Den Lille Luftdatter

Adam made his way into a booth with his friends. It looked like Flynn had made a good call, as the place was far from full. It’s not like they lived in a bustling city, small restaurants like this wouldn’t expect people every night. Solomon had gone out of his way to check in with the staff anyway, and as it turned out, they were allowed to study there so long as they ordered something. Something that a certain caffeine addict already planned to do.

With Adam and Flynn sitting together on one side, and Solomon the other, he laid down some of his textbooks and notes. Wow, that sure was… a lot.

“Now, Adam, what do you know about the material on the test tomorrow?” Solomon instructed, fingers interlocked on the table in front of him. “How much have you reviewed already?”

“Uhhhhhhh” He tried to think of a reasonable response.

“It’s like the last five chapters or something, right?” Flynn asked.

“Yeah, that sounds right!” Adam responded. “It was like… Plant life, and cellular organisms. That was it.”

In turn, the tutor sighed. “Looks like we’ll need to go well over this one…”

Adam shrunk his shoulders, feeling ashamed. He knew he wasn't good with this subject.

“It’s alright,” Solomon continued. “We’ll just take things one step at a time, review everything.”

“And I’m here too.” Flynn added, though Adam wasn't sure how much he’d help if he also hadn’t studied for anything.

As if on cue, a waiter came with some fries. “Some large fries.”

“Ah, perfect.” Flynn quickly took two for himself, a satisfied smirk on his face.

Solomon rolled his eyes for a quick moment, but mostly acted unbothered. “Now then, let’s begin...”

 

---

 

Evan was the first to rush into his seat. He almost couldn’t help it. It had been hard not to feel excited, knowing this was coming all day. Sure, birthdays were cool on their own, but the parts at the end where you celebrated were always the best part. Especially if it involved good food.

Grace and Maddie sat down opposite him in the same booth, the latter smaller girl leaning against the window. The place thankfully wasn’t full, but they were in a small enough town where that was bound to happen. The people running this place already expected to get students every once in a while. So long as they could pay, Evan knew that they'd be very welcome.

“This…” Grace turned her head to look over the diner. “This definitely feels like a burger place.”

“Damn right, it is!” Even affirmed, a proud nod. “Best burgers I’ve ever had.”

“You like a lot of food.” Maddie pointed.

“Which is why that means something!” He hit back. “I mean, come on, and with the jumbo deluxe? That’s just even more good food on top.”

“Just don’t overstuff yourself,” Grace sighed. “It’d be a sucky birthday if it ended with you throwing up back at the dorm.”

Maddie nodded in agreement. 

Evan rolled his eyes, “I promise not to puke all over your gaming systems, Maddie.” He lifted two fingers up, “Scout’s honour.”

“I never knew you went to the scouts.” Grace commented.

“Oh, no, I didn't,” He shrugged.

Maddie grimaced, “I can only pray they’ll be safe tonight from your stomach’s wrath…”

Evan chuckled, getting the waiter’s attention so they could make their order. Grace just wanted a simple cheeseburger and small fries. Maddie went for a bacon one, with medium fries. And naturally, Evan made the order for a jumbo deluxe, and despite Grace giving him a harsh look insisting otherwise, he added large fries on top of that.

What? If he couldn't finish, he'd just take it home later or something. It’ll be fiiiine!

Once their orders had been taken, Grace reached into a pocket. “By the way, Maddie and I pitched in for a little something…”

She pulled out a rectangular package. The two watched expectantly as they handed it to Evan. Curious, he unwrapped it, to find...

“The new Franco Cruz?!” He called out as he gripped the book, trying not to be too loud. ‘Franco Cruz: The Mambo’s Ginaronicon,’ the exciting eleventh novel in the series! 

“Surprise!” Grace waved her hands. “Figured you deserved a little birthday present. It was Maddie’s idea.”

The girl didn’t add anything, she just nodded.

“Thanks guys!” Evan told them, looking at the book’s cover. “I heard the antagonist in this one is the ruler of Ratlantis!"

“Huh, sounds interesting.” Grace responded. Evan hadn’t been able to convince her to give these books a try, so she really had no idea. He hadn’t ever even mentioned the 'Saturn’s Ascent’ arc to her from the fifth book.

He laughed. “Well, I definitely have to give this a read later. Again, thanks a bunch, guys.”

“No problem,” Maddie answered, a small yet earnest smile visible. 

Evan looked back over the cover art. The series was fun, but he'd always admired the protagonist in particular. He was just a particular kind of masculinity that had the right charisma to it, that Evan would sometimes get gender envy from. Confident, strong sense of justice, kind and caring to his loved ones. Had a habit of charming most women (and even some men) that he ran into, he was just like that. Evan had always been a bit confused by his political arc in book 7 where he served as a spy for the KGB, but otherwise a 10/10 protagonist.

“Just don’t get the book dirty when we start eating.” Grace reminded him. “Try to save it for later.”

Evan nodded in agreement, “Yeah, you’re right.” He put it down on the seat beside him for now. Books like that were worth savouring anyway. He'd start on it tonight before bed, that sounded like a good idea.

“Has it been a good birthday, otherwise?” Grace then asked.

Evan thought to himself, “Well, a lot of today's just been the same old, same old. Really it was tonight that I was actually excited for…” On some level it was kind of a shame. Birthdays got less special as you grew up. Even when he was having his first one as a guy, it was almost as plain as any other. Sheesh…

 

---

 

“And so…” Solomon continued, gesturing to Adam.

“...The cell is…” He thought to himself out loud. “The powerhouse…”

“The powerhouse of the cell.” Solomon nodded.

“Yeah…” Adam scratched his forehead. They'd been at this for about an hour now, his brain felt like it hurt.

“...Adam?” Solomon questioned.

“Yeah?”

“Do you feel ready?”

“...No.” He admitted, shamefully. “I think I need to go over things more…”

The tutor sighed, “Well, I can lend you my notes, for further review tonight and tomorrow morning, if that’ll help. Otherwise, you don’t have much time.”

He nodded, “I know.”

“There’s a responsibility to keep track of these things, you can’t keep forgetting tests the day before you take them.”

He nodded again, “I know.”

Adam hated having to rely on him like this, and even then it didn’t even feel like Sully was able to help as much as he should’ve normally. Adam got the sense he was just too useless at this. 

“What about you, Flynn?” Solomon asked next. “How are you feeling?”

“I dunno, I think I kinda got most of the details down.” He answered. “Feel like I might be in the clear?”

“Good.” Solomon nodded, “For tomorrow, you could even…”

Adam tuned out whatever they were talking about, he felt dumb just having to keep listening. His eyes glazed across the diner. There were a few random seats filled, where people chatted. Some adults, a family, some girls, a-

Wait, huh?

A part of him had automatically registered a group there as girls, but… huh?

Over at another end of the diner, sat three students wearing the uniform they had for Marie’s. There was a girl there, with long hair and glasses. A smaller kid, with some ruffled hair. And then there was… a boy?

No, he'd just been momentarily mistaken, that kid was definitely wearing the uniform for Marie's. A school for girls. They couldn’t be a boy. They just… really looked like one?

It was hard to tell from far away, but the person did have an androgynous look to them. Hypothetically, they totally could be a girl. They just… they looked so much like they could've been a boy at first glance, it felt like it had startled him.

Like… a boy, just hanging out with a pair of girls from his school. Like it was the most natural thing in the world. A boy who would be going to the same classes, talking to them during lunch and blending in with their social groups.

It was an idea that was hard to get out of Adam's mind. It really looked like that. He knew it was impossible, that it was just a very androgynous looking girl, a tomboy or whatever, but he still-

“-am? Adam?” Solomon asked, snapping Adam out of his thoughts.

“Huh? What?” He wondered, darting his eyes back at the two boys sitting with him.

“I asked you if you’d be okay reviewing the material alone, without any guidance.” He explained.

“O-Oh, yeah…” That’s right, the test. Focus on that. Why had he let himself get suddenly distracted like that?

“...Are you alright, by the way?” Solomon then asked.

“You kinda zoned out there.” Flynn commented.

Adam closed his eyes, collecting his thoughts. “Yeah, I’m fine. Don’t worry about me. Thanks for the notes, Sully, I’ll try to go over them again a couple more times before the test.”

Solomon eyed the boy for another solid moment, before nodding. “...Right, I wish you luck with that.”

Adam worriedly glanced back at him. Was he thinking something? He'd almost forgotten that he had been there during that conversation with Flynn back in the dorm. About his weird thoughts. Was Sully wondering how much of a freak he was? If he was letting that type of thing distract him at a time like this?

But Solomon didn’t give any further indication to his thoughts, he only sighed. “...Just remember, Adam.” He began, laying his hand down on the table. “What’s most important is putting your priorities in order. If you’re worried about something, it's best you leave that for tomorrow so you can concentrate on the present.”

Adam nodded. “Right, thanks. I, um… I know…” He was correct, there would always be more important things...

“I was gonna head back with Sully now.” Flynn then said. “Fries are done, and I feel alright about the test. You gonna come back too or stay here?”

“...Stay here.” Adam answered, after a bit of thought. “I dunno, being out of the usual environment might help. I’ll try focusing better.”

Flynn patted a hand on my back, “Then we’ll leave you to it, dude.”

Adam nodded, showing a small smile in return. “Yeah. I’ll see you when I’m back at the dorm.”

“I’ll hear from you tomorrow, after you’re done.” Solomon added, before sharing one more understanding nod with me.

The two soon left together, leaving Adam… all alone.

Okay, time to focus. He had the textbook, Solomon’s old notes, and then his own ones. Adam usually tried to keep his notes tidy, but that was borderline impossible in his worst subject like this. Of course he just had to scramble for Biology of all things. Just had to be that one. An endless stream of anxiety, with guys like Solomon going out of their way to help him. Surely guys like him had better things to do.

But uhh right, the notes, review chapter 7 again, the one about plant cells. Let’s see, starting with…

…

About 15 minutes had gone by, and Adam leaned his head back against his seat. He’d gotten through a few pages, but he still felt slow. And he knew why. That almost shuddery feeling was still there, from when he'd looked in the mirror earlier, before Solomon arrived. Adam caught his reflection in the glass window, the soon to be setting sun leaving it only more and more visible as time passed. It was almost haunting, in a way. Who would be haunted by a reflection?

Trying to turn his gaze away, he spotted those three girls again over at the other end. Er, those two girls and the androgynous fella, he still felt unsure. They seemed to be enjoying themselves with their meals, the boyish one in particular had a burger almost twice the height of what the others had. The sight brought out a short giggle from Adam's lips. Or wait, not really a giggle, a snicker or chuckle would be more accurate. Giggling was kinda more of a girl thing, right?

…Adam looked back at his reflection in the window again. The same face, the same expression, the same boy he saw paired with that skirt earlier. Yeah. That’s what he’d always be. It was almost like what his reflection was trapping him...

Two of those girls were wearing skirts, as part of their uniform. Adam remembered what it felt like when he put his on earlier. Or no, not his. It didn’t belong to him, it couldn’t since he was a guy. It was stolen, borrowed or whatever. 

Come to think of it, the other kid wasn’t wearing a skirt, just pants. Naturally it wouldn’t be a requirement for that uniform, but still… Why wouldn’t someone pick the skirt? If they had the option, if it was something that was available and allowed to them, it seemed like an easy decision to make. But what did he know about how girls felt?

Adam wasn't sure why his thoughts went back to that kid so much. A part of him almost felt envy, of their position. It was hard not to think about his own problems when seeing what looked to be a guy ‘belonging’ with girls, but also… It’s not like he wanted to be that. He wouldn’t choose to look like them or anything, or dress in that version of the uniform. 

Even so, there was also a smile on their face as they chatted with their friends, waving their arms around about something. Felt like the type of person that just drew you in. They picked up their monster of a burger, then tried to take a big dramatic bite. Some sauce squirted out onto their cheek, and some more landed on the table. They saw this, and then laughed. The girls laughed alongside, though they laughed the most.

They were having fun. 

As Adam suddenly noticed one of their gazes turn in his direction, he looked away. Instinctively, he leaned his head down, pretending to be engrossed in all the notes clearly laid out on the table. Shit, if they noticed he'd been staring, he'd definitely look like a creep. What kind of person looks at a group of girls like that?

…This clearly wasn’t working. Adam knew he was only distracting himself more. He should just pack everything into his bag and head back. Yeah, that’s for the best. 

He made sure not to look at anyone else as he left, lest he dare make eye contact and draw attention to his shameful self.

Adam stepped outside, feeling the cooling air. It was evening, almost dark out. He turned a corner, to get a good look behind the diner, and he could see the sun itself about to set. He wanted to hurry up and get back to his dorm and study, do what was expected of him as a student.

But just right now, looking at the sunset.

He wanted to stay. For a while.

Maybe he could try forget about everything, for just this moment.

Life is too cruel sometimes. Saddled with feelings and urges that Adam knew would be scorned. He’d get it, sometimes he felt the same about himself. The lord up above already knew it. Everything would be better if he kept it all locked up tight. Those dumb clothes would be the most he could ever think to entertain them, if at all. 

But out here, alone, just him and the setting sun. If only, for a moment, maybe he could let himself feel some kind of release. He could do that through one of the few things he enjoyed doing. Singing.

Adam had learned most of the songs at choir from heart. Probably one of those...

He breathed in, his voice coming out almost a whisper, even if he felt like he was landing the first notes.

Adam bit his lip. No, this wasn’t right. Singing so quietly.

Steadily, he raised his voice.

 

---

 

Grace’s hands were rubbing around both her eyes, as if trying to understand what was before her. “I can’t believe you finished it…”

Evan shot a confident smirk. He was in fact very full, but he wanted to play it cool. “What, you didn’t believe in me?”

“Just tell me you’re not gonna finish your fries, at least.” She cocked her head with a concerned frown.

Evan pretended to laugh her off, but then he nodded. “Yeah, no, you two can keep them. You’re right, I have no idea how anyone could have room for all of this.” He'd only eaten two or three before realizing that the burger needed more dedicated attention.

Maddie lurched over to pull his plate of fries closer to the middle, grabbing one for herself. “So was it worth it?” She asked.

Evan nodded heartily, “Yes, my friend. It was quite worth it.”

Maddie ate another fry. “You ever gonna do it again?”

Evan shook his head, just as heartily. “Nope. At least, not with fries on top of it. I should’ve only gotten them small.”

“Knew it.” Grace crossed her arms. “I should have said something.”

“You should’ve,” Evan let out a light chuckle, finding himself with a grin on his face. “I got carried away when I ordered.”

“Hey, no shame in that.” She added. “Birthday boy can have his wish for a day, dumb mistakes are allowed.”

He nodded again. “Yeah, that’s true! Happy birthday to me!”

Maddie and Grace lifted their drinks, and Evan did the same. They did a little corny 'cheers,' which resulted in another quick snicker from Evan. “Seriously, thanks again for this.”

Grace leaned her cheek on her palm. “Hey, no problem, that’s what friends are for, right Maddie?”

She looked at my roommate, to which she nodded. “Special occasion.”

Evan really was thankful for them. Not just doing something fun together today, but also for everything. It could be lonely, being the trans guy at an all-girls school. Being a queer kid in general, especially when the institution is religious. They were a great reminder that, even if he didn’t feel like he fit in in that way, that he could still be accepted.

Suddenly, Evan realized he had a… matter to attend to. “Hold on, I think I need to use the bathroom. I’ll be right back.”

He stood up, walking across the diner to head to the little bathroom off in the corner.

Yet when he passed by the front door, He thought he vaguely heard something. From outside? The tone was vaguely musical. Was someone…?

He heard it more clearly as he made the decision to step out. Maybe curiosity was getting the best of him, he wondered. Because this was definitely singing piercing through the quiet evening air. But it wasn’t from the front. The back?

When Evan turned the corner, he saw a silhouette of a person, backed by the setting sun. They leaned against the building as they faced away from him. The singing was… coming from them.

He was struck by the voice in particular. It was good, it had talent. There was an eloquent softness to each note. He almost didn’t even want to speak just so he wouldn’t interrupt this solo performance of theirs.

Yet there was also a… subtle type of pain in there, somewhere. It was hard to pinpoint, but it made Evan think about the part of his own identity he still struggled with. To be accepted. He couldn't help but wonder if this person shared in any similar kind of pain. There was just this specific tint of emotion to their aria.

Right then, in the middle of a note, their head randomly turned, and the two both froze. The voice stopped, the singing ended. It was still hard to make them out with the setting sun directly behind them, but Evan could still see their eyes fixated on him.

“...I-I’m sorry,” Evan apologized. “I just… I heard you singing, and…” What would he even say? That he wanted to listen? That'd be silly coming from a stranger, but also...

“It’s… It was a beautiful song, you know.” He told them. “You have a good voice.”

Suddenly, they dashed. Grabbed what looked to be a bag and ran right past him.

Evan turned back, almost ready to run after them, but they were faster than expected. Though getting a better look at them, he realized what they were wearing. It was the uniform for Hanssen’s, that boys’ boarding school, wasn’t it?

He didn't run any further than back at the diner’s entrance. He knew his friends were still in there waiting for him, that he couldn’t abandon them just to chase some random boy. 

But still, it felt hard not to think about. Evan wondered who they were.

He thought back to that song in particular. Back to that quiet but ever-present pain.

He wondered again if they were in some way similar, if they'd understand him. 

He wondered if they, likewise, wanted someone to understand them back.