Child of Thorns - A Pokemon Sinnoh Reimagining

Inyssa figured she couldn't have possibly done a worse job at pretending everything was okay. She truly had fucked it up beyond belief.

"Are you sure you're okay, sweetie? If you need more water or… anything else, just tell me, alright?"

A look of pure embarrassment crept up her shadowed face, but she couldn't quite gather enough anger to push her mother away. It was only natural for her to react like this after what had happened.

Following her… rather sudden and intense panic attack, Inyssa had been taken upstairs to one of the many empty rooms of the manor by her mother, and given as much time and space as she needed until she managed to calm herself. So, that was great. Not only had she wasted even more of their valuable time, now she couldn't even go downstairs and talk to Fantina until she could get her heart to stop racing like it thought she was about to die.

"I'm… fine. Trust me," she insisted, having to breathe between every couple of words. "I just…"

She just what? Had broken down yet a-fucking-gain because of… what, a simple hug from her mother? It was so stupid, so unnecessary. She raised a hand to her face, trailing her fingers down her forehead as she sighed into her palm.

After she'd finally unlocked her memories and accepted the truth, after she'd fully become one with Uxie's power, she thought things would start getting better. Maybe not right away, especially after what happened to Shadi. But… wasn't that the reason she'd sworn to never lie to herself again? Hadn't she done so in the hopes that it would become worth it once she slogged through the pain, sometime down the line? Instead, she felt… she felt worse than ever. She could barely sleep at night, her body wretched with nausea at whatever food she occasionally managed to swallow down and it only took a small gesture or memory to bring her to tears. Or in this case, to a panic attack so intense it left her weak and worn-out for the rest of the day.

"You are being too hard on yourself, yet again."

Uxie's voice echoed through the room. The surprised yelp that came out of Johanna's mouth let Inyssa know it wasn't just speaking inside her mind.

"O-oh! You're…" Johanna looked unsure if to stand up from the bed where the two of them were sitting or if not. "U-Uxie… it's a pleasure. I was told you were, er… traveling alongside my daughter, you could say. I… should I bow to you? S-sorry, I'm just not…"

"It's quite alright. You are not the first to react in such a way to my presence," it said, a gentle smile clear in its voice. "Please, be at ease. Inyssa and I are partners and equals. There is no need for you to act deferential toward me."

Inyssa frowned at the translucent mirage of Uxie, floating in front of them. Of course, she had told her mother about her little mind roommate not long ago, but her reaction was understandable. It wasn't every day one got to met what was basically a deity.

"So it is true…" For a moment, Johanna's worry seemed to vanish, replaced instead with wonder and excitement, like that of a little kid. It brightened her face beautifully. "My own daughter, partner to one of the lake siblings… a legendary heroine." She looked at Inyssa and shone her a bright smile. "You really never cease to amaze me, sweetie."

Suddenly, Inyssa found it very hard to look anywhere but down at her shoelaces, a familiar heat rising up her cheeks.

"It was… mostly luck, really," she said, shrugging. "Anyway…" She looked up at Uxie, frowning. "What did you mean? About me being too hard on myself? You know I'm trying my best."

Despite Uxie's mirage being immobile, she could perfectly imagine it closing its eyes and sighing.

"It is just as I said, Inyssa. You wonder why you can't continue on without feeling like you'll crumple down every few steps, not realizing that you've just answered your own question." Its tone was quiet and mellow as it spoke. "That night, you not only threw yourself at death's door yet again in order to protect the people of Snowpoint, but you also let a great blow be inflicted onto your psyche, all so you could recover your memories. So that you may find, in them, the key to emerge victorious. With that in mind… is it any wonder you now find yourself in such a state?"

Inyssa felt something in her chest tighten at Uxie's words. Her face scrunched up in barely-veiled frustration as she looked down at her hands, balling them into tight fists.

She felt Johanna's hand on her shoulder, its touch soft and tentative, and some of the tightness inside of her relaxed.

"You have… accumulated injury after injury, only some of them physical. And every time, you've forced yourself to keep moving as soon as you could bring yourself to, even before you've fully recuperated," said Uxie. "You have never given yourself enough time to heal, Inyssa, and it is starting to catch up to you."

"There is no time," she hissed through clenched teeth, anger flaring in her chest. "We have less than a week."

"…I know. In truth, we do not possess the luxury of waiting."

"Then what's the point of telling me this?" she snapped. "Just to remind me of how fucked I am?"

"No," said Uxie, tone firm. "You've gone above and beyond what should have been asked of you time and time again. And now, unfortunately, you have no choice but to do so once more… and it is cruel. What I'm asking of you, Inyssa, is to accept this pain, but to stop blaming yourself for it. You can only stretch yourself so far before you break."

She glared at the mirage as though she could dispel it with anger and force of will alone. However, after a few seconds of scowling she simply lowered her head and let her shoulders crumple, heavy eyelids falling close.

"Niss…"

Inyssa didn't move an inch at the sound of her mother's voice, face hidden by tufts of ashen hair. She couldn't bring herself to look up.

"…Sorry," she said, voice weak. "You probably have no idea what the hell we're talking about."

"I… think I do, actually."

That was enough to get her to move. She frowned, blinking a couple times before straightening up and turning to look at Johanna. The woman's face was tense and pale like a sheet of paper. Her thin smile didn't extend to her eyes. Inyssa didn't need to flare her eyes for a certain idea to pop up in her head.

No… there's no way…

"This… mission of yours, what you're trying to do, it's not about Team Galactic, is it? At least not entirely," said Johanna, clearly trying to keep the pain from her voice. "It has something to do with Shadi, right?"

Inyssa's heart seized up. The parts of her that had gone numb from her recent panic attack flared up as though a bolt of lightning had struck her. For a short moment, her eyes flashed that powerful gold, and every inch of her scars burned painfully.

"H–Wh...!?" It took her a second to force the words out, tongue feeling like it'd been tied into a knot. "How'd you kn–?"

But then, she knew. Her scars flared up again and suddenly she just… knew the answer, like it'd always been there, deep in her mind. Pain throbbed behind her eyes and she clenched her teeth, but that was the last thing in her mind at the moment.

"F-Fantina told you," she hissed, not a speck of doubt in her voice. "She remembers, so she told you about Shadi."

Had the question not been entirely rhetorical, the way Johanna glanced to the side, unable to meet her eyes, would have confirmed the answer.

"Why?" she demanded, the anger in her voice interlaced with something more, something that made her voice echo loudly throughout the room. "Why did she tell you!? I–!"

"Because," Johanna cut her off, the shadow of a scowl forming on her face. "She knows it's what I would've wanted."

Her voice froze up at that, eyes widening slightly in surprise.

Johanna sighed. "Let me guess. You wanted to keep me in the dark until you… did whatever it is you're planning to do to make everyone remember her again. You thought that if I suddenly found out I had a second daughter I couldn't remember anything about… if I found out about all the horrible things she'd done…" She couldn't get the words out, but she didn't need to. Instead, she looked up at Inyssa and smiled. "You wanted to protect me, right? Trying to shoulder everything on your own again?"

Inyssa gulped. "I…"

"Told you so."

She shot Uxie a chilling glare, but her mother spoke before she could tell it where it could stick its observation.

"I… appreciate your thoughtfulness, Niss, I really do. And I know this is something I've failed to earn from you time and time again but… I need you to have faith in me, alright? Just like I have faith in you." Despite the clear pain in her voice, something brighter and warmer shone through her words. "I swear I won't fail you again. No matter how bad things get, I'll keep my head high and my arms open for you, should you need them."

Inyssa didn't know if it was the calm and softness in her voice or the brightness of her smile or the way her hand had come to rest upon hers, but with every word her mother spoke, she could feel that burning electric anxiety spreading from her scars outwards start to numb, the beat of her heart starting to slow back to normal.

"You showed me that there's something I'm much more scared of than pain," said Johanna. "And it's not being there for those who've always been there for me. I'm not making that mistake again. So… I appreciate it, but you can't decide what someone should and shouldn't remember. That's up to me."

At that last part, Inyssa's lips pursed tightly, and her own words echoed in her head.

I've already had enough of other people trying to dictate what I should and shouldn't remember.

Something sour settled in her stomach, making her face scrunch up. Talk about hypocritical. How could she have said that in good conscience, when she was planning to do the same to her own mother?

I did what I did because I cared about you.

Shadi's words echoed next through her head, and almost immediately the memory of her cold hands falling upon her flashed before her eyes. Inyssa's whole body tensed up, teeth clenching, hands balling into fists.

"N-Niss? Are you okay?"

Her mother's voice brought her back to reality. Eyes closed tightly, she took a few deep breaths before she was able to speak again.

"I'm… sorry," she said. "But… even if Fantina told you everything, you still wouldn't… have memories of her, would you?"

Again, the look that crept up Johanna's face was an answer of its own.

"I…" Inyssa was about to say something, but stopped herself. "I was going to offer to help you with that, but… then you'd only have my memories of her, not yours. And mine aren't…" She glanced away, lips pursing. "They're not very pleasant."

Johanna's hand squeezed her own a bit tighter, and after a moment of effort she managed to shine another smile her way.

"It's okay," she said, barely above a whisper. "I know I'll have those memories back soon. I trust you."

"Well… I…" Inyssa gulped, again, that annoying, awkward heat rising up to her cheeks. "Thanks…. thanks, mom. Really."

"Of course, sweetie," she said, then paused for a moment before speaking again. "Speaking of which… do you have a… plan? Or something of the sort?"

"I… we were working on it," she said, smiling awkwardly. "I came here hoping Fantina would give me something to work with."

Johanna nodded, understanding. "I can tell her you'd like a word with her. Are you feeling better?"

"Yeah. It's passed now. And… yeah, please go and tell her," she said. "I'll be down in a sec, I just need a moment."

At that, Johanna smiled and leaned closer, enveloping Inyssa in a warm, tight hug. This time, she only flinched for a second at the touch of skin against skin, and the nausea that rose up her stomach felt duller than before. It wasn't much different than slowly dipping into a pool full of cold water, she thought. You submerged your feet first, clenched your teeth through the sharp cold, waiting until your skin got used to it, then went down a little bit more, and kept repeating the process until you were fully submerged.

I just hope I don't have to repeat the process every single time, she thought bitterly. That's gonna be real fucking annoying.

Johanna gave her a kiss on the cheek and ruffled her hair before leaving the room, saying she'd expect her below. Inyssa simply sat there, hearing as her mother's steps got farther and farther away, until she couldn't hear them anymore. Only then did she let go of the breath she'd been holding.

She put her hands down, palms pressing against the mattress as she tried to push herself up. Her arms shook with effort. She clenched her teeth, holding her breath, and threw her strength into one final push which finally threw her to her feet.

"Inyssa?"

Her head swam. Sharp, uncomfortable shivers ran down her arms as though the limbs had recently fallen asleep. It took her a few seconds to be able to speak.

"I… didn't want her to see that," she whispered breathily. "I'm not doing as great as I led her to believe... because of course not."

Again, there was a hint of anger and bitterness in her voice, which Uxie didn't fail to pick up on.

"Inyssa… what I said before–"

"Yeah. Yeah, I know," she groaned, sounding out of breath. "I'm not blaming myself, I'm…"

But she couldn't find the words, couldn't think of a way to put it. What was she gonna say, that she was blaming her body instead? She looked down at her open palms, raising them slightly, curling and uncurling her fingers, each movement sending a tickly shiver of exhaustion up her arms. The muscles on her face locked up, teeth clenching. Hot, rushing anger crashed into her like a wave.

This… this piece of SHIT body…

There was a spark behind her eyes and that familiar, crackling pain ran through her once more, only distinguishable from her usual anxiety by the way it only made her scars hurt. A furious grunt hummed in her throat and suddenly her fingers curled with much more force, nails driving into the skin of her palms. She smiled at the pain, a shaky, snickering breath leaving her lips.

The heat and crackling pain flooded into her, overtaking her whole. Uxie said something inside her mind, but she couldn't hear it.

I hate you. I hate you, hate you hateyouhateyouhateHATEYOU!

She wanted to rip herself to pieces. Dig her nails into every piece of flesh she could find, breaking through skin and nerves and fat and blood vessels until she could gouge them out and throw them across the fucking room. Wanted to tear herself apart until there was nothing left except the true Inyssa that her piece of shit of a body was keeping prisoner inside it. Until the real her could finally push her head above water and take a breath for the first time in her life.

She wanted nothing more than to break herself until she finally found out what Inyssa Dawn was made of.

Uxie spoke again. Screaming this time, but she did not listen.

This is not my body. This is not me! I'm…!

Unconsciously, she started applying more force to her grip, the pain of sharp nails against skin starting to feel g–

"INYSSA!"

Her mind shook like someone had hit it with a hammer. Uxie had thrown all the weight of its spirit against hers, finally snapping her back to reality.

"Agh!"

Inyssa came back with a jolt, unconsciously relaxing her grip. She took a fearful step back, blinking rapidly, chest rising up and down with the rhytmh of her heavy breathing. She stood there, frozen, staring at the wall with wide eyes for a few seconds. Then, she looked down at her own hands, noticing the clear imprint of her own nails on the surface of her palms.

Her throat seized up. A wave of horror and disgust rose up her stomach like vile, making her feel like she was about to vomit. She could feel her lower lip shaking.

"Inyssa…"

She hid her face in her shaking hands, anger and embarrassment clogging up her throat, keeping her frozen and mute.

"Blaming your body is… not different from blaming yourself," it said, worry tinting every speck of its voice. "In fact, it might be quite worse."

She sighed, dropping her hands after a few seconds, the face they left behind utterly devoid of any kind of warmth of energy. The Inyssa that looked up at Uxie looked like she could have crumpled down to nothing any second.

"I… wish I could be like you," she said, barely a whisper. "I wish I could exit my body whenever I wanted. I wish I could leave it behind to rot for all the fucking trouble it's caused me."

"You… you don't mean that, Inyssa."

"I do," she assured it. "I could never rely on it for anything. Always weak, always collapsing and breaking down and falling one step behind me…" She bit her lip, shaking her head. "I've always felt like a Salamence trapped in the body of a Shelgon."

There were a few seconds of silence, and when Uxie spoke again, its voice sounded… shy. Hesitant.

"Then I suppose… you simply need to take good care of it until it evolves."

A dry chuckle left Inyssa's mouth.

"Yeah. Right."

"I mean it. That body is as much a part of you as everything else I admire about you," said Uxie. "And in truth… an existence like mine and that of my siblings is not as pleasant as you'd think."

Inyssa swallowed, blinking rapidly. "How so?"

"…Because on our own, we shall never feel the beat of a heart inside our chest, nor that of someone else's, no matter how close to us they stand."

She couldn't help but remember Barry. The feeling of their fingers interlacing with each other, the heat and texture of his skin against hers, the beat of his heart and the rhythm of his breathing rising up and down alongside hers…

She clutched at her chest with one hand, face scrunching up in pain.

"I don't know if it's worth everything else."

"Perhaps not… but all you can do is enjoy the time you have with it," said Uxie. "You will someday leave your body behind, Inyssa. All I'm asking is that you take good care of it until that day comes."

Neither of them said anything for a while, Uxie just floating there, silently, while Inyssa looked away, shoulders slouched, eyes narrowed into an expression that was hard to describe. After what felt like minutes, she sighed and gave a short, court nod.

"… I wish it were that easy," she whispered, then turned toward the door. "Come on. Let's get this over with."

When she came back down the set of stairs she barely remembered being dragged up through, Inyssa held her head with one hand, feeling as though it might split open at any moment.

Metchi and Vi were still talking by the time she made it back to the lobby, as though they hadn't moved from the spot she'd seen them at last time. Their conversation stopped as soon as they saw her. For a moment, a hint of worry and pity crossed Metchi's expression, but she was quick to hide it behind one of her big, warm smiles. Vi wasn't so subtle, but that's okay. She could forgive her for that.

"Hey, fun-size." Metchi gave her a quick pat on the back, earning a grunt from her. "Feeling better?"

Absolutely not, her eyes said.

"Yeah," her lips replied, and Metchi was quick to catch on to the dissonance. "I'm sorry you had to see me like that."

Metchi shrugged. "It happens."

"Yes… it's… you know," said Vi, trying to imitate the shrug. "I'll, er… be here if you need anything, okay? I still owe you one from back then."

Inyssa looked away, hand rubbing at the back of her neck awkwardly. How did one reply to something like that? Luckily, Metchi seemed to notice and was quick to change the subject, bless her heart.

"Anyway, Fantina said she'd be waiting for you in her office." She tilted her head toward the big double door behind them. "You gonna go get all the info we need?"

"That's the plan," smiled Inyssa, finding it easier now that she was in these two's presence. "Sorry we're in such a rush, Vi. Maybe we can talk a bit later, yeah?"

Vi's ethereal form seemed to grow brighter, a tiny smile forming on what Inyssa assumed were her lips. Hard to say; she looked like mostly fog.

"Yeah, no worries. I'll just keep your friend company for a little longer."

"Vi was just telling me all about this new job she has," explained Metchi. "She got hired by Fantina."

Inyssa raised a curious eyebrow. "Oh yeah? What for; ghost stuff?"

"No, actually!" Vi clapped her hands cheerily, although being incorporeal, they didn't make a clapping sound. "I got hired as a maid!"

A sound left Inyssa's mouth, but it wasn't one that could be parsed as any kind of language. She stared at Vi for a few seconds, eyes wide.

"I… beg your pardon?"

At that, Vi just grinned and nodded.

"D-don't nod! Explain!" demanded Inyssa. "What do you mean you got hired as a maid?"

"Exactly what it says on the tin! Here, look."

Vi closed her eyes and concentrated. There was a flash of light and the ethereal mist forming her body changed, morphed into something different. When the light receded, Vi's… spirit? Had completely different clothes on. She now wore what looked like a classical, long-skirt maid outfit, only the white front was a soft purple instead, laced all throughout with a black spider-web pattern.

Had Inyssa's brain not been short-circuiting because of the weirdness of the situation in front of her, she might have found it a nice outfit.

"Cool, right? Fantina taught me how to do that," Vi explained happily. "And yeah, turns out all the other maids had to quit or take a break from the job 'cause Fantina's still under legal investigation and all that."

"S-so… she hired you," repeated Inyssa, voice full of disbelief. "A ghost. As… a maid."

"Yeah! She said she could do without the cleaning maid and greeting maid and secretary maid, but she absolutely needed at least one maid to make her tea or else she'd lose her mind," Vi explained. "So… why not? She pays well and she's been teaching me how to deal with… y'know." She gestured toward herself, shrugging. "And my outfit is cute! So why would I refuse?"

"I…"

Inyssa blinked and shook her head as though she were trying to jolt herself awake, but apparently this was no feverish dream.

"So, let me get this straight," she said. "My mom is now living in a gothic castle with the woman she loves while also being served by… a ghost maid."

"Fucking goals, am I right?" muttered Metchi.

Inyssa tried to find a retort, but couldn't. "Yeah, you can say that again," she whispered, letting out a sigh. "I guess good things come to those who repent."

"I'll say. I was thinking of asking Fantina is she could hire me once we get through all this," said Metchi. "The benefits speak for themselves."

"Hmm, I don't know…" Vi placed a finger under her mouth, frowning. "I saw the way you were staring at Johanna before. I don't think Fantina will like that much."

"Yeah, please keep your eyes off my mom," said Inyssa. "Fantina's already enough of a problem as is."

Yet, despite her demeanor, the laughter bubbling in her stomach couldn't quite be contained, and both Metchi and Vi saw as her lips started to quiver in an attempt to contain it. A shame that said laughter shone through her eyes much more brightly.

"Hey, would you look at that," said Metchi. "We turned that frown upside down!"

"Y-yeah… thanks," she said, shining them both an easy smile. "I needed something stupid like that. It'll make it easier to deal with whatever Fantina's about to throw at me. Ain't gonna be sunshine and Pecha berries, I'm sure."

Inyssa was right, as usual, and she hated it.

She sat across from Fantina on that long, marble-white table of hers, much like she'd done the first time she came to Hearthome. This time, however, there was none of the levity.

The eerie cold permeating through every inch of the room still remained, though.

"You… look as though you're not in the mood for pleasantries," observed the woman. "Shall we get started?"

She nodded. "Yeah, please just… cut all the bullshit and theatrics. Tell me what you know. Tell me what happened to Shadi."

Fantina stared at her with those impossibly deep amethyst eyes of hers, making her feel as though something in her were being sucked toward them. Then, she closed them and nodded, fingers interlacing over the surface of the table.

"Very well. I will tell you everything."