Dungeon Core: Bugged Ascension

~DNA.

When, uh, Lord Aurora Hephaestus, returns to roost and converse with Life; Cutest and I have a fit of laughter. We barely manage to keep it private when Gnat shows up soon after to ask for some sparring and is struck tongue tied and stammering at the now giant beehive that our friendly neighborhood phoenix has become.

Elevated and bound as deeply to my scions as this Kingdom transformation has made me, I’m all too aware of how her earlier indignation and violent attitude was warring against her previous worship of the power and prestige Smith represented. I’m also, somewhat unfortunately, privy to how his new form appeals to her new sense of aesthetics and the embarrassment she feels at her actions as well as the confused tangle her mind has become.

Now she’s wondering how much of a metaphor my earlier statement about the birds and the bees actually was, and if Smith somehow overheard, and ‘Why, oh why, does he just look so fucking majestic’ like that, “[Ahh, young Gnat. I was just discussing formations and tactics with Life. The Forge path is more than sharpening one’s body but shifting closer to imitating the tool-users’ methods of enhancing the mind. Practice and steady improvements over time, rather than dramatic surges. What say you, care to sky-dance?]”

Even his typical arrogance overlaying his voice isn’t enough fully disperse her infatuation, but when he invites her to battle, she buries her emotions in a thick coat of her summons and takes flight. The buzzing doing a good job of disguising how unsteady her voice is as she calls out, “{Let’s see if you can keep up without an ambush ready, old Smith.}”

I pull back from them as I notice how he watches her take off before having to shake himself to break the enthrallment. Knowing and choosing a path leading towards the happiness and fulfillment of my children is different than having to observe the courtship she sought unfolding. When she passes beyond her sibling’s aura the spike of nervousness and excitement are all the incentive I need to find something else to anchor myself.

“”

I turn towards Cutest and smile, “How is it that makes perfect sense coming from you, when you’re younger than she is?”

She just laughs and goes back to digging in the folds of my brain, cleaning and learning rolled into one, “”

With a brush of her tail across her back a swelling wave of mice scurry through the root tunnels, heading to reinforce another section of territory, “”

She pauses a moment to share a look with me, the projected vision from her contact with the part of me that most encapsulating my perspective, “

“

I sigh and lean myself back, gazing at and through the ceiling of dirt and cultivated moss, “It’s complicated. On the one hand, she’s my daughter and I want her to succeed and take hold of her dreams. It’s what caused me to choose this half-life of impressions rather than the full instantiation I could have picked,” I run my hand through the earth above us, nothing actually moves, but I more closely feel the dirt and roots and life in the soil above us as my hand passes across them.

“On the other, Smith used to be my Boss, and kind of an asshole too. By all rights I should hate for him to be even glancing my daughter’s way… But I’ve got months’ worth of Life’s and Thing’s and Dreams’ memories,“ I glance back at her, “Yours too. He’s grown since we initially met. He’s been remarkably reasonable ever since he set aside the idea of my being a subject of his. Whatever his motivation, he’s been trying and improving week after week.”

I sigh, “And besides all that, I know he already knows what I would say to him. And that any threat or punishment I would think to bring against him would either be those he would have to submit to on his own, or that only Gnat herself could dish out. With Leo, I could conceivably threaten his Title and Lair… but that is a measure too far for less than actual war. Should it somehow have come to that, it wouldn’t particularly matter what I would have to say.”

She shifts her ministrations to a massage, and we rest in silence for a while. As I just lay there, the frayed threads of memories brush against my consciousness. By this point, I know better than to tug at them, instead I just allow them to soak and slosh around in the back of my mind. “Hey, Cutest?” She hums curious lilt, “Be careful what you wish for. Because you just might get it.”

She replies with a motherly chuckle, “”

I turn to look at her with a sloppy smile, “I wished that life wouldn’t just pass me by. But I’m finding, with how large my perspective has become and how well I can somehow parse it all. There is just so much happening, everywhere, all at once, and the vast majority of it all are things that don’t hold my interest… All of your lives, my children, are interesting to watch, even their minutia.”

“”

I heave out a sigh and bury my head in the dirt, rubbing my face to try and brush off the negative swirl of emotion that’s gathered and just speak plainly, “But. I’ve been gone so much that all you guys really need from me is my love. Just a feeling in the back of your mind that I’m there for you. And I love that you are all so strong and capable, but I just don’t know what to do with myself anymore.”

I let out a snort of mirthless chuckle, “I suppose, when I look back on it, I never really did. But the tides of my consciousness were so much more erratic back then. Now, I’m fully awake and I can feel each new leaf as it sings in joy at the sun’s touch. The sleepy drifting of the trees as shade and dusk has them rest. I see the lives of thousands of beasts and birds making this their home. Most of whom are fulfilled by the rigors of life and don’t actually seek the Challenges we have to offer.”

“” I wave her to continue, bringing more of myself here, while staying back from her thoughts and listen to her words, “”

I scrunch up my face as I think about that. After a few moments pause, “But it feels like-“

She nods along, “”

I agree, “It’s worth a shot. What else you got.”

“”

The wavering of my attention as it drifts towards our ally brings up snippets of clashes and conversation and a depth of suppressed emotions that I’ve been trying to avoid intruding upon.

She notices my flinch, “”

I nod my head, “Yeah. I’m trying to give her privacy, in general but also very specifically for these times when she’s actively pursuing her independence. But, I just don’t understand why it’s so much harder with her than the rest of you.”

She pokes at my brain, “”