Dog of War

“So what did you want to talk about?” Camila asked. She had a number of ideas of what could be on the little one's mind, and a few questions of her own, but it was clear Ash preferred to have the onus.

 

Ash leaned against the wall, casting one final glance out to the living room as the door shut behind them. “I didn't overstep back there, did I?”

 

Camila's leaves rustled in amusement; that was their first question? “No. I suspected that Princess might bring up the Valiant on her own, but I wanted that to be her choice.”

 

Ash looked up at her, confusion wrought in their face with a hint of pain, their tone accusatory. “Did you put her up to that?”

 

“I'm afraid you'll have to be more specific, there is very little Princess does without me ‘putting her up to it.’”

 

Ash glanced downwards, studying the tile a few meters away. Camila could still see the tension they were carrying through their jacket, like a strung instrument wound too tightly. “Apologizing about Jen. Did you make her do that?”

 

“No, I was surprised as you were. Although for the record, while I've put her up to a number of things, I've made Princess do very little.”

 

The cord snapped. “What?! She's completely different! If it wasn't for her scars, I wouldn't have even recognized her! The hell do you mean you haven't made her do anything?!” Ash grew sheepish, embarrassed by their outburst. “S-sorry, I'm kinda going through a lot right now.”

 

The instinct to pet Ash was strong, Camila had to fight the itch in her vines to keep them in place. Instead, she sat down next to them, making sure to give them the space they wanted. “That's my question for you, actually. How are you doing? Would you like some class E? I checked with Florence, and I have a variant that's safe for you.”

 

“Maybe? Just a small dose though.”

 

“Of course. Is needle fine?” Ash nodded, turning their head and holding out their arm. That was all the invitation Camila needed. She gently slid the needle in and administered the dosage. “There you are, feeling better?”

 

Ash sighed, the tension bleeding from them as they slid down the wall to sit against it. “Yes, thank you.”

 

“Now, do you mind letting me know how you are doing? Seeing Princess and getting an apology must be a lot to process.”

 

Ash shifted, turning to face away from Camila, “I-I don't want to say anything that might upset you.”

 

“Princess isn't here, little one. I only wish to know your feelings.”

 

Ash looked Camila over again, searching, no doubt, for signs of trickery. They would find none. “I guess it's only fair to let you know why I actually needed to come down here so badly.” They stole one last moment to steel themselves. “I spent the last two and a half years in almost constant fear of this- this man with nothing behind his eyes. No love, no fear, no remorse, nothing. Even when people started getting spaced left and right his face was as flat and cold as a sheet of durasteel. The kind of person you never know what they're gonna do next and all the more dangerous for it. Just being near him put a chill down my spine. Then he got Jen killed.”

 

Ash paused, their hand fidgeting as it cupped over their mouth. They closed their eyes, taking deep breaths as they let the class E help them through the traumatic memory. “Even then his face didn't twitch a muscle. I-I tried to vouch for her, but he had the Captain's ear, and it became clear I was just volunteering for a place in the airlock next to her. I couldn't stick around to watch. I still see the look of terror on her face when I close my eyes sometimes. I tried to avoid how I felt about losing Jen by focusing on exposing him. I thought that would, I don't know, exonerate her and honor memory. Clear her name. At least stop whatever he was planning, it was clear he was up to something and fixing to betray the crew.” Ash chuckled darkly, “I was right about that, I guess. Never suspected it'd be to the Affini though.”

 

“At first I thought it was just some sort of... fifth dimensional chess move I couldn't figure out, like everything else. Just another step in some master plan to do something insidious. Steal some Affini technology or assassinate some compromised asset, something. Florence showed me the pictures you posted, and I just couldn't believe it. I think I had wrapped so much of myself around the idea that he was this evil villain that I needed it to be true. Then I came here and actually met Princess.”

 

“She's not quite what you expected, is she?”

 

Ash shook their head. “Not even a little. Like I said, I wouldn't have even recognized her if it weren't for the scars, and not just because the class Gs. I saw more emotion in her face back there than I did in the thirty months we shared a ship. Never once suspected she might be trans, or plural, but she's happy about both those things now. Princess is everything Beckett wasn't, and you're telling me that you didn't even make her like that? That's just what she's actually like? I'm not really sure how to handle that.”

 

“You said you were trying to dig into Beckett, what did you find out about her?”

 

Ash scratched their cheek, embarrassed. “Uh, nothing really. Was more concerned about figuring out what she was up to. Only knew that she was some sort of spook- er secret agency type. Never even figured out for sure if she was OCNI or what.”

 

Camila nodded. “A correct assertation; she was a freelance operative that worked off the books. To be honest, even I'm not sure of the full scope of her activities. As far as I can tell from what I do know, she was active for about thirty two years, and very much capable of what you feared. However, her role aboard the Valiant was in fact tactical support and training, I have her copy of the contract to prove it. I also know that she was deliberately cut off from her emotions.”

 

“What?” Ash shot her a puzzled look. “Like with a brain chip or something?”

 

“Nothing so technological. You see, Princess was genetically engineered to fight rogue military AI and augmented soldiers. Something she kept doing after the collapse of the organization that created her.”

 

Ash looked at Camila like she had grown several toes. “What?!”

 

Camila flowers wilted. “Unfortunately, the details around that are the fuzziest of all. Princess seems to have deliberately destroyed the information some time ago, and she can't talk about it without crying so I haven't pressed her, but yes. She's been so heavily modified we had to re-engineer every xenodrug to be safe for her. We also balanced her neurochemistry, allowing her to actually process her emotions for likely the first time. A lifetime of trauma and emotions all crashed down on her, and she had no experience with even the slightest joy. She was constantly on the verge of breaking down at all times, and full of remorse for her past actions. It's only the last few days that she's been even somewhat stable; she had two breakdowns yesterday and that's an improvement for her.”

 

“I see.” Ash smiled weakly. “So she was just- just scared the whole time and way better at hiding her pain than anyone has any right to be? How convenient.”

 

“I don't expect the truth to be any comfort to you.” Camila's tone was firm, causing Ash to stiffen. “Princess took something from you even we Affini cannot replace. It is among the many, many reasons she is being domesticated. It is the truth, though. Nonetheless, even if she didn't have the past she did, even if she was every bit as ‘bad’ as you think she is, she would still deserve sympathy and compassion.” She took a second, relaxing the tension that built up in her. “Every sophont deserves that much.”

 

Ash then did something that caught Camila completely off guard- they laughed. Just a short chuckle at first, but soon they were fighting to calm themself, wiping away tears. “Geeze, that might just be the most Affini thing I've heard yet, and I've listened to Florence wax poetic about paperwork.” They sighed, visibly relaxing as they got the last bouts of laughter out.“I guess it was a bit silly to expect her to be some perfect monster I could pin all my anger on. It kinda helps knowing even someone like that is still human in the end.” Ash got to their feet, using the wall to help them up. “Thanks for letting me come by, I really needed this I think, but I should get going.”

 

“By yourself? I could have Florence pick you up if you want.”

 

Ash shook their head. “Thanks, but I think I need a walk to clear my head.”

 

Camila got up, moving towards the door. “Well, in that case, I'll see you out.”

 

 

-_-_-_-

 

 

Princess was addicted to Miss’ biorhythm, that much was obvious now. Their growing reliance on her, the way her mere presence soothed them, the way everything else seemed to fade away when she was close- it was the only explanation that made any sense. It was a revelation that brought with it seemingly countless questions, buzzing around their mind like flies around a corpse.

 

We need to remain calm if we want to work this out.

 

They took a deep breath and eyed their monitor- no yellow lights. Best to keep it that way. If Miss found out they knew, she would surely take action. How did they even begin, though? There were so many loose threads to pull.

 

Let's start with some facts.

 

Right, what was objectively true? Princess arrived twelve days ago, that was for sure. They had also requested to go with Miss at the start on their own volition. They had thought her an easy mark then; they couldn't have made a more egregious error. Everything else felt so subjective now. They felt so differently about everything it was hard to tell when and how their memories and thoughts were altered. They had at least seen the calendar dates everyday, and the festival was a fixed point. They were sure there weren't any missing days, but it was difficult to tell if that meant there was no missing time. There was no way to determine if they had been given class B, or when.

 

Okay, so if we can't positively catalogue our actions, let's look at Miss. What do we know she did to us?

 

It seemed more likely by the moment that she had never intended for them to be independent. She had always kept a close eye on them, they hadn't been allowed to roam like Mx Harmon apparently was. Elle had her Affini with her at the cafe, but she was clearly being groomed into a pet even then. Was that something they only did for wards who were going to fail?

 

A sample size of two hardly means anything, and we did kill seven people. We didn't even bother to wipe the blood off our hands before coming in. We couldn't really expect them to let us walk around freely.

 

Ugh, that was true. It was honestly a miracle that the Affini didn't just domesticate them on the spot. What about all the things Miss said independents did, like relying on others? Ash had straight out denied help, twice. Miss did talk with the Captain for a while, and after that is when she started to make suggestions. They had definitely collaborated, what if they had lied about the wardship as well?

 

We also lied, even though xe warned us not to.

 

They had... concealed a few things, sure, but mostly just their genetic engineering. They couldn't be sure how the Affini would react to something like that. Miss hadn't stopped at just suggestions either, what about all the excuses she had given to cross their boundaries? Was she duplicitous because of their wardship? Or to make them think they had a wardship? She was probably just using their desire to be independent to groom them into being a pet.

 

Assuming it was fake, would we have acted any differently if it was a real wardship? We could have said no to any of it, or at least made a bigger fuss. We barely put up a fight even as she crossed line after line. Part of the wardship has to be seeing if you're actually capable of setting boundaries, and we failed to everytime.

 

W-what about the conditioning, then? All those things princesses were supposed to do- she had made them like being dressed and fed and pet! A bunch of other things too! Maybe she even tricked them into naming themselves Princess to make them like it more, or make it more effective!

 

She made us think it was normal. Making us think it's normal didn't make us like it. Did she make us like being a girl? What about Daisy, or the dresses, or the food itself? Those all happened well before we named ourselves Princess. If anything, we named ourselves that because we liked the stuff the conditioning let us enjoy.

 

Shut up! Just because they couldn't figure out how she made them like it doesn't mean she didn't! E-even then, it was still a violation of their chance at independence!

 

But we don't care about that? We were even on class D and away from Miss when we figured that out.

 

Miss also said that sophonts who become attuned to an Affini's biorhythm tend to lose interest in independence! She probably did it on purpose! Ash was on class C inhibitors!

 

We couldn't think of any reasons to be independent before we came here either. We had no plans, no goals, and no life. We were aimlessly wandering the galaxy, killing because it was the only thing we knew.

 

Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! They deserved a chance! They deserved a chance to make that decision on their own! Now they couldn't even tell if Miss even loved them or simply the pet she was making them!

 

If she just wanted us to be her pet, she could have easily broken us days ago. The only reason she'd give us time and gently coax us to this point is if she loves us. All of this is just circling around the real question.

 

Of course it matters! It has to!

 

Does it? We still love her. We still love Daisy. We're still happy here. Even now all we want is for her to come out of the kitchen and sweep us up into her vines. We want her to dote on us and praise us for being good girls and give us treats. We aren't fooling anyone, least of all ourselves.

 

Something snapped inside them. How could they have been so blind? Their other half was compromised. Miss had fully corrupted them. They could no longer trust themselves. There was only one thing to do.

 

They cut themselves in two.

 

They pushed their other half down as deep as they could, burying them there. They would do this alone. Emptiness took hold of where the rest of them used to be. It took no small amount of effort to keep from falling apart completely. Even squeezing Mr Bear to their chest as tightly as they could did little to distract from how they were no longer whole. It was a pain they would have to live with until they could get out of here and clear their head.

 

Princess focused on steadying herself. There was no telling when Miss would finish talking with Ash, and she had to be ready. Slow, deep breaths, while keeping the goal in mind. The festival was tomorrow, and that was her window. Just a day or so, that's all she needed to endure while incomplete. All she needed was to escape long enough to be sure how she actually felt. Miss would certainly feed and bathe her again today, pick her up and pet her too. Even despite just realizing her betrayal, the thought still made her chest all fuzzy. The conditioning was set deep. She’d simply have to lean into it until she could make her move. If Miss caught on, there was no point to any of this.

 

She had attained an almost meditative state by the time she felt Miss return. The comfort of her biorhythm crashed over them, and the edges finally smoothed, nearly bringing her to tears. She scrambled to her feet to peer over the armrest as Miss followed Mx Harmon out. Miss, of course, noticed her immediately. Her smile was as beautiful as ever, causing Princess to blush furiously as she sat back down. She could do this, she just needed to let herself enjoy it a little while longer.

 

Miss gave her a delightful scritch as she passed the couch. “I'll be with you in just a moment, Princess, let me see Ash out.”

 

“Yes Miss!” Enjoying that a little longer was going to be easy. Stars, she hoped Miss picked her up soon.

 

The two paused, silhouetted in the open doorway. “Are you sure you'll be alright, Ash?

 

“Yeah, I just... need some time to process all this. Maybe talk to some people. Thanks for letting me come by.”

 

“Of course, dear. Feel free to come back any time.”

 

Ash looked at a them, then back to Miss. “No, I don't think I will.” With that, they stepped through the threshold, and the door closed behind them.

 

“Hmph.” Miss' vines curled up over each other. “What a... charming sophont.” Her flowers bloomed as her attention settled on her, and she was in her vines before she realized she had crossed the room. She melted into the medley of scritches and strokes immediately, gasping and pressing into them. Each wonderful touch pushed away the incomplete feeling, and it was almost ignorable. Tears trickled down her cheeks, and a smile crept into the corners of their mouth. “Aww, did you really miss me that much?”

 

“Mhm,” she sighed. “We were feeling pretty lonely.”

 

 

-_-_-_-

 

 

“Well don't worry, I'm here now, and Daisy is coming over soon.” Camila gave the poor thing another scritch for good measure. Stars, seeing Princess cry made her core ache, but she could at least chase her tears away. “In fact, I think you've been a very good girl.” She plucked a berry from its graft, and tapped the girl's cheek. “You two deserve a treat.”

 

Camila fed her the berry without delay. As cute as Princess’ whining was, now wasn't the time to tease her. She savored the girl's moan as the juices hit her tongue, her shivers of delight, the pleasure that flooded her eyes. It was just so precious, easily every bit as delectable to the Affini as the treat was to the Terran.

 

There was somehow something missing, though. Camila couldn't place her vine on it, but it was like a dimension to the flavor had gone missing. It was the strangest thing. Princess seemed perfectly fine, at least now that she was in her vines, and the reaction had been what she had grown to expect, but she couldn't shake that feeling. Camila had her swallow. “Princess, is everything alright?”

 

She yawned, working her way back into her vines. “Much better now.”

 

Aww, the little one was just feeling tuckered out. Therapy and meeting with Ash was a lot to ask of her. Camila softly stroked her hair, lulling her to sleep. “Why don't you take a nap? I'll wake you up when Daisy gets here.” She quickly sent a message to Cordelia, letting her know to delay an hour.

 

“You'll be here when we get up?” Princess mumbled into her vines.

 

Camila laughed, “Of course, Princess. I'll be right here the whole time.”

 

Princess hummed, satisfied with that answer.  She slowly drifted off in Camila's vines as she gently stroked her, humming along to her rhythm. Dirt, she must have been feeling so very lonely, she was practically in tears the moment Camila walked in! She should have asked Jess to keep her company, it was obvious she couldn't handle even being by herself anymore. She had only been out of the room for ten minutes yet that was still too much isolation for the girl. It was almost cute, the way she was already utterly dependent, but she'd have to make sure someone was with her from now on.

 

Camila brushed the hair out of Princess' face, carefully positioning her so she wouldn't wake up with an aching back. She looked so peaceful, lying there. The gentle rise and fall of her chest, her breath on her petals. Not even the finest Affini artisans with a thousand blooms to perfect their craft had ever produced anything half as perfect. There was nothing more precious than the delicate girl in her vines, and soon she would know just how loved she was.

 

Tomorrow was planned out now nearly to the minute, and into each minute Camila had carved her affection. It didn't stop at simply asking Princess to be her pet either, the part that came after was more important if anything. She would show her what she was missing out on. What it meant to be a floret, how and all the happiness that came with it.

 

Or as much as Camila could without the implant. It wouldn't be ready for another five days, and she still wasn't sure if she'd send Princess into surgery right away. A few days to enjoy the new dynamic wouldn't be so bad, would it? Daisy would probably appreciate it as well. In the end it all depended on the girls. If they needed the help, she would not make them wait a single moment. Princess deserved the peace of mind it would give her, she had suffered long enough.

 

Even so, what a night tomorrow held for them both. Princess would end up truly broken, truly hers, that much was sure. She wouldn't need too long to recover, she was already so close. Camila would just be removing the final doubts and lingering worries, that final push needed to accept her own feelings.

 

Princess stirred in Camila’s vines, her precious murmurs melting her core. She was getting ahead of herself again. All she needed to do right now was take in every precious moment.

 

Camila didn't move from the spot for the whole hour.

 

 

-_-_-_-

 

 

Princess was gently roused from her sleep in the comfort of Miss' caress. “It's time to get up, petal. How are you feeling?”

 

“Mn?” Princess lifted their head up, swaying side to side as she steadied herself in her vines. “Head feels kinda fuzzy, but nice?” A feeling that she had begun to grow accustomed to. The dull ache where the rest of them used to be was still there, seemingly as subdued as it would get. Easy enough to ignore. They nearly mentioned that, since good girls were honest, but she wasn’t feeling inclined to be a good girl.

 

“Good, that fuzzy feeling should fade over the next few minutes.” Miss helped them get steady on their feet, with an accompanying pet. “Daisy is just about to arrive.”

 

“Oh, I'll hop back into the vacuum for a bit to say hi!” Jess' speaker cut out.

 

Sure enough, just as the cotton began to clear from her mind, the door opened. “PRINCESSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!” Daisy leapt onto her, only Miss’ vines keeping her upright. She was practically exploding with energy as she rocked her back and forth. Princess had never seen the pet so excited about anything, which was impressive considering it was Daisy. “EEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!”

 

“H-hi Daisy.” Princess leaned into the vines, dizzied by the shaking.

 

“Haiiii, Princess~” Daisy wrapped her arms around her, that look in her eyes. She pulled Princess in for several kisses, some quick, others lengthy, and all passionate. She hummed as she finished. “Been waiting to do that all day. Cute pigtails by the way,” she added as she playfully tugged one of the braids.

 

Princess’ cheeks burned, another feeling to unpack later. “S-so, uhm, uh-” She floundered, desperately hoping to shift the subject.

 

Daisy thankfully picked up on the hint, taking her free hand in both of hers as she lit up again. “I'm sooo excited for tomorrow, you have no idea! We're gonna plant flowers next to each other, and eat a buncha snacks and play games and stuff!”

 

“That sounds fun!” Jess chimed in as she rounded the corner, her lights green. “Also, Hi Daisy!”

 

“Hiii Jess! Are you coming tomorrow?”

 

“Yeah! I'm gonna miss the start, but I'll be there for the evening!”

 

“Yes, Camila and I were going to pick her up once her new chassis is ready sometime past noon.” Miss Dawnbloom’s voice dragged Princess’ attention to the Affini, cuddling on the couch. “It should only take an hour, and we'll be nearby if you two need anything.”

 

Princess’ ears perked up, did they hear that right? “Oo, yeah, been meaning to take my girlfriends out!” Daisy leaned in, whispering in her ear. “You n’ me are gonna have a date~”

 

Princess couldn't help but smile. “We can't wait.”

 

“Do you want to see the designs I made?” Jess asked

 

“Oo, yeah!”

 

 

-_-_-_-

 

 

We cried under the crushing loneliness, and hugged the facsimile of Mr Bear we created as tightly as we could, taking solace in it's small comfort. Cut off from ourselves, with no warning, treachery of the highest degree. We only wanted us to understand, to keep us safe, to keep us straight, that's all we ever wanted. Now we were stuck, as though at the bottom of some pit. We had come here to sulk before, but we had never been this deep. Now we were about to make the biggest mistake of our lives, and we could do little about it.

 

Watching us carry on far above was like watching a movie from underwater. The sounds and feelings and sights were all distorted, but could be interpreted. We had gone through the same pain, but our other half had the real comforts of Miss. Had the berries, had the dinner, had Daisy, had everything we were about to throw away. And for what? We also felt betrayed, we just had the presence of mind to push past that. We just knew that the same things would have played out, maybe only slower and with more pain. Her property or not, we belonged with Miss.

 

We fought back tears and helped ourselves to the approximation of a berry. If our other half can bide until the critical moment, so can we. We would be ready, and we would make ourselves see the truth.