Beers and Beards: A Cozy Dwarf Tale

“I WANT BARCK’S BOX!” Annie almost screamed and then clamped her hand over her mouth. She flushed crimson.

“Phrasing?” I muttered. “Also, keep the volume down.”

“That’s… a crazy Specialization, Pete.” Balin said, slightly shell shocked. “I know you said you ‘worked things out’ with Barck, but all of that’s a bit more than ‘worked things out’. A lot of ‘chosen’ and ‘yer God’ bein’ bandied about…”

“Who cares!” Annie hissed, her face still a wild red. “It's insane! For your first Specialization!? Take it!”

“I dunno… I still prefer [Dimensional Drinker].” [Chosen Alchemist] was pretty amazing. But… “There’s a lot of really big problems with [Chosen Alchemist], Annie.”

“What possible problems? No, never mind. Let me write the exact text down in my notebook first.”

“Uh….” I began.

“I’ll burn it in the furnace after.” She rolled her eyes. “Geeze, Pete, I’m a brewer. If there’s one thing we do well it’s privacy.”

“Smart. Balin, can you write it in my notebook too?”

“Aye.” I passed him my notebook and he grabbed a pencil. “Go.”

I read the Specialization again.

[Chosen Alchemist]

You did not choose to become an [Alchemist]; you were chosen. While some struggle to find their way in life, you have already lived fully, and been God-given the chance to do it again. As a [Chosen Alchemist] you bear Barck’s Blessing and a path paved with power.

Combine [Otherworlder] and [Stabilize Mixture] into the Blessing [Stable Otherworlder]

Combine [Bottomless Barrel] and [Ingredient Scan] into the Blessing [Barck’s Box]

The Milestone [Carbonate] is not affected.

Stride boldly Chosen, and change the world!

Increases the chance of developing spark Milestones and the chance to find rare alchemical ingredients.

[Stable Otherworlder]

Your spirit has found a new spark but denies its influence with the blessing of Barck. Your mental statistics remain replaced with their previous values, and you are more likely to gain Blessings and Milestones. Any influence your body has had on your mind is reversed, and any future influence is greatly reduced. Grants greater resistance to mental and bodily manipulation as well as increased resistance to all elements and damage. Long may you live!

This ability is always active.

[Barck’s Box]

An alchemist often needs to forage for their own ingredients, but you are able to make your own. You can touch a container that contains no less than twenty-four grams of non-magical biological matter and grant it a touch of infinity. For the next one minute, anything you remove from the container and use in your alchemy does not reduce the amount of material in the container. If the material is not used in some form of alchemy within the next sixteen minutes, it disappears.

You can use this ability once per hour.

Annie scribbled a bit in her notebook and looked up.

“Nope. I still don’t see any downside. Do you realize how much money that could save us? Some of the ingredients in the bittering agent are pretty expensive. Brewing counts as basic alchemy, so [Barck’s Box] would make it free!” Annie became more and more animated as she continued, and her eyes glittered with excitement. “We could experiment with new rare ingredients, or sell usage of the Blessing to other [Alchemists] in the city. This is the kind of Blessing that could impact all of Minnova. Maybe even all of Crack!”

Balin and I drew in our breaths and looked at each other.

“Annie…” Balin began.

“That may not necessarily be a good thing.” I finished.

“What? Why not? Everyone would want it! Oh…” Her face fell.

Balin and I nodded. A Blessing that powerful could become a curse. It was the kind of thing that people might kidnap or even kill me for. Imagine if I could replicate some non-magical dungeon material that was restricted. I wouldn’t even blame City Hall if they decided to arrest me on the off-chance that I might mass produce it.

“It's powerful.” Balin said. “If we could make it work, it would be amazin’. Plus, it says you were ‘chosen’ as an [Alchemist] by Barck, Pete. I don’t know if you realize, not bein’ from here, but that’s a pretty big deal.”

Ugh. There was that ‘chosen’ again. “Obviously being chosen by a literal God is a big deal, Balin. But… what if I don’t want being ‘chosen’ to define my life? Annie, you said Specialization would set me on a path. This path practically guarantees a life dedicated in part to Barck.” I hesitated for a moment. “I.. I don’t really want to do that.” It actually made me very uncomfortable, especially since he owned my soul. That felt like a pretty vast power differential, and a Specialization that tied me to him even further? Nuh-uh!

“By Barck’s Beard.” Balin chuckled. “A dwarf might think you were worried Barck would eat ya! Having a life dedicated to one of tha Gods is an honour, Pete!”

“Balin’s right, Pete.” Anie added. “A Specialization that references the Gods is always very powerful, very prestigious, and highly coveted. At least we can be sure that you’re not cursed by Barck now. Unfortunately.”

“Unfortunately? I thought you were worried about that.” I said as she reached into her pocket and passed a few gold to Balin. “Wait, were you bettin' on it!?”

Balin raised his fist in a salute. “I believed in you, brother.”

“You really do have little faith in me!” I pointed accusingly at Annie. She shrugged in reply.

“Just hedging my bets.”

I crossed my arms. “At least Barck understands my genius.”

“That’s literally his job, Pete.” Balin put in.

“Whatever, the Barck issue isn’t one I expect you two devout souls to understand, and it doesn’t matter anyway. There’s actually a bigger problem. Look at [Stable Otherworlder].” I said, reading it carefully once more. Annie and Balin did too.

“It looks like quests may still be there… I see the line about ‘easier milestones’.” Annie said. “I don’t see the problem. Actually, I think this last line means the Specialization comes with an enhanced lifespan, which is amazing. It looks like an all-around boost to everything.”

“Ooh! Less damage, too!” Balin said appreciatively.

“The problem is the bit that says ‘Any influence your body has had on your mind is reversed, and any future influence is greatly reduced’” I pointed out. “That could be really bad.”

“What does it mean?” Balin asked, raising an eyebrow that hadn’t been singed off in weeks.

“It means… that I wouldn’t be ‘me’ anymore.” I huffed out a breath. Balin and Annie looked at each other in confusion. Then back at me.

“What?” Annie asked.

So, I explained. It took a while. How to explain all the little things that they took for granted as life-long dwarves? That I suddenly felt beards were attractive. That I dropped the occasional ‘g’ at the end of words and didn’t even notice. That I was just a bit more boisterous and outgoing. That I loved the taste of mushrooms now. That I had a hard-headed streak that was a bit more hard than before. That it was like getting comfortable in a set of new jeans, and it felt… good.

I wasn’t sure Peter Phillips would have fit into the Thirsty Goat as well as Peter Roughtuff. By the Gods, I wouldn’t have even dreamed of ‘adopting’ a new family so quickly as a human. Heck, I used ‘By the Gods’ when I swore now! The mind-whammy from Tim had left me a bit wary of mental manipulation in this world, but this didn’t feel like that. This felt more like the last stage of grief.

Acceptance.

And [Stable Outworlder] might take that away.

Annie wiped away a tear when I was done. “I take back my vote. You should choose [Dimensional Drinker] Pete. It’s not worth the risk.”

We both looked at Balin, who drummed his fingers on his thigh, lost in thought. After several seconds of silence I nodded at Annie.

“I agree. [Dimensional Drinker] is amazing. It might cost my quests, but it’s my favourite by far, especially since I’d finally get a decent drink around here.”

“Hey!”

“No offense meant.”

“Lots taken!”

“On the other hand, [Otherworldly Brewer] has no downsides.” I finished. “I also like the idea of getting more brewing Milestones. [Refine Brew] may be necessary for my current plan to work too, though I could always cheat with [Carbonate] instead; [Dimensional Drinker] does let me keep it.” I rubbed my head, then pulled at my beard. “Arggghh! It’s such a hard choice! It’s never this hard in books!”

Balin broke in.

“‘May yer brew be you and to yerself be true.’”

We looked at him in consternation and he continued. “It’s what [Otherworldly Brewer] says. I think we’re too focused on tha’ power or money these Specializations could bring us; tasty treats and gold and fancy tricks. Specializations are gifts from tha’ Gods to help us on a path to greatness. Pete, who do you want to be?”

Annie and I stared at Balin and then turned to stare at each other. A pair of smiles slowly spread across our lips.

—

“Bran!”

Bran looked up from where he was arranging his knives in their new cupboard. He’d spent all morning getting them ready while everyone else was in the brewroom seeing the new changes to the machinery. He understood that breweries were a bit insular, but it still would have been nice to be included in it. Ah well, he would have to take baby steps. He was confident that with enough time he’d have them all eating out of the palm of his hands.

Literally.

The door from the brewroom banged open as Annie and Balin came running in. The brewery had closed a while ago, and as far as he knew only the two of them and Pete were still present.

“Aye Annie, what is - “ He began.

“Maaaah!” [Translated from Prima Donna Goat] “I seek more carrots, servant. Fetch them for me at once.”

The three of them and Penelope. He sighed and tossed her one of his carrot muffins. She took it with a greedy “Meeeeeh!” and went to a corner to eat. At least he’d managed to teach her to stay out of the kitchen while he was cooking. The constant demands for treats actually reminded him a bit of Opal! That and the tiny goat-tee!

“Bran, can you make something? Quick?” Annie pleaded.

“Maybe.” Bran wiped his counter with a cloth. “What do ya want?”

“Just a cake or somethin’” Balin said. “It’s fer a good cause.”

“Well, if it’s for a good cause, I’d be happy to.” Bran felt nostalgic. It was just like old times; hungry dwarves making a late-night raid on the kitchen for snacks. There was only one thing missing.

“Where’s Pete?”

“We asked him to run a quick errand.” Annie answered.

“Tha treat’s fer him! It’s cause he -”

Annie clamped a hand on Balin’s mouth and gave a strained smile.

“It’s a surprise.” Balin’s muffled voice finished.

“Hrrrmm….” Bran bit his upper lip. “Pete, huh? Pete currently owes me. Dunno if I want to make him a cake.”

“Argh, Pete!” Annie groaned.

“Pleaaase, Bran?” Balin begged.

“Of course, he could always make the treat for us.” Bran pointed over at Penelope.

Balin and Annie turned to look. Penelope stood in a dark corner of the room where she was munching down on her late-night snack. A nondescript shadow was crouched behind her.

“Pete… are you hiding behind Penelope?” Annie asked with trepidation.

“Meeeeh?” A rather masculine voice replied.

“He’s learnin’ goat so’s he can ask Penelope on a date.” Balin stated wryly.

Pete stood up in outrage. “Slander!”

Balin grumbled as Pete walked over to join them. “I can’t believe ya found us so quick.”

Pete gave a wide grin, and Annie sighed.

“That Blessing is going to make him even more insufferable.”