Enlightenment Through BDSM

“I can explain!” I said. “It’s not like that, I just know role-playing cause I heard my friends talk about it, and, uhm, everyone knows what a mistress is!”

No, there was no use. I’d never seen the look she had on her face before, swirling magical eyes notwithstanding, but I’d imagined it plenty of times. She was someone who could look at me and pin me down without me saying a word, someone that could read me like all those novels I read, all those forum posts, all those web stories…

“You’re really bad at this, you know?” she said, leaning back again and laughing under her breath. “You can’t really use ‘it’s not like that’ as a defense if you’re trying to act like you haven’t heard of something. You just have to play dumb the whole way through.”

I blushed, looking down to try and avoid her. “Yeah, right…”

“But trust that I’m not one to judge others for their kinks. And even if I was, it sounds like yours and mine might be a little compatible.” I looked back up again, finding that look once more, wry smile and sharp eyes. I’d read about it, heard other people describe it online, but I was actually seeing it for the first time. She just looked like someone ready to take control, ready to alleviate all the problems I had to deal with regarding decisions, doubts, fears. She could take the leash, and lead me where I needed to be..

“And my question still stands. Who are you, Mai?”

“Who am I?” It was a hard question, maybe the hardest question. I’d had struggles with it before, but I’d worked them out, at least I thought. A day before I would’ve been able to answer it with only a little hesitation, but now… I could feel my heart again. It wasn’t the speed, or even the intensity, but the sharpness of it, the tightness of my chest, the trembling in my arms, the shortness of my breaths. “There’s something you should know about me… I— I’m not really a girl, and my name isn’t Mai, it’s—”

My lips stopped moving. It wasn’t my body refusing to say the word, not some physical force holding me back from speaking. It was a single point of pressure holding them together, and the suddenness of it had frozen me. I looked back up, trying to see through the growing wetness in my eyes. Kalia was there, arm outstretched, one finger holding my lips shut, keeping me from talking.

“Stop,” she said. “Don’t say that; you’re Mai if you want to be.”

“But—”

“Things are different here, for the better a lot of the time. The gods that send us here aren’t cruel, and they know us better than you might think. They put us inside bodies that fit our souls.”

“This really is just another one of my dreams, isn’t it?” I said, wiping at my eyes.

“No, it’s not.”

For some reason, I believed her. I hadn’t really believed in souls before, honestly. It was the best way I could describe that floating form I had when I first met Altris, but I still wasn’t sold on the actual idea of it, or that it could represent me different than the body I’d lived in on Earth. But I looked down at myself, the smaller figure, both in muscle and height, the soft skin, the small curves that looked even smaller under my makeshift dress. It all felt right, like it fit. Well, except maybe one or two parts. “Why am I a cat?”

She laughed at that again, shaking her head. “Felyn is the correct word, first off. ‘Cat’ is mostly used as a pejorative.”

“But he called me that,” I said, pointing at Dreck.

“Yeah, he sure did.”

I could feel myself burning again, this time with anger. Wait, was it even right for me to be upset at something like that? No, no time for thoughts like that. “Still, why am I Felyn, why do I have a tail?”

She shrugged. “Like I said, we’re put in bodies that fit our soul. Something about you has to be cat-like.”

“Must be the gymnastics,” I said, half muttering to myself as I took a drink of water.

“Or maybe it’s just that you like being collared and called a good girl?”

I choked. A lot. “Can you stop that?” I asked, trying to avoid her gaze. I knew it’d only make the blushing worse.

“For now I guess, if you really want me to.” I could hear the sincereness, the soft smile, so I turned back to her. “So, you’re Mai, a girl who’s not quite sure of herself, who has a bit of a repressed kinky side, and who doesn’t really understand the world she’s now in.”

I blushed even more at that, but I could tell she was being serious, not intentionally teasing me at least, even if it sounded like it. “Yeah, I guess that’s right…”

“Well, fair’s fair then,” she said, standing up and extending a hand out. “I’m Kalia, a girl who’s quite sure of herself, has a large, unrepressed kinky side, and who happens to understand fantasy worlds very, very well.”

I stood up, once again intimidated by her height. It wasn’t often that I’d seen anyone a full head taller than me, much less a woman, and I found myself swallowing my fears with a gulp, even found myself shivering a bit, though that last part might have just been the drafty breeze. I extended my hand, grabbing hers, shaking it firmly. “Nice to meet you,” I said.

“Likewise.” She let go and turned up to the sky, staring up at it. I hadn’t really looked up too much since the sun had fully set, but once my eyes were drawn to it, it was hard to ignore.

“It’s like ours,” I said.

“But how you see it in old movie, or old pictures. Before all the light pollution.”

“Yeah… Wait, is it literally ours?” I asked.

“No, apparently not. Some Reborn with more scientific inclinations have studied it. We’re not in our universe, as far as we can tell.”

“It’s all still… I don’t know how to say.”

“Unbelievable? I used to read about this stuff all the time, and even I have trouble.”

I turned around, walking around camp just a bit, examining the small area I had access to. Those strange coned flowers were drooping down a bit now that the sun had set, the trees a little ways away had become a mass of shadow in the darkness, and the brush I’d hid in earlier was swaying in the cool wind. “So far, I’ve only seen the bottom of this valley. I don’t even know how much of this world is out there still, how much more there is to—”

“Mai, keep in mind you have a tail now.”

I was a little annoyed, honestly. Why was that worth interrupting me? But then I looked back, saw the thing turned upward, pushing the back flap of my cloak up with it, up above my waist. 

“Shit,” I said, turning my back away from her and trying to force my tail down. “How am I supposed to live with this thing? I can’t wear anything at all!”

“Holes cut into the back, is what I’m told,” Kalia said, stifling a laugh again. “And you look cute when you’re flustered.”

I could feel myself pouting as I sat back down by the fire. “Can I cut a hole in this?”

“Of course not, that’s my cloak.”

I wanted to protest, but two things were stopping me. One, she was kind of right, and two, I couldn’t tell if she was joking or not with that smug look on her face. “Can you just explain my card already then?” I said, trying to change the subject.

“Sure,” she said as she sat down, reaching for it. “Just hand it here.”

“Nothing special I have to do so you can read it?” I said, complying. 

“No, just handing it to me with the intent that I can read it in full is enough.” She took it from me, reading through with a stoic face. I was a little embarrassed about the intelligence number still, but there wasn’t really anything to do there, so I just bit my lip and suffered in silence.

“Listen,” she said, “the intelligence isn’t really a big deal. Sorry, I… I mean I expected yours to be higher, but it’s fine.”

“I’m dumb, I get it…”

“No, it’s—” She groaned, throwing her head back. “I really mean it. It’s average for back on Earth, wisdom and charisma are more important for communicating regardless, and the mental stats aren’t that big a difference between points anyway. No one here’s going to think you’re an idiot, just uninformed, you hear? But I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have been saying things like I did earlier.”

I could tell she meant it, tell she felt bad for what she implied earlier. There was a panic in her voice that I recognized, the panic of not being able to fully explain yourself. “Okay, and the rest?”

She took a deep breath, regaining her composure and looking back down at the card. “Your stats are good for first level. Like, very balanced all around except for INT. I’ve still never heard of a Servant Job before, and your skills don’t give me much info to go off. You have a direct attack skill, and a healing skill, though from the sounds of things your healing is going to be limited to out of combat only. 

“And your third is a progression skill. That’s both good and bad. Skill three is usually the big Job specific skill, the one that sort of defines how you act in combat. Yours isn’t that though. It’s nothing, not until you’ve been using it a while anyway. But if you can consistently trigger the condition for it while participating in combat, you’ll progress extremely fast, gaining access to skills that’ll hopefully make up for the lack of an active one at first level.”

I was nodding along, lips pursed. “I… think I understand.”

“It’s a lot,” she said, handing the card back to me. “And, well, not trying to salt the wound, but intelligence affects how easy it is for you to absorb new info.”

“Figures.” I’d never been great at that before either. “I think I get it though… I’m supposed to fight things, and if I do it when I’m helping people, I get stronger?”

“That’s the short of it, yep. And you can heal people, so long as you ‘satisfy them physically’ I believe. What do you think that means?” 

God she was mean. Not in a cruel way, but in a teasing way, the way that always got me riled up, especially when it was coming from a pretty girl. “You know what it means,” I muttered.

She chuckled, shaking her head. “Say, want to read one of my skills?”

“Uhm, sure?” Anything to change the subject.

She produced her card again, handing it to me. Most of it was the same, the top line readable, below that still blurred for the most part, but one section in the skill list, the third skill, was readable. “Commanding officer - May enlist up to four party members who make a vow of loyalty into your direct command. All enlisted party members must obey your commands at all times. In addition, while doing so they receive a bonus of 1 to all attributes and a 5% increase in movement speed. Tactician or enlisted member may release this vow at any time, but that party member may never remake the vow again.”

“That seems… strong?” I said. That was around a ten percent increase across the board for my stats, if I were to have it.

“It is,” she said as she retrieved her card. “Very. But people don’t like the idea, don’t like giving up their freedoms.”

I could see that. It was terrifying, in a way, the idea of giving yourself to someone. But knowing you could take yourself back when you needed too made all the difference. You were still in control, at the end of the day…

“Can I do it?” I said, looking up to her. 

“That depends. Are you still looking for a mistress, or just a party member?”

Damn that smile. I don’t even know what the vow was for when she could stare people down like that. Her eyes were hungry, ready to rip off the cloak I was wearing the instant I said yes, I just knew it. And I was hungry too, the familiar-yet-different arousal of my new body clouding my mind just as much as my hunger had earlier. “Both,” I said. 

“And are you willing to be a good girl for me?”

A good girl? That almost tripped me up, almost stopped me. “Yes, I’ll be your good girl,” I said though. Maybe I couldn’t admit it to anyone else, couldn’t believe it fully yet myself, but to her? I could be her good girl.

“Well then, sounds good to me,” she said, sitting up on her knees, crawling over to me around the fire. “I can’t have you make the vow until we get back to town, but that doesn’t matter, does it? You’ll still listen to me regardless.”

I nodded, my breath slowing, intensifying.

“Audible answers please, Servant.”

“Yes,” I whispered as she stopped in front of me, kneeling over me. The height difference was even more pronounced like that.

“Call me by my title, ‘Lady Kalia,’” she said as she began to lower to me.

“Yes, Lady Kalia.” I was sent here by the goddess of service, and I wanted to do my duty.

“Good,” she said, leaning over even further, whispering into my ear. “But there are some rules you must agree to follow.”

“Anything,” I said.

“Okay then,” she said. “Rule number one…”