Cozy Obsession

Without any crisis, hoping that the following pages will conclude in tranquility, Heemin calmly opened the bathroom door.“This is the last roll, hyung.” Minseok handed Heemin the seaweed sheet spread thinly with rice. Thinking it was already over, Heemin checked the mixing bowl at the end of the table. The rice, which had been seasoned with sesame seeds, vinegar, and sesame oil, was already gone.After preparing the ingredients together, Minseok spread the rice on the seaweed sheets, Heemin filled them, and Ms. Ahn brushed them with sesame oil and sliced the rolls. Dividing the work into stages, like they did with their sisters, saved more time than expected, so they could go out earlier.Heemin laid down lettuce and perilla leaves, then added egg strips, carrots, pickled radish, cucumber, and thinly sliced pork belly in order. Instead of mayonnaise, he added an appropriate amount of ssamjang, wrapped it tightly with a bamboo mat. Because it was the last roll, he stuffed it with all the remaining ingredients, making it much thicker than the others.“Wow. The last roll is made perfectly! It looks really delicious.” Minseok admired the cross-section of the kimbap, filled with neatly packed white rice and fresh green vegetables, layered with brown pork, making one’s mouth water just by looking at it. Even to Heemin, it looked as good as those sold in specialized kimbap shops.“It seems like we made too much. Should we take some to the boss? It’s almost lunchtime.” They had made two rolls of each kind, totaling ten rolls, which was quite a lot for the three of them. Ms. Ahn and Minseok nodded in agreement without hesitation.“I should call him right away.” Heemin took off his sanitary gloves and pulled out his phone. He didn’t show it, but his heart pounded, fearing a possible rejection.Despite trying to remain calm, he felt anxious and nervous, thinking that today’s fate depended on this call. His lips were parched, and even the fine hair on his face stood on end.‘You can do it, Seo Heemin. You have to!’ He boosted his confidence with self-affirmation. Heemin dialed Yiheon’s number stored in his phone and pressed the video call button with his eyes shut tight.As they say, you can’t spit on a smiling face, so if he showed his cooking with a bright smile, even the formidable Cha Yiheon couldn’t outright refuse. He realized something clearly yesterday: the only way to penetrate Yiheon’s pride and coldness was to confront his emotions head-on.Ignoring or rejecting Yiheon, who was still suffering from a severe emotional aftershock even after more than ten years, would only touch his sore spot. It would be like stepping onto an express train to tragedy.So, instead of running away like ‘Seo Heemin,’ he decided to show his obsession. As if proving that he couldn’t bear to be apart from him even for a moment, and that he wanted to show his affection.Soon, the words ‘Video calling’ appeared, and his face appeared on the screen. Adjusting the phone’s angle like taking a selfie, Heemin put on an innocent expression, looking like someone eager to show off his homemade kimbap.“Hyung, it’s me, Heemin!” The screen changed, indicating that the call connected, but the response was gruff.“What’s this?”“…Hyung?” Heemin’s scolding tone slipped out involuntarily. He saw Yiheon’s ear filling the screen before it suddenly went black. It was like an elder receiving a video call from a grandchild. Heemin felt frustrated.“Oh, why are you holding it to your ear? Look at the screen! The screen!”“…The screen?” Yiheon’s face briefly appeared, squinting at the phone, then the office scenery shook wildly as if there was an earthquake. Amidst the chaos, Heemin thought he heard a curse.Click.The call ended abruptly without a proper conversation. Heemin’s hand holding the phone hung awkwardly in the air.“It seems the boss is busy with work. When I work outside, it’s often difficult to take calls too, hyung.” Minseok, who had been watching the call, tried to console Heemin, sweating nervously despite not being at fault.Thinking back, Heemin briefly saw a man who looked like a gangster on the screen, likely one of Yiheon’s subordinates. Anxiety suddenly surged through him.“Did the boss go to another company today?”“He said he was stopping by the office this morning and then heading to Sinwon.”“Oh, I see.” The man Heemin saw must have been a member of Woojin Capital, probably being disciplined by Yiheon. Even though the situation was like that, abruptly ending the call without a word seemed inappropriate.What on earth is he doing, Heemin thought, trying to suppress his irritation. He reminded himself that Yiheon was probably just flustered by the unfamiliarity of a video call.Determined, Heemin pressed the camera icon again, thinking it was a chance to teach Yiheon how to use video calls properly and maybe save a life.The dial tone rang for quite a while. Knowing that Yiheon was probably delaying on purpose, Heemin waited patiently. After all, he needed to give him time to prepare.― What do you want?Yiheon answered, placing the phone on the desk, showing the ceiling instead of his face. His voice, heavy and unyielding, made the scene feel even more dry and detached.But Heemin knew better. He could tell that Yiheon was unsettled by the unexpected form of contact.Holding back his laughter, Heemin spoke in a playful tone, “Hey, Mr. Cha Yiheon. Why aren’t you showing your handsome face?”― …“I called because I wanted to see your face, isn’t it a bit too much to act so pricey?”― Get to the point.His command carried the usual strong force. Just hearing his voice made Minseok next to him shrink his neck. But Heemin remained unfazed and responded nonchalantly.“I’ll tell you once I see your precious face.”Yiheon chuckled in disbelief. “I can’t believe this,” he muttered under his breath. Heemin saw his greasy fingers moving the phone closer to his face. Just when he thought they would finally have a proper video call, Yiheon hit the end button, cutting off the call once again.“…What the… Did he hang up again?”“The boss must be very busy, hyung,” Minseok said, sweating nervously, worried that the cold winds between the two might blow again after they had just reconciled.Heemin, unable to hide his frustration, dialed again. Determined, he listened to the ringing tone but Yiheon didn’t pick up the video call this time.[If you don’t answer, no kissing for a month.]Heemin chuckled incredulously at the fact that his first text to Yiheon on this phone was a threat. It felt like their roles of captor and captive had reversed. Just then, Yiheon called back with a regular phone call, indicating he couldn’t bear the thought of no kisses for a month. Heemin, smirking, answered the call.“Aren’t you going to show me your face? I have something to tell you.”Worried that Yiheon might hang up again, Heemin spoke in the gentlest tone possible, knowing that Yiheon was always weak to his requests. After a brief silence, the call switched to video mode, and Yiheon’s face appeared on the screen, though slightly off to the side. Even from the awkward angle, his striking features were prominent, making Heemin feel somewhat defeated.― Why did you call?Yiheon asked, as if satisfied now.“I was thinking about the kimbap we had at the lake park, so I made some myself. I wanted to show you.”He switched to the rear camera and showed the plate stacked with kimbap like a three-tiered cake. Just as he was about to explain each type, Yiheon interrupted.― So, you called just because of some kimbap?“Just kimbap? I put in so much effort thinking about you while making it. That’s too harsh,” Heemin said, turning the camera back to his face, pretending to be hurt.“My arms nearly fell off rolling ten rolls… Haa…” He sighed deeply as if truly disheartened, casting a shadow over Yiheon’s face on the screen. Seeing Yiheon’s Adam’s apple move, it seemed he realized his harsh words.“I’ll bring it to your office by lunchtime. Let’s eat together.”Heemin quickly threw out the main point, his eyes gleaming with sincerity and anticipation. Maybe showing too much joy was a mistake,― No need. I’ll have it for dinner if there’s any left.Yiheon said firmly, cutting him off.“If it goes in the fridge, the rice will get hard and it won’t taste good. It’s best eaten fresh.”Normally, leftover kimbap could be dipped in egg batter and fried, but Heemin had no intention of sharing this tip. He needed an excuse to bring the lunchbox to the office.― You.Yiheon’s deep voice sounded ominous.“W-what?”― You’re just using kimbap as an excuse to go out, aren’t you?It seemed Heemin wasn’t the only one who thought he had completely figured out the other. His heart skipped a beat, feeling seen through, but he feigned innocence.“I just want to be with you, using kimbap as an excuse.”But Yiheon didn’t drop his suspicious look, studying Heemin’s playful face on the screen. Suddenly, he shook his head and muttered to himself.― Maybe I should scar your face so you stop plotting to go out.About to retort that Yiheon’s gangster talk was unnecessary, Heemin caught sight of a thin scar on Yiheon’s right eyebrow. It was a lasting symbol of his grudge against ‘Seo Heemin,’ and the phrase “At dawn, Cha Yiheon’s collapsed world was engulfed by darkness” from a text he remembered popped into Heemin’s mind. The striking contrast between the despairing Yiheon and the serene morning was memorable.For Yiheon, the scar was a constant reminder of a profoundly sorrowful past, yet now, even as he threatened with a scar, he didn’t seem angry. It sounded more like a joke.It felt like the poison layered in his heart was slowly dissipating.“You know drawing lines on a pumpkin won’t turn it into a watermelon. I lack the presence you have, so even with a scar, no one would be scared of me. How about branding me as ‘Cha Yiheon’s’ instead? Tattoos would be less scary than burning, after all.”Startled, Heemin blinked before retorting. In such moments, it was better to respond with humor rather than seriousness.― You’re being cheeky again.“What did I do?”― You never back down, do you?Yiheon stared at Heemin on the screen with a displeased expression, his long eyes narrowed. Maybe he should have groveled instead of joking, but he was relieved that Yiheon didn’t suggest they go get tattoos right away; Yiheon was the type to follow through on such ideas.“Oh, hyung. Please let me. I really want to have lunch with you,” Heemin said, dragging out his words with exaggerated aegyo.Yiheon squinted at the screen, but Ms. Ahn was already packing the kimbap into a lunchbox as if permission had already been granted, while Minseok fetched fruits from the fridge. Truly a well-coordinated mother and son.― You’re cunning. You always manage to get what you want by using me.So, I should be aware of my place?He wanted to help so that the waves of crisis never rose again in a life that had been stormy many times, and so that only bright sunshine would quietly descend on the calm water.He was about to snap that it was all because of Yiheon and not him, but he held back, observing Yiheon on the screen. Heemin knew that despite his words, Yiheon had already given in.“So, do you dislike it?”― …….“Judging by your silence, you must like it.”He expected Yiheon to retort that he shouldn’t jump to conclusions and that he didn’t like it. But unexpectedly, Yiheon, who had been staring at Heemin with a sunken gaze, smirked. Though the slanted corner of his mouth made it look like a sneer, it strangely suited him, not feeling as unpleasant.It was a smile with a different charm from the real Cha Yiheon of twenty-one years old. Watching that smile, Heemin felt a strange tickling sensation inside his chest, as if someone were tickling him.He shifted his shoulders needlessly, trying to distract himself, when Yiheon, as if demanding attention, cleared his throat and slowly began to speak.― There are conditions.“What are they?”― Come out wearing my clothes like you did yesterday. Then I’ll allow it.There were several outfits hanging in Heemin’s dressing room that had never been worn. He wanted to ask why Yiheon had bought so many expensive clothes if he was going to do this, but he answered promptly.“Okay. I’ll pick something that anyone can tell is yours.”This time, Yiheon’s face lit up with satisfaction, indicating he had given the right answer.“Control C, Control V. This is too much.”In the system wardrobe of the dressing room, there were endless black jackets that all looked the same. Though the material, fabric, collar shape, and buttons differed in detail, to Heemin, they all looked the same, making it hard to choose one.Choosing things he wasn’t interested in always confused Heemin, just like at the department store. He thought he should have just let Yiheon decide. The wall full of similar black clothes was dizzying, making his eyes feel strained.‘I need to add changing his clothing style to the project.’Even though his job required him to wear suits day and night, this was too much. People need to relax sometimes. Wearing only tight, tense clothes was naturally making his personality worse.Determined to change Yiheon’s keyword and add color to this dull wardrobe, Heemin vowed to someday dress him in bright and cheerful tones, flipping through the black jackets on the hangers.He was considering which jacket was the most Cha Yiheon-like when a bunch of papers, placed on the shelf, brushed against the clothes and fell with a thud.“…What is this?”Luckily, the papers didn’t scatter because one end was clipped together. But the title on the top, “A Case Study for the Recovery from Dissociative Identity Disorder,” made Heemin’s eyes widen.He once read a book with Yiheon in the living room. It seemed like the papers Yiheon was reading back then. He had seen the phrase “Case Study for Disorder Recovery” and assumed it was related to Ms. Ahn’s hearing impairment and had skimmed over it. But now, seeing it related to himself, he couldn’t help but be surprised.Heemin forgot about choosing clothes and turned a page to check the introduction.‘Dissociative Identity Disorder’ is a symptom that appears to protect oneself from mental shock caused by domestic violence, abuse, or sexual assault experienced in childhood. It means transforming into a personality completely different from the main personality.There are claims that it is a symptom caused by damage to the hippocampus in the brain, but no clear cause has been proven yet. Diagnoses are generally made based on the patient’s emotional instability and psychological trauma.Yiheon had once said he wanted to open up Heemin’s head and take a look inside. He had worried about being dragged to the hospital for brain surgery without a peep, but the explanation that it was just one theory was somewhat reassuring.The typical symptoms of ‘Dissociative Identity Disorder’ include amnesia, age regression, depersonalization, and fugue.According to the paper, Heemin perfectly fit the profile of a dissociative identity disorder patient, believing himself to be twenty-one, having no memory of Do Junyoung’s brother, frequently trying to leave the house, and acknowledging his own split identity.Was that why he avoided me?Yiheon had suspected Heemin was pretending to have a split personality to deceive him. But since their trip to the department store, Yiheon had strangely started treating him like a child and acted as cold as the biting winds of late December, keeping him at a distance with his prickly demeanor.It seemed Yiheon had no choice but to accept that Heemin was a separate personality from ‘Seo Heemin.’ Despite dreaming of revenge for a long time, his target of hatred had vanished like a mirage before his eyes. Naturally, Heemin’s unexpected appearance must have been frustrating.What confused Heemin, however, was that even after personally researching recovery cases, Yiheon hadn’t tried to bring out the ‘Seo Heemin’ personality. Instead…‘You’ll abandon me again.’He seemed to fear getting hurt, defensively behaving like a coward, as if he were sure Heemin would betray him and leave.Had he realized that his feelings toward ‘Seo Heemin’ were futile while wandering aimlessly, losing the direction of his revenge?His words, claiming never to have experienced love, now took on a completely different meaning.‘You are ‘Seo Heemin.’ Even if the personality has changed, I can instinctively tell that much.’Yet, there was something else Heemin couldn’t understand. Yiheon had confidently said that the root of ‘Seo Heemin’ existed within Heemin. As if discovering the correlation between darkness and light that Eunkyung had mentioned, he spoke with certainty.While trying to find ‘Seo Heemin’ within Heemin, he didn’t attempt to bring out the ‘Seo Heemin’ personality. At the same time, he feared the disappearance of the twenty-one-year-old Seo Heemin.It didn’t add up.Heemin quickly flipped through the pages, checking the case study results for any useful hints.When conflicts between different identities are resolved and the sub-personality disappears, the main personality often exhibits a condition known as psychogenic amnesia, where they cannot remember the events experienced by the sub-personality. Post-examination diagnoses revealed that participant P had no memory of the periods when the sub-personality was active.Amnesia…‘If the personality switches, they’ll forget all about the past few months spent with me.’‘It must be convenient, being able to erase inconvenient memories by blaming it on the personality.’A sudden thought crossed Heemin’s mind—perhaps Yiheon didn’t want the current Seo Heemin with all these memories. From Yiheon’s perspective, unaware of the possession, he had been manipulated by a twenty-one-year-old and then abruptly cut off, only to face a Seo Heemin who claimed to have no such memories. Naturally, he would be psychologically unstable.The trauma wasn’t only Seo Heemin’s burden. It was also present in the man who pretended to be strong and prideful.Maybe that’s why Yiheon had reluctantly given him a phone, to keep evidence of all their communications and photos taken by Heemin himself.‘So he didn’t completely ignore me out of pure hatred.’Somehow, that conclusion brought Heemin a sense of relief. He had thought Yiheon was simply avoiding conflict to protect himself, but it seemed Yiheon had also been grappling intensely with the situation.Whether it was to appease himself or to use as evidence, giving Heemin the phone indicated that Yiheon’s resolve had permeated his internal struggle. It showed a decision to respect Heemin as an individual personality.If Heemin had truly been disliked, Yiheon would have likely called in the top experts in psychiatry to treat him and bring back Seo Heemin.However, Yiheon had allowed Heemin to meet Eunkyung and had not imposed any demands on him. He had merely kept his distance, dealing with his confusion and acting coldly.