Ball-Boy Tactics

Ah.It was only then that I realized there was no need to ask why. Since we’re both men, it was natural that there was no room for misunderstanding. It was so obvious that there was no need to clarify anything, so why did I feel so caught off guard? Even though I had absolutely, definitely, sworn to the heavens, no intention of misunderstanding his words.I forced a laugh, even though it wasn’t funny, trying not to show my awkwardness.“Yeah, right. There’s no way I’d misunderstand you. What could there be to misunderstand between guys, right? Ah, give me back the trash. I’ll throw it away.”“But why did you just leave earlier?”My cheek really hurt, though.Kwon Jungwoo rubbed his cheek as if it was still stinging. The trash was already in his pocket.At that moment, I felt it. Maybe Kwon Jungwoo and I were completely incompatible.Kwon Jungwoo made everything difficult for me with his words, and the things I was brooding over were blown up and exploded when I least expected it. I had just let go of something that had been on my mind all day, and he didn’t miss the chance to hit me with a direct question. Kwon Jungwoo never beat around the bush.To someone like me, who wished to fade into the background like a grain of sand under a rock, Kwon Jungwoo, who only knew how to shine directly like sunlight, felt like a threat. Beyond admiration or idolization, I wondered if we were simply incompatible on an astrological level. All sorts of thoughts ran through my mind in that short time.In the end, the words that came out of my mouth were ones I had said to Kwon Jungwoo countless times before.“…I’m sorry.”“Why? Did you hire someone to beat him up or something?”No. I got hit because I broke up with him.Kwon Jungwoo shrugged as he spoke, as if it were no big deal. The Han River shimmered behind him, making him seem even more lively. Maybe it was the streetlight casting shadows under his smiling eyes.I suddenly had the strange urge to look closely at each of his eyelashes. Kwon Jungwoo slowly began to speak.“So, if you weren’t following me, why did you go there?”“Oh, that…”“Cigarettes?”“No, I don’t smoke. …I went for coffee. I wanted to be alone, but there wasn’t really anywhere else to go.”As I spoke, I felt more and more pathetic, and my voice grew quieter. Maybe I should’ve just said I was passing by and decided to stop in. I expected Kwon Jungwoo to frown and click his tongue, thinking he would give me the same advice to stop worrying about what others think.But with the gentle breeze, his frown quickly smoothed out.“Yeah. It’s a decent place to have coffee alone. The cherry blossoms are pretty nice too.”“……”“I hope my breakup made for a good dessert.”Kwon Jungwoo grinned, showing his perfect teeth, and started walking again. His figure grew distant, but the scent of his cologne lingered in the breeze.The idea that Kwon Jungwoo’s breakup could be a dessert was absurd to someone like me, who had been tormented by the memory of it all day. I quickly caught up to him. Was he being sarcastic again? But his face, which I glanced at, was as serene as could be.At least I expected some harsh words….But contrary to my worries, he wasn’t angry or embarrassed, which made me even more anxious. Was it because he was too caught up in the pain of the breakup? I was completely clueless about this kind of thing. All I knew was that my head was filled with the thought that I wanted to comfort Kwon Jungwoo. I wanted to lessen his sadness, even just a little.“I like taking pictures of the sky.”Kwon Jungwoo looked at me, surprised by my seemingly random comment. His gaze made my nose itch, and I scratched it.“Well, I mean, I’ve liked the sky since I was a kid. Sometimes I’d stare at it absentmindedly or try to draw it. I think my admiration for the sky is what kept me doing gymnastics. There’s a routine where you jump really high, like a bird.”“……”“Anyway, so even now, I like taking pictures of the sky or dragonflies. But sometimes, even when I hurry to take out my camera, I miss the shot I wanted. But you know, if you just keep holding the camera still, sometimes you capture something even better than before. That’s how it is. I might give up on things quickly, but when it comes to holding out with a camera, I can do it….”“So.”“Huh?”“What are you trying to say?”Kwon Jungwoo’s eyes sharpened as if he was sure I had a reason for rambling. We planted ourselves on the ground again, and not far away, I could faintly hear the music Yang Eunoh had chosen.“Well… You’ll meet a better girlfriend next time. So don’t be too sad.”I said what I wanted to say while the slow beats of the song played in the background. The scent of the river lingered around us as we got closer to the Han River, and the lights along the riverbank softly illuminated our faces.It wasn’t long before laughter erupted from above me. Kwon Jungwoo laughed out loud, even if it was brief, then looked down at me with laughter still in his eyes.“I think you’re mistaken.”His sharp lips curved into a beautiful arc.“I don’t have any feelings like the ones you’re imagining, so you don’t need to worry. I’m actually being careful not to fly away because I feel so free.”“…So you didn’t ask me to come here because you were upset about the breakup?”“Yeah, I came out to celebrate the ‘occasion’ of breaking up. That person hated it when I went out at night, no matter where I was going.”I had assumed it was a given, but being told I was wrong left me speechless. As I grew quiet after my outpouring of words, Kwon Jungwoo laughed and asked if I had misunderstood. He lightly fixed his wind-tousled bangs and looked pleased.“I’m not that romantic of a guy.”“……”“So you don’t need to be kind.”The Pororo band on my fingertip felt rough. Yet, I couldn’t stop fiddling with it because the words “I’m not romantic” sounded more romantic than anything else I’d heard today. The reason my ears were burning wasn’t just because I had misunderstood.The path back to the car, with the Han River as a backdrop, seemed more beautiful than it had earlier. The sound of insects, fitting for the cool weather, filled the silence between us.“Jiwon! The ramen’s getting soggy!”From some distance, Byun Seungjin was yelling my name and waving enthusiastically. He was especially cheerful. As promised, they had timed it perfectly and had the ramen ready. The four of us gathered around a small folding table. Byun Seungjin, who had claimed the ladle, served me some ramen on my plate, but in the meantime, Yang Eunoh passed around the plates, so Byun Seungjin ended up serving everyone.We opened cans of beer, clinked them lightly together, and took a sip. From the moment I sat down, my mind was clouded with random thoughts, and eventually, I was lost in contemplation, splitting my chopsticks. My thoughts drifted from the conversation I had with Kwon Jungwoo to the fundamental question of why I was even here.“What are you doing, not eating?”Kwon Jungwoo, sitting next to me, asked. Maybe it was just my changed perspective, but without the label of a guy who just went through a breakup, Kwon Jungwoo definitely seemed to be enjoying himself.“Oh… it’s a bit hot.”“Let me see.”Before I could stop him, Kwon Jungwoo took my plate. He picked up the ramen with his chopsticks and blew on it.Is he really this considerate? Does Kwon Jungwoo usually blow on ramen for his friends too?Just as I was shocked by this gesture, which seemed more like something you’d do for a lover, Kwon Jungwoo slurped up the ramen he had just blown on.“It’s not hot at all.”“…”“So hurry up and eat. If you keep dawdling, we’ll finish it all.”As he handed the empty plate back to me, our eyes met. His playful eyes glanced at me briefly before Kwon Jungwoo suddenly burst out laughing.“Ha ha! Look at his expression! We still have plenty here, why are you so shocked?”He laughed so hard that his eyes nearly disappeared, folding into crescents. The usual mysterious coldness was nowhere to be seen; his laugh was pure and innocent.I was in shock for the second time, seeing Kwon Jungwoo’s bright smile for the first time.Perhaps it was the sweet scent of cherry blossoms lingering in the air on the picturesque riverside, or maybe it was the body wash scent that mingled busily with the cherry blossom fragrance. Or perhaps it was the lyrics of the song playing in the car that spoke of sweet love.If I were to list reasons why my heart was racing uncontrollably, there would be many.But unfortunately, it was clear that this fluttering emotion stemmed from Kwon Jungwoo. As Kwon Jungwoo, still smiling, tilted his head slightly and remarked on how my face had turned red, it only confirmed the feelings I had been avoiding.This newly realized emotion turned what should have been a pleasant night into one of turmoil.The basketball players who were part of my first-ever group project seemed to have forgotten that we had an assignment. Well, I wasn’t any better off, as I hadn’t brought it up despite the presentation being just around the corner.It was only two days before the presentation when I received a message from Yang Eunoh, the team leader, about the project.[Yang Eunoh]: My sneakers ripped while hiking earlier.[Yang Eunoh]: I want to file a workplace injury claim, damn it.[Yang Eunoh]: Isn’t there a way to sue for an unplanned mountain training?[Yang Eunoh]: Jiwon, come to the basketball court tomorrow so we can work on the project.[Yang Eunoh]: Hey, we should start a union too.[Yang Eunoh]: How do we even start one?[Byun Seungjin]: Ask your parents for permission first.It was a good thing I saw the messages amidst the flood of texts. So, today, on the day of the meeting, I was heading to the basketball court right after class.Judging by the away team bus parked in the lot, it seemed today was a home game for Korea University.Sure enough, as I neared the court, the loud cheers echoed outside. I had thought my connection with sports ended when I quit gymnastics, but here I was, heading to a basketball court.I climbed the stairs on the outer part of the basketball arena to reach the stands. The closer I got to the entrance, the louder the cheers for Korea University became. The chants, reminiscent of my time as an athlete, tightened my chest with nervousness.I pulled my cap down low and walked through the wide-open entrance. The orange court spread out before me, filled with the sounds of sneakers squeaking, players exchanging signals, the coach’s shouts, and the crowd’s cheers, all blending into a powerful energy. The game was well underway in the second quarter out of four, and the excitement was at its peak.In gymnastics, the actual competition lasted only moments, so the venue was relatively quiet. Cheering could even be a distraction, so it was customary to remain silent during events.Basketball, on the other hand, was incredibly dynamic. The court, the bench, and the stands all radiated vibrant energy. The players constantly collided and fought while running. Just 10 seconds of that level of activity would leave me breathless, but the players, dripping with sweat, didn’t stop.Among them, Kwon Jungwoo was the one who caught my eye the most.With broad shoulders and a strong build, he stood out even among the other basketball players, moving at the center of the action. Kwon Jungwoo’s position demanded tough defense and hustle, so there was always a physical battle around him. Just now, a whistle blew as an opposing player was pushed away by Kwon Jungwoo.Cheers for Kwon Jungwoo grew louder, and the atmosphere became more intense. I moved carefully, looking for a place to sit. Although I usually avoid crowds, it wasn’t too bad here because everyone was focused on the game.The game was so thrilling that the stands were already packed. Given the limited seating at college basketball games, many people were standing. I found a spot on the second floor, tucked against a concrete wall. The corner felt comforting. Even though I was jostled by people coming and going near the entrance, it was bearable.“Focus, focus!”As the game resumed, Kwon Jungwoo clapped his hands, urging his team to stay focused. His muscular shoulders extended into strong arms that gestured for the ball. The basketball landed in his hands as if finding its rightful place, and Kwon Jungwoo quickly drove through the opposing players.Facing the basket, an opponent blocked his path. Kwon Jungwoo feigned a shot, prompting the defender to leap, and then, a split second later, he jumped and released the ball. His black hair seemed to float in slow motion as he soared.As the ball narrowly passed the outstretched hand of the defender and went through the goalpost, a roar erupted. The goalpost shook, and at the same time, Kwon Jungwoo’s navy uniform fluttered in delight. The number 17 on his back and the name “Kwon Jungwoo” rippled in the air.I had seen Kwon Jungwoo playing basketball many times in the media, and I always found him charming, but seeing him play in person was far more impressive.“I’m not that romantic of a guy.”That kind voice echoed in my ears.So, I…The clarity of my feelings toward Kwon Jungwoo made me question why I had ever worried that I might be asexual, having never liked anyone before. In hindsight, it seemed ridiculous. It was both amusing and pathetic to think about. Of all people, why did I have to fall for someone like Kwon Jungwoo, someone I couldn’t even approach? Or maybe it was precisely because I liked him that I found it so difficult. I didn’t know the exact reasons, but the expected outcome was clear.That’s why I had no intention of pursuing my feelings for Kwon Jungwoo. Not only were they unreciprocated, but as I knew all too well, I was quick to give up. I had come to terms with the fact that I wasn’t heterosexual, and I intended to let go of these feelings. It was better than not being able to like anyone at all. If I ended it here, it would be a happy ending of sorts.I was relieved to have realized this before it was too late, and now the best course of action was to figure out how to erase these feelings without a trace. Although I hadn’t found a way yet, even after thinking about it constantly since that day by the Han River…Beep-.The whistle blew, and the game was paused again.At the far end of the court, one of our players and a player from the opposing team began pointing at each other and pleading their case to the referee. Our player, in particular, was rattling off his complaints without even taking a breath. The momentum was already on our side.That voice sounds familiar.“There’s Byun Seungjin again. Man, he’s hilarious.”A voice from somewhere in the stands was followed by the referee awarding Byun Seungjin a free throw. As if it were the natural outcome, he continued to grumble as he approached the opposing team’s goalpost with a sly smile. Nearby, Yang Eunoh gave him a thumbs-up after patting him on the back.Oh, right, those guys are here too. It was amusing and heartwarming to see them acting the same as always, even on the court, so I focused on their free throw. Then, someone who was swaying nearby stumbled into me.“Oh!”“Ouch!”“If you’re going to stand here, at least stay still! Why are you staggering like that?”“I-I’m sorry.”I quickly bowed my head and apologized. The strong smell of alcohol suggested that the middle-aged man was quite drunk. It wasn’t my fault, but I didn’t want to cause a scene, so I mumbled apologies several times. Fortunately, the cheers for Byun Seungjin drowned out the noise, and the man, breathing heavily, staggered away.I cautiously lifted my head and looked around. Byun Seungjin’s free throw was still ongoing, so no one was paying attention to me.“Wow!”I turned my attention to the court at the sound of cheers. The goalpost shook, and Byun Seungjin was high-fiving his teammates, indicating he had scored. Good for him, I thought as I scanned the court for Kwon Jungwoo. Despite my resolve to forget my feelings, my instincts took over.And then, I made eye contact with Kwon Jungwoo.Or… did I?“Hey, no way! I just made eye contact with Jungwoo!”“No, he probably saw my banner!”The students next to me burst into laughter. Indeed, the banner the student was holding was a dazzling array of colors.It seems he was looking at that, not me. I only thought he was looking at me because his face was turned in my direction. It was such a fleeting moment that I wasn’t even sure.Maybe he was just turning his head at that moment. Even now, Kwon Jungwoo was ruffling Byun Seungjin’s hair without paying any attention to the crowd. Whatever Byun Seungjin said in response, it made Kwon Jungwoo laugh brightly, and he ruffled his hair even more. The energy was so vibrant that it felt like only they were living in the moment.The sound of camera shutters echoed all around. Fans were capturing the scene with their cameras. I knew Kwon Jungwoo had a lot of fans, but experiencing it firsthand from within the crowd was overwhelming.Kwon Jungwoo is tall for a basketball player and has fair skin. Even though he’s an indoor athlete, his complexion was still remarkably pale.I thought the public preferred athletes with well-tanned, bronze skin, but that wasn’t the case with Kwon Jungwoo. You could tell just by looking at the nicknames related to his skin on the fans’ banners. Milk, rice cake, whipped cream… It seemed his fans liked to compare him to food.My skin is also fair, but Kwon Jungwoo’s is even whiter. If I had to distinguish, mine is pale, while Kwon Jungwoo’s is more like milky, or to put it simply, like milk, rice cake, or whipped cream…Am I also an inevitable fan of Kwon Jungwoo?After the second quarter ended, there was a 15-minute break. As the players on the court headed to the locker room, the crowd started moving around, either heading to the restroom or stretching.With more people passing by, I shrank back, my shoulder cold against the wall.How much time passed? Suddenly, a buzz arose, and people began chanting Kwon Jungwoo’s name. Were the players re-entering the court? I couldn’t lift my head, so I only speculated, staring at the ground.“Han Jiwon!”Someone called my name. Even though I heard it clearly, I doubted my ears because the voice was familiar, and it came from the direction of the basketball court.…There’s no way he would call me.Still covering my face with my hand, I spread my fingers slightly to peek through them at the court. Seeing me like this, Kwon Jungwoo chuckled.“Come down.”He said just one word, nodding as if to confirm that I had heard him correctly.The silence that followed lasted only a few seconds. The amazement that began around me quickly spread, turning the stadium into chaos. Cheers erupted from all directions, and cameras, previously pointed at Kwon Jungwoo, were now aimed at me.“What in the world… Han Jiwon was right next to me!”“Does he know Jungwoo? How do they know each other?”“Oh my God, he looks amazing in person. He’s super handsome.”“Is he nervous? Look at how awkward he is. Same personality as always—so cute.”All eyes in the stadium were suddenly on me, even though this wasn’t a gymnastics arena. Heat rushed to my face, and I felt completely out of place. I didn’t know what to do, but then I made eye contact with Kwon Jungwoo, who was still standing there. He gestured for me to come down the stairs, seemingly unaffected by the commotion around us. He was the only one on the basketball court.I couldn’t understand what was happening. Why was he calling me out all of a sudden, and how did he even spot me among so many people? But since he called me, I had to go. My arms and legs, which had been moving just fine before, now felt stiff and awkward, like an unlubricated robot, but I somehow managed to make my way toward the stairs.Thankfully, the spectators didn’t crowd around me. They just watched us, seemingly intrigued by the relationship between Kwon Jungwoo and me.I’m not even sure how I made it down from the stands. When I stepped onto the court and saw Kwon Jungwoo up close, his bangs were damp with sweat. His neck, the curves of his shoulders, and arms were all glistening with moisture. Not wanting to focus on his bare skin, I kept my eyes fixed on his, despite the massive height difference. He raised an eyebrow as he turned back to look at me.“What? Oh, I was going to show you a better hiding spot. Didn’t you like it?”“Oh, no. It’s not that… A better hiding spot?”I couldn’t tell him that his bare skin had flustered me, so I let my words trail off. It only registered then that he had called me over to show me a good hiding spot. The place he took me was just a few steps away, to the lower level of the stands. It was out of the crowd’s sight, so from here, I could only see the backs of the players on the bench and the players on the court.It was somewhat ironic that he had called out my name so loudly to show me a hiding place when I was already well hidden, but as soon as we disappeared from the court, the commotion started to die down. There was still some murmuring, but it wasn’t much different from the usual buzz. At least I wasn’t getting jostled around by the crowd anymore.“It’ll be over soon, so just wait here. It’s only 20 more minutes.”Kwon Jungwoo pulled a folded metal chair from the corner and opened it for me. He even wiped the cushion with a towel, as if there might be dust on it. I wondered why he was going out of his way to do this for me. I was surprised when he called my name, but his repeated acts of kindness only deepened my confusion.Could he have figured out that I like him and was being nice because of it? No, if he knew how I felt, he would have started to despise me. Or maybe he needed something from me? Ah, I get it. He probably wants me to do the group project presentation.