Gardenia of Blooming Desire

Few days after that accident during the autumn banquet, I hadn't seen Young Lord for the whole week. He was occupied with Crown Prince who regularly visited the Stormhill mansion with various gifts. It was extremely obvious that Young Lord's charm had enamored Crown Prince, his own cousin.

I did realize that it was just a game, a ploy between Young Lord and Crown Prince as their love blossomed. Me? I was just a property for their story, nothing important. I grew accustomed by the way Young Lord wanted to play with me, so I just played along as long as he didn't kill me.

But when their drama finished with Young Lord and Crown Prince walking out from the scene together, I felt like this was unfair. It was too unfair for this property, this slave to gain nothing but heartache.

'Sigh, what am I thinking anyway? Maybe their love was just too much, so I got a heartache.'

Anyway, I had been tasked as assistant gardener, helping the Old Bennie tending the garden. Every time we crossed our path, Young Lord's gaze grew complicated, but he was with his lover, the Crown Prince everyday. I just bowed my head and greeted him formally.

The Crown Prince's eye was never kind to me. In fact, it was hostile all the time. He was always glaring at every servant, nobleman, and even farm animals whenever they were close to Young Lord. He was not a love struck puppy, but a tiger in love.

But Young Lord somewhat ignored him, his eyes smiled at him, but something was amiss from it. It did not stop Crown Prince though, in fact, it seemed like the Crown Prince was even more excited whenever Young Lord snorted at him.

After the whole week of Crown Prince's guardianship, they finally separated. It seemed like, Crown Prince was finally stationed to another campaign to conquer another land. Just like what this country did to my homeland.

I was just five years old when their big ships entered the coast in my homeland. They were mighty, with their shining badges and guns. I was not a poor slave back then, in fact, I was the son of a small landlord. I remembered my home, my parents and my older sister. They were bronze skinned like me, and I especially remember my sister. She looked similar to me, but she tied her hair up and was always wearing bright colored clothes.

She would accompany me playing around the coast, collecting seashells and sometimes swimming in the sea.

But when those big ships came, they challenged the leader in my homeland and after endless struggle, they finally killed many people, took many women and plundered everything. Many of my forgotten neighbors and friends died, and my sister committed suicide with her lover rather than being raped by soldiers.

I remembered that my dad needed to hand all of our wealth as long as they didn't kill me and take me under the guardianship of those foreign soldiers. A soldier who could speak my native language and theirs taught me the language. When I thought I could live with them, they sold me to an old man, my first master.

Since then, I have lived in torturous hell until I could feel nothing but shame and agony.

'Mom, I should live, right?'

Remembering the last word of my mother, I could feel the pain inside my chest resurfaced.

'If this is what living is, then I don't mind death.'

'But mom, I…'

Every time I had a small thought of the joy of death, my head instantly projected the face of Young Lord. The purity in his smile gave me joy. Deep down, I knew that I didn't want to miss his smile, and his figure in general. His cold figure prevented me from leaving this place.

'Am I crazy now? To actually miss someone who saw me as nothing but a toy, a property to play with.'

'I didn't even know if he considered me as a human or not. Hell, I didn't even know whether he was thinking about killing me as soon as he grew tired of me.'

Again, this stuffy feeling inside my chest hurts. Every time I remembered about Young Lord, I had this feeling of hatred and longing, the stupid reason why I haven't escaped this hellish mansion.

'But this is just a game for him, while for me, it is the matter of life and death…'

"Ramuja, you won't finish cleaning the garden if you only watch Young Lord's tower from here," Old Bennie joked.

"Ah, yes, I will finish this quickly," I nodded and quickly swept the fallen leaves. Every time I had to attend Young Lord, I always had an inexplicable chill. But when I didn't have the burden of attending him, I was caught by Old Bennie staring at the balcony of Young Lord's tower.

'What is wrong with me?'

'I know he didn't even see me as a human. What is this longing?'

'Wake up Ramuja! Wake up'

After I cleaned everything in the garden, I sat on the ground with Old Bennie and ate my lunch provided by the duchy. However, before I could take my bite, someone approached this place. A maid approached us, but she was not a regular maid, she was Grand Duchess' private attendant.

The maid raised her head and said, "You, Young Lord's slave, Grand Duchess summoned you to her tower."

I had bad premonition about this. Did Young Lord finally find another way to toy me? Made fun of me? But if it included Grand Duchess, I just silently gulped and prayed that they wouldn't hurt me that much.

I followed the maid until I stood in front of her jeweled door. The maid knocked the door, but the door was instantly opened before she could touch the handle.

I saw Young Lord with his eyes grow extremely wary. He was surprised when he saw me. He opened his mouth, moved his lips but there was no sound coming out of his mouth. Then, he left the corridor hastily. I was stunned myself, because in my imagination, the movement of his lips formed 'I am sorry.'

'That would be impossible, stop daydreaming, Ramuja!'

I entered the room and the maid led me to kneel in front of Grand Duchess.

Grand Duchess was sitting on a velvet chair, her imposing figure looked down on me as always. I greeted her, "This humble slave had been summoned by Her Highness Grand Duchess."

After hearing my greeting, Grand Duchess glanced at a servant who held a whip. The servant nodded and sent one whip to my back. I instantly fell, but resumed my position and kneeled back to Grand Duchess.

The maid who called me before spoke: "Grand Duchess has been granted the title of Her Majesty Grand Duchess by the Emperor of Golden Camellia. Every servant of her should refer to her as Her Majesty Grand Duchess."

"This servant is foolish to offend Her Majesty Grand Duchess. This servant begs for Grand Duchess forgiveness," I said. While it surprised me that I should refer to her as Her Majesty, I did my regular way of speaking to the nobles.

Grand Duchess seemed uninterested, she said: "I was thinking about sparing you, but I called you here for another offense of yours."

"This--This servant is stupid. This servant does not know its offense," I trembled. However, even if I apologize now, I knew Grand Duchess already planned a punishment for me, probably under the request of her son.

"Your offense is by actually thinking about charming my son," she said with a slight smirk on her face, "You are thinking about charming my son until he knows your importance, then you will secure your position inside his mind and heart. Now tell me, is it true, slut?"

I quivered and immediately replied: "This servant dared not! This servant is just a--"

"Stop your futile lies. I know about your history as sex slave and even all your previous slave names and your masters. Grand Duchy of Stormhill is not a place for you to run such nasty ideas, especially to my son."

I finally went silent. My feet became cold and I didn't dare to lift my head. Grand Duchess chuckled, and in her chuckle, I could sense maliciousness.

"But I am a charitable noblewoman, I will give you two choices," she picked up a bag of coins from the table and threw it in front of my feet.

"First, I will tell all about your past and what you are currently doing to my son. He will know how disgusting you actually are, and I will grant you special privilege and let you go from this mansion with fifty gold coins inside that bag, or…"

I could hear the sound of the whip hitting the floor, "Or… I will not tell anything to my son, letting you stay in here, but you must endure ten whips from a barbed whip."

I was bewildered. She actually gave me the choice of running away from this place and giving me gold coins as compensation. It was definitely the best choice.

I opened my mouth and wanted to request the first choice, but my mind suddenly projected the face of Young Lord. From his smile, his frown, his sleeping expression, everything flashed in my mind.

'What are you doing Ramuja! This is not the time to imagine him! Just pick the first choice!'

That was what I was thinking, but when I opened my mouth I said: "This servant… this servant requested the f--fir--" I started sweating and my throat started getting dry. My body refused the first choice.

"This servant requested the second choice."

Grand Duchess eyes went pure black, just like Crown Prince's eyes a week ago. She stood from her velvet chair and screamed, "This stupid subhuman! Whip him! Whip him twenty times and pour his wound with saltwater!"

I was shocked, she actually added more whips and saltwater on top of it. I wanted to beg, but then, I realized that two guards had dragged me out of the room and brought me to the courtyard.

There, my cloth was stripped, and my hand was tied to a pole. The guard whipped me with a barbed whip twenty times and left me for an hour. Then, they pour two buckets of salt water to my back.

I screamed in agony, I was honestly going to faint numerous times. But whenever I wanted this soul to leave my body, the face of Young Lord projected again and again in my stupid head and I couldn't do it.

'Young Lord… I…"

When they poured the saltwater, I finally fainted in agony.

***

I woke up a day after. Jean and Dirk helped me by delivering my food. Three days later, I was finally able to move my body.

The fifth day, Young Lord summoned me to his room. I walked to his room, still with great pain on my back. I entered his room and saw him standing quietly. I saw his figure, and inside my mind, I wanted to see him, to finally see the person who had haunted my dream everyday.

But what I saw was Young Lord who was thinner and lost the usual glimmering aura around him.

At that moment, I had forgotten my greeting, "Young Lord, Why are you so thin? Are you sick? Should this servant call the mansion doctor?"

"…."

Seeing Young Lord not responding, I grew wary, "Should I request the cook to give you a lighter meal? I will immediately request your favorite snack and lighter food. Your stomach might be too weak, that is why--"

"Stop." He said slowly.

I shut my mouth and lowered my head, "This servant had spoken too much, this servant begs for Young Lord's forgiveness."

"Raise your head."

I raised my head. Young Lord's face was close to mine and I instantly backed off. But Young Lord's hand gripped my shoulders, ordered me to stay in place, then he said: "I had wronged you, I am sorry."

He said that with his eyes welled up and he dropped a few tears. I was speechless. No, if this was his game, this was too much. No one ever cried for me other than my family. He was too evil, he actually cried for me. I shouldn't be swayed with just tears, but seeing the usual imposing figure of Young Lord crying, I got softened, "This servant doesn't feel wronged. It is what this servant chooses, and this servant chooses to follow Young Lord forever."

I said sincerely. Young Lord's tears stopped. Then, his grip around my shoulder tightened and I saw a flicker in the golden circle around his pupil.