Antidote

“Don’t mind him.”Jiyod whispered as he followed me.“But…”“I said don’t mind him.”He gently coaxed me, kicking the round table with one foot again. Thud! This time, the heavy table shook violently, making a much louder sound than before. I heard Ismion muttering curses in a language I didn’t understand. My cheeks grew hot. Embarrassed, I pushed against Jiyod’s chest.“Go talk to him. I’ll… wait.”“How can I make you wait any longer?”“No, it’s fine. Please.”I couldn’t bear the embarrassment any longer. I lowered my head, feeling my entire face flush.Jiyod sighed deeply, pulling away from me. His hands slowly withdrew, inch by inch.“Alright. I’ll go kill him quickly and come back.”“I can hear you, you know?”Ismion sneered.Jiyod turned his head to glare at him. I couldn’t see his expression from where I was, but I could tell Ismion’s face had scrunched up in response. After pressing a firm kiss between my eyebrows, Jiyod’s hands finally left my waist.The two of them left. I offered to go with them, but both insisted it wasn’t necessary, leaving me alone in front of the round table. The door closed with a thud, and I heard their footsteps for a moment before they stopped. Faint voices filtered through the door.Curiosity got the better of me.I tiptoed quietly to the door. The voices echoed slightly, indicating they were talking in the hallway not far from the door.“No matter how I think about it, it’s strange. That medicine… it shouldn’t work that way… No, no, it’s impossible.”“But… if that’s the case, then Madam Lisbeth…”“…What if Glenburg is deceiving us?”My heart dropped. Before I knew it, I had pressed my body against the door, my ear glued to its surface.“It’s not Glenburg… Yes. Then it must be that Karlac magician…”“But how did they avoid Madam Lisbeth’s eyes…?”“How can we deal with Madam Lisbeth…?”“For now, that’s the only option…”Their conversation continued for a while and then abruptly stopped. A few seconds later, I heard Jiyod’s voice clearly.“Alright! I get it! Damn it!”“Don’t shout at me! I’ll kill you!”“Try if you can!”“Don’t forget the deal! The only reason I’m helping you is because Lord Slan…”Their voices were so loud that I no longer needed to press my ear to the door. I straightened up and backed away, my heart pounding. Quickly, I returned to the chair where I had been sitting.All sound ceased. After a short while, the door reopened.This time, Jiyod entered alone.He came back to me, his normally composed face showing only warmth and tenderness. He placed his hand on my shoulder and kissed my forehead.“Did you wait long?”I stared up at him, our eyes meeting.“…I heard shouting. Did you two fight?”“Sigh.”Jiyod sighed.“No.”“I heard my name.”Even though I asked directly, his expression barely changed. He softly stroked my shoulder.“Ismion was worried about you. He was concerned about your condition… and the medicine you’re taking. We talked about that.”Hearing this suddenly made me anxious.Ismion was a magician. Magicians have those strange magical eyes that normal people can’t understand, so it wouldn’t be surprising if he noticed the madness crawling in my skull during the few hours we talked.“Why, why? Did he say something’s wrong with me?”I asked, my voice trembling with fear.Jiyod’s hand tightened on my shoulder. After a moment, he shook his head.“No. He’s just a quack. Don’t worry about him, Slan.”“But he said he studied in the Magic Kingdom… If he, if he used some sort of sorcery to find out something strange about my condition…”“That’s not it.”Jiyod brought his other hand to his forehead.“It’s not that, Slan. Just…”A smile reappeared on his face. He bent down and playfully nibbled the tip of my nose. I let out a small yelp. Jiyod chuckled.“Stop worrying about that. Now, did you drink tangerine tea? Your lips have a lovely scent… Come here. I’ll tell you about how those Triumvirate fools grovelled in front of me today. It’ll be quite amusing.”He knelt down on both knees in front of the chair without hesitation. Knights only kneel on both knees when they’ve been taken prisoner… That thought crossed my mind as I stared into his eyes, now at the same level as mine. The conversation I overheard between him and Ismion briefly crossed my mind again. But that thought vanished as Jiyod raised his knees and placed his hand on the map spread out on the round table.“Were you looking at the map?”His voice was gentle.I stood up from the chair. Jiyod wrapped one arm around my waist and extended the other to point at a spot on the map.“Before returning to Karlac this time, I was here. The indigenous people of Alto are proud and warlike, making them difficult to manage. If they’re not dealt with regularly, they quickly rise up, like now. But I stayed there longer this time, so it should be quiet for the next ten years.”He began talking about the war. I listened quietly.“The wind is harsh, but it’s quite a decent place. Quiet… I don’t want to take you into the heart of a barbaric battlefield, but I do want to see that sea with you.”“It’s close to Ipsen.”At my comment, Jiyod chuckled softly.“Do you want to visit Ipsen?”Ismion’s advice to never mention Ipsen in front of him briefly crossed my mind, but I ignored it.“Yes.”“It’s not a very interesting place. But if you want to go…”As he spoke, he lowered his head and once again pressed his lips to the side of my head.I stared blankly at a spot on the map.‘…He might use that as an excuse to drag you to Ipsen later.’Ismion’s words echoed in my mind.But rather than that, I wanted to cry and beg Jiyod to take me to Ipsen with him.“Is it hard staying in Karlac?”At my sudden question, Jiyod glanced down at me. Our eyes met. His emotionless gray eyes absorbed the light, revealing nothing. He slowly began to speak.“It’s not hard.”His lips curled into a slight smile, forming a tender and sweet expression.“How could it be hard when you’re here?”My heart fluttered. Unable to look at his face any longer, I hastily lowered my head.It might not be hard for you, but for me…A sense of self-loathing and shame at my own cowardice and weakness surged within me. How could I, living a lazy life under Glenburg’s protection despite being a slave, find anything difficult? In contrast, how heavy and relentless must be the burden of discrimination and stigma that Jiyod bears? Ipsen half-blood, born a slave, illegitimate child.With trembling hands, I pushed against his chest, pulling myself away from his embrace. Jiyod grabbed my wrist and asked, puzzled.“Why are you acting like this? Are you feeling unwell? You weren’t outside for long, were you? I’ll have Ismion bring you back right away… No, never mind.”He reached for my forehead. I shook my head to avoid his touch, but my wrist was held firmly, and I was pulled back into his embrace. His strong hand pressed against my forehead.“You don’t seem to have a fever…”“No, I’m fine.”When I pushed him away again, Jiyod finally let go of me.“I want to go back. It’s getting late.”“The sun hasn’t even set yet.”Jiyod’s voice lowered slightly.“It looks like it will snow more, so I think it’s better to go back before that.”“I’ll take you. If you don’t want me to, I can have Ismion escort you…”“No.”“Slan.”His hand grasped my chin, somewhat forcefully turning my face toward him. I tried to shake my head, but his grip was too strong to break free from. In the end, our eyes met again. Jiyod looked down at me, a hint of confusion on his face.“Are you upset because I shouted at Ismion earlier? Were you startled? I’m sorry. It wasn’t because of you.”I just shook my head.“Answer me, don’t just clam up like a shell. When you do that, it makes me feel suffocated…”But I couldn’t answer. Since he was holding my chin, I couldn’t lower my head, so I turned my gaze to the side instead. If I kept looking into his eyes any longer, I might end up clinging to him and begging him to take me to Ipsen.“No, it’s just… I’m feeling a little…”Suddenly, my chest felt tight.It must be because of the madness.I gently pushed against the back of his hand that was holding my chin. Only then did he release me.My mind was in turmoil.The map spread out on the round table, Ismion’s words, the argument and shouting I overheard through the door, and Jiyod’s gentle voice, as if all of that had been a lie.“I’ll come back next time.”“When is next time?”“I’ll flip a coin…”“When will you flip it?”“Next time…”“Slan, look at me. Didn’t you come here from that very moment, just to see me?”But I didn’t lift my head as I pushed him away with both hands. His firm chest, unmoving like a solid wall, finally retreated quietly after a few seconds. He let me go.Snow was falling silently.Ismion was nowhere to be seen.Jiyod repeatedly grabbed and released my hand several times before finally letting out a sigh and releasing me.“Flip the coin again.”“I will.”I would.Hadn’t I vowed to myself to stay by this man’s side until the end of this winter?“May I kiss you just one last time?”He asked this as we stood by the large door leading outside. He tilted his head slightly, his gaze fixed on me.I looked into his deep, stormy eyes for a moment, then stepped forward, stood on my toes, and pressed my lips to his. Due to our height difference, my lips only lightly brushed his lower lip. But in the next moment, his arm hooked around my waist, pulling me close. He lowered his head, and our lips met deeply.The kiss was not long and was tender.After a brief moment, Jiyod pulled away, his eyes narrowing slightly as he looked at me, a hint of a smile playing at the corners of his eyes.“Since you kissed me first, I’ll let you go today with this.”But next time, I won’t.He whispered this in my ear, his low voice carrying a mischievous undertone, causing my face to flush. I pushed against his shoulders and slipped out of his embrace. He released me without resistance.By then, the sunset was fading over the western gate.Thick snowflakes were quietly falling, absorbing sound, making Karlac Castle eerily silent.The sunset reached out weak red fingers through the gaps in the dark clouds, only to be swallowed by the dense clouds that filled the sky like a tide. The surroundings quickly darkened. Hundreds of lights twinkled like stars from the watchtowers. A piece of violet cloud lingered below the watchtower of the blue gate before disappearing.The sound of my feet crunching in the snow echoed as I made my way back to the Glenburg residence.A strange silence had settled over the entire building. The northern courtyard was empty. The snow-covered ground was pristine. Even if someone had passed through, the constant snowfall would have erased their tracks, making it impossible to tell.There was no one in the corridors.Given that it was dinner time, this silence was unusual. Normally, young servants would be running down the halls with bread or chunks of ham from the kitchen, and handmaids would be bustling around with jugs of wine and trays of food. Moreover, wasn’t Lister supposed to be here today? It wouldn’t have been surprising if a feast had broken out in the masterless mansion.Although my mind was still troubled by the map and Ismion’s words, I wasn’t so distracted that I failed to notice the oddity of the situation.I looked around, puzzled. There was no sign of anyone.Could something have happened? I suppressed my curiosity and quickened my pace. First, I would put away my coat in my room and then head to the kitchen to find out what was going on.The small room I used was at the end of the second-floor hallway in the annex. The room had a window facing west, and across the hallway was a large common room with a big fireplace. The staff of the residence would often gather around the fireplace on cold nights, chatting quietly as they spent the night. Occasionally, when I tried to sleep in my room, I could hear people laughing, talking, and sometimes even arguing from that room. But tonight, even that common room was quiet. It was strange.As soon as I pushed open the door, cold air brushed against my cheek. The brazier had run out of charcoal. Now I had another reason to go to the kitchen: to ask for a few more pieces of charcoal if there were any left.The room was dark. I closed the door and removed my coat.Just as I hung it on the wall and turned towards the bed, I almost screamed.A dark figure was sitting on my bed.My heart pounded so hard it felt like it would leap out of my chest. I gasped and covered my mouth with one hand. I was so shocked that a ringing filled my ears.“L-Lister…”The figure sitting on my bed was Lister.It was too dark to see his expression clearly.He was dressed in the shirt and trousers worn under armor, with a sword at his waist. His black hair and dark clothes made his face and exposed hands stand out, pale and gleaming in the darkness.“Where have you been?”He slowly rose from the bed.I swallowed hard and backed away until my back hit the wall. Lister took three or four steps toward me before, thankfully, stopping.“Weren’t you supposed to be at the outer wall repair site?”I asked, trying to calm my racing heart. In response, Lister tilted his head. His expression became slightly visible. It was a blank face with one corner of his mouth slightly raised.“You didn’t answer my question.”“I… I just stepped outside for a bit… to get some fresh air…”“To get some air? All day?”A sneer played on his lips.He took another step toward me. I pressed my back hard against the wall as if trying to sink into it. My heart pounded.“It’s not like I had anything else to do, so what if I spent all day getting some fresh—ack!”In a flash, Lister lunged at me and grabbed my wrist. Pain shot through my arm as my wrist twisted, and a scream escaped my lips. He pulled me toward him.“Where were you? What were you doing all day that not a single person in this mansion saw you?”Lister rapidly fired off questions, his voice more of a growl than human speech. His breathing was rough. He inhaled deeply several times before leaning in close and shouting at me.“Answer me!”The shout was loud enough that it probably echoed outside. I hoped someone would hear it and rush into the room.But no one, not a single person, reacted.Outside, it remained eerily silent.My heart pounded. I swallowed dryly, looking up at Lister. Flames flickered in his green eyes.“I didn’t meet anyone…”The lie trembled on my lips.Lister’s gaze lingered intently on the corner of my trembling lips before it dropped away.“Heh.”He let out something that resembled a laugh.“You didn’t meet anyone?”I nodded once, my chin trembling. Lister immediately grabbed my chin.“Then what were you doing outside? Wandering around Karlac Castle like a madman in this snow? Not a single servant or knight saw you all day?”I bit my lip and averted my gaze from him.“Fine. Everyone in this castle already knows I’m a madman anyway…”His grip on my chin tightened as if he intended to crush it. The pain made me groan, and I couldn’t hold back any longer—I pushed against his chest with all my strength. Lister’s body wavered slightly at the unexpected resistance, but only for a moment. He raised his other hand, and at the familiar sign of impending violence, my eyes widened before clamping shut. A sharp slap rang out, and a flash of pain shot behind my closed eyelids like lightning.A scream escaped my lips. I clawed desperately at his hand, trying to escape, but the hand gripping my chin didn’t budge.He was a knight. I could never overpower him.Lister finally let go. I stumbled backward, hitting the wall. But he immediately grabbed a fistful of my hair.“Ahh!”I screamed again as pain ripped through my scalp.“You didn’t meet anyone? Do you think your life is still the same as before just because I let you be?”He gritted his teeth as he dragged me across the room. I fought back with all my strength.“Let go! Let me go!”In my desperate struggle, I collapsed to the floor.“Damn it!”Lister cursed as he grabbed my shoulders with both hands. The pain felt like my shoulders were being crushed.“It hurts, stop touching me!”I scratched at his hands, and he finally let go. A string of curses spilled from Lister as he caught my left ankle just as I tried to flee. The ankle that had been sore since slipping on the stairs flared with pain, and I screamed, my body stiffening.As my resistance weakened, he yanked my ankle and then wrapped his arms around my waist, lifting me like a sack of goods. I began to struggle again. But Lister easily carried me as if I were a child and threw me onto the bed. My body hit the hard bed, and pain shot through my ankle as it struck something. But there was no time to focus on the pain. Lister climbed onto the bed, pinning me down. A scream of fear and shock burst from me.“No! What are you doing!”I pushed against his face and struck his shoulders. Annoyed, he grabbed my wrists. But when I continued to resist, he slapped me again, harder this time. The dizziness that followed made it feel like my skull had been rattled, and my limbs went limp. Tears welled up.Lister grabbed the front of my shirt, tearing it apart as the buttons popped off. The shirt ripped open. I curled up in a futile attempt to protect myself, but Lister pushed me down onto the bed with one hand on my shoulder.His gaze roamed over my chest.“What do you think you’re doing?”Tears finally spilled from my eyes.Lister smirked, curling one side of his lip.“A slave shouldn’t mate without their master’s permission. I’m checking to see if my property is still clean.”His words shocked me to the core, and my body went rigid.“Who… Who would do such a thing…”“Everyone in this residence knows you’ve been out prowling around lately, burning with desire.”His voice was rough as he spoke.I shook my head, gasping for breath. I was too weak to resist anymore. Two more tears slipped down my cheeks.“I didn’t… I didn’t do anything like that. Please, let me go…”“Anyone can claim innocence with words.”He lowered his hand to grasp the waistband of my pants. I felt like I was going to faint.“Just checking to make sure you haven’t been messing around with some lowly scum… If you have, I’ll kill you.”I couldn’t resist anymore. Tears flowed uncontrollably. Lister’s rough fingers brushed past my eyes.“Don’t cry. If you’re really innocent, there’s no reason to cry.”He finally stripped off my pants, leaving me naked before him. My face flushed with humiliation, and I cried out of shame and despair.“Spread your legs.”“No, no…”“Slan. Why make things difficult?”He whispered as if he were soothing a disobedient child. His hand grabbed my knee and forced my legs apart. His gaze fixed between my legs. I couldn’t stop crying. But when he flipped me over and his rough hands tried to part my buttocks, a scream escaped along with my sobs.“Don’t! Stop it!”When I started to struggle again, he pressed down on my body from above.“Stay still!”“No!”If only someone—maybe the overseer or one of his clueless servants—could hear my screams and burst through the door… But nothing like that happened, and the silence outside the door remained.Lister pressed down on my back with one hand and pried my buttocks apart with the other. His ruthless, unhesitating touch made it clear what he intended to do. He was examining my body as if inspecting livestock. And with Lisbeth gone, no one could stop him in this residence.Tears streamed down my face. I wasn’t sure if it was from helplessness or fear. I gave up all resistance and lay limp on the bed.As my resistance subsided, Lister muttered lowly above my head, “You should have behaved from the start…” His fingers slipped between my buttocks. This was absurd. Unbelievable. He was touching me between my legs.“It hurts…”I whimpered, and he asked from behind me, “Does it hurt?”I nodded. My face was already wet with tears.After a moment, he withdrew his hand from me. I quickly closed my legs and turned away, sliding out from under him. I pressed my knees tightly together, hunched my shoulders, and looked up at Lister with wary eyes.Lister’s gaze still scrutinized me intently in the darkness. His chest heaved, and his breathing was rough. Terrified, I shrank back further. My back hit the wall again, and though I wanted to burst into tears, I barely managed to suppress them and shout instead.“You’ve checked everything! Now leave!”“…Fine.”Lister replied after a long pause.But even then, he didn’t move. Like a beast lurking in the darkness, he sat on my bed, staring at me without moving for what felt like an eternity. I, too, sat still, on edge, afraid that any movement might provoke him.It was only after a long time that his body finally moved. At that moment, I nearly screamed from the overwhelming tension.Lister swung one leg off the bed and slowly rose to his feet. Standing beside the bed, he looked down at me.“Are you sure you didn’t meet anyone?”“I didn’t meet anyone! You checked! I… I didn’t go around flaunting myself like an animal, you… you checked yourself….”Tears began to flow again.Lister pressed his hand to his forehead and sighed softly, cursing under his breath.“Yeah, I checked. Damn it… Then where the hell have you been wandering in this weather for hours?”His voice grew louder.“What does it matter if a madwoman wanders outside!”“It matters! You’re my slave!”“I’m not your slave! I belong to Lisbeth….”“Damn it!”He climbed onto the bed again. Terrified, I screamed.“Don’t come any closer!”But he climbed onto the bed without hesitation, approaching me, and grabbed my wrist. My body, which had been curled up, was forced to straighten.“You’re Glenburg’s slave. Don’t try to deny it.”He growled.“Don’t go wandering around carelessly. If you’re so desperate that you can’t control yourself, I’ll personally have you mated with a stallion. Got it?”At his outrageous words, tears flowed again.Lister’s voice softened slightly. He whispered in a low, cruel tone, as if trying to soothe me, but it was filled with malice.“If I hear that you’ve been sneaking around outside again, I’ll take it as a sign that you want it. After one session with a stallion, you’ll learn what modesty is. It’ll be quite the spectacle, don’t you think?”After that, Lister laughed out loud as if genuinely amused by the image he was imagining. My breath quickened. If Lisbeth were here, this would never happen. But Lisbeth wasn’t here now. And Lister… surely, Lister wouldn’t… Tears began to fall again.“Why do you keep crying? Are you scared?”He wiped the tears from my eyes with his finger.“As long as you behave modestly, nothing like that will happen, right?”I could only cry.Lister stayed for a long time, speaking words I couldn’t distinguish as either comfort or threats, before finally leaving the room. Before he left, he didn’t forget to issue another warning.I was truly terrified that he might throw me into the stables and force me to mate with a stallion. Once I was alone, the tears wouldn’t stop flowing. I spent the entire night, naked, huddled under the covers, crying.My sobs must have carried out into the hallway, but no one came to check on me.By dawn, whether it was from crying all night, not adding new coal to the brazier, or spending the night naked with only a blanket, I began to run a fever.By sunrise, my entire body was burning up. My left ankle was swollen so badly that it looked like an elephant’s. I carefully touched my ankle with my fingertips. A dull, throbbing pain radiated up from it.“Ah…”I couldn’t help but feel miserable.