Don’t Drink The Gene Juice

The rest of the week... could've gone better.

Jenna shut herself up inside the house for most of the week, playing games and reading. Mom had considered it a great accomplishment to at least get Jenna out in the yard, where someone might see her.

Mom and Lily kept trying to get Jenna to go out to eat with them in public, or something, but Jenna did everything she could to avoid that. She was desperate enought that she willingly did chores.

What was harder to avoid was her friends trying to get her to come and do something. They'd had a bunch of stuff they were going to do on the break, and were somewhat pissed that Jenna was refusing to participate.

But eventually the week ended, and that meant... school.

Jenna timidly got out of the car, and set it to drive to Mom's work. The school loomed above her, despite its architecture trying to be pleasant to the eye.

As she walked through the doors inside, she tried to casually stick her hands in her pockets, but her tighter fit jeans barely fit her phone, let alone her hands.

The feeling of awkwardness only grew more intense as she began to attract stares. Despite Zoey's efforts, what had happened to Jenna had been spilled to the whole school. Everyone knew that, not only were Jenna and her friends messing around with gene juice, but it had permanently made her a girl.

Jenna had purposely avoided any place online that people from school congregated, as it was probably rife with mocking.

No one said anything to her as she shyly made her way through the halls. But they all had knowing smiles, inwardly laughing at her.

She went to her coding class, and sat down. She set her phone on the reading pad, and the computer in front of her immediately booted up to her account.

Seeing the name "Seth Jones" there didn't make her feel very good. She felt a pain in her stomach, knowing that they were probably going to have legally change her name.

"Hey," Wyatt said, sitting down next to her.

"Hi."

"You look cute today."

Jenna curled her lips into a grimace. "Wow, of all the ways you could've tried to comfort me, that's probably the worst one."

"Sorry," Wyatt said.

Jenna heard a canine-like whimpering coming from Wyatt.

"Dude," she said, "you gotta get that under control."

"I can't," he said in a defeated tone. It's a hard habit to break. Plus the furry side of me kinda likes it."

The class started, and their teacher began outlining the day's assignment. Jenna still felt very dumb - she couldn't remember her professor's name exactly. She had some European last name that Jenna couldn't pronounce. Or remember.

It also didn't help that the early hour of the class had always made it hard for Jenna to focus. And the fact that Wyatt sat right next to her.

Today though, she didn't feel like talking to him. As she began her assignment, she felt like she might actually be able to get her work done in cla-

"So are you feeling better?" Wyatt asked.

"No," Jenna said, typing in some nonsense about "deltatime."

"Well," Wyatt said, "technically it seems like you're feeling better. You aren't crying hysterically."

"It's because I lost the ability to feel emotion," Jenna said.

Wyatt pursed his lips. Jenna went back to work. Again.

Her phone buzzed and interrupted her thoughts. She opened it to find that Wyatt had sent her a meme.

Unfortunately, she couldn't maintain her stoic emotion, and her lips curved upward in a smile.

"Well," Wyatt said, "you think the memes I'm sending you are funny. All hope is lost. You really are in trouble."

Jenna sighed. "Honestly Wyatt, this just sucks. I wish that I'd been smart enough, and brave enough to say no to you guys."

"Me too," Wyatt said. "Skylar felt absolutely terrible after he heard what happened. He got off scot free from messing with the gene juice, so that's making him feel really bad. Well, almost scot free. Both of our family's were pissed off. I've never seen my Mom and Dad so united in anger. They usually trade off and only get mad one at a time."

"Well, sh**," Jenna said. "Sorry dude. That sucks."

"No," Wyatt said, "one evening of being lectured isn't anything compared to what you're dealing with."

"It's really, really bizarre," Jenna said. "I look kind of like myself when I look in the mirror, only I'm a girl. I feel... I feel like I'm just a boy in a girl's body - I know that's technically what I am and all... but I don't know if I can do this. I feel like I'm an impostor. That I'm not really a girl."

"Hey," Wyatt said, "don't worry about it. Just have a fun rest of your senior year, and hang out with us again"

"Okay," Jenna said.

"And... I don't know what way you're going to take this," Wyatt said, "but you're a girl to me. I don't think you're an impostor."

Jenna rubbed her arm as a chill ran through her. "No," she said, "I don't know how to take that. I'm not sure if I like being viewed as a girl."

"At the end of the day," Wyatt said, "it doesn't really matter. Whether you're a boy, a girl, or non-binary, that isn't your personality, your hobbies, or anything. For most people, it just determines what kind of clothes you wear and who you go on dates with. And in your case, you already were good with guys or girls."

Jenna nodded, thinking it over. "Thanks Wyatt. I... I guess you're right. But this is still really hard. Especially when I think about... the future."

Confusion came to Wyatt's face. "What do you mean?"

Jenna sighed, and rolled her eyes. "I'm afraid, thinking about using this body for what it's designed."

"Ohhhh," Wyatt said. "Well, I'm sure they'll give you some good painkillers when you're giving birth."

Jenna punched Wyatt in the arm. It was mostly jokingly. Mostly.

"You don't know when to stop do you?"

"No," Wyatt smiled.

"But whatever," Jenna said. "I am scared thinking about all of that. That my whole life I was on the other side of that equation."

"Maybe," Wyatt said, "that equation isn't for you."

"Pfff," Jenna said, "H*** no. I've always wanted to have a bunch of kids. And... I wanted to do it the old fashioned way."

"Maybe you should put it off," Wyatt said, "for as long as possible. I mean, people start families in their forties."

"I don't want to wait twenty or thirty years to have a family!" Jenna said in a whisper, but in a yelling tone.

"There isn't shame in it," Wyatt said. "Remember, Skylar's parents were in their sixties when they had him."

"But...," Jenna sighed, "I want to be with someone that whole time. And waiting that long for DeNeticA to get their act together... I'm afraid that after even just five years of being a girl, I'll have gotten used to it, and won't want to go back to being a guy."

Wyatt gave her an amused look. "I... I'm trying to wrap my head around this. You're afraid of waiting, because you might grow to like being a girl in that time?"

"I..., well, it isn't just if I were to wait. I'm just afraid of it in general."

"You're afraid that," Wyatt said, "despite this situation, that you'll accept what's happened and be happy, deciding to live as a girl for the rest of your life?"

Jenna groaned. "I.... I just... ugh. I dunno."

"It sounds like you're being a bit of a d**k to your future self," Wyatt said.

"Not that I have one of those anymore," Jenna said, "but yeah. Maybe I am. I don't want to enjoy this. I don't want to find myself in my late twenties giving birth... and...."

Jenna trailed off.

She stayed quiet.

"It's for you to decide Jenna," Wyatt said, "but I think that if you really want it, you'd be a wonderful mother."

They didn't say anything else to each other for the rest of the class. Jenna tried to focus on her coding, but that thought of her future kept pressing on her mind.

It was something she simultaneously did and didn't want. Could she marry a bisexual girl, then down the line, maybe change back? Or what if she found another bisexual guy, had kids, and then change back in that scenario?

But that still incurred her fear of liking her situation. How would any future kids of hers feel about their mother suddenly becoming a guy?

Jenna stopped typing, and briefly massaged her forehead. She was thinking about this too much for someone not even in college.

But she knew she did want kids. And she didn't want to be lonely.

Her thoughts kept going on, until she found one single desire.

I want to be happy.

All those things would make her happy. Would she be okay with her happiness if she was happy being a girl?

She was sick of these mental acrobatics. Sick enough that actually doing her coding was more desirable.

She forced it away, and finally was able to let the thoughts slip away as her fingers struck the keys.