Be a girl

“Hey Ben,” Claire said. We were walking home from the recital, the chilly night air biting at my cheeks. It was quite late now, and even the main roads were almost devoid of traffic. Each breath of ours instantly condensed in the cold air, forming a wispy trail of mist that quickly dissipated.

“Hmm?” I replied. I didn’t bother looking toward my friend. Instead, my eyes wandered about, staring at whatever the light from the streetlamps hit. I couldn’t help but notice the mishmash of antiquated sodium vapour lamps and lamps that had been upgraded to efficient white LEDs.

“I need your help with something.”

I raised an eyebrow at her. Highly unusual for her to request my assistance. “With?”

“Remember that friend of mine – the guy Rachel mentioned earlier? His formal is coming up – not this Friday, but the Friday after. And he asked if I would go with him to it. And like, I couldn’t let him down, so I said yes.”

“Um, what does this have to do with me?” I really didn’t see why she would require my assistance for something like this. What was I supposed to do?

“Right, so, there’s kind of an issue with me going with him to his formal, and it’s related to why I even agreed in the first place. You know how Rachel thought he was a girl? That’s not for no reason. He’s transgender, like me but the other way round. And despite, you know, being a boy, he goes to an all girls’ school. Which, ouch.”

I cringed at the mention of her friend going to an all girls’ school. It reminded me a lot of my brother being forced to attend school as a girl, but even worse. It was a good thing mum didn’t send James to an all girls’ school. It also reminded me of my own time at my old school – an all boys’ school. A horrid place. Single sex educational facilities were truly terrible institutions.

But again, I failed to see how I came into this plan. If she wanted me to go in her stead, she was dreaming. I was the last person she should have asked. A crowd full of hormonal teenagers whom I didn’t know at all? No thanks. I got enough of that at school.

“I still don’t understand what this has to do with me.”

“Yes, I’m getting there,” she replied, somewhat impatient. “Anyway, as I said, he goes to an all girls’ school, and in order to give the students a ‘proper formal experience’” – she made finger quotes around those three words – “they’re doing it together with an all boys’ school. So, you can probably guess that the administration is going to be super heteronormative about it.” She gagged after that last word, pointing inside her mouth. “And like, as much as he hates it, he does look like a girl. He’s even told me his mum is forcing him to wear a dress.”

I felt a pang of sympathy for the poor boy, being forced to wear a dress he didn’t want to. It was a lot like James, and very much not in a good way.

What Claire was saying did make a lot of sense though. At least in regards to the administration being heteronormative. Her plan however, made exactly zero sense. I gathered what she was implying: her friend looked like a girl, and she was a girl, so if they went together then they’d look like two girls, even if they were really a girl and a boy. Again, I failed to see what help I could be in this situation. Unless she wanted me to pretend to be this boy’s date, while she pretended to be some guy’s date? That didn’t sound appealing in the slightest.

I shook my head. “Again, I don’t see how I can help here. If you want me to come along as a friend, then I’m sorry, you’ll have to ask someone else. Going to a formal for some other school doesn’t sound like my idea of a good time.”

Claire took in a deep breath, then exhaled slowly. She placed her hands together like she was praying, then pointed them in my direction. “Alright, so. We have a plan. And I know you’re gonna tell me it’s stupid but please just listen. My friend can actually transform me into a boy. So then we’d look like a boy and a girl. That way we can get in with no issues.”

My eyes widened. I stared at her dumbfounded. She knew someone who could transform people from female to male!? She’d said it so nonchalantly, and was also willing to have her friend transform her. I knew now exactly why she wanted my help. “You need me to change you back, don’t you?”

She nodded. “Yeah. I know you don’t really like doing it, but I would be so grateful if you could do this for me. I’m really not sure how well I could pass as a boy without my friend transforming me, and I really don’t want to stay like that for longer than absolutely necessary.”

I contemplated Claire’s harebrained scheme. It was, undoubtedly, a completely ridiculous idea. But if she was telling the truth about her friend, then I really needed to talk to him. If he could reverse the changes I’d done to both dad and James, then all would be well. Or, well, mostly well. I doubted that mum and dad would get back together, after everything that mum had done.

But that wasn’t important. What was important was convincing Claire’s friend to change dad and James back. If Claire’s friend was anything like me, he’d likely be rather hesitant, but I was sure he’d listen if I explained the situation. Dad and James had become utterly miserable ever since I’d transformed them. They needed this.

I figured he’d likely be more willing to help me if I went along and helped him and Claire first. If that meant I’d have to go to another school’s formal, surrounded by a crowd of people whom I didn’t know, then so be it. If it meant meeting someone who could fix my family’s problems, then I could do it. It was only one night.

“I’ll do it,” I announced.

“You will?” Claire squealed excitedly. She pulled me into a tight hug before quickly releasing me. “Thank you so much! I’m sure my friend will really appreciate your help.” She beamed at me.

I sighed. “Just promise you’ll stay with me the whole time? I don’t do well with strangers.”

“Of course, of course,” she said, nodding her head vigorously, before letting out a heavy sigh of relief and placing her hand on her chest. “I was so worried you’d say no, because, you know, big crowd. And also because I was worried you wouldn’t want to ever help me after… the sleepover.”

Right, the sleepover. The images of that night were still burnt into my mind. And yet it felt so long ago now. She’d kept her word; she hadn’t tried anything like she had on that night, and she hadn’t tried to ‘help’ me. I was still somewhat upset at her for it. But it was almost unfair to hold a grudge when she’d shown genuine remorse.

I waved my hand dismissively. “That’s all behind us now,” I said, “So long as you keep your word, I’d rather just forget about the whole thing.”

Having said that, we arrived at my house. I waved her goodbye, and she did the same, once again thanking me for agreeing to help her. I smiled meekly, then entered my home. It was quiet inside, with James having gone to bed hours ago, and dad quietly reading a book in the lounge room. He was waiting for me to get home safely from my little outing. I greeted him, which he returned, and then we both started getting ready for bed. It was quite late, and we both had places to be tomorrow morning. Not to mention that I was exhausted.

Despite it being over a week away, I suddenly became extremely nervous about agreeing to attend another school’s formal. But Claire needed me, because I was the only one capable of helping her in this situation, and I needed to go, because it was of utmost importance that I speak with her friend.

It did mean that I’d need to wear a suit, which I didn’t like the idea of at all. But I’d have to get used to wearing one anyway; those were the only formal wear acceptable for men. I’d ask my dad later. He’d help me. I did think briefly about how she planned to get me in, but I figured she already had that covered. Claire’s friend probably knew a girl at his school who was willing to help me get in.

I was briefly struck with a thought which stuck out to me, however: why hadn’t Claire mentioned her friend’s ability sooner? She knew about my dad and brother’s situation. Maybe she only just found out herself recently and was intent on keeping her promise to not try and ‘help’ me? Yeah, that must have been it. Attempting to help my family helped me too, and that would be breaking her promise. She wouldn’t do something like that.

***

I decided to hold back on telling dad about the formal until after school the next day. It was just easier that way. I was excited at the prospect of hopefully helping dad and James get their bodies back. Seeing the two of them so depressed all the time had really gotten to me over the past few months. Neither of them deserved what had happened to them.

I played some games with Oscar and Claire while waiting for dad to arrive home. I kept my cool when he did arrive, telling myself that I’d inform him after dinner. For real, unlike all those other times I’d told myself I would say something and failed miserably. I was particularly fidgety whilst we ate, which dad picked up on. I told him not to worry about it; we would speak soon. He stared at me for a while before feeling satisfied with my answer and returning to his meal.

I managed to wordlessly usher him into my room once we were done. James was intrigued, but I made it clear that this was none of his concern by shaking my head. Dad understood my message and told James to go do his own thing for a while. The fidgeting didn’t stop once I’d sat down at my desk chair. I gently rubbed my thighs back and forth to help calm myself down.

“So, what was it you wanted to talk to me about?” dad asked, making himself comfortable on my bed. He had placed my pillow up against the bedhead and was leaning his back against it, with both hands behind his head.

I took a deep breath and did my best to explain the situation. “Claire invited me to a formal for another school, and I need help picking out suitable attire.” There. I did it. That was as much information as was necessary. Mentioning anything else at this stage wasn’t important; I didn’t want to get dad’s hopes up on the off chance that Claire’s friend refused to help him and James.

Dad contemplated my words for a moment, rolling them around in his head as we stared at each other. Finally, he said, “Are you sure that’s a good idea?”

Maybe it was better to tell him. Or. No. I didn’t even know if this guy would help. Best to just tell him that I was ok with this. I knew why he was worried. But this was too important. “I want to do this,” I stated simply.

He pursed his lips, and took a moment to respond, “Ok. I s’pose you’ll need a suit then?” He didn’t sound too convinced. Like there was something he’d rather say instead but was refraining.

“Yeah,” I said dejectedly. The idea of wearing a suit was the exact opposite of thrilling to me, but suits were the only acceptable formal attire for men, so that was what I was forced to wear. I simply had no choice in the matter.

“You don’t have to do this, you know.”

But I did. “It’s fine, dad. Can we go to the shops on Saturday? I’ll need a suit for my graduation anyway. We could maybe even bring James along if mum’s ok with it.”

He sighed and sat up, spinning his legs so they were hanging off the side of the bed. He forced a smile at me. “I don’t want you doing something you don’t want to because you feel like you owe someone.”

“Dad, I want to do this,” I reassured him, though it felt more like reassurance for myself rather than him. I still had a niggling feeling at the back of my mind that this was all a terrible idea. But it was absolutely imperative that I do this. The importance of this simply could not be understated.

“Alright, I’ll talk to your mother, though I can’t make any guarantees,” he said. “You know what she’s like.”

I thanked my father, and he exited the room with a concerned expression on his face. He was right to be worried, of course, but if I could get his body back for him, then this would all be worth it.