Face Reveal

@mechaenjoyer2883 58 minutes ago
12:10 that's it. if one of those is really trans and just in the closet, it HAS to be Glob

▴ 2 replies
@GlobLIVE 57 minutes ago
Oh I wish…

@mechaenjoyer2883 57 minutes ago
WHAT DO YOU MEAN “I WISH”??????

 

---

 

 

RockDivine _{Today at 14:21}
Hey dude. I see you’ve integrated really well into the server. I’m glad to see that. But is there a reason you never talk on the discord?
Look, I understand you might have a tight schedule, but that doesn’t excuse the fact that you were practically not there for the whole preparation of the season.
Sorry to pop into your DMs for that but, we had problems with activity on the server before and it did not end well. You’re not in trouble or whatever, we’re just trying to make it sure it doesn’t happen again. Make sure to think about it okay?
Good afternoon.

When you’re a kid, being shy is normal. It’s expected, even. Part of the package. No one questions a kid hiding behind one of his parents’ dresses because he's too afraid of saying hello. Some would even say it's cute. But when that trait continues to linger into adulthood, then it becomes a problem. Anxiety. Something to fix. And when your job relies on interacting with other people, this can easily morph into a point of contention. A point of discord.

When you're angry, however, it becomes surprisingly easy to forget you were ever shy or anxious or whatever. With Justin and I's first interaction having proved to be a nonsensical, hypocritical demand from a man who didn't participate in the project at hand during its opening two weeks, I didn't feel fear, I was fuming, I felt anger. His message would not receive an answer. That bigot did not deserve the attention. 

But I would definitely screen it and send it to Skel to see whether Justin had come up with a ‘we’ that did not include anyone on the server but him and MG. I inhaled a long breath and shifted my weight from one foot to another.

Skel _{Today at 14:27}
Yeahhhhh
He pulled that ‘we’ from his ass
Hell, I'm an admin, I'm talking to you. 40 talked to you in DMs too. You're participating, you're fine. You did the fucking trailer for the series.
ugh he pisses me off
in other news I'm getting some T in a few days 

globorsmthidk _{Today at 14:27}
hmmm T
sippy sippy 
🍵
Congrats!!
Hormones are cool
More people should body mod themselves, regardless of gender. It's healthy, it's cool, it's good

Return on Investment _{Today at 14:27}
So true breastie
@screw pls check your DMs 
Also, you're cute 🥰

Alessia _{Today at 14:28}
eww pda

Skel _{Today at 14:28} 
You're the one complaining about PDA???

Alessia _{Today at 14:28}
why yes, it is famously naughty!!!

Skel _{Today at 14:29}
how about you read um…
checks notes
the Entirety of this group chat history?

Amy (Alessia’s pogchamp gf) _{Today at 14:29}
shush, she made a great point

Alessia _{Today at 14:29}
see? evenn Amy, my lovely grillfriend, agrees with me

_{┌── Amy shush, she made a great…}
Globorsmthidk _{Today at 14:30}
trewsabt*

I heard a snort as I switched conversations to open Dell's DMs.

Dell _{14/01/2024 16:16}
OMG she's not picking up my flirting at all!!! She thinks everything is a joke and she just gets sadder when she auto-convinces herself that I'm actually not flirting. How am I supposed to do anything?

Dell _{14/01/2024 22:04}
I said ‘bye’ with a little flirty inflection and she just said ‘tu-dum’
SHE IMITATED THE DISCONNECTING SOUND OF DISCORD LIKE I DO
I love her
but god she's so dense

—15 January 2024—

Dell _{Today at 14:20}
Okay I sent her a heart. A NORMAL RED HEART. in her DMs and she just answered with a sparking heart. Am I doomed? I am doomed.
I hope you'll have more luck with her today
And gl for the rest, don’t forget to use my being trans to test the waterssss

Screw _{Today at 14:31}
lmao
ty
I forgot you were kinda bad at flirting
dw I’m with Zee rn, and I'll make her know how bad we want her|

“What are we reading?” Zee asked in a sing-song voice.

I tried to shut off my phone, but in my panic, my finger slipped and pressed the ‘send’ button at the same moment, preventing me from adding ‘to understand we like her’ at the end of that sentence. A big, curious grin plastered on her face, Zee came up close, worsening the amount of blood going to my head. I hid my phone in my pocket and looked at her. She was within lips reach.

The ground vibrated intensely, making my feet dance a few steps before finding purchase again, and I ended up backing off of her just enough to take in her outfit. She was wearing a green shirt underneath a black cropped coat. Her mom jeans revealed she had plump hips, which I had trouble not looking at (respectfully). I could only assume she'd been working out a lot to make them look that good. This time, she had styled her short hair in a more feminine cut, she wore elegant golden earrings, and her makeup really made her face prettier — her cheeks, especially, were way more round and soft than when I first met her. Impressive skills.

“Speaking with Dell.” I took another step backwards, grabbing a pole to stabilise myself, and looked down. The sunlight illuminated the metro coach each time it passed under a lightwell, making our shadows fold and unfold every so often. During one of those brief flashes, the coach took a sharp turn right, and I was thrown back in the Zee-could-kiss-me-so-easily zone. “Nothing special,” I stammered.

She caught my shoulder with a hand, stopping my movement. “You're anxious about your parents? Is that why you're all… red? What can I do to help? Can I help?”

Wow. Dell wasn't kidding. She had no clue. 

“No, I'm okay,” I lied, and looked to the side. “I'll be okay. Don't worry about me. I know it will go well. I’m just being a little irrational, is all. And you being there is already a big relief.” This was my chance. I took her hand in mine and smiled. “Thank you.” Smooth.

She took my hand in both of hers and looked at it in awe, only to be stopped by a loud bell and a French lady announcing “Millysart.”

“That's our stop.”

 

✦ ▶ ✦

 

The ground cracked and crunched under my sneakers, while it creaked and hissed under Zee’s heels. It had snowed. After months of denial, the sky had finally admitted that winter was here, and not without careful deliberation, it had agreed to the terms and conditions and let it snow. Not a big blizzard of icicles and hail, not even a comfortable blanket of ungodly bright fluff, no, just a single layer — one eighth of a block — of miserable, already-melting, greyish goo.

We crossed one, two, three streets before landing on the highest one, where my parents lived in a small suburban house. The habitations here were all adjoined, and pretty much cast from the same mould, with only their front yards and paint job letting a wandering eye differentiate between two of them. The one we stopped in front of had bushes of thyme and mulch of pine bark and rocks; plenty of rocks. Anything that wouldn’t require taking care of a featureless lawn. The door everyone used was in the back — the front one was still obstructed by a mannequin my dad had bought to prepare cosplays and hadn't yet found the time to bring it up into his office — but before I could start treading the alley leading to it, Zee took me by the hand and I exploded.

“Hey,” she said, allegedly. My brain had other things to worry about.

I admit it. Maybe this wasn't the best idea after all. Maybe having to come out to my parents and confess to the gorgeous woman my girlfriend and I had become infatuated with on the same day was a bit silly. You can’t blame me, though. My coming out was very important to my heart, because if I were ever to come out online one day, doing it with my mum was the safest first step. And because if anyone knew of a Roger in town that would also know me, it would be one of my parents. He must have been a friend or a distant relative to whom I’d inadvertently told about my channel during one of those festive, nerdy dinners — ‘nerdinners’, according to Dad — my parents organised from time to time. As for Zee, she was my best option for accompanying me today. I hadn’t been able to ask this of Dell, she had enough on her plate already, having had to deal with her own family and coming out the week prior. Plus, she had a new album to listen to on repeat for the next two weeks — with Godzilla eating a star system on its cover — and I wanted to let her make the most of it. So Zee it was, and it’s not like she would let me go alone; since she’d learnt I was planning to do this, she had been insisting firmly on helping me.

“Okay, Celia,” she said my name with an ‘ee’ sound instead of the more French-sounding ‘eh’ I was already used to, “stop walking and listen to me. Good. Ready? Good. I know you said it was ‘gonna be fine’. I know you said they’re ‘really cool and hip’.” I never said that. “I know you said your fears are dumb and irrational, or what-ever. But, even though I’m notoriously bad at it, I will be there in case anything goes haywire. If you need an out, if you need a distraction, twist my nose two times or pinch my earlobe, I don’t care, but please let me know. And if something un—”

We both turned our heads towards the alley leading to the back of the house. Footsteps were echoing against slabs with a click-clack I swore I’d heard somewhere before. A woman who was not my mum (nor my dad, obviously) came into view. And as she strode past us without lingering her gaze on us more than a few ticks, I froze, and my thoughts wandered towards the worst idea possible.

Who was she? She reminded me of someone. She could be a friend of the family. She could be a friend of Dad. Was Dad cheating on Mum? While Mum is at home?

Zee was fully turned in the direction the woman left. “Was that... your dad?”

Oh. 

Yes, of course it was him. Plastic-y dress, realistic wig, sharpness V eyeliner. That was Dad twenty blocks deep in a cosplay project for you. I released my left arm from the serious clench I’d been giving it, and flashed a smile to Zee. That had just been my dad. No worries. “Hm-hmm,” I replied.

She frowned. “He is always... Is he…”

I giggled. “The dress? It— It’s nothing. It's for cosplay. It's rather cheap, a bit like the one you used at the Gayette. He just doesn't have the time to undress for a quick errand like that.”

“That is so fucking cool. But — and I don't know if that's really my place to ask a thing like that, so please do let me know if I'm overstepping, overthinking, overbeing, or whatnot, and I'll shut right up; don't worry — does that maybe, perhaps, perchance mean he has some teeny-tiny wee gender going on?”

“Some—” I did a double take, and my eyebrows rose like a double spruce tree on bonemeal. “What? No. No, no, no. I— I think I would have noticed. Plus, he's way too old, he must know what he's about.” If that was true, then Justin was an egg, Zee was growing boobs, and I would eat roses for dinner.

She pinched her chin, looking down the sidewalk. “But what if he just doesn't know about being trans? You didn't. A month ago.”

“I am young. I'm sure he had plenty of time to question this, and found nothing. You can't spend forty years of your life completely unaware of the possibility. It's something you understand early,” I said, and finally made my way to the door, “Dell and I are probably outliers now that I think about it.”

“But—” She stood behind for a few seconds before joining me. “Ugh, sorry I asked. Y— You're probably right. I don't know the subject intimately enough.”

“Right…”

 

✦ ▶ ✦

 

The alley was nestled between a row of lavender going wild and a large window for witnessing said lavender's siege of the garden. When I passed next to it, I saw my mum on the couch, checking her phone, and sipping liquid from a mug every so often. And I stood there a few seconds, watching her.

How would I go about it? How will she react? Did she have any idea what being trans meant? She was very online, maybe she'd encountered some trans people before? Maybe in her streams’ audience? Maybe she even knew someone like that? Why didn't I watch her streams more often? That way, I'd have known if she was LGBT-friendly or not. I'd have known if she’d accept me or not. Admittedly, I was awfully unprepared.

She looked up right at me. I didn’t know what to do. She put her phone on a small table next to the couch and got up, looking perplexed. Zee was the one to break my haze with a tug on my sleeve. I turned to her, and she led me to the door, which coincidentally opened the moment we crossed the corner of the house behind which it was hidden. My mum was there, a shoulder leaning against the door jamb.

“New haircut?” she said, and when I ran a hand through it bashfully, she smiled. “Looks good. I mean, of course it looks good, you look more like me, heh. So did you finally go to a hairstylist?” She leaned in to check. “Oh yeah, no, you didn't. That's alright, um, Dad can always fix it for you. Oh, I'm babbling, babbling, but it's freezing. Come on in. And you are…”

“That's Zee, she's a friend.”

“Well, doesn't she look pretty!” Mum closed the door behind us as we removed our shoes. “Is she your girlfriend? Or is that rude to ask?”

I gulped so loudly that it sounded more like the death cry of a Zombie than an epiglottis rattling along a throat, and Zee laughed heartily, only to end on an aftertaste of sadness, looking red as a beetroot. “No, we're not together,” she said as slowly as I've ever heard her.

Gosh, it was so painfully obvious she had a crush. Why was it our job to tell her? Couldn't she just blurt it out inadvertently, like everyone else?

“Ah! So sorry I asked. How about I make you two a cup of tea by way of apology — and by ‘make’,” she adds, pressing her lips into a thin line, “I mean serve you the one my partner just made. Come on, shoo, shoo. Go get yourselves comfortable!”

I was the first to settle down. Zee had gathered her coat in her arms, not bothering to hook it at the hanger like I did with mine, and she had walked carefully behind me, like she was afraid of breaking something. Understandable. The living room was a geek's paradise, with rows upon rows of figurines, books, and video games. There was a statuette of some kind of squidy monstrosity. I remembered knowing its name when I was little but couldn't recall it anymore. It was a new, massive addition to the collection.

“You remember it?” Mum said, crossing the doorway with two cups of tea. “It’s Cthulhu!” She sounded unusually happy. “Oh, Zee, when he was little, he used to hate that figurine. He thought the monster would come crawling into his bedroom and eat him during the night. He was not good at differentiating fiction from reality. So we had to put it in a drawer. We only put it back here when he left a few months ago. How did you call it again, sweetie? Wasn’t it ‘Cassoulet’—”

Parents and their unrelenting ability to embarrass their children, often very intentionally, as her little amused pout let me know. “Mum…”

“Sorry, sorry.” She threw her hands around. “I'm all over the place these days. You don't come often — which is fine, I get it — and…” She paused, putting down our cups, “Well, I'm glad you're here.”

Not without burning my tongue before, I slurped a spoonful of tea, then felt Zee's hand on mine, which nearly made me spit said spoonful. Her hand felt unbelievably soft and warm to the touch, making mine melt between her fingers. And I couldn't deny it soothed me a bit. “I'm glad you're glad,” I said, looking back at Mum. “It's nice seeing you like this.”

She frowned. “Ah, but let's not get into that now. You had an idea coming here, or is it just to chat a bit, or do you need advice for your streams? Oh!” Her eyes went wide, and she put a hand on her mouth. “Can we talk about your work with Zee? I know you don't like sharing that with anyone…”

I stifled a giggle, looking at my side, then back at Mum. “It's fine. She knows.”

“I'm on CovenCraft too.” Zee smirked, lapping her tea.

“So that's how you met, huh?”

“Kinda…”

“Kinda?”

“Kinda,” I provided.

“Kinda it is then,” Mum said, clapping her hands. “Well, about your work, then. First, as we've already said, we are so, so proud of you for getting on ConvenCraft. And your streams, they're becoming better by the hour! We've been watching them religiously. It's always fun seeing you work on side projects, like that storage room on CC; chef's kiss. But you know, when in doubt, don't hesitate to ask your mum, eh? I have a decade of experience by now.” After having settled down on a seat in front of us, she crossed her legs. “Even though you have more subs,” she added, rolling her eyes.

That meant there was a tiny chance she knew about Craftees, my trans moderator, and the support I'd shown her. And she had specifically said ‘we’ as in Dad and her, so, in a roundabout way, that confirmed Dad was maybe safe to talk to as well. She had also said nothing about Zee, who, granted, looked as girly as one could, but still. And she had also used the word ‘partner’ earlier. That was a small detail, but I shouldn't overlook it. They all piled up. We were on the right track.

Answer her question.

Then say it.

“I'm okay with streams, Dell— Mandel's been helping me more and more recently. So I'm getting the hang of it. It’s not as hard as it was at first. But thanks for the offer,” I said with a smile. 

The cup felt too warm in my hands. I had to put it down on the side table.

“No, the reason I’m here is—”

That's when my voice died out.

Fuck.

It made sense, it was a heavy subject. All encompassing. Being a girl meant the world to me. I shouldn't have expected less. Even when you know you're safe, even when you know it's gonna be okay, even when you know you have backup, you can still break and start to cry. Even when it's irrational, even when it's unfounded, you can still be overwhelmed and feel. 

It was sad that my first hug with Zee would have to be shared in those circumstances.

As she whispered ‘there, there” three or four times, my vision became gradually clearer. Mum's phone appeared in the corner, with the note app at the ready, in case I wasn’t feeling like talking for a while. She invited me to take it with a gesture of the head, smiling, a glint forming in the corner of her eyes.

I nodded back, took it, and wrote ‘I have something to tell you. But it’s hard’

“Gotcha. Are you in any kind of trouble?”

It took a long time to type out my answer, but no one showed any impatience. I was only met with smiles and soft pats (headpats from Zee). ‘No I don’t think so. It’s very personal’

“Well, if it’s to say you’re bi, we don’t have a problem with that. I’m a little bi myself, you know. Though I’m leaning more on one side than the other.”

That was new information. Apparently, you can figure out your sexuality late in your life. Maybe it was true of gender, too.

“We know you hang a lot with Mandel, and since he’s gay, well, you get it. We had our suspicions.”

The absurdity of her comment made me giggle. And that was enough to get the talk engine running again. “N— No, Mum. That’s not it,” I croaked out. “I mean…”

“Ah, called it.”

“Okay, yeah, I am dating her.”

I could hear my heart pound and pound, faster and louder. I closed my eyes, my left hand gripped Zee's, and my right the fabric of my pants.

Just blurt it out, now. It's your time.

My mum leaned her head forward, not showing any animosity whatsoever, but looking a bit surprised. “If I had a penny—” she muttered under her breath.

“And I’m a girl. Too. I’m trans.”

I expected silence. A long-winding stretch of nothingness, then incomprehension, befuddlement, or any indication of her taking in the news, processing it, understanding its consequences.

Instead, she shouted “WHAT?”

I winced and almost crushed Zee’s hand with a start, retreating back into the couch. This was not supposed to happen.

“Oh. My. God. I can’t…” She repeated those words three times, degrading them into a whisper. “This is too much. Oh, young lady, you better not have decided to call yourself Célia, because that name is… It’s off limits!”

I opened my mouth a few times like a fish, before managing to say “Uh… Why?” 

With a look of half despair, half amusement, Mum buried her head in her palms.

Suddenly, I heard a familiar click-clack coming from the door, from which my dad emerged with a bag of groceries and a bunch of mail. “Don’t worry. The more the merrier,” she said with a grin.

Somehow, one day, I would be eating roses for dinner.