Digital Galaxies

Cerri and I leapt apart, both our faces instantly burning with fire. Gloria stood in the doorway, glancing warily between the two of us.

“We’re fine,” Cerri said, voice as tense as the steel cable on a wrecking ball. “We were just talking.”

Gloria didn’t look convinced. She placed a hand on her hip and raised an eyebrow at Cerri, whose tail was swishing from side to side in agitation. Okay, clearly I needed to defuse this situation.

“Mind to mind,” I clarified quietly. “It’s easier for me.”

“Right,” our pilot said, ponytail bobbing behind her as she nodded. “Well… do you mind if I get your help, Alia? That machine you made is packing a fit. It won’t take long.”

“Can’t this wait?” Cerri asked, wilting slightly. “We were… nevermind. I’ll keep looking for thrusters.”

I fought the urge to go back to her side and comfort her. I wasn’t sure she’d be okay with it, right that moment. Maybe it would be best to take a breather from the intensity between us, let our heads settle a bit.

“Okay,” I said with a sigh. “I’ll be back as soon as I can, Cerri.”

She just nodded, already turning for the power suits in the corner. Her tail hung limp, the tip trailing through the faint dust on the floor. My heart. Seeing her like that was torture.

Gloria had to clear her throat again to get my attention, and I followed her silently from the room. Conversation remained absent until we got to her room and the door had slid shut.

She’d made an effort to decorate the place, some old pilot stuff was on the walls and the rear half of the room had been partitioned off by a curtain.

“My machine isn’t broken,” she told me, dumping herself into a big plush armchair. “But… look. I needed to talk to you. I thought at first, that you two were really just friends and stuff. Two awkward, touch starved girls gravitating towards each other—“

“Gloria,” I interrupted, too tired to overthink every single word that came out of my mouth. “Thanks, but why is it any of your business?”

Her mouth fell open. “Uh… what?”

I shrugged. She knew what I meant, she was just processing what I’d said.

“Because she’s… she’s my friend, because you’re my friend,” she replied, and surprisingly she didn’t seem angry at my interruption.

“You’re also her ex,” I stated dryly.

She winced. “Sort of.”

“Can I go?” This was so fucking awkward.

“I’m just trying to look out for you,” she blurted, standing up again. My eyes tracked her as she paced back and forth, eyes darting around as she spoke. “Cerri is… a lot to deal with, and you’re so small, so shy… She’s in her mid twenties, you know that right?”

Something about the situation clicked with me, and I let out a startled laugh. “Wait… wait, wait, wait. Wait. Gloria, I’m twenty seven.”

Her jaw hit the floor for a second time and her pacing stopped like she’d walked into a wall. “Oh.”

“You were hitting on me, back when we first got on the ship,” I pointed out, raising an eyebrow. Goodness, wasn’t I being the picture of verbal communication right now. I was impressed with myself.

“Yeah, and then I realised… well, I thought you were young!” she exclaimed, throwing her arms up in the air. “You originally made that really small, cute little character. Then you aged yourself up a bit and got even smaller, then… fuck, I was honestly just teasing. I flip flopped on it and then settled on the idea that you must be like, eighteen or something. You’re seriously twenty seven?”

“Yeah,” I giggled, my tail swishing back and forth in amusement. “I was an investment consultant for a major corporate conglomerate up until I started playing this game. Fired, actually.”

She snorted, staring at me in amazement. “Well shit. Okay, clearly you can handle yourself then.”

“I can’t,” I smiled sheepishly. “I really really can’t, but that’s besides the point. I really like Cerri. She’s… she means a lot to me these days.”

“I can tell,” Gloria agreed, and held her hands up in surrender. “Sorry for getting nosy, I just wanted to make sure you weren’t being taken advantage of or whatever. Sorry.”

“Cerri wouldn’t do that,” I frowned. Would she?

Gloria nodded. “She wouldn’t intentionally, but that girl is wild when she gets you with your clothes off, and she doesn’t have a whole lot of experience in social settings. People aren’t her area of expertise.”

“Are you sure you aren’t perhaps letting your, um… your past involvement with her colour your perception?” I asked cautiously. 

She flopped back down in the chair again and groaned, covering her face with her hands for a second. "I don't know. You're right, I'm too tangled up in this to be any help. You can go… just promise me you'll look after her, okay? She doesn't trust me anymore, but I still give a shit about her. Platonically, of course."

"Of course," I told her, surprising both of us with the force of my conviction. More quietly, I added, "I've fallen for her so hard."

It was the raw truth too. Even now I ached to be back at her side, to just exist in her presence. God, I really loved her.

Gloria's expression shifted at my words, forming into a bittersweet smile. "Lucky."

"What do you mean?" I asked, tilting my head.

"Ah, it's nothing," she told me, forcing the bitter from her smile. "Not jealousy, at least not for Cerri. Just something else. Don't worry about it."

Even my socially incompetent ass could see that for the blaring red siren that it was, but I held my tongue. I was very emotionally drained now, and all I wanted to do was rush back to Cerri.

"Okay," I said, stepping back towards the door. "Let me know if you need someone to listen though. My ears are very big, so I'm extra good at listening to people's problems."

She laughed, a big genuine thing that set my mind at ease. "Okay then, fluffy. Off you go. Sorry for interrupting and all that."

I rushed back through the ship like my tail was on fire, hoping to make it back to the cargo hold before Cerri ran away. I know that I wouldn’t hang around for too long if our positions were reversed. Anxiety would be eating me alive.

Bursting through the door, I almost ran right into her as she was doing exactly what I’d feared.

She hesitated when she saw who was blocking her exit, but a moment later and I’d thrown myself into her arms. I was not going to let this get awkward.

Cuddling in close, I felt my urgency wane, replaced by an overwhelming sense of rightness. This was where I belonged. My place. Even if she wasn’t hugging me back right now.

“Cerri,” I murmured, voice barely audible. “Cerri.”

I was just saying her name for the joy of it, to be honest, but she took it as a question. “Yes? What happened? What’s wrong?”

“Nothing’s wrong,” I said happily.

That seemed to confuse her. “What, but… huh? You rushed off after Gloria?”

“She was just being dumb,” I said. “It doesn’t matter. What matters now is that you need to know something.”

“What do I need to know?” she asked, her voice going small and vulnerable. “Alia, what’s going on?”

I just needed to tell her. I needed her to know absolutely. I could do this.

Stepping back, I had to clutch at my tail in an effort to steady my nerves. Eyes on the ground, I took a deep breath.

Nothing came out. My voice box remained maddeningly inert. Panic began to set in, finally catching up with all the big heavy talks that had all just happened. My brows knit together, a frown for the ages. Whatever, I didn’t need my stupid fucking voice box anyway. I was perfectly functional without it.

Cerri, I really like you, both as a friend and… well, more. Pressing send on the message took an age, at least subjectively. It was probably only a few seconds in reality. Once I had, though, the floodgates opened. I need to tell you that I’m like super confused and I’m a mess and like oh my god I have no idea what these feelings even mean really. Fuck I’m 27 years old and I have no experience with this shit. I don’t know how you feel, and I don’t think it matters right now because I honestly just want you to know that what I’m feeling exists so that you know you’re loved.

“Loved?” she squeaked, hands white-knuckled as she clutched at her own tail.

I cringed inwards on myself when I realised that yeah, I had used that word at the end of my rambling. It seemed important for you. To, you know… to know that. I’m trying to say that I’m your friend, at the very least, but like… god it feels like so much more than that. I don’t have a name to put on it. There’s no label that works in my head. I just really care about you. Like, lots and lots.

Her chest was going crazy, her breathing all erratic and fast. Her tail looked more purple at the end, past where her hands were cutting off circulation. I still couldn’t look up at her though, I still couldn’t meet her eyes. God, I was half feral with fear right then. I think my breathing was coming in at a rate even higher than hers. I knew that I was like 99% in my own head right then, useless thoughts crashing around inside my digital skull at speeds that would break the sound barrier.

“Okay,” she said, voice strangled. “Ah… um… yes. I… um. I mean, yeah. I sort of guessed… not that I’m a good judge of that kind of thing. Yes. I believe that I am too emotional right now to be functional. Goodness, I’m not used to this, not at all.”

I nodded, my head bouncing up and down like a bobblehead in a stormchaser’s truck. “Me too.”

“May I… may I hold you again?” she blurted, dropping her tail. “I’m not sure that anything more I say will be entirely coherent. No, not coherent… I am very much struggling to expel… I mean place… Agh! I am struggling to put my thoughts and emotions into… no, not that. To say… to…”

I fell back into her arms like a felled tree. “Words,” I said, nodding in sage agreement as I nestled my head in under her chin.

“Words,” she agreed, wrapping me up in her quivering, eager arms.