Alchemy of Madness

Her hand suddenly rested on the table, which startled me slightly. I returned my gaze to her face; her eyes remained closed, but she was breathing heavily.

"What a hero you are, sacrificing your own desire to give me the life I want." She spoke, finally gazing at me.

What!

"How's Ariana?" I felt a powerful punch land on both my face and groin. I opened my mouth, and nothing came out except dumb Uhm sounds. She knows. "She must be good in bed; I mean you kept fucking her for two years."

I started to speak, but she silenced me with her hand. "I must admit, I was flattered that you were fucking a hooker who looked awfully similar to me. As if you weren't actually cheating."

Guilt flooded my chest; I never believed I was cheating. She was curvy and delicious, just like Anna when she was in college. Anna changed following her last book, which she published four years ago. "You were not yourself anymore...I missed you, Anna." I swallowed the dryness in my throat. "We stopped having sex even before the pregnancy path started; the spark was gradually disappearing. I needed something to retain my sanity."

"You fucked her the same day I lost my spark as you claim."

What! How the hell did she know!! "Anna..."

"The same day, the media decided to rip me apart because of your family political move, they only attacked me, doubting my talent, my hard work and my novels." Anna smiled sadly. "The day I needed you most, you went to drink to cope with all the shit thrown at your face, couldn't take the shit your grandfather was saying and went to your old club, and you fucked her."

She shifted in her chair, and I wanted to avoid her gaze. "When you finally came back, you just told me what you did, you were shocked how the club changed, how your old buddy was urging you to go as they have a new fantastic theme."

Please stop.

"I'm sorry Anna." I reached for her hand, and she did not stop me.

"You're not." I wasn't. "We both fell out of this marriage for a long time. That day, I was shocked but not surprised.

"I fucked her because she reminded me of you, the old you." I couldn't lie; I couldn't force myself to justify my actions. I screwed up.

"I could sense that we weren't in love anymore." She moved her hand and smiled warmly at me. Like her previous smile. The old Anna, my Anna. "I understand how you function, but it did hurt me that you managed to get away without fixing this."

"I don't know, I felt I couldn't do it anymore."

"I always wanted kids, but not really now but I thought that could bring us back together."

"I'm sorry I cheated on you."

"I'm sorry too, I checked out of this marriage too, I never cheated but I don't love you anymore."

I knew and felt it the entire time we were together.

Anna grinned again, saying, "I still don't want to stay here; you guys figure it out." With that, she rose up and hugged me.

"Please don't hate me." I said as I released her. She stared at me with sorrowful and longing eyes. Killing me since I'm the cause of it.

"We both deserve happiness. I can't lie, I'm relieved that I'm no longer pregnant; I couldn't take it any longer; we're both lying to one another, and I'm actually happy now." She stroked my face, her eyes glistening with tears. My Anna.

Our lips touched, and I hadn't tasted her in a long time. The kiss was slow and pure. We were saying our final farewell. For the first time in years, I was actually kissing my first love, Anna. She halted the kiss and hugged me firmly again.

"I don't hate you; you will always be my friend."

"And you're always my friend."

At this precise moment, I saw her again. My college best friend was back.