ALL NOVEL Interlude 11 – Actions, Not Words
=::= Kaylee's PoV =::=
"Hi Cass," I said quietly as I stood next to her in the cafeteria. "Is it ok if I sit with you?"
She nodded, "Sure."
I put my tray down then slipped into the seat across from her. I looked at her as I commented, "It's really good to see you back at school again. How are you doing? We've all been worried..."
None of us had seen her for the last couple days. It was Wednesday now, and she'd missed all her classes over the last two days. I hadn't really spoken with her since our fight on Sunday, apart from a few texts. That evening I texted her a dozen times with apologies and explanations and stuff, but she didn't text back until Monday. Then it was just a couple brief sentences and that was about it. Same with last night too.
I was worried she didn't want to talk with me anymore, worried she didn't want to see me again. And we were all worried she wasn't going to come back to school again either. Not that any of us could blame her, considering she got hospitalized because of Miss Hawthorne's magic.
Then there was all the stuff Ninaya said, everything she did to Cass. I couldn't help worry that any random brush with magic might trigger whatever was inside her, that at any moment Cassandra could die and some evil goddess would be released to the world.
So we all had a lot of concerns and questions and stuff, and I was equal parts happy and anxious when I spotted Cass in the cafeteria having lunch by herself.
"I'm ok I guess," she finally responded in a quiet dull voice that didn't sound ok. "There's no news about the runes and stuff inside me. It's still not safe for me to do magic, not safe for me to be exposed to magic."
She added after a moment, "At least I can still see it, so I guess I can avoid it if I spot any."
I sighed, "I'm sorry Cass. I'm sure your moms will figure it out soon."
She shrugged, then took another bite of her sandwich and quietly munched on that.
And I finally started on my meal as well, I bought a salad wrap and a bottle of water instead of packing a lunch today.
We both ate quietly for a little while, and I ended up watching her. I missed her and felt awful about the fight on Sunday. Cass mostly stared down at the table, and with her I really couldn't tell if she was still mad at me, or if she was just avoiding eye contact because she was feeling shy or anxious.
After eating half my lunch I tried to start up a conversation again. I set the rest of my wrap down and asked, "So um, is Ninaya still helping your moms? Is she still staying at your place?"
By that point Cass was all but finished her sandwich. She nodded, "Yeah. She's too shy to come out and say it, but we can all tell she's really happy to be with us? And my parents are being nice and accepting and everything with her. They're not exactly treating her like another daughter, but they're acting like she's a regular house guest. Or a visiting relative maybe? I don't really know what that's like but that's kind of the vibe I get anyways. And like I said, Nina's really happy. She's even helping out with chores and stuff, like the sort of thing my folks usually ask me to do?"
Her voice was a lot more animated as she was talking, and I noticed she said more to me in that one go than the past three days combined. And between the way she was saying it and what she was saying, I found myself feeling a little anxious again.
I knew it was silly and impossible, but I couldn't help worrying that Ninaya had already replaced me. That after our fight on Sunday, Cass had started getting closer to that demon.
While I was worrying about that stuff she kept right on talking about her new best friend, "Mum even spoke up about it last night actually, she thanked Nina for helping and everything but she didn't want her taking over all the chores that I was supposed to do. So starting today we have to split them. Which like I said kind of makes it feel like she's family now or something. Or like a sister even. I mean she already looks like my little sister. If she hid her horns she could come into school here and everyone would just assume she was my kid sister."
Cass frowned and added, "Except I'm not sure my parents want to adopt her, even if it was pretend. Like I think if she came to school someone would have to act like her parent, and there'd be paperwork and stuff. She'd need ID too, I don't know if she has any. I'll have to ask. I wonder what her last name is? Or if she even has one. If not she could use ours, unless my folks didn't want her to. I guess it all comes down to what she wants to do, and what my parents want."
She was finally quiet, and I tried not to sound too uneasy as I asked "Are you seriously talking about your parents adopting a fifteen hundred year old demon then sending her to high school? Has Ninaya or your moms said anything to suggest anyone wants to do that?"
"Nah," Cass shrugged. "But like I said, Nina's really happy but she's too shy to say it. And I'm positive my folks like her. They wouldn't let her stay with us if they didn't."
I braced myself and asked, "What about you? Do you like her?"
"Sure," she nodded. "She's nice, she's really interesting to talk to once she gets past her shyness. Like she's been around a long time and knows a lot of strange and obscure stuff? I know I said I felt sorry for her and I still kind of do, but now that I'm getting to know her better I definitely like her. And even if we're not related in any normal human way, she's still family. Me and her are like half-sisters or something."
Hearing that last part actually made me feel a little better. I didn't want to jinx it though, so before I let myself relax I asked "So that's how you see her? Like family, like a sister?"
Cassandra shrugged again "Yeah I guess so? She's like a friend who's also my little sister, who just happens to be one and a half thousand years old. Why?"
"No reason," I shook my head. "Just curious I guess."
Inside I was maybe cheering a little, because if Cass saw Ninaya as a sister then I didn't have to worry about the two of them dating or anything. Except my internal cheering quickly went silent, since that meant it was time for me to get to the really hard part of the conversation.
I had a gulp of my water then said, "So um, I guess I was hoping you and me could talk about something else Cass? I um, really want to apologize for how I acted and the stuff I said. Not just on Sunday, but all last week."
She had a sip of her cola then nodded, "Ok?"
After a deep breath I leaned closer across the table and said, "I'm sorry I eavesdropped on your conversation with Kenzie. And I'm sorry I went behind your back and told all that stuff to Miss Hawthorne. And I'm really sorry I didn't take your feelings and your perspective into account with that whole entire situation. I was focused too much on the club side of things, the 'protect the public' stuff that May was talking about."
I paused for another gulp of water then continued, "And I did what you said? The last couple nights I've been reading up on stuff. Like what it means to be trans, what dysphoria's like, how it affects people. Cass I'm really sorry, I had no idea. I guess most cis people don't? It's... I understand why it's so important to you and Melanie, that other people can have the option of a magical transition. I never really understood that before, and I'm sorry it didn't occur to me to find out until you said something."
One thing I wasn't going to admit was until last week I'd all but forgotten she was trans. I never knew her before, I couldn't even picture what she used to look like, I didn't know her deadname. We shared a few of the same classes this year, but I had no idea if we shared classes last year or in grade nine.
To me it was more like she was a transfer student who showed up at the end of October. I started crushing on her as soon as we met, and a month or so later we started dating. And thanks to that big magic ritual May set up for her, nobody else knew she was trans. Like at school, none of the teachers or other students made a big deal over her. Nobody deadnamed her or said anything about her being AMAB, so it really wasn't part of my awareness.
And finally there was her looks. She looked and sounded like a cisnormative girl. Between her looks, the fact that I never knew her as a guy, and everybody else treated her like she'd always been a girl, her being trans was a sort of fuzzy abstract thing that really wasn't part of my reality. She was just Cass, my cute shy quiet girlfriend.
I really didn't want to admit all that to her though, because I didn't want her to think I'd completely ignored or forgotten a huge part of her identity.
While all that stuff was going through my head Cass just watched me quietly and had another sip of her cola. When she did finally respond all she had to say was, "Ok."
For a second I wasn't sure how to react. I was hoping she'd accept my apology, or she'd be impressed that I'd done some research like she said. I thought we'd be good and things would go back to normal. Her 'ok' made it sound like maybe she didn't care, or she was still mad at me or something.
Then when I was about ready to comment she spoke up again.
"I'm glad you've learned about that stuff Kaylee," she responded quietly. "And I appreciate the apology, and that you looked at things from my point of view. What you do is more important than what you say. Do you still want to get rid of those enchanted plushies? Do you still think it's worth taking that magic away from trans people, on the off chance a cis person might get transformed and be unhappy about it?"
Her questions left me staring at her, as I scrambled to figure out how to respond. Considering that's what we were arguing about in the first place I really should have realized she'd still be thinking about that or that she'd bring it up again now.
I drained the last of my water to buy some time as I tried to figure out the best way to answer her. In the end though I couldn't come up with anything eloquent or cunning.
"I still think it's dangerous," I sighed. "I get what you're saying Cass, I really do. I guess the thing is, those toys don't come with any warnings. There's no instructions, nothing to let a person prepare themselves. Basically they're not given the option? They get a cute little keychain toy, then they randomly speak a trigger-word and suddenly their lives are changed forever. No warning, no opt-in or opt-out. It'd be different if people were seeking them out, or it was something they were doing deliberately?"
I added, "I've done my best to see things from your perspective, please do the same for me ok? Do you understand why I think it's dangerous?"
She nodded, "I understand why you have concerns, but you're mistaking surprise for danger. And the fact is, so far as we know there have been zero incidents of people unhappy about being transformed by those toys. Compared to two incidents of people who were transformed and are very happy. I think that's because of the enchantment on the machine."
"Remember Thursday," she added, "It gave me a bun like I wanted. It gave Melanie a wolf, which suited her. And neither of them were enchanted? I think the machine knew it wouldn't work on me, and it wasn't necessary with Melanie. Marissa got an enchanted fox and she was happy to have it, she made a point of keeping it. You and May got enchanted cats. You didn't use them, but you wanted the enchanted toys and that's what you got. I think the machine won't give an enchanted toy unless it knows the recipient wants it."
I started to reply but she cut me off, "If you find me one person, cis or trans, who's been transformed and is unhappy about it, then I'll agree that the machines need to be shut down. Until then, there's zero evidence to justify your and May's fears. Until then, I say the machines stay."
For a few seconds I just stared at her, then finally asked "If that happens, if someone does get transformed against their will, what do we tell them? We let it happen because we didn't think it was dangerous?"
Cassandra shrugged, "My parents can help them. So can May. This isn't hurting or killing anyone. If you find me that one unhappy person I'll make sure they're changed back and I'll help you and May shut down the machines. Otherwise they're helping trans people and they stay. Agreed?"
I stared at her again as I thought all that through. It still felt wrong to me, but she'd countered all the points I could think of. The biggest one was just because we didn't know anyone had been hurt by those toys didn't mean it hadn't happened, but she was right that it was speculation and what-ifs. And she was right about having two actual examples of people the toys had helped.
And I had to accept that she was right about May and her moms all being able to undo those transformations. We were all pretty sure May was a goddess, or at least something similar. And I knew Cass's parents were powerful angels. They'd already cured Brooke's mom of an incurable disease, and they were ready to take on a demon.
"Ok," I finally sighed. "I hope you're right Cass, I hope nobody gets hurt by those toys. But unless that actually happens, I'll stop talking about getting rid of them."
"Thanks Kaylee," she smiled. "I'm really glad you're on my side."
I hesitated, "So um, are we still friends? Are we still dating?"
She nodded, "Yeah. Still friends. And still girlfriends, if that's ok with you?"
She could tell by my smile it was, and we both got up and exchanged a quick hug. That's all we had time for though, then we had to get to class.
