D Minus

“……”“I was born there, so I couldn’t help it, but I wanted to die somewhere quiet, so I came here.”“A noisy place might be better.”“This place isn’t that quiet either. Because of you.”Maybe it was the alcohol, but Hajin’s words flowed out easily. He poked Jonghwa’s arm with his finger, making Jonghwa let out a chuckle. The smell of the sea grew stronger with each gust of wind.“Do you know what I thought when I first saw you?”“I don’t really want to hear it.”“What kind of person is that? I picked the wrong house…”Hajin laughed out loud, honestly recounting his first impression. He realized he hadn’t laughed much since coming here. Feeling awkward, he slowly closed his open mouth, watching for Jonghwa’s reaction.“But now, you don’t seem like such a bad person.”“……”“Why did you come here? I’ll take it to my grave, so be honest.”Though it was a bit heavy for a joke, Jonghwa, who had been gazing at the sea with an inscrutable expression, finally opened his mouth.“I ran away.”“……”It was somewhat expected, so Hajin didn’t ask further. He turned his gaze to the sea to let Jonghwa speak more comfortably.“Actually, I’ve never been registered in the family registry.”“What?”The consideration didn’t last long. Jonghwa, noticing Hajin’s wide eyes, awkwardly scratched his eyebrows. Hajin brushed off the sand from his hands and asked again.“You’re not registered?”“Yeah.”“How is that possible?”“I don’t know. But I’ve lived fine so far.”“But… what about school? Well, forget school… How did you go to the hospital?”“I didn’t. If I got hurt, someone my Hyung knew would come and treat me.”“Huh…”“Look at this.”Jonghwa showed his stomach, making Hajin, whose face had frozen with shock, feel a mix of amusement and sadness. Hajin noticed the numerous scars on Jonghwa’s muscular abdomen, recognizing them as stab wounds, with one particularly fresh wound standing out.“My Hyung called me a shadow. He said the world didn’t know me. I wasn’t even on the registry, so no one would know if I died.”Jonghwa, who had reclined back on his hands, laughed softly. Hajin felt a strange sense of kinship and struggled to hold back tears.A shadow. A dark silhouette that only existed because of light, something that had no substance and vanished without light…“So I lived as my Hyung’s shadow. As long as I did what he told me, he gave me money and food. It was mostly like this, though.”Jonghwa pointed to the scars hidden under his shirt. Hajin’s face was already tear-streaked. He felt silly for empathizing so deeply with someone else’s pain, but he let himself grieve freely, aided by the alcohol. Jonghwa poked his eyelids with the edge of his hand, making Hajin laugh through his tears.“Why are you crying?”“……”“So try to live. Get treatment. You’re better off than me. It’s a waste for you to die when someone like me is still alive.”“……”“The cancer must have gotten the wrong address. It should have come to me, not you.”“……”“Give it to me. It’s mine.”Jonghwa’s joke didn’t get a laugh, but he smiled innocently. Hajin, breaking down in sobs, couldn’t help but cry harder. His sobs grew louder, and Jonghwa awkwardly patted his back, trying to comfort him.“Just because someone else is more unfortunate doesn’t mean you’re any less unfortunate.”Despite his choked voice, Hajin spoke each word clearly. Jonghwa turned his head slowly.“You shouldn’t feel better just because someone else is worse off.”“What do you mean? Explain simply.”“Just because you’ve had a miserable life doesn’t mean it’s okay to die.”“……”“Your life is important too.”“……”“You were born. You’re living.”Hajin’s voice broke again with tears. He buried his face in his knees and sobbed. Not seeing Jonghwa, he could only hear the sound of the waves mixed with his stifled cries in the brightening dawn.“Calling yourself a shadow is nonsense. You’re living right here. Your Hyung is not a good person.”“He’s a good person.”“Good people don’t beat you or stab you dozens of times.”“That’s for ordinary people. For someone like me…”“What do you mean by ‘someone like you’? All people are the same.”“……”Hajin lifted his head from his knees and looked beside him. Jonghwa’s eyes sparkled as if they contained the universe, reflecting the light. With swollen eyes and lips from crying, Hajin placed his hand over Jonghwa’s. He felt Jonghwa flinch at the unexpected warmth.“You can’t die.”“What?”“At least I’ve lived a normal life.”“……”“You haven’t. If you die, do it after experiencing a normal life. That’s what’s truly a waste.”Hajin pressed his hand firmly on Jonghwa’s. Jonghwa’s light brown eyes, looking back at him, wavered like the waves.“I’ll help you register in the family registry.”“What?”“Even if it’s just for a year or six months, try living normally.”“……”“Just think of it as bad luck that you ended up meeting me, someone with a terminal illness, here.”D-135 until death. Hajin made the most audacious decision of his life. Drunk on alcohol, tears, the sea, and Jonghwa’s clear eyes.It was a terminally ill person’s final goal and stubbornness.“Then you get treatment.”“What did you say?”“Just think of it as bad luck that you ended up meeting someone like me.”But Jonghwa went one step further. The sound of the wind and waves faded, leaving only the pounding of Hajin’s heart in his ears. Jonghwa’s face disappeared and reappeared with each slow blink.“Ha…”“……”“What are we going to do?”Hajin’s voice, rough and strained, came out with a hollow laugh. He wasn’t blaming Jonghwa, just feeling incredulous at how they, having only known each other for a little over a month, were meddling in each other’s lives. Jonghwa, fiddling with the sand, shrugged and laughed too.“Right?”“Really…”They both burst into laughter at the same time. It was a hearty laugh, the kind they hadn’t had in a long time. Jonghwa laughed with his head thrown back, and Hajin laughed with his hand covering his eyes.The beach, which had seemed to be frozen in time, regained the sound of waves, and the wind rustled in their ears again.