with a client, so we were quite alone.
Emma seemed hesitant as she commented quietly, "Theresa if you know someone you think might be plural, the best thing you can do for them is be observant but let them be themself, let them find themselves on their own time and their own terms. And be supportive and accepting if and when they need it."
There was another brief pause before she continued in a softer voice, "If you know someone you think might be possessed, I'm afraid I don't have much advice to offer. Just, be careful. There's things out there beyond our understanding, and while some of them are benevolent, others can be incredibly dangerous."
Suddenly I found myself staring at her in surprise as my heart started racing and things both Amy and Raven said surfaced in my mind. About supernaturals living among us, disguised as normal humans. And I couldn't help wondering if Emma was one of them. Or if not, I was positive she had experience with them. Her warning sounded too genuine, like she'd had an encounter with something supernatural herself.
It took me a second or two to respond, and when I did I was just as quiet as she'd been. "What sort of things? What kind of dangers?"
The older woman hesitated again, and I could imagine she was trying to decide whether or not it was safe to continue. Like whether it was safe to open up even further to me, or if I'd respond with ridicule or disbelief.
In the end she seemed to think I was trustworthy, as she half whispered "This may sound crazy Tess, but some things we think of as myths and legends are true. I know for a fact demons are real, and some of them can and do kill humans without a second thought. Others can be friendly, but it's best to avoid such things entirely."
By that point I was positive she'd encountered something herself, probably demonic. I ended up staring at Emma for a second or two as I wondered if I should tell her I already knew about the supernatural, before deciding to hold off. As sure as I was that she and I were on the same wavelength I didn't want to risk exposing Amy, and I wasn't sure if my coworker would freak out if she knew I was involved in supernatural stuff too. Especially if her own experiences were negative, and based on her words and tone I had to believe they were.
I finally asked in the same soft voice, "What happened to you Emma? Did you encounter something unnatural?"
She glanced at the break room door again, then looked back at me and shook her head. She whispered, "This isn't the place to talk about that sort of thing Tess."
Then in her usual tone and volume she added, "Anyways like I said, I'm always happy to talk about plurality with you. And I'll make sure to email you those links and references I mentioned earlier."
"Thanks Emma," I replied in a normal casual voice. "I appreciate it."
As the two of us ended our lunch break she added, "Unrelated, but would you and your fiancée be available for dinner tomorrow night? My wife and I would love to have the two of you over."
That put a smile on my face, "That would be wonderful! What time should we be there?"
