Ascendance of a Bookworm

After the bamboo exploded in the stove, I slip back into feverish nightmare, clutching my last remaining bamboo stick as I writhe in pain.

The anger of having something I made burned up. The vexation of that anger not being understood. The despair of having struggled so many times to make a book, yet never finishing one at all. Spreading through it all, a deep and profound weariness that makes me just want to let go of everything.

I don’t care about anything anymore. I no longer have the willpower to fight back.

My mother burned my mokkan, When she burned the bamboo that Lutz had brought so I could make bamboo writing strips, though, I couldn’t summon up any of that anger.

If only I was healthy. If only I was a strong, fit adult.

If I were an adult, I could have skipped over papyrus, clay tablets, and mokkan, and gone straight to making rice paper. At least, if I was as strong as Tory and Lutz, strong and fit enough to do real work, I could at least try. With this frail body and these weak child’s hands, I can’t cut up the wood I’d need in order to make real paper.

If I could just wait until I grew up, then maybe I could finally find my answer. But that’s so, so far away. And still, even though I’m talking about growing up, will I really grow as much as everyone else? Hobbled by my lack of strength, will I really grow?

I can’t even hope for that.

If everything is truly pointless, isn’t it okay for me to just surrender to this fever that rages within me? In a place where I can’t get a single book, is my fight to constantly endure living in this filthy, difficult world really worth it?

Maybe it’s okay to just disappear.

It was a fleeting, accidental thought, but the fever surged forth anyway, sucking me deeper and deeper. A feeling spreads through me, a vague desire to just stop thinking, to let the fever swallow me whole.

I have only one regret. I won’t be able to apologize to Lutz.

I won’t be able to apologize for the fact that I couldn’t use any of the bamboo, despite how hard he’d worked to find a nonflammable material I could use. The words he said to me when he’d left to go get me some bamboo drift through my mind.

“This is just so you’ll introduce me to Otto! I’m paying you in advance, so you’d better get healthy! Got it?!”

I haven’t fulfilled that promise. Even though he’d put in so much work for the sake of that promise, is it okay for me to just pretend it never happened and run away into the depths of this fever?

Lutz did pay me in advance. It would be so simple to just fade away in this fever, but he gave me those bamboo strips, so I have to get better. I have to introduce him to Otto.

I tell myself that it’s for Lutz’s sake, and try to push the fever back down. I’d much rather keep my promise than be eaten alive. I need to put my affairs in order. I don’t have time for thoughts like the one that flitted through my mind just a little while ago.

That’s right, when I died in that earthquake, I wasn’t ready for that at a… aaaaaaAAA! What happened to all those things I’d never gotten around to doing! NOOOOOO! I don’t want this, I don’t want this! This is awful! I can’t just die here!

All the regrets from my previous life that I’d thought I’d already buried come clearly flashing through my mind. “Even though I died, dying is too much!” I cry, leaping to my feet. Somehow, the fever’s been crammed back into a tiny little ball.

---

I shoved my last life’s regrets back into the corner of my mind, and once again resolved not to think about them anymore. Now that I’ve finally been allowed to leave the house and accompany my father to the gates, I head to the duty room to meet Otto.

“Excuse me, Mister Otto, I asked you a favor, but then I got really sick…”

That’s right: while I was laid out with fever, Otto’s day off came and went, so he and Lutz weren’t able to meet like I had promised.

“Squad Leader told me about how you were sick for five entire days. Are you alright?”
“Yeah!” I say, smiling. “Thanks to everyone.” Otto frowns slightly, staring closely at my face. “Are you really okay? Your color’s quite off.”

The fact that I’m looking kind of pale is actually not the fever’s fault. Rather, it’s because it seems unlikely that I’ll be able to make any paper.

“Aaah~, it’s because there’s something really troubling me that I can’t figure out how to solve. …Mister Otto, can I ask what you’d do in my place?”
“Huh? You want to ask what I’d do if I had your problem?”

He glances at me briefly, his eyes round. Otto, during his time as a trader, must have accumulated so many experiences that I can’t even imagine. There’s a chance he might be able to think of something that I couldn’t.

“Yeah. There’s a thing that I really want right now, but since I’m not healthy and not strong, I can’t make it myself. When I grow up, I think I’d be able to make it, but since my body’s like this, I don’t know if I’m going to be a healthy adult either, or if I’m even going to grow up as much as everyone else. Also, I really can’t wait all that time. Mister Otto, what would you do if you were me?”

Otto nods along as he listens to my explanation. When I finish, he answers immediately, like he hardly needed to think about it at all.

“If you can’t make it yourself,” he says, raising his eyebrows a bit, “why don’t you hire someone who can? Is that all that’s bothering you?”
“Ah?!”

The scales have fallen from my eyes. I’d never even considered the concept of hiring someone to get me the things I wanted. As expected of a trader. I wonder why, though. I was certainly aware of the concept that I could be hired by someone, but it had never crossed my mind that someone could be hired by me.

“…That’s an amazing idea, but I don’t have the money for that.”
“Well, if waiting until you do isn’t possible, then… Hm. If it were me, I’d find someone who could do it, then subtly lead them along until they offered to do it of their own free will. It’s not an easy thing to do, but if they do it without you directly asking, it won’t hurt your budget at all.”

He truly is a former merchant. His explanation is so eloquent, and his smile so genuine, but he’s brilliantly wicked. I must have been happily lead along like that too, huh? My calculation abilities are quite high, but wasn’t I saying that it seemed really easy on the budget to hire an assistant on a salary of slate pencils?

“……I’ll follow your example.”

Taking someone who looks like they could do something, then leading them along until they do it on their own initiative… is it? That seems like it would be really difficult for someone like me.

As I stew in my thoughts, Otto pats me on the shoulder and hands me my slate. He’s clearly telling me that the conversation’s over and that I should get to quietly studying.

“Ah, that’s right! Maine, since you’re feeling better, how about we meet the day after tomorrow, on my day off? We could meet at, hmm… the central plaza would do nicely. How about we meet there around the third bell?”
“I was just thinking about asking you. Thank you so much!”

Out of habit, I jot down a memo in the corner of my slate, reminding myself that we’re meeting after the third bell. When I look back up, Otto is lightly rubbing his chin, smiling so widely that his eyes crinkle. For some reason, that smile sends a chill down my spine, like I’m looking at something dangerous. I reflexively straighten up in my seat and fix my gaze on him.

“Ahh, if it’s someone you’re personally introducing to me, he’s got to be an interesting child. I’m looking forward to an enjoyable day off!”

Did he just say “don’t bring someone boring, because it will ruin my precious day off”, or was it my imagination? Huh? I thought this was going to be a casual meeting so that he could talk about what it was like as a trader, right?

I cover up the sudden turbulence in my heart with a big smile and a nod, then I let my gaze drop down to my slate. I’ve broken out in something of a cold sweat.

This isn’t good. I barely have any time before this meeting, and I don’t even know what it’s really about!

I grind my teeth with worry over how little time I have to prepare. We’re meeting the day after tomorrow, so I really have no time. I can’t ask, either; since I’m the one who is doing the introductions, I can’t really say that I have no clue what the meeting is really for. As I diligently practice my vocabulary, my pencil clacking against the slate, I frantically try to think of what the meeting could possibly mean.

“Maine, we’re heading home already.”
“Daddy!”

It’s rather early for us to be heading home, but when he calls for me I gather up my things and leave the duty room.

“Hey, Daddy. I told Mister Otto that I wanted to introduce him to Lutz, but what does an introduction like that mean?”
“Lutz would be looking around for an apprenticeship at about this time, right? I think that he’d do well to follow his older brothers into their line of work, but does he want to become a merchant?”

A job referral?! No, no, it’s not supposed to be that heavy! I mean, a child like me can’t possibly be part of anyone’s network.

“He just said he wanted to ask some questions…”
“Right, so there’s no doubt about it, he wanted a referral so he could ask about an apprenticeship. Your friend seems rather relentless.”
“Relentless?”
“Of course. When we talk about hiring an apprentice, we’re talking about looking after someone for a very long period of time. Even when you’re fully independent, that’s the kind of bond that can’t ever be completely broken.”

This is far more serious than I thought. Lutz is not just looking to ask some questions. It seems that, since he wants to become a trader, he wants Otto, a former trader, to introduce him to somebody.

Aaah, so in other words, the meeting the day after tomorrow is basically a job interview?! How did I have no idea this was going to be such an important meeting?!

---

After we returned home, I asked my mother and father about apprenticeships in detail. The next day, I load my basket full of cargo before I head to the forest, now fully aware of how serious this meeting is going to be. On our way to the forest, I explain to Lutz about the sad fate of the bamboo strips, and let him know that the meeting with Otto was going to be tomorrow. He sighed when I told him about the bamboo, saying that it’s definitely possible to mistake bamboo for vanihitz, and when I told him about the meeting he thanked me with honest delight.

When we reach the forest, everybody scatters to go about their gathering work. I, however, grab Lutz’s hand, and drag him over to the river.

“Now then, Lutz. This is a good spot, so let’s make sure you’re nice and clean all over.”
“Huh?”

Otto, because he was once a merchant, keeps a very tidy appearance. I think that it’s best for Lutz to give the best possible impression that he can on his first meeting. Since I help Otto with his job so frequently, I am well aware of how calculating he is, just like a merchant. If I were in Lutz’s shoes, I would want to show up to this meeting looking absolutely flawless. If he were to judge Lutz as without merit on their very first meeting, there’s no way he’d even refer Lutz to a shopkeeper, let alone a trader.

“When you’re meeting people for the first time, first impressions are really important! Since we have time to prepare, it’s a really good idea to make sure we do everything right. If I were to judge you right now, based on what you look like, I wouldn’t think very well of you.”
“Even if I wash up, though, I don’t think much is going to change.”

It would be stellar if Lutz could borrow the nice clothes Ralph wore to his baptism, but I don’t know if Ralph lend them to him. Neither Lutz nor I have much in the way of clothing, so there’s not much we can do but wear our usual stuff, but if there’s anything that we can improve, I want to improve it. Despite his stubbornness, I take out my simple all-in-one shampoo and get ready start working on his hair, explaining to him about how much of an effect one’s appearance has on other people. I intend to polish him until he shines, so I lugged a bucket, some cloth, and a comb out with me to the forest. I don’t intend to just wash his hair, though; I want his whole body clean.

I fill the bucket with water from the river and my simple shampoo, then I wash it through Lutz’s hair over and over, like I usually do with Tory’s. I keep talking with Lutz as I work, somehow feeling like some kind of hairdresser.

“So, Lutz. When you said you wanted to hear about being a trader, you really meant you wanted to be a trader, right? And since you want to be a trader, you wanted to be introduced to one?”
“Hm? Yeah.”

I dry off his blonde hair with a cloth, which is now much glossier. It’s such a beautiful color of gold that I wouldn’t mind having it myself. As I comb it out, it only gets more radiant. Holding back my little bit of envy, I keep asking him questions.

“So, Lutz, when you become a trader, what do you want to do? Just travel around?”
“What’s up with you all of a sudden?”
“You have to think carefully about it!”
“Why?”
“Mister Otto doesn’t know anything about you. You’re not being introduced by your parents or a relative who knows you super well, so you’re going to have to think of all of these answers yourself.”

From what my parents were telling me yesterday, it seems like in this town a child’s parents do the introductions when the child starts doing an internship. For that reason, a child’s job winds up being somehow related to one of their parents’ jobs. For example, my mother works as a dyer, so she introduced Tory to one of her friends from work, and got her an apprenticeship as a seamstress.

When a child has the same profession as their parent, they don’t tend to work at the same place, since it would be too easy for them to start relying on their parents too much. However, if the child enters a related profession, then their parents can rest easy knowing that their child is being supervised by someone they know, and the children work seriously because they know their parents will be hearing about it. It’s rare for a child like Lutz to want to work in a profession their parents are opposed to, and rarer still for them to be introduced by someone outside the family.

“Mister Otto is being really gracious in meeting you tomorrow, but it’s not because he’s super nice! He used to be a merchant, so he’s a person who thinks of everything in terms of profit and loss. If you show up without having thought any of this through, he’s not going to meet you a second time, I don’t think.”

Tomorrow’s meeting is a job interview. For an interview, you need to make sure your appearance is in order and that you know both what you want out of the job and what you think you can bring to it. If you don’t, there’s a good chance you won’t be taken seriously.

“…How about you, Maine?”
“Huh?”
“If someone were to ask you why you wanted to be a merchant, could you tell them immediately?”

Lutz scowls at me with pursed lips, perhaps because he couldn’t come up with his own answer immediately.

“Yeah. I want to sell paper. If I can be a merchant’s apprentice, then I could find someone to teach how to make paper, then I could have them make it for me.”

It’s all for my sake, because I want books. Until now, I’ve been thinking that I shouldn’t be relying on others, and I should do whatever I can to make something that I could reasonably substitute for books. However, at this point I am quite frankly at my limit. Now, what I want is for someone who can do all the labor, from beginning to end, while all I do is provide the knowledge. If I turn over the profits I’d ordinarily get for that information, I think I could find someone out there who would make it for me.

“Paper? I thought you wanted books, though?”
“You need paper if you want to make a book. And, you know, I don’t think there’s anyone else around here besides me who really wants books.”
“If you’re the only person who wants to buy books, then you’re not going to be able to sell any, right?” he says, shocked.
I nod, with a big smile. “Yeah! Selling books isn’t going to be that easy, I don’t think. However, paper… I think I can make it for cheaper than parchment, so I think I’d be able to sell it. At the very least, I think there might be a merchant out there who would take me on once I showed him how to make it.”
“…Huh. You’ve really thought this through, Maine. I’ll have to think about it too.”
“Since you’re only Mister Otto’s assistant’s friend, it’ll be really easy for him to turn you down. If you can clearly say what you want to do with yourself, though, and you can make them believe that it’ll be profitable for them, then won’t there be a merchant out there who’d take you on?”

While Lutz sits, deep in thought, scowling at the surface of the river, I use the time to wash up the rest of his body. We don’t have the time to sit here and do nothing while we think.

---

Well before the third bell sounds, Lutz and I arrive at the town square, me looking like I always do and Lutz looking far nicer than usual. I had been hoping that Ralph would lend Lutz his nice clothing, but it seems that Ralph didn’t want them to get dirty and refused.

“Hey, we’re meeting at the third bell, right? Aren’t we way too early?”
“That’s okay! Being late would be absolutely fatal. Once we get there, we can sit and talk for a while, and it’ll be time for the meeting before you know it.”

The temple rings its bell regularly, in intervals of somewhere between two and three hours. I’m sure that being late to a meeting in a world without actual timepieces isn’t as bad as I made it sound, but I want to avoid any sort of negative impression from having the two of us be late to a meeting we requested.

“That reminds me, yesterday, my mom was all, ‘what did you do to your hair?’, and she made a really big deal about it!”

With a deplorable look on his face, he tugs at a lock of his glossy blond hair. I understand exactly what his mother was thinking. If my son suddenly had smooth, shiny hair after a day out, I’d be curious too.

“Beauty is always the thing a woman is most fascinated by, after all.”
“I told her you did it, so she should ask you if she wants to know.”
“What?!”

I shrink back suddenly, my voice crying out in incredulity, a headache instantly forming as I realize that I’ll never be free of Carla’s unceasing barrage of questions once she gets a hold of me.

“I’ll tell her how to make it so she can do it herself. I don’t have very much of it anymore.”
“…Ah, sorry. If it’s that bad, you didn’t need to use it on me, you know?”
“That’s okay. You’re always the one helping me out, after all.”

I don’t mind using some of my simple shampoo on Lutz at all, since he’s been constantly assisting me, but I absolutely would mind giving it to Carla. After all, I’m already having to suffer with the fact that I can only wash my hair with shampoo once out of every five days and have to use plain water on the rest.

“But, still…”
“If it really bothers you, I wouldn’t mind if you helped me make some more. I’m way too weak, so I’m not very good at pressing oil.”
“What, is that it?”

As we talk, Otto comes into view near the entrance to the plaza. When he sees the two of us, he smiles broadly, but even from this far away I immediately realize what just happened.

Ahh, this really was a test.

Given that he gave such a fuzzy time as “around the third bell” while giving me that dangerous smile that put me so on edge, this really must have been a test to see whether or not we’d arrive well before the bell actually rang. Otto purses his lips just a little, then turns towards another part of the plaza and gives a big wave. Another man comes into view, and the two of them start walking towards us. Beads of cold sweat trickle down my spine, and I unconsciously grip Lutz’s hand tightly.

“They’re here, Lutz. Remember, introduce yourself first.”
“R… right.”

Judging from how the two of them are talking quietly to each other as they approach, I know that this is Otto’s friend, a merchant. He briefly glances at me, and I meet his eyes. They gleam with a sharp light, and I feel like my value is being appraised.

Nobody told me that Otto wasn’t going to be the only interviewer!
Aargh, it’s Lutz’s interview, but I’m the one getting super stressed, here!