ALL NOVEL Chapter 25: Friendly Fire
"Satou Kazuma, died of friendly fire from a certain explosion loli," a white haired goddess with the figure of a twelve years old said while reading a thin book. I assume that's the book containing everything about my new life in this world.
Wait, what? I died? "Seriously?"
"A pack of one shot bear worth a ton of exp so she has already leveled up her explosion. Coupled by the fact that she used her crystal staff instead of the wooden staff, thinking that she can control the radius," Paradox explained. "And she leveled up again…"
A chill waft over my form. If I died… that means…
"Aqua will revive you, chill…"
I couldn't help but sigh in relief after hearing that. "Thank goodness…" I muttered to myself. "So uhh, what now Lady Paradox?"
"I dunno, they're still looking for your remains. Is there anything you want to talk about?"
"It's about the demon king general, do I have to kill them to break the curse or…"
"Making them surrender their position or pledge their loyalty to you is enough, why? You want to spare them?"
"No, I'm just worried I'd meet a demon king general that can't be killed."
Paradox smiled at that. "Spoken like my true champion,"
Uwah, champion of a goddess, that sounds embarrassing. "So, Paradox sama, aren't you bored staying up here all the time? Can't you visit the world below like Aqua?"
"I don't stay here all the time, I do visit the world below once in a while,"
"So, is there nothing you want to tell me? No cryptic messages or anything like that?"
"I don't do cryptic messages," Paradox replied. "As for messages… Well, maybe you could ask Darkness to stop praying to Eris during… You know, that… She's in rehab now."
I blinked a little at that. "I'll go tell her that…"
We waited for about five minutes before the silence turned into awkward silence. "So, uhh, how did I do, Paradox sama?"
Paradox tilted her head a little before smiling. "You've done as I expected," then her smile turned into a smirk. "Though, you still die a virgin, which is such a shame in my opinion."
"OI! This doesn't count!"
"Well you're dead now and you're also a virgin, this totally counts!"
Ugh… Can't win against the goddess of wisdom. But still, she's right, it's about time I get myself a girlfriend. But who? Aqua? Megumin? Darkness? Can I even date a goddess?
"Unfortunately you can't," Paradox said obviously reading my mind. "A goddess will lose their divinity if they were to have a sexual intercourse. That's why I put a lust seal on her."
Huh, I didn't know that.
"What's lust seal? You mean she can't get aroused?"
"Not just her, other people shouldn't be able to lust after her no matter how beautiful they think she is. Like, seriously, the horniest man in the world can catch her naked and he wouldn't pop a boner."
Wow, just, wow…
"That doesn't mean she can't fall in love," Paradox said suddenly. "With enough effort she might actually fall for you and will probably forsake her divinity to be with you," the girl's gaze turned hard. "This is your warning, don't."
I realized what she's trying to say.
"Okay, I shouldn't get close to Aqua because she has responsibility up here, right?"
"Yes," her gaze softened. "Though, I'm impressed you can make Aqua to like you, I really thought she's stuck mentally as a five years old."
"She's not that bad, just extremely stupid."
Paradox just laughed at that. "She's literally my opposite, do you know that?" she then titled her head. "But do you like her though? You know, that way?"
I... Do I like Aqua that way? I mean, I love having her around, it's really nice, and she's a great companion, but...
"I don't know..." I muttered. "Aqua is... I mean she's..." I gazed up to the void above. "She has responsibility here, right?"
"Yes, but... say she doesn't or I found a replacement, would you confess to her?"
...
This is a hard question...
"I don't know," I turned back to the goddess. "What do you think I should do, Goddess of Wisdom?"
Lady Paradox blinked before her face cracked up a little. "Did you literally just..." she shook her head. "Ahh, screw it, I'll tell you then," she folded her arms. "Imagine this is an eroge, right? You already raised Aqua's affection to max,"
I nodded a little. "okay,"
"However, you need to complete a story event to continue your progress with her. These story events would be defeating the demon generals... If you can defeat the demon king then maybe," she shrugged. "I'll let you bang her, why not?"
So the prize of defeating the Demon King is Aqua? I mean... that's not a bad deal honestly.
"I think that's fair," I grinned a little. "Yeah, totally fair, she'll be worth it in the end,"
Lady Paradox rolled her eyes. "Yeah, yeah, oh look your body is getting better Kazuma. Looks like they found your body," she looked up at the void above. "Also, Megumin is extremely shaken up for killing you, I mean, she did overestimated herself."
"You think that's enough to make her learn a new spell?"
"She's thinking about it, but she'll leave the party before even considering that."
"Wow, I'm not even mad anymore, that's fucking impressive…
"Do you need an explanation as to why she's like that?"
I shook my head. "No, let me figure it out myself. Does it has something to do with her past?"
"Yes, but it's more about Chuunibyou psychology,"
"I see… Don't worry, I'll figure it out before we meet again."
With that, we waited for around five more minutes before I heard Aqua's voice echoing from above. "Kazuma! Kazuma I've done the resurrection spell, please come back!" she exclaimed.
"Yeah! Coming!" I turned towards Paradox. "Well, I'll see you later Paradox sama."
"Later Kazuma! Don't die a virgin again!"
---
When I opened my eyes, I found myself staring at a pair of brilliant crimson eyes. Tears trickled down from it, all the way down to her cheeks.
"Good morning," I joked.
Megumin embraced me in a tight hug and started sobbing on my shoulder. I simply hugged her and pat her back. There's not really much I can say in this situation. She literally just killed me, I can't even begin to imagine how she must've felt right now.
"I'm sorry, so sorry…" she whispered a midst her sobbing.
"It's okay… Shh…"
I looked up and saw Aqua giving me a gentle smile. I'd thought she will look a bit smugger than that, but I guess she can mature too. "Thanks for the revival Aqua…" then I realized what's this fluffy thing at the back of my head is. "And for the pillow lap too…"
"You're welcome, Kazuma…" Aqua's breath hitched a little and she slowly caressed my head. "I-I thought I lost you forever…"
"What are you talking about? You're the greatest Archpriest to walk on this world! Reviving me shouldn't be a problem,"
Instead of Aqua, Darkness answered my statement. "Look over here Kazuma,"
I turned to the right and saw Darkness lying down beside me, seemingly out of breath. But the thing that catches my eyes is the numerous trenches and holes spread out all across the plains.
"Your body vanished without a trace after Megumin's explosion. We spent the next hour digging up holes, trying to find your body."
The crusader turned towards me, tears streaming down her face. "I almost gave up… I actually did give up, I just kept going for Megumin's sake. But then…" her face contorted as if holding in an avalanche of emotion. "But then I found you… I was so relieved…"
Ah… So I guess even with Aqua here, there is a chance I couldn't return huh?
And then there's Megumin. Holy hell, how the fuck am I supposed to cheer her up? She literally just killed me and killing someone isn't something you can forget. Heck, at this young age, it's enough for her to get a PTSD out of it.
Getting PTSD from explosions, good lord, the irony…
Okay Kazuma, think, at least you need to lessen her guilt. Best way to do that is the good old punishment. I can't give her the Darkness treatment of course, so I need to do something else. Something she will probably refuse but benefit me in some way…
Force her to learn new spell? No, Paradox warned me that she rather left the party rather than learning new spell.
Ahh… I got it!!!