Child of Thorns - A Pokemon Sinnoh Reimagining

Cynthia didn't say a single word as they walked through the dark, empty streets of Hearthome, their steps against the cold concrete the only sound to be heard. Very little of the life and wonder from Barry's past visit still permeated the city. Instead, everything felt… colder. More hollow. Much like every other place and person he had encountered since after that night.

He didn't know if it was Mesprit's absence or his –and perhaps Sinnoh's– grief in general, but he was starting to get sick of it.

Still they trudged on through streets that by all means they shouldn't have been allowed on, were it not for Cynthia's tricks. It was kind of a wonder, Barry thought. A simple order form her, not even a verbal one, and her Espeon managed to cast an illusion on the guards at the entrance so that they could walk right between them with ease. The most impressive part was how… casually, bored even, Cynthia and her Pokemon went through such motions, as though they weren't a big deal at all. But that wasn't even what caught Barry's attention the most, no. It was just…

For having such incredible power at her command, Cynthia looked absolutely miserable. That was another thing that had changed since their first meeting.

And speaking of which…

Somehow, Barry expected her to stop when she did, even though they weren't yet at their destination, so he wasn't surprised when it happened.

"Barry, I…"

Cynthia turned to look at him, and if it weren't for the saddened expression on her face, the way the circular stained glass of the church behind her framed the back of her head like a halo of colored lights would have made her look… angelic. Divine, almost. But no. At this point, after having met actual legends, after whatever had changed inside of Cynthia after that night… he couldn't see her as anything but human.

"This is where I met you, right?" He tried his best to smile, though it didn't came easy. "I stumbled my way here on accident the first time, so I never thought I'd see it again."

"This chapel has always been one of my favorite hidden spots in Hearthome," she said, smiling back. "Mostly because it's always open and sees relatively few visitors. I…"

She wavered, the momentary glow on her face vanishing as fast as it appeared.

"I'm… sorry. I know how badly you want to see Inyssa, but…" She looked over her shoulder toward the chapel. "I wanted to offer a quick prayer, if it's alright."

"O-oh. Yeah, no problem," said Barry. There was a small pause. "I'd like to offer one too."

"I see. Let's go inside, then."

The loud creak of the doors was followed by the gentle darkness of the chapel's insides, the stained glass adorning the windows the only thing Barry could see at first. But as his eyes adjusted, one thing came to mind. The place looked exactly the same as it'd done the last time. The large stained glass on the opposite side of the room still shone with what little sunlight was left outside, depicting what he –once– believed was the birth of Sinnoh.

His face unconsciously scrunched up. The weirdest feeling of nostalgia spread from his chest, making him feel hot and anxious.

"You don't have to be here if you don't want to," said Cynthia, instantly noticing his discomfort. How did people do that? "I promise it will only be a minute on my part."

"H-what? No, no, it's… it's fine." He sounded a bit more cross than he intended, but he followed it up with a smile. "Let's just– yeah."

Unfortunately, as they both approached the altar and knelt at its feet, hands pressed together in prayer, nothing came to Barry's mind. It was like it had deliberately chosen that moment to go blank. Why had he agreed to this? What was he supposed to pray for, anyway? Neither of his parents had been religious so he'd never been thought the right thing to do in these situations. Well… he could pray for his dad, right? Wasn't that why he'd come inside in the first place?

But no matter how much he knelt there and waited, much like at the funeral, nothing came to him. No prayers, no sadness… nothing. Was this… really alright? Shouldn't this place invoke something in him? Some emotion, something to say? Was there something wrong with him?

You know there is, a voice whispered in his head. That's a stupid question.

At that, his eyes twitched ever so slightly and he felt a clump in his throat. Great. He was more upset about the fact that he wasn't upset enough than at the death of his own father. That made a ton of sense.

Emotions are so stupid…

"Are you done?"

He hadn't noticed Cynthia finish her prayer or rise to her feet, so he was startled. He gulped and nodded, quickly jumping to his feet too.

"Yeah I'm… I'm done," he said, looking away. "Er, how… about you? Did you…?"

"Yes. I did my best to offer a nice prayer."

"Ah…"

There was a short silence, heavy with awkwardness, until Barry spoke again. He figured Cynthia was expecting him to.

"Can I ask… what you prayed for?" He turned to look at her. "Or is it like with birthday wishes and talking about it ruins it?"

That last part seemed to catch Cynthia off guard. A quick, genuine laugh left her lips and her face brightened for a moment with a smile.

"It's quite alright, Barry. I…" She wavered for a moment, closing her mouth then opening it. "I prayed for answers."

Barry blinked a few times. "A-answers?"

"Yes. Right now I… I believe that's what I need the most. Not just for myself, but in order to protect that which…" She paused, swallowing. "…Those I care about."

He looked at her for a few seconds, not because he was trying to study her expression or anything –as useless as that would've been– but because he remembered something. What Cynthia had said the first time they'd met.

"Back then you said… that you considered all of Sinnoh as your home," he said absentmindedly. "That all of it was beautiful to you."

A faint grunt left Cynthia's lips. She pressed her closed hand to her chest and looked away, eyebrows furrowing.

"Yes. I still…" She closed her eyes and shook her head. "No. I'd like to say I still feel the same way, but I fear I might have been lying back then, although unintentionally. If I really loved all of Sinnoh… if I loved my home above it all…" Her nose scrunched up. Anger tinted her face, though it was not directed at him. "Arceus… I don't know what to believe anymore. Who was the fool? The Cynthia that met you back then or the one standing before you now? How can I know for sure?

"I… I'm sorry," said Barry, looking down. "I'm…"

Again that hot, uncomfortable feeling started running up and down his limbs, like a weak, bothersome allergy he couldn't scratch away. It felt almost like anger.

"I don't know what you're talking about. I don't know what… anyone's talking about, not since I woke up. Feels like everything… like all of Sinnoh changed in those few minutes I was knocked out," he lamented. "Everyone, too… it's like I missed the most important moment ever and now I can't understand anyone or anything. It's…"

Cynthia looked over to him. She seemed to gather herself forcefully, and then placed a hand on his shoulder, forcing a smile through her pale lips.

"I'm sorry. I know how upsetting, how… confusing this must all be for you," she said. "If you want an explanation, I suppose I could give you one. Long story short is… I've failed." She laughed at herself. A bitter laugh. "In every possible way I could have, it seems."

"What do you mean?"

Cynthia took a step back and placed a hand on one of the pews, supporting her weight on it. "I neglected my duties as lorekeeper and allowed many… unscrupulous individuals to get hold of information that was both forbidden and dangerous. And I neglected my duties as a Champion, playing around, drawing unsuspecting trainers into my machinations. I was so… unconcerned, so sure of myself. I even laughed at Reiko when she suggested I should take my job more seriously. And the worst part is she hasn't thrown it in my face yet." A tight-lipped smile formed on her lips. "No, she just accepted that we'd lost and immediately asked what our next move should be. She never chastised me to feed her pride. All she wanted was to keep moving, to fulfill her duty, even to people that are not her own, even… even if it meant risking her life yet again."

She stood up straight and threw her hands to the side, as though shrugging. A chuckle-like sigh left her lips.

"Talk about useless. Sinnoh has stood proud and beautiful for eons; that's why I've always loved it. But to think that might all be gone soon, because of my mistakes…" Her voice shook. "I can deal with the damages to its cities and landscapes. Those can be regrown. Rebuilt. But I failed my people too. All this time they've been suffering right under my nose, but I was too proud to see the warning signs even when they were right in front of me."

Looking up, her gaze met the bright, almost divine stained glass before them, the light shining atop Mt. Coronet almost unnaturally radiant. Or perhaps it was that Cynthia's spirit should have, much like before, shone through her eyes brighter than anything else in the room. But it didn't. Not now.

"I was so sure. So, so sure that I was doing the right thing. So much so that my determination could have sundered mountains. Even now, there's a voice in my head telling me that I was. That I never should have doubted myself, even after my failure. But now… I don't know. It's like I'm a Magikarp out of water, and at the worst possible time. I can't afford to feel like this, yet… here we are."

She breathed in deep after finishing, and a heavy silence spread through the chapel for what felt like a long, awkward time. As usual, Barry had no idea what to say. What was it about him that made other people think it was okay to air every single one of their frustrations at him, like he was a therapist or something?

That's rude, he chastised himself. Besides, you asked.

"I… well…"

In times like these, he did the only thing he knew how. He gave her a pat on the shoulder and spewed out the first words that came to him.

"I mean, you have a plan, right? To save everyone?" he asked. "That's a start. Might not put you back in the Champion seat but it's at least a good way to apologize for your mistakes, right? "

Cynthia closed her eyes and nodded, gathering herself.

"Yes… it is not a surefire plan by any stretch. Just about any number of things could go wrong," she admitted. "But… it is something. And something is better than nothing."

Barry nodded. That was a lot better.

"I'm… sorry for my weakness. You shouldn't have to cheer me up, not after what you've been through," smiled Cynthia. "But you're right. In the end, I still love Sinnoh. Nothing will ever change that. Even if I've unknowingly worked to bring it harm in the past… as long as I can work toward saving it, that will count toward something."

And before Barry could say anything else, he felt a hand land on his head. A blush formed on his cheeks as Cynthia ruffled his hair.

"I now realize I might have been wrong about certain things, but there is one thing I'm still certain about. Last time, I told you I sensed the spirit of a true trainer within you. I still believe that wholeheartedly, perhaps even more so," she said, her face brightening like it was before for the first time. "Now come on. I'm sure Inyssa is dying to see you, just as much as you."

Barry didn't mean to push the doors so strongly as he entered Fantina's place, but his muscles almost moved on their own, anxiety running through his veins like fire. He squinted at the sudden darkness in the room. However, as his eyes adjusted a few moments later, he realized Inyssa was not in front of him, which should have been expected, but was still disappointed.

Instead, he was met with a smile and a lazy wave from the two people that were in the lobby. Somehow, Metchi's presence was more surprising to him than that of the literal ghost standing at her side.

"Heya Barry. Nice to see you," said Metchi.

"Hi!" waved who Barry supposed was Vi. "How's it going?"

He just muttered for a second, until he remembered he was standing in the middle of the door, blocking Cynthia's path. He hurried inside and was soon followed by her. As soon as Metchi saw the woman, her expression instantly darkened. She tried to hide it, but was clearly not good at it.

"Oh… hi." Metchi's voice couldn't have been more sour. "Figured you'd come along."

Cynthia blinked a few times, actually looking surprised at Metchi's presence.

"I'm sorry… I don't think we've been introduced," she said. "Greetings. My n–"

"I know who you are. Everyone knows who you are," Metchi cut her off, probably more rudely than she intended. "I'm Metchi. Nice to meet you, I guess."

If the already oppressive atmosphere inside Fantina's mansion wasn't enough to make Barry's skin crawl, then the added tension and awkwardness as both women stared at each other in silence, neither backing down, nearly drove him crazy. He felt like small, wriggly things were crawling under his skin.

Cynthia opened her mouth to reply, but Barry intervened faster. The last thing he wanted was an argument to start right now.

"How–I mean why are you here, Metchi? Last time we saw you…" He tried to remember. Mew, how far back had that been? "We thought you were… well…"

"Dead?" offered Metchi, chuckling. "Came awfully close this one time, but let's just say a pal of mine helped me out… and death didn't quite stick. That's how I got these."

She raised a finger and pointed at her eyes; the same bright gold Barry had seen so many times before on Niss. The same gold he now saw every time he looked in the mirror. He inhaled quickly, eyes going wide.

"I'm guessing the same happened to you?"

He couldn't bring himself to reply. All he could manage was a simple nod.

"All three of us are in the same boat now. Bunch of gold-eyed freaks."

Wait… Barry blinked confusedly. All three of us?

Metchi let out a sigh. "Still, to think those two quixotic idiots that mended my wounds outside of Hearthome would go on to bond with the other two lake siblings… fate really is a bitch, huh?"

Barry swallowed. He remembered that day. Metchi had adamantly refused to give them too much information, pleading for them to stop putting themselves in harm's way. To stop chasing Team Galactic.

If we'd only listened to her…

He thought he'd grown past the insecure, powerless Barry from back then, but now…

"We tried looking for you," said Barry, voice thin. "When we realized you were the third. But… we had no way of finding you."

"Hah… I was kind of busy at the time, if it's any consolation. But even if I wasn't, it's not like you could've contacted me anyway," shrugged Metchi. "If only I'd had a Poketch, then maybe we could've prevented all of this before it even happened. The company that makes them should use that for marketing. 'Our product could have saved the world in the right circumstances!'"

She laughed again, though it was a dry, bitter laugh.

"Oh well. It sure is a shame that even the most basic of communications technology is so expensive for anyone who isn't a trainer." She folded her arms and raised an eyebrow at Cynthia. "Don't you agree, Miss used-to-be Champion?"

Cynthia didn't say anything at first, although her face did tighten slightly, the grey of her eyes flashing ominously. Once again, that bothersome, tense silence filled the room. Barry was about to scream just so he could break it when they heard a pair of doors being opened upstairs.

"Barry! You're here!"

All eyes shot up toward the first-floor balcony. Barry saw Fantina first, elegantly walking down the stairs, and only noticed the blur that was the other person practically leaping down the steps toward him.

For the briefest moment, Barry thought that person was Niss and his heart leapt. But no… she was too tall, her hair too long. It took him until the woman's arms grabbed him and wrapped him in a tight hug to realize it was Johanna.

"Oh, I'm so glad you made it here okay!" Johanna almost crushed him between her arms before she laughed in relief and took a step back, looking at him. "Barry… I'm so sorry we couldn't make it to the funeral. We couldn't leave town and–"

"I-it's fine," Barry hurried to say, trying his best to smile nonchalantly. "It's fine, really. T-thanks…"

Behind Johanna, Fantina finally finished walking down the stairs and smiled lovingly at her… partner? Companion? Whatever Johanna was to her, then addressed Barry with a polite bow.

"It's alright, dear. I'm sure he understands that funerals are for the living, and that we all grieve in our own ways," she said. "In any case; greetings, Barry. It is very good to see you."

Barry wasn't sure if the feeling was completely mutual, but he nodded anyways.

"Now, I'm sure there is a lot you'll need to be told in order to catch up to speed, but how about we leave that to the person you actually want to see?" She smiled kindly, then raised a finger. "Inyssa is upstairs, recovering. She said she wanted some fresh air so you'll most likely find her in the roof balcony."

His heart skipped a beat. Every awful, crawling sensation of anxiousness returned under his skin, but this time it was mixed with something else. Fear and excitement. He was unable to move for a few seconds.

"Go ahead. I'm sure she wants to see you just as badly as you want to see her," said Fantina. "In the meantime…"

Fantina looked over his shoulder, eyes meeting with Cynthia's. Both women's expressions were unreadable.

"Cynthia, Johanna, Metchi, could you wait in the meeting room? I shall be there in a moment so we can discuss our next step," she said. "And Vi, would you be so kind as to heat up some water? I'm in the mood for black tea."

"On it!"

With a literal flash, Vi turned into a ball of light and phased right through the wall leading toward what must have been the kitchen. There was a moment of quietness. Then Cynthia and Johanna flashed Barry a quick smile before heading off, with Metchi staying for only a few seconds longer to give him a quick, powerful pat on the shoulder, followed by a wink.

"Go get that smooch you're looking forward to, champ," she said. "We'll talk more about the plan later."

He didn't have much of a reply for that, other than blushing. Finally, it was only him and Fantina standing in the lobby, the latter looking over her shoulder toward the rest as they closed the door behind them.

"So… the roof, right?"

"Yes."

"Alright. Er… thanks."

He bowed respectfully and headed for the stairs, but Fantina called to him before he could grab onto the handrail.

"Oh, and Barry?"

He turned around, but Fantina wasn't looking at him. Her eyes were still glued to the door behind her.

"I know you probably wouldn't want to hear this from me, and I admit I might be a bit… biased in the subject," she said, almost whispering. "But as someone who has experienced death first-hand, I'd feel remised if I didn't at least say something."

Something tightened inside Barry's stomach. He froze, one foot on the stairs, lower lip trembling. Was Fantina going to offer her condolences or something? Because right now that was the last thing he needed, especially after all the insincerity he'd listened during the funeral.

He shouldn't have doubted Fantina's ability to surprise him.

"What I'm trying to say, I suppose, is that Palmer and my mother's death were not painful. They did not suffer."

Barry parted his lips, but for a few seconds only incomprehensible mutters came out. The inside of his mouth felt dry all of a sudden.

"W-what are you s–"

"I am, of course, talking about death itself, not the moments before it," she clarified. "Death is not painful. It is an… unwinding feeling, so to speak. Much like coming back home after a long, eventful day and reclining back on your favorite couch. Closing your eyes, breathing in deep and feeling as your exhaustion turns from painful to blissful. It is the sigh that follows right after, as strength leaves your body. That… is what death feels like."

Maybe at any other point in time Barry would have liked to see the face he made at that point, as it was most likely hilarious. He couldn't even respond for a little while. He just couldn't process what he'd just heard.

"Why…" He swallowed, lips pursing into a thin, pale line. "Why did you tell me that?"

"Because I'm sure anything else would be a repeat of what you've heard over and over already. I respected Palmer, and I loved my mother. But I'm sorry; as someone who has entangled herself with death to such a degree, I can no longer see it as a tragedy. As something to be sad at." Finally, she turned her head and looked at him apologetically. "I'm aware that it might sound insensitive, but I figured you would prefer honesty to an easy to swallow lie. And besides…"

She smiled and raised her hand, pointing back toward the other room with her thumb.

"For two people as intense as them, I assure you that they would have come back as a ghost, like Vi, had they died full of sadness and regret." She made a so-so gesture with her hand. "Not that there's anything wrong with that, of course. I would have welcomed them with open arms if that'd been the case. But I wanted to let you know."

A part of Barry, the logical part, told him that he should've been angry or offended or… something at Fantina's words. The way she was talking about death as though it was nothing to be sad about, like it was just a simple trip…

And yet…

"Are…"

He swallowed, needing a moment to gather his words. His eyes stung.

"Are you… sure?" he asked, voice weak. "He really didn't suffer… at all?"

Fantina breathed out, and her lips quirked ever so slightly into a cold yet kind smile.

"I can promise you that much."

"…Right."

He turned to look up at the staircase, not wanting Fantina to see the wetness that had started to form in his eyes. Once again, he couldn't stop his body from reacting this way. However, this time at least, the knot in his stomach had disappeared, and with every sob and shake of his lower lip he could feel something inside him being released, something he'd been keeping tight for a long time.

"Thanks," he muttered, barely able to get that word out without his voice shaking. "I a-appreciate that."

"Of course, dear."

Luckily, he managed to make it up the stairs and away from Fantina's sight before any sob could leave his lips.

After taking a moment to compose himself, Barry headed up, opening the door to the roof a bit more strongly than he intended, his anxiety somewhat muffled but still very much present. And as soon as he did, a very familiar voice reached him.

"Fuck's sake… are we really so pressed for time that you can't let me get some fresh air for five minutes?"

Even if he'd been blind, he would have recognized that tired, irritated tone anywhere, the shape and cadence of her sigh exactly as he remembered. His breath caught in his throat. Niss was right there in front of him, leaning forward against the balcony rail, looking somewhere far in the horizon. Every one of her Pokemon was there with her, some tenderly holding on to her like Shadi and Steven, while others simply stood close and enjoyed the sight alongside her. The pale light of the moon cast a barely noticeable outline around her ashen hair, almost making it look white at the edges, as though it'd been dowsed with moonlight.

Niss sighed again, more exaggeratedly this time. She hung her head low for a second, then stood up and turned around as she spoke.

"Fine, what is it? I hope it's someth–"

She stopped mid-sentence, mouth frozen open with the biggest 'Deerling caught in headlights' look on her face. The first thing Barry noticed were her eyes. No longer that bright, beautiful green he loved so much but a deep, powerful gold, much like him and Metchi. The second thing he noticed was that, unlike with every other person he'd met since waking up without Mesprit, he could perfectly tell each of the many of emotions that flashed across Niss' face in only an instant, going from confusion to shock to fear and then guilt. The clash between those two things, between the realization of the former and the relief at the latter, left him similarly paralyzed.

They both stared at each other like that, like Magikarp out of the water, until a loud, cheery voice broke the tension.

"Saaaaair!"

Innately incapable of reading the mood, Johnny the Quagsire let out a big yell and sauntered over toward Barry as fast as his little flappy legs allowed him. As soon as he reached him, he gave his leg a big, slimy hug, pressing his face against it. The wide, almost absent smile never left his face. Behind him, the rest of Niss' Pokemon greeted him in their own ways, some smiling and waving like Bret and Shadi, some simply giving him a curt nod of acknowledgement like Kuro and Enma, and in Steven's case he flew up and around him, chirping happily.

"O-oh… hi, everyone. It's… really nice to see you again."

Unsure of what to do, he decided to give the Quagsire a pat on the head, getting his hand all wet and slimy in the process. He looked up at Niss and shrugged, an awkward smile on his face.

It only took a moment of processing what had just happened for Niss to smile too. It was a quick smile, and it disappeared so fast Barry could have easily missed it, but it had definitely been there.

"B-Barry…" She swallowed, the edges of her eyes twitching, as though she were trying to decide if she should look at him or away from him. "I…"

Maybe it was some weird form of encouragement he'd gotten from Johnny's hug, or maybe it was the clear 'Come on, talk to her you idiot' vibe he was getting from both Enma and Shadi, but Barry finally got sick of the awkward silences around him, so he decided to do something about it.

"Wh–Hngh!"

He reached for Niss with quick, anxious desperation, and before she could process what was happening he pulled closer into a tight hug, one hand on her waist and the other on the back of her head. He felt her breath seize and her body stiffen. Then, after a long, tense moment, a breath of pure relief left her lips and she let herself fall against him, face pressing against his shoulder as her entire body shook with the weak laughter bubbling in her stomach.

"I-I can… with you i-it doesn't…" She could barely speak, sounds halfway between laughter and sobbing wracking through her. "T-thank fucking god..."

Barry brushed his cheek against hers, smiling. He let himself enjoy the embrace for a little longer before lifting his head and planting a soft kiss on her forehead.

"I know… I know," he whispered, tone exhausted. "It's been hard, right? I saw your eyes…"

A rougher, louder burst of laughter left her mouth, shaking her body. Her words were somewhat muffled against the fabric of his shirt, but he could hear them nonetheless.

"Y-yeah… this week's been a hell of a fucking year."

He chuckled too, feeling that statement deep in his very soul. As selfish as it might have been, Barry felt somewhat relieved that the inherent tiredness in Niss' voice very much mirrored his own.

"It's… been, yeah."

They stayed like that, holding each other, for what felt like a long time but certainly not enough. Then again, Barry didn't know if any time would be enough. Finally, however, they both pulled back slightly, still holding each other but retreating back enough so they could see each other.

"Hey, w–"

"Barr–"

They tripped over each other's words at the same time. Barry couldn't help but laugh.

"What were you–"

"No, no, you go first," he said. "It's fine."

Niss swallowed. The happiness and relief were still there on her face, but there was that guilt from before too.

"I'm so sorry," she said before he could ask what was wrong. "I'm so, so sorry… If I'd listened to you I would've… Shadi wouldn't have…" She bit her lip and looked down at his shoulder, hands gripping strongly at the fabric of his shirt. "And t-then I… left you. You probably woke up all alone and didn't know what happened and I'm… I was scared and I thought you'd hate me and I'm so sorry!"

Her words came quick and frenetic like she was firing them from a gatling gun, not giving herself a moment to breathe. By the end she was red and looked about ready to pass out, which was oddly adorable despite the circumstances. Part of him knew that he should have felt some sort of sadness at what she'd just said, but at this point…

"Well…" He patted the top of her head and smiled. "I was just gonna ask where your hat went."

Niss blinked a couple times. "Oh…"

She took a step back from him, folding her arms and looking down sadly. "I… left it back in Snowpoint. Same as…" She stopped, then shook her head. "Anyway, it's a long story."

"Let me guess," said Barry, raising an eyebrow. "It was for some weird symbolic reason?"

She breathed out a small laugh, looking up at him. "I'm glad you still know me well."

"For whatever's worth, I always liked it when you let your hair down," he said. "It looks nice."

A nervous laugh left Niss' lips. She quickly ran a hand through a strand of hair, looking to the side in embarrassment. Barry didn't wait long to join her side. He approached and gave her another quick kiss on the forehead, then turned around and let himself fall against the railing of the balcony with a tired sigh. Niss sat at his side a few seconds after, her shoulder pressing against his. Every one of her Pokemon with the exception of Enma sat either next to or on top of them, with the fire-type preferring to stand a few feet to the left, arms crossed.

They sat like that for a little while before Barry said anything.

"It wasn't your fault," he whispered, and felt as Niss tightened next to him. "I really want you to believe that."

The way her face tightened made it clear how difficult that would be.

"I should've believed you. You knew from the start what kind of person Shadi was."

Barry sighed. "Yeah, well, maybe if I hadn't been such a pushover I could've actually convinced you."

Niss turned to him fast, eyebrows furrowed in confusion. "What? You're not–"

"Don't worry, I'm not saying it's my fault either," he said. "But it's true. The second it looked like you were gonna be angry I just… dropped the subject. Even though I knew it was wrong. I knew that we should've reported seeing Shadi to my mom or the League or… someone. But I was just…"

"Afraid?" offered Niss, a distraught look on her face.

"…Anxious," he corrected her. "Mesprit was right. I just hate confrontation. It's all good when it's battling or games, or when we're up against something we know it's bad or evil, like how we thought Team Galactic was back then. But when I have to fight or argue with someone I like… it's the worst. Because I never know what to do or say, I never know what's going through their heads," he explained, frustration creeping into his voice. "I can only force myself to do it if I'm really angry. Any other time…"

He threw one hand up, shaking his head at himself.

"I wanted things to stay the same as when we started our journey. Just… fun adventures and fighting against 'evil'." He made air quotes around that last word. "Even when it was dangerous, it was… exciting. But when people actually started getting hurt, when it went from us against Team Galactic to half the region against the other half… when they started writing all that horrible stuff around you just 'cause you were a trainer, I-I couldn't stand it. I wanted everyone to stop being angry and awful but I didn't do anything to make it happen. All I did was look away from the problem and hope it'd go away. No wonder I never got to use Mesprit's powers like I should've." He chuckled to himself. "If Synn really was like me… then I dunno how he ever became a true hero with an attitude like that."

Niss didn't say anything for a while, eyes glued to the floor, expression pensive. With anyone else Barry might have felt anxious or confused as to what she was feeling, if maybe he'd said too much just now. But with her, even these long silences didn't feel awkward or drawn-out. They were something they could share in ways words couldn't.

Finally, Niss closed her eyes and rested the side of her head on his shoulder. When she spoke, her voice was thin and full of guilt.

"I'm… sorry if I ever made you feel like you couldn't be honest with me," she whispered. "I know it doesn't count for much, but I promise it's not gonna happen again."

A smile formed on his lips. He leaned to the side so their heads would touch and closed his eyes, breathing in.

"And… I know what you mean. About being indecisive and not wanting things to change. I've felt like that too," she continued. "I… ha. I could probably stand to be less decisive sometimes, but I know how you're feeling, and whatever happens I… I know you can find a way to get past it." She looked up at him and flashed him a smile that made his heart jump. "We've gotten through worse, right?"

He didn't even have to try to mirror her smile. "Yeah. There's just… something I need to find, but at least now I know I'm looking for it," he said. "And… yeah. I imagine it's been pretty rough for you too."

"You… have no fucking idea," she sighed, looking away. "I'll tell you everything later. For now I just want to…"

She sighed comfortably against him, and Barry knew exactly what she meant.

"We deserve a little rest," he nodded. "After everything."

"Saving the world can wait an hour or two," Niss agreed. "At least until my brain stops flooding me with endorphins just by being next to you."

Barry had no idea what that word meant, but he agreed with the general sentiment behind it. Probably.

After almost a full minute of leaning against each other, shoulders and heads touching, Barry remembered something. The words he'd wanted to tell Niss that night. The words he'd seen trapped in her chest too, the ones neither of them were able to get out before they parted ways.

"Niss?"

"Hm?"

But just as he opened his mouth, ready to say it, another memory came to him, a much more recent one. That of a home he'd tried to return to. A home that had once made him feel safe and loved but was now little more than an empty, silent, dusty series of rooms with no warmth to them whatsoever.

He parted his lips to speak, and as he did so the words that came out were not 'I love you', like he had planned, yet they were unquestionably true nonetheless.

"You're home to me."

Niss' fingers tightened against his arms. She shook for a moment, and when she finally managed to respond, the three words that came out of her were warm and shaking and full of something as splendid as the light of dawn.

"Y-yeah, you too…"