ALL NOVEL Chapter 15: It was never fair; loving you.
The smell of burning incense fills the small room; there is absolute silence. In the room, a mother and her child are kneeling on a carpet, their hands pressed together in front of them in a prayer.
A photo of a smiling man with oak-colored hair was resting on top of an altar, surrounded by incense. The altar was carefully decorated with flower vases of eclectic colors, the best that the widow could find.
Opening her eyes, Hiroko stares at the photo, lifeless eyes meeting the image of her now-deceased husband. Since his passing, she has not felt the same. It is an unexplainable feeling: despite his lack of presence in her life, now that he is gone, she feels an unusual emptiness—a part of herself has been torn away.
Turning to her son, Yuudai, Hiroko discovers that he looks indifferent. His expression hadn't changed since the day he found out that Rimi, his dearest friend, had killed his father.
Hiroko was not the same. Rimi had brutalized her husband. The child who she allowed to set foot in her abode had taken the life of the stubborn man she conceived a child with, then tore his body apart and created a sculpture out of it.
Her contempt was purely justified by the fact that Rimi tortured her husband in his final moments.
"What came over her, Kimiko?! What made your daughter do that to the man I love?! What kind of monster did your—sick, twisted family create?!" Hiroko's outrage in the morning that she received the news was unforeseen. But, it was an emotional response, not a level-headed one. Someone who she'd spent years with, even though he was commonly absent, had been treated worse than an animal in a slaughterhouse. The scene that was left behind was worse than any scene left by the worst serial killers in history, and it was courtesy of a 7-year-old girl.
Raising her hand, Hiroko reaches to touch her son on the shoulder. However, as if sensing her intentions, he rose to his feet and stormed out of the room. Yuudai hadn't cried at all, but he also hadn't even tried to get in contact with his friend.
She hadn't reached out to him either.
Sniffling, Hiroko tries to call for her son, but she can't even conjure the will to do such a sparse task. She knew that she was being selfish. Her son's father was dead. The man who he looked up to was taken from this world in the most traumatizing fashion, and it was done by none other than someone who he held dear to him; like family.
Despite knowing the selfishness of her current self, Hiroko cannot chase her son out of the room. She can barely gather the strength to take the next step forward.
When she tries to push herself to her feet, Hiroko just collapses back down to her knees. She can go no further than this altar.
The distant memories of her childhood go through her mind.
* * * *
"Huh?" The blonde-haired girl turns in the direction of the young man speaking to her. He was somewhat scrawny, and his uniform looked to hover over his biceps and dangle across his shoulder. "What do you think you're doing?" The young Hiroko sat with her legs crossed. Her stocking hugged her legs enough to shape her maturing build perfectly.
In front of her, the scrawny young man was stretching his arms out, bowing with his face toward the ground. In his hands, there was a bouquet. "K-Katayama! I'd like to take you on a d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-"
"Enough! Stop!" Hiroko waves her hands in front of herself, stopping the stammering boy. He was far too skittish and pathetic, it made her want to laugh. Her good-hearted nature prevented her from giggling at the boy's apprehension. "Why should I go on a date with you, Yokota?" She asks, sitting her chin on the palm of her hand as she leans in, amused by his advances.
"H-Huh?" The young Yuuichi lifts his head at the unexpected response from the girl. With blonde hair and smooth skin, Hiroko was easily crowned as the most beautiful girl in their class. He'd always gazed at her from a distance, admiring her beauty, the way she spoke, and her personality which despite having a few imperfections only made her seem more human through her divine appearance. "Well, you're a beautiful person." Yuuichi's answer was more straightforward than expected, even one of Hiroko's friends nearly spat their drink out from how easily he confessed.
Hiroko's face twists into one of revulsion as she stares at the boy. "So you only see my looks, do you?" Hearing the anger in her voice, Yuuichi is quick to rebound. "Of course not! I mean beautiful as your entire being!" This time, one of Yuuichi's few friends in the distance is the one spitting their drink out. That was a completely out-of-character statement from him. "You're angelic in appearance, but you're also so human. You smile when you see birds, but you frown at the sight of a dog. You laugh when someone trips, but frown once they're hurt. You're a human in the body of an angel."
Silence fills the space after Yuuichi's in-depth analysis of his crush. Hiroko had heard many confessions but for someone as shy as Yuuichi to step forward and bravely confess his love to her was not something she'd predicted would ever happen. It'd take great courage for someone who can barely make a presentation in front of their classmates to admit to loving someone so openly in front of so many onlookers.
When Hiroko's mouth opens, Yuuichi flinches, expecting her to shout at him or scold him. He spent a long time mustering up the courage to confess to the girl. His friends spent all night convincing him that 'the worst she can say is no' which helped fuel his confidence. A simple 'no' was the only answer that Yuuichi expected, and while he might be hurt now, he'd recover with the help of his friends.
"Why should I date you, Yokota? You're scrawny, and your grades are amazing, but your charisma is at a record-breaking low. You'd probably piss yourself at the first sight of a falling branch." Yuuichi's confidence deflates immediately. The boy falls to his knees, ravaged by the overwhelming rejection.
Astonished, Yuuichi's friends stand in the distance with their hands on their heads, jaws dropped. Even Hiroko's friends were rendered speechless by the harsh words she threw at the poor, hopeful boy.
During his sulking, Hiroko smiles, a soft giggle escaping from her lips. "Pfft! Eheh!~" Yuuichi raises his head to look at Hiroko, a muddled look forming on his saddened face. "I'm sorry, Yokota! I was just teasing you!" Leaning down over the boy on the ground, Hiroko's hand runs through his hair.
The others thought that Hiroko was cruel for the joke she'd pulled, it was unnatural for her to do something like that for her own enjoyment. Somehow, though, despite having his heart broken for a few seconds, Yuuichi still saw the beauty in Hiroko's appearance. The way that her eyes sparkled; how the light reflects off her body as if she was made of the most refined gem; and the beautiful smile that'd attract sunlight during the darkest nights.
Hiroko couldn't help herself. She knew that teasing the boy would manifest the most adorable reaction she'd seen in a long time, comparable to one that her own siblings would've shown when they were younger. "Sure, I'll let you take me on a date, Yuuichi Yokota."
That day marked the beginning of their rocky lives. Hiroko cannot remember when the young man started changing. It might've been when he found out that she was pregnant, or when he was attacked by some of their school's bullies. All that she knew was that he wanted to protect her, and she let him.
* * * *
Yuudai paces down the hallway to his bedroom, his foggy mind stirs, making it impossible for congruent thoughts to surface.
No matter how many times he tries to think otherwise, no matter how many times he sleeps through it, and no matter how many times he tells himself; his father is still dead. He was killed by Rimi, one of the people he loved like his own sister.
'Why does this have to happen to me?' Yuudai ponders. 'Why did Rimi do that? Did she really have to? Of course, she did... No, she didn't need to.' His thoughts contradict one another, overlapping as denial and acceptance struggle against the other. 'They said that he was trying to kill her. He'd do that, definitely.' The boy doesn't deny that his father would try to kill Rimi, but for some reason, he still cannot accept this sensible reasoning.
'She's wrong, and I hate her. Why do I hate her so much? Why does it hurt so badly?' Reaching his bed, Yuudai crumbles down at its foot, seizing his shirt into a vice grip. He has not felt the urge to cry, even when he discovered that his father died. His body has not let him cry because of his quirk, adapting to try and bend his emotions.
Even with the influence of a quirk, the young man's feelings could not be changed so easily. He feels the pain of the loss, and his emotions and thoughts are slowly overcoming his sense of reason.
'I just need to talk to you, Rimi. I need to understand... I want to be wrong!' Yuudai so desperately wants to understand that his hatred is misplaced. He wants nothing but to go back to viewing Rimi as his dearest friend with who he's grown up. It's difficult, if not, impossible.
Strings weave through Yuudai's mind, attempting to create connections between his heart and mind. These strings could not reach his soul, entangling before they can achieve their purpose.
Unawares, Yuudai is standing in front of his door; or rather, where the door once was. The doorframe is damaged, with fragments and spikes of wood poking out of it. The nails that held it in place were bent and broken. The door has landed on the ground in the hallway, chipped and damaged.
Yuudai looks down at his hands. He does not feel any pain, but, he is aware that he's punched his door. Everything went black for a few seconds, and in those few seconds, he'd blown his door off of its hinges.
He freezes in place at the realization, looking left and right down the hall. 'I shouldn't have done that! What's gotten into me?! I shouldn't have...' His frantic thoughts slow when he finds no changes in his environment.
'...Right...' The boy's mother would've usually come running down the hallway by now. She would've been asking what happened. She'd have been worried sick about him, even when knowing that his quirk would've kept him safe from most dangers. In spite of that, his mother is nowhere to be seen, still in the same room with the burning incense, waiting for her husband to return from the dead.
Hopes cruelly vanquished, Yuudai slumps to the ground, his back against the damaged doorframe. His legs curl up to his chest, and his arms hug them close. No matter how much he tries, he just cannot bring himself to cry. 'Rimi, please, just talk to me.' He's almost certain that Rimi would have no idea what to say. She was too socially awkward to properly apologize or hold a conversation with him about this.
Yuudai clung to the sliver of sanity that told him that Rimi would come and they'd be able to talk about this. No matter how awkward the conversation between them is, they will be able to understand each other.
For now, sadly, Yuudai is left to sit there. His father is dead, his mother is broken, and he is unable to cry.
"How's your mother doing?" A feminine, yet hoarse voice speaks down to the child sitting on the porch of his home. Rocking back and forth in a rocking chair previously unused is an elderly woman with a floral gown on, her oak-colored hair tied neatly into a bun, with no stray strands in sight.
Occupying the porch is none other than Yuudai, and accompanying him is his grandmother, Kadiri Yokota, his father's mother.
Yuudai doesn't turn to face his grandmother when he flatly answers. "She doesn't speak much anymore. She'll make me breakfast, but won't even look me in the eyes." His mother's barely been 'living' these past few days. As far as Yuudai's concerned, it's unhealthy.
"Hmph? She loved him that much?" The elderly woman scoffs, gaining a look of confusion from Yuudai who barely nudges his head in her direction. "Whaddya' mean?" He asks, curious about the rudeness in his grandmother's tone when mentioning her coping daughter-in-law.
"You're a bit too young to understand, but that woman has no right to complain," Kadiri lifts her finger in front of herself, waving it through the air. "Your mother broke that boy down without even realizing it. When he came home saying he wanted to get stronger, his father was so excited." Kadiri had long since been a widow. She'd now outlived both her husband and her own son. Predicting this sort of thing, she came to visit her grandson and take care of him while his mother grieved.
"Noritoshi was so excited to train with his son. I'm not sure when it happened, but Yuudai became obsessed with power. It might've been after the bullying that he didn't want to tell us about, but he became cold-hearted." Kadiri thinks back to when she found out that her son was being bullied. At that time, he'd been suspended after brutally beating his bullies in the bathroom. When she insisted on going to ask why he didn't tell her, Noritoshi, her husband, told her to leave the boy alone.
"I still don't know what he spoke with Yuuichi about, but he became even more obsessed with that girl. For her, he'd do anything. I once found him contemplating murder." Thinking back on it now, Kadiri understands that she too had a part to play in the downfall of her son. "I can't put all the responsibility on that woman, anyways. My son chose the path that he walked. He chose to be evil and do evil things, and in the end, all that evil came back around and bit him."
Yuudai still doesn't turn to face his grandmother fully, but he can't help but ask her a question. "Then, why did you blame Mom so much?"
Kadiri chuckles when her grandson questions her. She believed that he wouldn't care about all of her pointless ramblings, but is surprised to see that he understood most of everything she said. Kadiri sees no reason to lie to the boy. "When you're so sad and angry about something, but don't know who to blame, you'll look for a reason to condemn anybody. Sometimes, if you're selfless and sensible, you'll condemn yourself."
Her eyes trail across the grass, onto the tree on the other end of their lawn. "I'm neither of those things. I hate your mom because I don't have the conscience to blame myself. I don't have the conscience to put all the blame on my son because she's the one who he did all of those despicable things for." Kadiri can admit that she is inconsiderate, but not sanguinely. "Don't be like me and wrongfully scorn someone who doesn't deserve it. That sense of reason in your mind will guide you better than heart will for things like this."
Continuing to rock in her chair, Kadiri shuts her eyes. This leaves time for Yuudai to sit there, cogitabund. 'Don't be like me and wrongfully scorn someone who doesn't deserve it.' He was doing just that. He'd been looking for a reason to blame Rimi, even when he didn't want to. His heart and feelings clouded his better judgment; the one thing that he had going for him all his life. His mind almost never failed him—it was the first thing his quirk ever adapted to.
Yuudai is an intelligent and sensible person, not so much an emotional one. He is almost the opposite of Rimi. Whereas most of Rimi's actions were done based on her own emotions at the time, Yuudai thinks of the consequences of what he can do and what he could do better. If he and Rimi are compared in intelligence and wits, outside of fighting, Yuudai is superior.
'Is it really that simple, though?' Contempt thoughts return to his mind. 'She didn't need to kill him, did she?'
As if she could read his thoughts, Kadiri's next bunch of words reach Yuudai's mind and drag him out of his fit of abhorrence. "Don't blame your friend, Yuu." There is a glimmer of sorrow in the elderly woman's voice as she rocks in her seat. "Your father hurt a lot of people. That girl would've been one of them if she didn't defend herself." Yuudai knew that her words were true, but struggled to split away from the denial of reality.
"Let go of that hatred, Yuu. Don't be as miserable as your grandma." The woman lets out a grating laugh that doesn't last long. She breaks into a coughing fit, lifting her fist to her mouth. The results of aging really did do a number on the old woman.
Yuudai briefly stops his frenzied thinking, clearing his mind. 'No, if Rimi was the one who died, would I still be able to forgive my dad?' Yuudai shakes his head at his own question. If his father had killed Rimi, that'd have been the last straw, he would not be able to endure his father's evil deeds. 'My dad killed so many innocent people, and I sat there like an idiot and said that I could still love him for it.' The harsh reality of the situation finally crashes down on top of the poor boy.
'I'm the one who's in the wrong, aren't I...?'
Yuudai supported his father through all of his criminal deeds. When he knew that Yuuichi was involved in criminal activities, he didn't bother to speak up about it. Neither did his unwise, naive mother. He shamelessly admitted that even though he knew what his father was doing was wrong, he could not bring himself to continue hating the man. Now, when this man nearly murdered someone he saw as his own sister, he was utterly complacent with where to stand.
"What should I say? What if I don't get to talk to her again, and the last thing I feel for her is hate?" Yuudai asks his grandmother, finally turning to look at her.
Kadiri's heart quavers when she sees the face of her grandson. His lip is quivering, and tears are streaming down his face, but he looks so earnest. Yuudai's face resembles that of a righteous knight who'd lost allies in battle but could not bear the burden of crying on his own accord.
Slowly, Kadiri rises out of her seat, her old age making the process just a bit slower than it should've been. The elderly woman's arms stretch out, and as her hands reach for her grandson, her resolve trembles with her. "Yuu," her throat quakes, her rattling voice coming out in her attempts at holding back the sobs caught in her throat. "You will talk to her again." Warm arms pull Yuudai into an embrace that he'd desperately needed. "That girl, your mother, and everyone else... All of you will get through this."
Kadiri, despite her selfishness, could not bear the sight of her grandson breaking down. Yuudai was far from an emotional person but the combination of his stress and sorrow completely overwhelming his quirk's attempts at drowning his emotions out has left him shattered. Her words, while meager and simple, are words that Yuudai desperately needed in this harsh time.
"We can't change the past." Keeping her hand on the back of the boy's head, she holds his face against her chest. Muffled cries vibrate through the fabric of her gown, but Kadiri does not pull away as the boy cries his heart away.
"If we could, then mankind would never truly learn from their mistakes and better themselves." Brushing her fingers through her grandson's hair, Kadiri stares up, watching as the sun seemingly becomes brighter than it was moments before. A ray of light shines down upon the two, bringing them into the spotlight of their own audience. It was only the two of them, but the scene was too perfect for even the lords of the earth to ignore.
"To know that you've done wrong is to know that you can do better." Yuudai's sobbing didn't end after only a few moments. His tears streamed down his face for hours. Almost a decade worth of tears was unleashed in one sitting, and Kadiri sat idly the whole time, comforting her grandson through his first despairing experience.
While Yuudai was able to partly recuperate from the loss—granted, with many cracks remaining—his mother, Hiroko, was not as lucky. Even though he attempted to comfort her, he gained no ground in bringing his mother out of her depression.
Oftentimes, Yuudai would try to go on walks with her so that she could absorb the nature and sunlight around her—he has heard that it helps clear one's mind—only for her to decline and insist that he return to his bedroom and watch television or play with his toys.
"She'll pull herself out of that shell when it's time. Until then, I'll be here for you." Those are the words that his grandmother told him when she saw Hiroko's horrible condition. The woman was more hurt than anyone, even the man's own mother, who raised him.
It'd be unfair to claim that Hiroko's grief was misplaced, but to behave this way when her own child is present is unmindful.
Nevertheless, Yuudai currently sits at a familiar bench in a familiar park, one that his mother would commonly take him to on weekends. His grandmother rests on the bench with her sunglasses on, shielding her sensitive eyes. "Grams, are you sure you want to come out here? You should get some—" Yuudai, while pitching his concerns to his grandmother, is interrupted. "Don't you go worrying about your grandma now, boy." Kadiri scolds the child, pressing the tip of her finger against his head.
"I'm a century too young to be bothered by some sunlight and wind. Shoot, I need it!" The elderly woman speaks in a joking fashion. "You need to rest your mind, let yourself relax. Some fresh air does the job, even at your young age!" Kadiri is aware that Yuudai is a bit different from other children his age. He is smarter and stronger than most of them, and thus he is slightly more mature too. Try as he might, his maturity cannot develop fast enough to change his childish needs.
Yuudai, unable to relent against his grandmother's wishes, agrees. "Fine, I don't want you wasting your time." Hopping off of the bench, the child looks around with an observing eye, scanning around the park with fearsome speed.
With a brain like his, Yuudai can process things much faster than a child his age should be able to. He's never mentioned this to Rimi out of fear of her trying to one-up him with some kind of insane invention of her own. If she appeared with the ability to destroy skyscrapers with the flick of her wrist, he wouldn't know how to one-up her there.
During his ocular journey, a distinct person piques his interest more than any of the other unique children in the area. A young child with sharp teeth and blonde hair tied into two neat pig-tails. 'You look weird enough to talk with.' Yuudai remarks. With his mind set on approaching her, he unknowingly takes the first steps into one of the countless changes to an intricate story.
Yuudai's introduction to Himiko Toga will forever change the flow of the world around them...
However, this does not touch the tip of the iceberg on Rimi's side of things. The young girl now finds herself in a forest, tied to a chair. In front of her, a woman with celestial eyes dazes down at her, standing at an amazingly tall height.
"Alright," the woman speaks with a hint of annoyance in her voice. "So we're going to go over this one last time." Slamming her foot down on the edge of the seat, her weight keeps it held down when it nearly rocks away. "How many people have you killed, girl?"