Formicea

 

After this busy day at Honiu's place, I can finally depart back home.
Yet before I come very far, my way is blocked by drones.
While the present guardians keep their distance the workers come quite close, surrounding me so I can't escape and a messenger approaches.

 

<Nurse Farrah, you are required to accompany us.> (messenger)

 

Is this a joke?

 

<Could I just, for one single interval, not get abducted and just arrive at the place where I intended to go?!> (F)

<This will certainly be possible to facilitate. Yet not on this occasion.> (messenger)

 

If I wouldn't know better about these insects' ability to lie I'd say this messenger is making fun of me.

 

<Well, I don't have a choice, right?> (F)

<You don't.> (messenger)

<Fine, lead the way.> (F)

 

Surprisingly, even though we are already pretty high up in the hive the way we go leads even further upwards.
The number of guardians rises significantly and I need to admit that they still manage to disturb me.
Those giant creatures with their blade arms and sharp tail spears are simply a bit intimidating and even their pheromones, which I can now receive, are very basic and determined to fulfill their purpose, which is to guard and kill anything that might try to slip past them.

However, they make way for the messenger and like this subsequently for me.
We enter some kind of giant gateway hall.
The guardians in front of it again allow passage through the biggest entrance I ever saw.
It feels almost uncanny to go through there into the dark.
Yet it's not like I had a choice in the first place.

And before I notice it, I'm left alone.
That messenger just abandoned me!

With some unease, I try to find my way in this darkness.
I know, logically I can be quite sure that it's almost impossible that any harm may befall me.
There is to consider that my role should be known to the insects and because I as well emit pheromones I can simply tell them, in addition, I have at the moment one of the most important jobs there is in the hive, so I should be safe.
However, logic only helps me so far when I think about being lost here in the dark with countless giant insects surrounding me.

It's simply a frightening thought.

 

<Shuuooohh!/ Oh, you're emitting stress. Were you treated poorly?> (U)

 

God, my heart!
I heard and felt this wind blowing around me, but much much more intense was that sudden voice in my head.
While it felt gentle it was so extremely pressuring.
After I've got over the first shock I can figure out that someone speaks to me using pheromones. So I should respond.

 

<Well, it was at least not too great that I've got "invited", then left alone in the dark, and now have to talk to a disembodied voice.> (F)

<Yes, certainly. You need something to focus on.> (U)

 

The moment this thought appears in my head, titanic claws slam left and right from my position into the ground.
Then the biggest moving thing I ever saw lowers itself in my direction.

Okay, okay, Farrah.
Just a being so big it could squash you with a single finger.
Damn, I need new underwear.
Okay, no reason to panic.
It's here to talk, not to eat you.

 

<Uh, am I right with the assumption that you're the queen?> (F)

<Observant, albeit a bit crude. Please tell, why do all the humans I meet at first expel liquid from their lower segment? Erys, this other one, and now you. Is this among humans a customary part of an introduction?> (U)

 

I'd rather think it's linked to your introduction as a titan of certain doom.

 

<Uh, rather crippling fear might make us lose control over some of our bodily functions to prevent this. You're aware that you're big and scary, right?> (F)

<Scriscriscriscriscri!/ Ah, is this all there is to this? And I was so sure I was starting to understand humans better.> (U)

 

So this is the queen?
She's actually a bit different from what I've imagined.
Still quite impressive, which is to a great degree linked to her size and the fact that her voice in my head is so strong that it overtones everything else.

 

<Do you know why you're here?> (U)

<First, if only a little bit, can you tune it down? I'm starting to get nauseous from your mental onslaught.> (F)

<Oh, right. Usually, my drones appreciate it when I grant them my full attention.> (U)

 

Ah, it got a bit better.
Still far too intense, but endurable.

 

<You're aware that I don't belong to you? Or am a drone?> (F)

<Huh, but the most necessary features are present. And you're thriving within my swarm. So is it truly wrong to assume that you belong to it?> (U)

 

This one has quite a thing for twisting the perspective on the situation in her favor.
I'd actually have to tell her quite a lot about not abducting my daughter and performing weird experiments on her, and all the rest, but the moment isn't great.
Maybe when she's not towering above me so high that it would only need a single move from her to kill me.
Yep, that would be better.

 

<I am here because of my daughter and not you. Is this really so hard to understand?> (F)

<No, it isn't. However, her existence is now so deeply tied to the swarm that it comes down to one and the same. And as I was informed you quite well integrated yourself into it as well. Performing tasks like the other nurses. Remarkable.> (U)

 

At least, I have to admit that she's quite good at twisting perspectives.

 

<I'm doing this for my family, my children! If it means they can live without any harm befalling them then the decision is easy..> (F)

<Children... I am aware... This should be how it is. The old living for the young. Yet for us, this order turned around. My children live for me, and I can't change this. It would collapse us. Because in fact, they're living for the not yet born. To see a being whose way of existence isn't twisted yet is... nostalgic.> (U)

 

She almost sounds sad here.
Or at least distraught.

 

<Speaking of children. For the reason why you're here. How is my little Honiu?> (U)

<Your Honiu? She has quite a different perspective on this. You know, being abducted and such. I see a pattern here.> (F)

<Ah, naturally. Honiu was always such a problematic child. Always so aloof. Unwilling to partake.> (U)

<It might have something to do with how you forced her to watch while you slaughtered her children. That might have been the seed for some animosity, as well as her personality issues.> (F)

 

Whatever the circumstances were, and even if it's about insects, I won't sugarcoat that she slaughtered someone's babies.
She did, and this is quite a thing to hold against her.

 

<Yes, this... A difficult topic. I bear the responsibility for this decision. It's certainly unfortunate. Yet it was necessary at that time and I don't regret having done what was vital to preserve my children. And this includes Honiu.> (U)

 

Sadly I can understand her to some degree.
It's not like I didn't do something similar.
But it feels kinda wrong.

 

<Still, this doesn't change that you traumatized her. I can't say for sure if she will ever fully recover. That's wrong. Especially if you claim that she and her brood are important to you.> (F)

<I DID WHAT I HAD TO! MY SWARM WOULD HAVE PERISHED IF I HAD ALLOWED HONIU'S BROOD TO RUN RAMPANT! THEY WERE SO CLOSE TO TURNING AGAINST US! AND THE OTHER SWARMS WERE JUST WAITING FOR THEIR CHANCE! IF I HAD SHOWN WEAKNESS THE SWARM WARS MIGHT NOT HAVE ENDED AS QUICKLY AS THEY DID.> (U)

 

Aargh!
My head!
Too strong!
Too strong!
This was clearly too much!
I, I...

 

"Blurgh" (F)

 

I've got so sick from this strain.
Damn, pheromones are something else.
The queen might have noticed that she kinda overreacted.

 

<I apologize. My reaction was unbecoming.> (U)

<Urgh, don't believe the fact that you made me throw up means in any way that I'm giving in. I am aware that these were difficult decisions, but it's not okay to think of living beings as mere numbers.> (F)

 

Back then I had no choice.
I was outclassed and couldn't even hope to help.
Honiu is the same. She didn't make the choice, but her brood did.
They sacrificed themselves for her sake.
Yet the queen decides on the course of action which benefits the swarm the most.
This might be the right thing to do for a leader, but I cannot accept it.

 

<Spoken like a true nurse. You all care for your subjects. Fascinating similarities.> (U)

<Mhm. Anything else to add?> (F)

<You don't have to support my decisions. Yet just like you, I won't give in on them. A loss of lives caused by indecisiveness is on me the same as through my orders or when I would execute them with my own claws. My responsibilities and the weight coming with them are mine and mine alone. Erys will as well realize this soon enough.> (U)

<Fine, I'll give you that. It's not like I can completely relate to your situation. I only have the two lives to consider which I brought into this world, and not billions.> (F)

<Regarding Honiu, how is she?> (U)

<She gives you the fault for everything that goes wrong in her life and has quite the peculiar character. Aside from this... She's traumatized. What you did back then hurt her deeply and till today she's trying to occupy her mind with fresh impressions so she might not think about it.> (F)

<Yes, this sounds just like her. She never came to accept me. Only her place within the hive.> (U)

<This isn't the problem. I'm still not okay with what she did to me, but this isn't about me. Honiu is hurt and this is sad. It's sad that she can't recover and it's sad that her own brood is so desperate about healing a wound that cannot be healed. If I could help her with this, I would.> (F)

<Scruscruscruscru!/So caring! Just like a nurse. It's refreshing to see the similarities between our kinds. Which makes our Erys such a good fit. Don't you think so? A blend that brings together as if it's meant to be this way.> (U)

 

God, that topic.
Fine, I've already said enough to get executed for lèse majesté.
So why stop here?

 

<I think that you were quite rough to her. I'm grateful that your troops saved her life. She was in a terrible situation back then. But what came after this is a different question. It's not like you asked for her consent before you pushed your thing inside her and pumped her full.> (F)

 

That sounds kinda wrong.

 

<You on the other side seem to take the change far better than she did.> (U)

<It might be atonement. I wasn't there when my Erys needed me the most and now I can make up for it. Also, my changes are far more shallow than hers, isn't it so?> (F)

<Certainly. There's far more to a princess than to a nurse. It's exorbitantly more concentrated. And you're still lacking some of the most relevant features.> (U)

<On that matter, Honiu even proposed to... Uh, do something about this.> (F)

 

Why am I even starting with this?
Is it... this pheromone mist around me?
The queen wants me to talk so I'm more inclined to do so.
My ability to decide for myself isn't really taken away from me, but I'm less hesitant about speaking my mind.

 

<And, do you consider it?> (U)

 

Another shove.

 

<I, I don't know. I mean, it's my body we're talking about here. Changing this is kinda a huge thing.> (F)

<I'm aware that this is of significance to you. The concept of individualism might be novel, yet the implications aren't too difficult to understand. You're contemplating which decision would be the best in regard to your own purposes. So, with this in mind, which is the right way to proceed?> (U)

<That's... hard to answer. I guess it's mostly that I'm comfortable with my body. Changing anything about it and then realizing it doesn't work out would be terrible. It's not like I can escape from my body if I was wrong.> (F)

<You are right. A change that is of importance shouldn't be taken lightly. Yet mere anxiety shouldn't prevent undertaking the right actions. It is on you to decide which of those it is.> (U)

 

That actually hit quite close to home.
Do I just fear the unknown?
Damn, she's good.

If I look at it objectively an adjustment might help me settle in here.
I mean, clinging to humanity in a clearly inhuman environment is a bit pointless.
I can have rules and things I don't want to give up on, but if I can decide this out of my own volition it would objectively not be so bad if it's within my comfort zone.
And in comparison, Erys is clearly out of hers and still manages.
Something that wasn't too nice from our dear queen.

 

<If it's like this, don't you think you shouldn't have made this decision for Erys as you did? It sounds quite rash.> (F)

<I guess it was. But from my viewpoint, I had no idea what I was dealing with. I only knew that the being in front of me was in some way intelligent but had no way to communicate. Individualism wasn't a concept I spent much thought on. I didn't know about her social structures or how they'd value a single entity.> (U)

<And your first thought was seriously to put this unknown being in charge within your swarm?> (F)

 

For all her talk about difficult decisions, this one doesn't sound too sound.

 

<It's not like I can determine the character of a princess before she hatches from her egg. What I saw from Erys back then was enough to convince me. As a link to the surface, she makes for an interesting asset. Also, she appeared to be a little bit lost, or rather listless to me.> (U)

 

Sounds quite whimsical to me.
However, her impression of my daughter might be fitting, as far as I know her.

 

<Well, yes. My Erys was always unfocused. She wanted things out of her reach and would sulk for eternities if one would explain to her that this isn't realistic. Ironically she might now be much closer to them. Yet probably she'll appreciate them less now.> (F)

 

If I think about how she wanted to go to festivals, or a prom, showing off expensive clothes.
Telling her that her wishes aren't too realistic was no fun.
But, uh, should I talk about this in front of the most powerful and certainly most massive being I ever encountered?

 

<Please, go on. I like to hear about our Erys.> (U)

<Our Erys?> (F)

<As I said, she's a blend. Of both of us, it seems. I consider her a daughter like the others.> (U)

 

Sigh, pheromones.
She didn't directly say daughter, but "female offspring of the princess pattern" is a bit cumbersome while for her absolutely the same.

 

<I... honestly don't know what to say.> (F)

<Why don't you tell me about Erys? I'm very curious about our newest princess. She's such a fascinating existence. The things she does and how she follows her agenda.> (U)

 

It feels like genuine interest.
Which is kinda odd, considering who I'm talking to. She's even leaning forward.
Ah, whatever.
I had never too many chances to chat with someone else about my children as the farm was so remote.
And if Erys asks I'll simply blame the pheromones.

 

<Uh, well... You see, my Erys is her own person. Very compassionate and caring. Also, so diligent with her tasks. If she manages to get out of her bed that is. Did you know, when she was six she accidentally broke a cup? She felt so guilty that she tried to make her own from dirt. In the end, she put a perfect earthen replica into the cupboard. At least in shape. And her look when I took it out there, gave her a glance and started filling some milk inside, so it instantly disintegrated. It was so hilarious that I could barely manage to scold her. Oh, and then there was that other time when she brawled with the chicken...> (F)