Ball-Boy Tactics

The next person to leave the drinking party after Kwon Jungwoo was me. I used the excuse that I wasn’t feeling well. Since I didn’t have any assignments to work on, there was no reason for me to stay, and I wasn’t in the best mood anyway.

Why does the scene of Kwon Jungwoo kissing keep coming to mind, making me feel so unsettled? Even after I got home, I asked myself this question countless times, but I couldn’t come up with a plausible reason.

The clock on my phone screen indicated that it was midnight. Was Kwon Jungwoo still with his girlfriend at this hour? I found myself repeatedly imagining what Kwon Jungwoo might be doing at this moment.

Maybe because I didn’t get a good look at the other person’s face, my imagination focused solely on Kwon Jungwoo. Perhaps it’s because I’d seen him often in the media wearing his basketball uniform that it was easy to imagine him shirtless…

“…I must be going crazy…”

Curled up on my bed, I ran my fingers through my hair. Ever since I was a child, I’d never been particularly interested in women. Not that I was interested in men either. For me, it was only sports, and now I thought it was just photography. But witnessing Kwon Jungwoo’s kiss had stirred emotions in me for the first time, leaving me utterly confused.

Could it be that I’m…

…a pervert who gets excited by voyeuristically observing other people’s affection?

The most plausible reason I could come up with was so depressing that I couldn’t sleep all night.

It was well past midnight, around 2 a.m., when a notification from the group chat popped up.

As dawn approached, Kwon Jungwoo still hadn’t checked the message.

I saw Kwon Jungwoo again a few days later in the morning at the training center.

The center was as quiet as usual, with all the treadmills empty, but Kwon Jungwoo deliberately chose the one right next to mine.

“It’s been a while.”

“Yeah, I guess…”

The day after we drank together, I skipped the <Understanding Architecture> class. After spending the whole night imagining various scenarios involving Kwon Jungwoo, I didn’t have the nerve to face him right away.

Now that I think about it, Kwon Jungwoo had even offered to do the group presentation at the drinking party. Knowing how shy I was, he was clearly being considerate, but I didn’t even get to thank him. These feelings of guilt made me avoid Kwon Jungwoo even more.

But meeting him so suddenly like this, it wasn’t as uncomfortable as I had expected, considering how nervous I’d been. Actually, there wasn’t even time to feel awkward because Kwon Jungwoo seemed a bit irritated.

“You’re a photography major, but I’ve never seen you with a camera.”

“…Really?”

“Well, I don’t exactly carry a basketball around all the time either.”

“I usually carry a point-and-shoot camera in my bag or pocket, so you probably haven’t noticed. It’s in my cabinet right now too.”

“Is taking pictures fun for you?”

Even as he jogged lightly, Kwon Jungwoo didn’t let his breathing falter as he asked.

It didn’t seem like he was asking out of genuine curiosity. It was more like he was trying to escape some thoughts, as he kept on with trivial chatter, regardless of whether I answered.

“It’s impressive, you know, retiring from gymnastics and going straight into a different major at college. Especially since photography isn’t something you can just learn; you have to have a natural talent for it, right?”

“Well, I’m not that talented…”

“You must’ve worked hard.”

“It’s just that I tend to get really focused on one thing.”

Did I say something wrong?

Kwon Jungwoo, who had been staring straight ahead without expression as he ran, glanced at me. Though his gaze quickly returned to the front, the sudden silence that followed suggested I had triggered something in his thoughts.

Soon, Kwon Jungwoo slowed down his treadmill. The question he asked after a brief silence didn’t seem as light as before.

“So, are you the obsessive type when you’re in a relationship?”

“Huh?”

It wasn’t that I didn’t hear what Kwon Jungwoo said. The unexpected direction of the conversation had me reflexively spouting nonsense.

Kwon Jungwoo stopped his treadmill completely. I couldn’t tell if it was because he was frustrated, wanted to reduce the noise of the machine to talk more easily, or if this was his main concern right now.

“Do you get obsessive in relationships?”

Kwon Jungwoo asked again, leaning slightly against the treadmill, facing me directly. The word “too” stuck with me, but his gaze pressing for an answer left me with no time to think deeply. Staring at me from so close, I couldn’t think of anything except to turn off my treadmill as well.

Even though I’d never been in a relationship, I mumbled as if I were possessed, probably for a similar reason.

“I’m the type…”

Maybe.

“…who doesn’t initiate contact first.”

I think.

“I’d rather give up than cling on.”

I think.

“…But it hasn’t always been like that.”

The last part was something I added, hoping my answer would be vague. Although it was very unlikely, I feared that my words might influence his struggles.

The quick-wittedness I displayed for that brief moment made me feel a bit proud. I didn’t realize the added meaning might be interpreted differently.

“Seems like you’ve been in a lot of relationships.”

“Huh? Ah… well… I guess so.”

“You must’ve been really busy with your sports career since you were young, but you found time for that too?”

“Somehow… it just happened, I guess.”

I, who have never even had a fling, let alone a relationship, was so flustered that I just twisted the handle of the treadmill. I couldn’t stop thinking about how I recently confessed to Byun Seungjin and Yang Eunoh during a drinking session that I had zero dating experience.

It should be fine… right?

Even if they talked about it, I doubted they would discuss it with Kwon Jungwoo. Especially not about my love life. I couldn’t imagine Kwon Jungwoo talking about me when I wasn’t around.

I expected him to say something more, but Kwon Jungwoo, who had just been staring at me, simply turned the treadmill back on. Maybe I should’ve said something about being obsessive. I felt a bit disappointed, as if I hadn’t met the conditions needed to continue the conversation with him.

I turned my treadmill back on too, not to run, but just at a speed to cool down. In the quiet training center, the sound of Kwon Jungwoo running and my own footsteps echoed in turns.

…Was he talking about his girlfriend?

They seemed to get along well. Did they fight again after that?

It was only natural that the memory of the kiss from that day came back to me. With Kwon Jungwoo right beside me, I didn’t want to remember that scene, so I squeezed my eyes shut, but it only appeared more vividly against the dark background of my eyelids. I quickly opened my eyes in shock, but by then, the image of Kwon Jungwoo’s nape as we kissed had already come to mind.

“……”

Should I try talking to him?

It felt wrong to ignore Kwon Jungwoo when he seemed so troubled, especially since I owed him a lot. It might be meddlesome, but then again, it might not. It seemed like the only thing I could do without crossing any boundaries.

I didn’t have the courage to break the silence immediately, so I decided to wait until Kwon Jungwoo stopped running. I didn’t want to disturb him while he was working out.

It was a long time before Kwon Jungwoo finally stopped exercising. It felt like he had run a hundred laps around the campus. When I suddenly blurted out what I had been meaning to say, it was because I had completely run out of energy.

“Maybe it’s because he loves you too much.”

Though my voice was weak, I managed to stop Kwon Jungwoo, who was about to get off the treadmill.

Even I knew my thought process was simple. Having learned about dating from dramas and love from movies, there was no way I could understand the complex emotions of couples.

His eyebrows lifted slightly. However, the gaze that settled on me was calm. As Kwon Jungwoo leaned back against the treadmill console, the skin under his eyes lifted into a slight smile.

Despite all that running, his pale skin remained the same, perfectly complementing his pink hoodie.

“Is that advice from a dating expert?”

Kwon Jungwoo asked, leaning his elbow on the treadmill handle. As I tilted my head, his sweat-dampened face felt closer. As always, I couldn’t withstand his amused gaze and leaned my upper body back.

“…Not exactly an expert.”

“It’s because he loves her. I know.”

Kwon Jungwoo spoke as if he already knew everything, looking straight into my eyes. Then he smiled at me as I stood there, lost for words.

“But I didn’t start dating her because I loved that part of her.”

His disheveled black bangs looked harmless. The calmness in his eyes seemed to enhance the effect. He still exuded a cool aura, but it was subtly different from his usual sharpness. Whether it was because he had been working out or because he was thinking of his girlfriend, I wasn’t sure.

I felt a small thrill in the fact that Kwon Jungwoo had responded as if he understood the subject and intention of my meddling, which had stemmed purely from speculation. And I was busy pretending not to notice this trashy feeling inside me.

The issue I had brought up to open the conversation had apparently been resolved long ago. His firm and unwavering response made that clear.

“I’m sorry if I overstepped.”

So the apology came naturally. This wasn’t how I intended the conversation to go…

Kwon Jungwoo examined my face carefully, whether I apologized or not. The intensity of his gaze made me feel like he was scrutinizing every aspect of my face, expression, and behavior.

As if studying me, Kwon Jungwoo quietly observed me before tilting his head.

“That’s interesting. Your eyes aren’t particularly striking… Is it because the shape is gentle?”

“…Why?”

“Your girlfriends must have had a hard time, too.”

He quietly explained, but I still didn’t understand. Whether he had no intention of explaining further, Kwon Jungwoo left me standing there and got off the treadmill. After checking the watch strapped to his wrist, he gave me a somewhat bored look.

“I’m going over there now, so if you have anything to say, say it now. Otherwise, you can wait by the press until I’m done.”

He spoke nonchalantly, as if he knew I had been waiting for him. Feeling the heat rise to my face, I hurriedly got off the treadmill too. I nearly stumbled, but my old athletic instincts saved me from more embarrassment.

“I-I have nothing to say to you. I’ll be going now. Bye.”

“Han Jiwon.”

Kwon Jungwoo called out to me as I passed by him. Reluctant to show him my face, which was surely red by now, I hesitated before finally turning my head. Then, Kwon Jungwoo smiled down at me from a handspan above.

“Take care.”

As he said that, he looked alternately into my eyes. It didn’t feel like he was making eye contact, but rather like he was inspecting them. Almost as if he wanted to see my embarrassed face.

It was just a hunch, but in any case, I left the training center after showing him plenty of my embarrassed expressions. Even when I checked the mirror in the elevator of my officetel building, the redness on my face still hadn’t faded. It didn’t seem like something worth being this embarrassed about, but the blush wouldn’t go away.

The curiosity remained as well.

Why do I keep acting like a fool in front of Kwon Jungwoo?

Once again, the insignificant curiosity related to Kwon Jungwoo followed me all day, and it wasn’t until late in the afternoon, around sunset, that I concluded this discomfort was due to the guilt I felt from peeking into his personal life.

“Oppa, here, have this.”

It was after my major class had ended, and I was packing up my things when a female student approached and offered me a can of coffee. Her face was familiar, but no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t remember her name. Her cheeks were flushed.

I paused my packing and quickly waved my hand.

“No, it’s okay. You don’t have to give it to me.”

“I want to give it to you. It’s not expensive, just something I bought at the convenience store right outside. Can’t you please accept it?”

She didn’t back down, cautiously watching my expression. Her head tilted slightly, and her wavy hair fell over her shoulders, making me feel increasingly pressured.

It was awkward, but it seemed like the standoff wouldn’t end until I accepted the coffee. It also looked like the student might feel uncomfortable if I didn’t drink it.

“…Thank you.”

“And by the way, I’m a classmate, so you can speak comfortably with me. We’ll be seeing each other often, right?”

“Huh? Oh… yeah, I mean, okay.”

“Enjoy it, and see you next time!”

The female student gave a polite bow and quickly left the classroom. As if on cue, I heard the giggling of girls from outside the door.

To avoid any awkward encounters, I waited a moment before leaving the classroom. Looking at the can of coffee in my hand, I noticed droplets of condensation forming on it, and suddenly, I felt a thirst I hadn’t had before.

Did I really look that tired? I wondered if the exhaustion from the past few sleepless nights had been that obvious for someone to go out of their way to buy me coffee.

As I rubbed my tired cheeks, I felt a delayed sense of gratitude toward the student who had gone out of her way to be kind to me. I should’ve thanked her more sincerely. I’ve always been like this—selfish, only taking and never giving. Blaming it on being shy would be a cop-out. My conscience pricked at me because I knew better than anyone that it takes more courage to give than to receive.

Lately, I’ve been wondering if I’ve been blessed with good luck in meeting kind people. People I didn’t expect have been helping me at unexpected times. Naturally, I thought of Kwon Jungwoo. Or maybe, even before that, Kwon Jungwoo had been floating around in my head.

“Ah!”

Suddenly, I remembered the time I received the car keys from Kwon Jungwoo behind the basketball court. It was a good place to avoid people’s eyes in the crowded campus. I wanted to drink the coffee, but it felt strange to just stand in front of the building and drink it, and it wasn’t exactly appropriate to drink it in the bathroom either.

I pulled my hat down low and left the department building. The gym was close by, just past the basketball court.

When I arrived at the basketball court, it was quiet, unlike before. It seemed like there wasn’t any practice at that time, which was a relief. I headed toward the back of the building, where the concrete ground gave way to a gravelly dirt path. I had spied on Kwon Jungwoo’s back here not too long ago.

“……”

Even I was getting sick of it. That constant thinking about Kwon Jungwoo, Kwon Jungwoo. I didn’t know why my nerves kept obsessing over him. I had thought about him so much that now it even felt like I could smell his cologne. I was getting frustrated with myself for having these symptoms that bordered on lovesickness.

The tranquil spring atmosphere was suddenly shattered by a noise. It pulled my gaze upward from my feet.

And there I saw Kwon Jungwoo, with that woman with the bob haircut.

Though there was some distance between us, it wasn’t so far that I couldn’t recognize their faces. I probably would have recognized them even from farther away since Kwon Jungwoo had been constantly lingering in my mind.

The woman had her back to me, so all I could see was Kwon Jungwoo’s face. His cheek was quite red, with his head tilted slightly.

I was shocked to see them so suddenly, and I felt like an unwelcome intruder. Because of that, I didn’t immediately connect the noise to what had just happened. It wasn’t until I realized what scene I had witnessed that it hit me.

Kwon Jungwoo looked at me with cold, subdued eyes.

The moment our eyes met, my mind filled with the thought that I needed to leave. It wasn’t just the guilt of accidentally spying on them, but more so the fear that Kwon Jungwoo might feel embarrassed because of me. I could handle feeling embarrassed myself, but the awkwardness of causing someone else to feel embarrassed was unbearable.

So, pathetically, as soon as our eyes met, I turned and ran away. Even after leaving the basketball court, I kept running, hoping they wouldn’t notice me.

It wasn’t until I reached the library—a place I hadn’t visited in my month of school—that I finally stopped running. My head felt hot, so I took off my hat, then put it back on. I was thankful I had been wearing it.

Maybe he didn’t recognize me?

I tried to convince myself there was a low chance he’d recognized me, but Kwon Jungwoo’s gaze gave me pause. Plus, the yellow department jumper I was wearing was way too bright.

The search term I typed into the laptop I hadn’t used in a while wasn’t anything impressive. It was pathetic and pitiful. I knew that, but my fingers scrolled delicately through the search results. I was so focused that I didn’t realize how close my face was to the screen.

Even though Kwon Jungwoo’s girlfriend was a regular person, there was a lot about her online. I noticed a woman’s face in the thumbnail, but I couldn’t bring myself to click on it. I felt guilty for even searching.

…Why did I even look this up in the first place?

Finally, I realized it wasn’t Kwon Jungwoo’s girlfriend I was curious about—it was Kwon Jungwoo’s stories related to her. Once I came to that realization, a wave of exhaustion hit me. I felt so empty that I lost all motivation to search further. I felt disgusted with myself for treating Kwon Jungwoo’s relationship as just another piece of gossip.

I thought about the things Kwon Jungwoo said at the gym a few days ago. He seemed indifferent, even though the issue clearly bothered him.

Was it just a simple fight, or…?

I remembered the woman’s trembling shoulders. What bothered me more, though, was Kwon Jungwoo’s flushed cheeks and dry expression.

Should I have stayed instead of running away?

Looking back, it seemed that my running away was just an excuse to avoid facing the situation.

Should I reach out to him now? But it felt awkward to suddenly acknowledge him after all this time. I didn’t want to stir up any unnecessary feelings.

Meanwhile, the group chat was still buzzing with trivial chatter. I no longer expected any talk about assignments. I was just checking it from time to time, hoping to see if Kwon Jungwoo had said anything. I even participated in the conversation occasionally, just so I wouldn’t look like I was only lurking.