ALL NOVEL Surprise, Motherf*cker! part 3
Unfortunately, the cab driver wasn't so patient this time, and I have to call for a new car. The rest of the money is disappearing before my eyes, and I have no desire to ask Aunt May for a handout. And I still need to buy a lot of expensive equipment for the lab, so I can't pass all the costs on to Deadpool. Theoretically, my first source of income could be the web. Sooner or later, someone would figure out the formula, and I'd better have a patent on it by then. But right now that's not an option. It would take me about ten thousand to pay for all the inspections and paperwork, which of course I do not have, not to mention the fact that the process is not quick and will take from several weeks to a month. And after that, we still have to find buyers.
To begin with, I need to focus on the things that can make a profit in the near future. Naturally, I am not considering such options as robbery, theft, or computer fraud; I've had enough of one overly responsible policewoman digging up dirt under me. An option that many - too many, if you ask me - of the financially independent men of this world resort to is surrendering their sperm, I'm not considering either. For obvious reasons.
I think I can mix business with pleasure: I should take a job at OzCorp, so I can get close to Osborne and try to prevent the supervillain Green Goblin from appearing, and earn some start-up capital at the same time. If anything, it was hard to accuse Osborne of being stingy. At one time I had turned down several very lucrative offers from Norman. At the time, I was reluctant to get a job through a bluff from my best friend's father. Pretty foolish, considering that it was my intelligence that interested Osborne, not the fact that I was his son's friend.
As I pondered, we reached our destination. I recognize this place, this is where Wade's daughter lived in a past world! This is his...her secret hiding place. Apparently, in this world, something went differently. I highly doubt Deadpool would bring a stranger into her inner sanctum, and she certainly wouldn't set up a secret lab here!
"Hey, handsome," Wilson popped up from behind me, wrapping his arms around my shoulder and pulling me against him with all his bearish strength.
Damn! With her dorky demeanor, sometimes you forget how skilled a professional she is, in other words, one of the best killers in the world.
"Brace yourself! Because when you see how cool your lab is now, you're going to feel your balls sag to the floor!" Seeing the bewilderment on my face, she explains. "Well, I do not know myself, but I had a friend who said so. Anyway, look, here's what happened..."
Meanwhile, we go through the hallway and down through the secret door behind the closet into the mercenary's secret hideout. There's definitely no way her baby could live here, she would never set up a secret base in a place like this. Going down a couple of meters of stairs, we emerge to a double-winged door without locks.
"... And when he realized he was starting to get into all this philosophical stuff," Deadpool goes on to tell his friend's story, "he felt his balls just hanging to the floor from the realization of his own importance. I'm sure you feel the same way now!"
Yeah, I didn't see that coming. Well, I mean, I've worked with some of the most powerful and expensive computers on the planet, so I was far from the "balls hanging out" state that the mercenary described in color. But it was clearly more than I could have hoped for, especially in such a short time!
But there was more than a few hundred cubic meters of space hidden beneath Deadpool's unassuming cabin. Much more surprising to me was Venom, who was currently using her tentacles to set up the server desk. And it's not that she's screwing a few dozen bolts at once, I just wasn't expecting to see her here.
"It's not bad," I hold back my excitement. "But what is she doing here?"
"Not bad? That's all you have to say?! Not bad is when the customer isn't trying to kill you instead of paying the contract! And setting up a lab like this in a couple of days is fucking awesome, man!" The mercenary expressively gives out, and, after calming down a bit, continues. "Something didn't work out with the fire department"
"Hey," Bobby waved his tentacles at me affectionately. "It turns out the symbiotes aren't good with fire, so I'm not going to be a firefighter. So I thought working with you might not be such a bad idea."
She says in a somewhat apologetic tone.
"Oh yes," I show a friendly smile, "well, it's good to see you. I see you've already installed some of the equipment."
"Well, I've been helping Stans, so I've learned a little..." replies Bobby modestly.
The extra pair of hands... and a dozen tentacles has speeded things up considerably. Thanks to the multitasking Venom, we finished preparing the workplace in a matter of hours. I was even able to get right to work that same evening. Bobby volunteered to be my assistant, while Deadpool just sat in her chair, reading comic books and eating pizza. In doing so, Bobby and I became something of a working TV in the background for her.
First of all, I tested Connors' blood sample and made sure that no effects of her temporary transformation had been left behind. In a way, I was even lucky that the scientist had used the Eternity serum as a base for her own. I doubt that otherwise it would have been possible to achieve such a clean and painless elimination of all traces of the Lizard serum. Having thus confirmed the safety of my idea, I proceeded to develop my next project.
The professor herself may have developed preconceptions-not unreasonable, by the way-about the idea of using lizard DNA in particular and about her species-breeding project, but I have all the data I need to make practical use of her work. My idea was as simple as a crowbar. A two-factor serum to treat severe trauma. First, an injection with a high concentration of Lizard serum is administered to stimulate cell regeneration. As we remember, turning into a monster is a delayed side effect. Then, when the tissues have regenerated, the second injection is the antiserum I developed. Subsequently, it would be possible to further improve the formula, such as placing the antidote in capsules, which would have to dissolve in the blood at the signs of transformation, thereby preventing transformation into a monster. This would simplify the process of using the drug, as well as using it as a temporary doping.
Thus, I am going to create a drug capable of putting a mortally wounded person back on his feet in a matter of minutes! The only problem is its hidden weapon potential. To give such a drug to the world would be to give everyone the key to creating super-soldiers. That's not something I can allow. In time, though, it's worth getting rid of the side effects altogether. I mean, tampering with the DNA structure every time, turning a healer into another creature to gain regeneration ability for a while... is a bit irrational. But isolating the gene responsible for self-healing is not easy, otherwise Connors would have finished her Humanity Without Flaws project a long time ago.
Nevertheless, I'll have to learn how to do it! After all, I promised Deadpool I'd give her back her pretty face, and to do that I'd have to cure the mercenary of cancer. And the easiest way to do that is to learn from those who have been able to resist cancer for millions of years: elephants and whales. The plan is simple: first you need to get a full set of equipment, at least as good as the one Connors worked with, and then isolate the genes responsible for protection against the formation of cancer cells in animals. Next, Connors' work on species crossbreeding could be used and the ability to resist cancer could be instilled in humans. The resulting drug would have to be injected into Deadpool, so that her body would learn to prevent the formation of new cancer cells. And that's where we need a completely clean result! I don't want Wilson to turn into an evil regenerating Elephant Dumbo or Whale Woman!