Gacha Gacha Hero

“Alright. Let’s get you idiots fixed up.” Belbuk cracked her knuckles, then her neck. “The sooner you’re bandaged up, the sooner you can get back on the road.”

Belbuk turned to Ash and Luke. “You two hang up your clothes. No point in you getting my floors any dirtier.”

Belbuk pulled out a bench from the corner of her cabin. She put an arm around Ave. “Let’s get you seated. Over here. Lean on me. Just like that. Now put up your leg. I’ll put a cushion under it. Try to keep it elevated for now.”

Once Ave was seated Belbuk started examining her. She opened a drawer in a nearby shelf. She removed a wax stick about twelve cm long from a divider in the drawer. She held the wax sprig to Ave.

“Here. Chew on this.” Belbuk said.

“I don’t use narcotics.” Ave stated plainly.

“That’s fine because I wasn’t giving you any. There’s only an anti-inflammatory agent in this one.”

Ave politely took the offered wax stick. She put one end in her mouth and started chewing it.

Belbuk opened a jar. The strong smell of alcohol filled the room.

“Do you suffer from anemia?” Belbuk asked. She dabbed some of the contents of the jar on her hands.

“No.” Ave replied.

Belbuk rubbed her hands together. She turned around and pointed to a shelf on the opposite side of the room. “Bring me those leeches will you.”

“Leeches?” Ash squawked.

“That’s right. Leeches have an anticoagulant saliva. I’m going to use them to reduce the swelling around the area while I prepare a poultice.” Belbuk explained.

“Sure thing. Is it that jar of wriggling worms over there?” Luke looked at the shelf.

“Leeches, but yes.” Belbuk said.

“Okay… “ Luke took one step forward and then collapsed face first onto the floor.

“Psssh… children.” Bel hissed between her teeth. She clicked her tongue at Ash. “Your turn. Now hurry up and get me that jar.”

Ash picked up the jar with the tips of his fingers. “Huuuhhhnnn…” He let out a low groan as he gingerly stepped over Luke’s body and delivered the jar to Belbuk.

Belbuk rolled up Ave’s pant leg and started applying leeches to the area. Ash watched over her shoulder.

“That is… whu… whoa…” Ash turned green. He slumped into a chair.

“Please don’t vomit on my floor.” Belbuk stated.

“I have an excellent constitution.” Ash… “Achoo!” Ash sneezed suddenly.

“Ka-sniiirf” Eins sneezed under the table.

“KachOOO!” Ash caught his second sneeze with his elbow. He slowly looked back up at Belbuk. There was a line of mucus attached to his shirt sleeve.

He whispered.

*Groan* “There’s a washbasin in the kitchen. Why don’t you clean yourself up.” Belbuk gestured with her head.

Ash shuffled out of the room.

Belbuk finished setting the leeches on Ave’s foot.

“I’ll bind that once the swelling goes down.” Belbuk said.

“Thank you.” Ave said.

“Don’t thank me. Just don’t get hurt again.”

“I wasn’t trying to get hurt in the first place.”

“You told me you got in two fights in a day. And it doesn’t sound like you were trying to avoid them.”

“I… “ Ave trailed off.

“Try and get some rest.” Belbuk got up and walked over to Luke. She flipped him over on his back.

Belbuk pulled her arm back. With a broad swing she *Slapped* Luke in the face.

Luke snapped back awake.

“Ah! What time is it? Where am I? Is the King here?” Luke looked around in confusion.

“Are you alright? How many fingers am I holding up?” Belbuk examined Luke.

“Ah… what? Uh… four I think? What? Why am I on the floor?” Luke asked.

“You collapsed.”

“Oh. Sorry about that.”

“It didn’t bother me. Are you injured at all?” Belbuk looked him up and down.

“No. I’m fine.” Luke started to stand up.

“Have you ever fainted like that before?” she asked.

Luke didn’t make eye contact. “No.”

“You fell right on your face. You don’t even have a bruise.” Belbuk examined his face.

Luke touched his face. He brushed his bangs aside. “No. I don’t think so. I’m fine. Really.”

“Hmmm. Interesting. Take a seat at the table for now I guess.” Belbuk said.

#

Ash shuffled back into the room.

Belbuk turned to Ash. “Alright. Last one.”

“Huh?” Ash said in confusion.

“Show me where you’re injured.” she said.

“I’m not injured.” Ash said.

“Of course you are. I can see you limping.”

Ash tried to rebalance his body. He winced.

“Come on! Hurry up and tell me what’s wrong.” Belbuk let loose her impatience.

“You don’t have to. It’s not a big deal.” Ash replied. He looked around the room at the others.

“Relax kid. I’m an Alchemist and a licensed Barber. I’ve seen everything.” Belbuk said.

Ash whispered.

“Is it your penis?” Belbuk asked flatly.

“What? No! It’s… It’s not…” Ash flustered about.

“Alright!” Belbuk said with an exaggerated shout. “Everybody turn around. Nobody look at his penis!”

“It’s not my penis!” Ash shouted through his teeth. “It’s the other side…”

“Your scrotum?” Belbuk asked flatly.

“No. No! My butt. It’s my butt okay?” Ash blushed.

“The gluteus minimus or the gluteus maximus?” Belbuk asked.

“Huh?” Ash blinked.

“Just hurry up and show me your flat farmboy butt cheeks.” Belbuk said with exasperation.

“Alright. Alright. Everybody turn around okay?” Ash grumbled.

Ash slid over to Belbuk. Luke and Ave politely turned around. Eins pattered out from under the table and peeked at Ash.

Ash looked down at Eins. “Would you…”

“What’s the matter?” Belbuk asked. “Are you embarrassed by your dog?”

“What, no, he’s not, uh… “ Ash trailed off.

“Bark.” Eins said.

“Argh. Let’s get this over with.” Ash unbuckled his belt. He slowly slid down his pants to present his perturbed posterior.

“What am I looking at?” Belbuk said.

“I got hit by a dart.” Ash grumbled.

“Like a game dart?”

“No. Like, a dungeon dart.”

“Just one?”

“Maybe a couple.”

“You were shot by a dart and it only hit you in the butt?” Belbuk asked.

“No I was rolling around on the ground and it… got in there. Okay?” Ash mumbled.

Belbuk squinted. “Hold on there’s still a piece stuck in you.”

“Can you pull it out? Gently?” Ash whimpered.

“Don’t tell a barber how to work.” Belbuk pulled on something.

“Ahhh!” Ash yelped.

“By the moons? This is a piece of pinecone. How did that get in there? Did you get attacked by a tree?” Belbuk held up a splinter of pine.

“It was that or fall in a pit full of spikes.” Ash groaned.

Belbuk looked around the room. “How have you children survived this long?” She sighed. “I’m going to apply some topical disinfectant. Bend over for me.”

Ash bent over slightly. “This isn’t going to sting, is it?”

Belbuk readied a jar of disinfectant. “Don’t worry. It only stings if you have perverted thoughts.” she said.

“What?”

Bell promptly smeared the iodine over one of Ash’s dart wounds.

“Yeeeaaaaggg!”