Gardenia of Blooming Desire

Aster was restless. After his servant left, his night was full of strange, messy thoughts that were alien to him.

Something brewed inside him, his head felt fuzzy, his pale skin felt like burning even in the night, and his heart… it was itching until it turned painful, like a knife carved something inside.

He was unsure about what made him to be like this. But he knew the cause, it was his servant, Ramuja. He felt something brewing inside whenever his mind wandered about Ramuja.

'What is he doing?'

'Is he still in pain?'

'Does he hate me?'

'Or did he hate me before?

No, he couldn't do this. He was not in the right mind. Aster shook his head numerous times, he even soaked his head under the warm basin prepared by the maid, but he couldn't get this mess out of his head.

"Young Lord, this servant is concerned whether Young Lord is in good condition or not," the maid asked him, looking concerned. Aster glared at him.

'Why is she so unpleasant?'

'No, why was the butler before also unpleasant to look at?'

Aster never had a problem with his servants before. But he could feel their faces were very unpleasant to look at. It seemed like there was a dark fog surrounding their face, making it somewhat dim and ugly.

Aster did not answer the maid, but he jumped out of his bed and walked through the servants to the door. He wanted to see Ramuja to ease his messy thoughts and also because Aster was still concerned about his servant's health.

However, when he opened the door, there were two guards blocking his way. He was startled as the guard suddenly put their body in front of him, not even giving him a room to leave the room.

"What are you two doing? Leave now!" Aster commanded, half annoyed. Yet, the guard was unmoved. Like a wall of brick, they were expressionless. Aster never got this kind of disrespect. He clenched his fist and attempted to push his way through. But the guards were obviously stronger.

"How dare you two block my way!" Aster shouted.

"This guard is following Her Majesty Grand Duchess command! Young Lord is prohibited to leave the room until further notice from Her Majesty!" said one of the guards.

'Mother? Did something happen?' Aster grew wary. As his chaotic mind began to swirl, he needed something to ease his mind. Ramuja, what swirled around his head was that name.

Aster glared at these two unpleasant guards and said, "Bring my personal servant, Ramuja to me right now."

However, the guard refuted his order by stating, "This guard will have to refuse Young Lord's order! Her Majesty Grand Duchess does not allow anyone to visit Young Lord tonight."

'What? Why?'

Aster was dumbfounded. Something must've happened. But it was way too sudden for something big to happen. He didn't foresee anything irregular that would lead his mother to lock him down. Aster took a deep breath, he had to see Ramuja, or at least, check whether he was safe in this situation.

"Bring me my personal servant, but he doesn't need to enter my room, just let him stay in front of the door."

The guards were looking at each other, and Aster could see their hesitation. Aster expected them to summon his servant because all he wanted was just seeing his servant, so his body could relax.

However, the guards stood straight and refuted him once more, "Her Majesty Grand Duchess forbids anyone to see Young Lord until next morning!"

"What? Let me see my mother!" Aster pushed the guards, but they were unmoving. He struggled, kicked, and even threw a few decorations in his room to these two guards. However, they did not even flinch.

The maids and butlers inside the room tried seizing him, and tied him to the bed. Aster screamed as his mind started getting chaotic, his mind was just repeating the same thing.

'Ramuja! Ramuja! Ramuja! My servant Ramuja!'

He screamed and wailed until he drained all his energy and fell into deep slumber. He curled in his bed. He didn't dream, but something was raging inside his head. Numerous, bizarre thoughts flashed and it tormented him. Even in his sleep, he was not peaceful.

***

"This guard greeted Her Majesty--"

"Silence, you will wake my son," Grand Duchess cut short one of the guard's greetings to her. She approached her son whose body was curled in his slumber. His beautiful face that was usually peaceful and nonchalant distorted into someone in pain.

Grand Duchess smiled, she caressed her son's golden hair and twirled his wavy hair with her finger, "As I thought, you remind me of my past self, my dear son."

Grand Duchess observed her son's chamber, two guards, three maids, and three butlers all messed up with their uniforms tattered. Vases, books, candle lamps, all destroyed. Seeing all of this, Grand Duchess' smile got wider, almost like a grin.

Gleefully, she said to all the servants, "All of you, leave the room now, I will have family time with my son."

The servants left the room and the door was closed. Grand Duchess' focus returned back to her son.

"Indeed, you are my son. I am glad that you did this, you should do better later, okay?" Grand Duchess' golden circle around her pupil started flickering, slowly eating the black pupil and turning it into pure bright gold.

She took a gardenia flower from the table, put it in her son's forehead and kissed her son's forehead, the sign of endearing love of a mother to her child in the tradition of Golden Camellia. Grand Duchess showed a satisfied smile.

After that, Grand Duchess, who was usually above all, dropped to her knees and sat on the floor. She held her son's hand and her grin instantly turned into frown then gloom. She did not sleep until the morning and her eyes were read and teary.

When Aster opened his eyes slowly, her grip in his hand tightened. She was excited, too excited until her grin almost returned back.

'Everything is going well.'

***

Aster woke up from his dreamless torment, he saw his chamber empty with all the goods in this chamber broken or destroyed. He was unsure about what happened last night, his mind was chaotic and he lost control to his own body. He could feel something holding his hand as he glanced, he saw his mother with tears in her eyes.

She looked exhausted, her usual domineering, strong attitude was gone. In fact, her mother was actually kneeling besides his bed.

"Mother…?"

Mother raised her head and her tears dropped again, "My son! Are you okay? Your mother is sorry for putting you to such thing! Your mother is… I cannot think of any solution besides locking you down that night."

"What… happened?" Aster frowned. He didn't remember anything the night before. But looking at his mother in this state, he knew something wasn't good.

"That-- The gossip about you, Charles, and your servant… it is starting to spread wide and many houses have already sent many letters to our duchy to confirm the truth," Grand Duchess said, her grip tightened and she dropped her head, "That is why… I accepted the invitation for your training to the Royal Palace, you will stay there for two or three years, under the tutelage of my brother, Emperor Audric IV."

"Mother… did you drive me out of the grand duchy?" Aster asked and his voice started shaking.

"No! How could I do such thing? The royal family will train you about our responsibility and for two three years, I hope the rumor subsided. Aster, your mother had failed to protect you, I am sorry…"

Aster could feel the drop of his mother's tear dampened his hand. As the next Grand Duke, his shame right now was immeasurable. He knew that he made a mistake the duchy had to bear.

"This is my fault, mom, I will take my responsibility and train in the royal palace," he said, then, he looked around the room and noticed two important things, "Speaking of which, who made this mess and where is my personal servant? He should be here already."

Grand Duchess froze. Her expression was complicated, she wanted to say many things but decided to just bite her lips. She shook her head and said slowly, "This was your doing, Aster."

"Me? How could I do such barbaric thing?" asked Aster, surprised.

"I forbade you to meet that servant of yours… and you went rampage," Grand Duchess finally loosened her grip. She stood up and sat on his son's bed, "I forbade you because… I'm afraid that you couldn't handle the truth."

"The truth?"

"Your servant… after I approved the invitation, I asked him whether he was willing to go with you to the royal palace. I thought he would say yes, to my surprise, he declined and instead requested to be stationed as a regular labor servant in one of our plantations. He said he was scared to follow you to the royal palace, since Charles has so much control there."

Grand Duchess sighed, "I tried persuading him, I even offered him gold so that he would follow you. But he… he said following you was tiring and you're incompetent. I couldn't let him say such thing to my dear son, I wanted to punish him but I know you favored him. So, I… I immediately granted his request and stationed him to our farthest business. He just left last night."

Aster's mind was filled with grief, anger, torment and finally strange pain inside his heart. His mother had persuaded this servant to such degree and he rejected everything just because Aster was not competent enough.

'He said he would follow me forever…'

'Was that just a lie?'

'No, it shouldn't be…'

'This shouldn't happen if I'm not incompetent.'

'Ramuja… you actually left me…'

"Aster, I am sorry," Grand Duchess said. However, her son didn't answer it, "Aster?"

"It's okay, mom. It is his loss," Aster's golden circle in his eye dissipating and his pupil turned pure black, "I will leave when everything is ready. I will train until I am worthy of our grand duchy."

'You damned slave, I will show you.'