Gardenia of Blooming Desire

"Oi! Ramuja, help me here!"

"Yes!"

I rushed to Jon's side and helped him carrying a heavy log to the hut. It was fortunate that there was no rain today. This place was very damp, especially during autumn. Constant rain was inevitable and sometimes, I need to use a coat provided by the duchy for the slaves and regular workers.

It was evening, but I still had to fill my minimum quota for the day. I worked in the logging venture owned by Grand Duchy of Stormhill. However, the Grand Duke of Stormhill, Grand Duke Harion Di Arlingdon, Young lord's father, officially owned it.

In fact, I heard from other workers, he was the one who made Grand Duchy of Stormhill became the wealthiest house in the entire Golden Camellia, close to royal family's wealth.

'I know Young Lord is wealthy, but I never know he's this wealthy.'

It was almost a month after my departure from the grand duchy. I worked with other slaves here and the treatment from Grand Duke was very humane. He provided workers hut with proper bedding for each slave, proper amenities and clothes, and the most important thing, proper clothes. Unlike some other master who would abuse you, Grand Duke was a generous man.

'Unlike Grand Duchess…'

I remembered every time Grand Duchess abused me, threat, beating, torture, I remembered everything. In fact, some of the scars she made were permanent to my skin. However, these scars were really nothing for me, because I was used to be tortured everyday before.

It was the wound in my heart that was permanent, the anxiety, because I didn't know what was happening with Young Lord right now.

'He is eating well, right?'

'He is the honorable young lord of Stormhill, the royal family wont mistreated him.'

'Crown Prince Charles will definitely… protect him.'

I gritted my teeth when I remembered all the loving moments between Young Lord and Crown Prince. The tenderness, vagueness, touch, and also… their kiss, it stung me as I felt like my mind became clouded for some reason.

But I knew I was just a slave, to help and protect Young Lord was illogical of me.

'What does he think of me now? I left him immediately when he needed me the most.'

'Wait, what are you thinking Ramuja? He is probably having the time of his life with Crown Prince…'

Again, I instantly imagined Young Lord with Crown Prince being intimate, kissing, cuddling, and then…

"Ramuja! You don't have time to be idle! Let's go, finish quickly so we can eat!" Jon instantly admonished me when I daydreamed. I instantly nodded and helped him carrying many logs to the hut.

After I finished my daily quota, I queued for my dinner. Instead of bringing the plate, I always brought a basket given by Jon's mother, so I could have a dinner together with his family.

I followed Jon to his house, it was not far from the workers hut and it was near the riverbank.

"I'm home!" Jon said while taking off his boots.

"Welcome home," Lisa greeted us. She prepared some potatoes they planted their own and sat on the chair with four baked potato.

"Mom, the dinner today is salted bread and fish, I think the cook gives us more than regular portion," Jon said happily, he gave his basket to his mother.

"Oh, thank god, he gives you two fishes, today is a feast!" Lisa cheered.

"Lisa, I also got two fishes," I said and offered my basket to her. However, she didn't accept my basket and said, "No, Ramuja! That is yours, you should eat more!"

"I… only want to eat one fish…" I replied and then offered my basket again.

Lisa hesitated, but then she called her daughter who was still weaving a shawl requested by her employer, "Merry! Dinner! Ramuja brought you a steamed fish!" "Yes," Merry came out of her room and walked to the dinner table.

She was the younger sister of Jon, probably two years younger than me, since she was five years younger from Jon. She was a shy and meek girl who rarely spoke until someone asked her.

She looked at me and smiled before hurriedly sitting on the chair. I gave her my basket and she took the bread and fish. Tonight, we ate baked potato, salted bread, and fish, it was such a luxury for this family.

After we finished our plate, I helped washing the plate and then sitting besides Jon in his room.

I met Jonathan Wood as we worked together, then he introduced me to his families. Nowadays, I slept with Jon in his room whenever I wanted to. The house was not big, but it was enough to have three separate rooms for everyone. It was made of wood though, sometimes Jon had to gave up his wage so that he could afford some logs to renovate some part of his house.

The house was built under the land of Grand Duchy of Stormhill, the Wood family was a former slave family who gained their freedom after long hard work of both George and Lisa Wood.

"Well, we were Grand Duke Harion's former slave, but my parents collected enough money to buy four slaves, granted that Duke Harion is a kind man, he didn't demand us high ransom," Jon said.

"Then he allowed your family to live in this forest owned by Grand Duchy?" I asked.

"Yes, he just demanded our loyalty. So we, the men of the family swore to always work under his business," Jon continued, "Besides, we were former slaves. No one would hire a former slave to work, since we don't know any work other than lifting logs!"

I observed Jon's face. He looked very happy and contended, even though his current situation was no different than my situation. We worked at the same place, with the same payment, but he needed to do more since he needed to provide for his family, while at least I was given a proper place to live and enough food.

"Are you happy right now? It seems that your life is even harder after you're free, especially since your father had passed away long ago," I asked.

He laughed, as if it was a funny question, "Of course it's harder, Grand Duchy of Stormhill is a very generous lord, but… nothing is as precious as freedom!"

Jon patted my shoulder and continued, "Don't you see, Ramuja? When you have freedom, you can choose what kind of job you want, what kind of house you want to build, which woman you want to marry… and for me, I can at least give that freedom to my sister and my kids later. The meaning of freedom is when you can choose."

'When I can choose…'

'If I can choose… I choose to follow Young Lord without fear and rejection.'

'Can I choose that?'

***

It was almost midnight, Jon was already asleep, but I couldn't. I kept pondering about the meaning of freedom and having a capability of choosing over something.

'Will Young Lord give me freedom if I paid my cost?'

'I want to have a choice to follow him, but not as slave…'

'I want to follow him as… lover…'

I immediately shook my head. What kind of idea is that? I must be too tired and started imagining impossible things.

"Maybe I need fresh air."

I left the room and then left the house. I walked to the riverbank and sat on a big stone, staring at the moonlight. The moonlight was beautiful as it shined brightly without any cloud obstructed the view. Slowly, the bright moonlight portrayed the face of Young Lord, tender, bright and beautiful, bedazzling everyone around him. It was perfect.

'Have I went mad? To imagine his face like this…'

I smiled ironically, in the end, I was just a foolish slave.

Suddenly, I heard a voice, a tender voice of a young woman. She sang a song I never heard of, but her voice was beautiful enough to have me curious to search for the source.

I followed the voice until I saw a girl sitting in a stone. She had long black hair and her soft features shined under the shower of moonlight. She sat solemnly while she dipped and swayed her hands back and forth in the river. It was Merry Wood, singing a beautiful song.

~Oh moonlight,

My steps were heavy and my eyes were blind

But this blooming desire wanted more

~Oh goddess,

You give me will, You give me desire

But you didn't give me choice

~Oh fated star,

Had I been forsaken?

To have this forbidden love,

To love someone I shouldn't.