Beautiful Misery

"Let's break up. We're through."

That was what his boyfriend, Kyle McKenny, whom he had spent two whole years of his life with, said the moment he stepped foot into the house.

Jason stared at him in disbelief as tears were clouding his vision, "You're lying, right? There's no way — Y-You can't leave me."

Jason wanted to hug Kyle, but he was roughly pushed away. Even though his body was slightly muscular, Kyle was still stronger than Jason. His small build could not be compared to Kyle's larger ones. Jason nearly fell over onto the cemented hard ground. He immediately stabilised himself and looked over to Kyle. Kyle's expression turned grim. His then-boyfriend no longer looked at him with the same-old-soft expression he had shown over the years they had been together. His eyes glared coldly down on Jason and his face remained stern. Kyle did not utter a single word as he hastily grabbed his luggage's handle and walked out of the house. Jason chased after him and not even once did Kyle spared to look back at him. Kyle simply ignored him as if he was a mere stranger to him.

When Kyle got into his car, the car immediately roared to life and pulled out to the driveway. Jason could not do anything as he helplessly collapsed and cried pathetically. Jason loved Kyle. Jason was not able to bear the pain of losing his lover.

'I love you, Jason. Nothing will ever change that. Let's stay together forever and get married in the future, okay Love?' He remembered Kyle's made-promised two years ago. It felt like a lie then, and their term for forever was never meant to be.

Jason did not know where it had gone wrong. Their relationship had been stable since. He could not recall anything that had led them to this; to his ex-boyfriend leaving him suddenly. All he could do was reminisce about the good memories they had together and cried helplessly upon thinking how much Jason still loved him. Jason was unconcerned with embarrassing himself in front of his neighbours who could see him from their window, or those who merely walked past his house. He was heartbroken, alone and weak. He wrapped his arms around himself and tugged his legs closer to himself as he helplessly called out his ex-boyfriend's name thousands of times as if wishing it was all a dream and Kyle would come running back to him, hugging and kissing him, telling him everything was okay. Hours passed since the sun had settled down as the sky turned gloomy and dark. The familiar expensive blue Porsche he came to love with stickers of sports' brand plastered all over the door, was not in sight and he knew then; Kyle had truly left him.

The days turned to weeks and Jason had fallen ill. It had gotten slightly worse when he got himself sick for almost a month. He had lost the appetite to eat and he always found himself winding up in the washroom, puking his guts out, even though his stomach was empty. He felt restless and tired as well, despite not doing anything and resting on his bed all day.

He visited the clinic and did lots of tests upon arrival. When it was time to visit the doctor, he could not believe what he was hearing.

"Congratulations! You're 2 months pregnant, Mr Graham!"

He stared at the doctor in disbelief, thinking it was a joke. Before he could have any input, the doctor pulled out the chart and showed him evidence of him being pregnant. After a thorough explanation, Jason felt his whole world had gone numb.

"It seems you were unaware of the fact that you were born with both traits. I'm sorry you had to find out this way," the doctor sympathised.

'Kyle was long gone and now, I'm pregnant? Nevertheless, a pregnant man at that? What am I supposed to do?'

Whatever the doctor was saying then, it did not get through his head. It travelled into his left ear and exited through his right. His mind was still processing everything that had happened. Afterwards, the doctor handed him the medications list he needed before he proceeded to the pharmacy to collect and pay for it.

He then drove back home in a sullen mood. He parked the car in the garage before mindlessly opening the door to his once-shared home with his ex, walking up the stairs and into his once-shared bedroom with his ex. He collapsed onto the bed as tears fell endlessly. This was all too much for him. He never thought he would get pregnant — nonetheless, the possibility of it. He and his ex-lover had always been careful in avoiding infections such as Sexually Transmitted Infections (STDs) and Human Immunodeficiency Virus (HIV). He made sure his lover had a condom put on before they did the deed.

Jason's eyes widened in realisation. There was once that the condom broke and Kyle had accidentally released himself inside of Jason. Jason thought he had washed it thoroughly. Unfortunately, that was not the case.

If he were to take a birth pill then, will the unborn baby die? Would it make him a bad person for killing the unwanted child? Then again, if he kept it — them, what would become of him? A mother-in-question(?) to his ex's child? Then, what about his ex? Does he need to let Kyle know? Will Kyle come back for him if he knew?

'No. If I told Kyle, I would be a laughing stock...'

Jason covered his face and silently wept. He hated dragging people down with him, including his ex-boyfriend. This problem was his and his alone. No one else had to be involved in this.

His phone dinged with a notification pop-out. He took his phone that was lying carelessly beside him and switched it on as he read it.

"I love you babe <3" - was what was written in the text and it was from Kyle. Jason felt his heart skip before brushing it off. 'It's over between us... There was no going back.' Jason thought sadly.

He hesitantly unlocked his phone and it automatically connected to his social media application. What he was seeing clenched his heart painfully in a bitter way.

The picture was taken up close. He knew they were naked together as both of their shoulders and chest area were bare and almost visible to his eyes. His ex-boyfriend was holding another girl sweetly in his arms as they kissed, lip-to-lip. Their eyes were closed shut as if they were enjoying this moment. He scrolled down to the comment section and countless needles were pricking into his heart upon reading one particular comment.

"6 months with you and it felt amazing!! I love you too babe!! XOXO"

That was enough for him to let go of the phone and cry even more. '6 months... Kyle... You've been cheating on me for months... Why? What did I do wrong?!'

At first, he did not have the heart to unfollow and blocked Kyle, because he still loved him. 'But, now?' He felt so frustrated, angry, disappointed, sad, annoyed and many more mixed feelings. Jason thought Kyle still loved him. He had even thought that Kyle was the man he would be married to. However, he was a fraud and he had treated Jason like a plaything before dumping him and going out with another woman behind his back. He wanted to kill him slowly. If Jason could, he would have probably murdered them both together.

Without further ado, he unfollowed his ex-lover and blocked him in every social media application he could think of. He even blocked his phone number. He decided not to cry for that man anymore and moved on from him. He was going to start afresh with a brand new chapter. His new life would consist of him and his baby only. No more Kyle.

He was going to be the best single father and they would both be happy with each other's presence only. There was no place for Kyle. He was just a "Sperm Donor". Nothing more, nothing less.